Some people unintentionally discouraging/frustrating me?
4n6babe
Posts: 33 Member
Every now and again a friend will say something that bothers me. Its along the lines of "but you just did Zumba yesterday, why do you have to go to the gym today?" and "well you're a better person than me because I only worked out twice this week". I know they aren't intentionally being rude/negative, but its slightly irritating that they can't just say "okay" when I have my own plans of going to the gym.
Also, I don't like it if someone else is dependent upon me for if THEY are going to the gym or not. If they want to go, why don't they just GO?!
And I don't like it when someone pressures me too much to go to the gym when its a day that I don't plan to. I don't see why it is anyone else's business on when I go or when I don't go. Things come up in my life sometimes (like EVERYONE'S LIFE) or I am just taking a rest day (like EVERYONE DOES) and I shouldn't have to listen to how much I "suck" for not going to the gym. I don't do this to other people. If they aren't going I simply say "ok cool see you next time."
Most of these comments/situations are from people who aren't trying to make a big lifestyle change like I am. They might want to lose a couple pounds. I have a LOT of weight to lose and I have very different goals than most of them do. It is frustrating to have these things happen and I don't know what to do or say without having them backlash at me and having it all be my fault in the end. I would just stop talking about the gym and/or my lifestyle changes, but its kind of hard to avoid it altogether because it is a huge part of my life now.
I guess I'm just sick of the comments and wonder if anyone else has friends that do this and what you say/do about it.
Also, I don't like it if someone else is dependent upon me for if THEY are going to the gym or not. If they want to go, why don't they just GO?!
And I don't like it when someone pressures me too much to go to the gym when its a day that I don't plan to. I don't see why it is anyone else's business on when I go or when I don't go. Things come up in my life sometimes (like EVERYONE'S LIFE) or I am just taking a rest day (like EVERYONE DOES) and I shouldn't have to listen to how much I "suck" for not going to the gym. I don't do this to other people. If they aren't going I simply say "ok cool see you next time."
Most of these comments/situations are from people who aren't trying to make a big lifestyle change like I am. They might want to lose a couple pounds. I have a LOT of weight to lose and I have very different goals than most of them do. It is frustrating to have these things happen and I don't know what to do or say without having them backlash at me and having it all be my fault in the end. I would just stop talking about the gym and/or my lifestyle changes, but its kind of hard to avoid it altogether because it is a huge part of my life now.
I guess I'm just sick of the comments and wonder if anyone else has friends that do this and what you say/do about it.
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it's like being the only person at the bar drinking a coke, everyone keeps trying to buy you a "real" drink.
Anyway, try not to let them get to you. You know what you are trying to do and your real friends will support that.0 -
Don't let them bother you!!! If you need to unfriend them (is that possible on here??) or stop updating them.
YOU do what you need to do to get where you want and forget the naysayers. Don't let their jealous or unwillingness pull you down with them.
Your on the right track and keep on trucking!!!0 -
The best thing you can do is to remember that their opions of you are none of your busness. How do you feel (physically and mentally matters the most), look at your sucess. Keep up the great work being fit.0
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There are many reasons why people around you aren't always as helpful or encouraging as they might be, aren't there.
I have found that these are usually down to their own insecurities. I have noticed that some feel a little nervous that if you change your life too much then there won't be a place for them anymore. Some find that it makes them question themselves and their own way of life, which can lead to jealousy. This means that instead of being pleased for you about the changes you are making to your life they become resentful. You kind of get the feeling that they are thinking "who does she think she is?!"
These are the kind of people that I try and distance myself from when I am really on a mission because I find that they drain my energy. Spending my time worrying about what other people think of me is the number one cause of my failures usually.
Although it is good to have like minded people for support, there is also a lot to be said for relying on yourself, facing these issues alone, staying focused and not giving anyone else the opportunity to weaken your resolve and sap your strength.
The real friends understand when there are some things you need to do for yourself. The ones that want you around just to enable themselves to better themselves, or even worse, the ones that want you to remain the same just to keep life how they like it are not what you need in your life.
Good luck with your goals :-)))0 -
The lifestyle choice alienating me from my friends isn't fitness, but I totally get where you are coming from.
My husband and I are the only ones in our circle of friends that decided not to have kids. Getting pretty tired of them condescending to us like we are second class people or mentally disabled because of our lifestyle choice. Apparently since I am 34 and don't want to have a baby I am evil and dumb....at least that is how I am talked to. :grumble:0 -
Some don't really know the work it takes to truly be fit. Alot of them can eat all they want and not gain, but they really aren't fit. When they get older they'll wish they followed your lead.
I've got a facebook group for to help with accountability and motivation. I have been posting on MFP for 285 days straight and the FB group is coming together very well. I post workouts and daily motivationals along with tips challenges to keep you going. If you are interested just IM me and I'll let you know how to get in.0 -
If I just relied on what friends wanted me to do, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. And I'm cool with that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
It is annoying but happens all of the time.
If you have a routine that you like, stick with it!
It is easier said than done but try to tune them out.0 -
The lifestyle choice alienating me from my friends isn't fitness, but I totally get where you are coming from.
My husband and I are the only ones in our circle of friends that decided not to have kids. Getting pretty tired of them condescending to us like we are second class people or mentally disabled because of our lifestyle choice. Apparently since I am 34 and don't want to have a baby I am evil and dumb....at least that is how I am talked to. :grumble:
Experiencing this as well. I don't want to get married or have kids and people are terribly condescending about it.0 -
I guess I'm just sick of the comments and wonder if anyone else has friends that do this and what you say/do about it.
It's not just you. It happens to almost everyone trying to make a big change. People are threatened when you try to go against the status quo. It makes them feel bad about themselves.0 -
Ditch all your friends
Seriously, are they all friends or just acquaintances?
With `true` friends they will appreciate how you feel and maybe you will look to them for advice also, not necessarily about losing weight but about other issues in your life?
If you are surrounded by people `friends` that do not really fit your criteria of a friend for your lifestyle then find other `friends`0 -
Huh!
My BF puts my current "fitness" phase down to a temporary blip. Apparently I go through phases lasting no more than 2 years, although I stopped smoking almost 4 years ago and have been a season ticket holder at West Ham for 16 years (my most expensive habit).
I acknowledge their comments, and use it as fuel to reach my goals
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I know how you feel! I get a lot of comments saying I don't need to go to go to the gym because I went yesterday, etc. I get friends trying to push their bad habits on me too and they take it as some big offence if I don't stuff my face or drink too much - gets frustrating.
The other one I keep getting is 'oh you've lost so much weight and I'm so fat, blah blah'. Don't want to sound horrible but I just want to keep my eating and exercise to myself and not get involved in what other people do!!0 -
First off congrats on your amazing success thus far!!!
I can relate especially at the beginning. My fam used to think I was starving myself so much so that my grandmother and my mother came to stay with me at diff times for a solid week. I changed nothing about my everyday and they got to see that I actually did eat ALOT and worked out everyday Needless to say that stopped lol
Now it's little back handed comments from people who have not seen me in a while "Wow you have lost like a whole other person" "What diet pill or shake did you use?" etc
Anyway I let those comments roll off me now, I figure they can't take the joy I have gained from all my hard work so why let them?
Good luck doll!!0 -
You can only please you No one else will do it for you. 0
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Have a friend like that so I know how you feel. Keeps telling me Im going to get tired of the gym cause I go too much and then going to just quit going all together. No Im sorry, I enjoy it thanks! Ive now turned to the gym when I am upset oppose to food. Sorry you only go to gym twice a week at 20minutes each and then eat 3000 calories plus a day......get off my case.
Sorry OP, I felt your annoyance here and mine came out too0 -
Ditch all your friends
Seriously, are they all friends or just acquaintances?
With `true` friends they will appreciate how you feel and maybe you will look to them for advice also, not necessarily about losing weight but about other issues in your life?
If you are surrounded by people `friends` that do not really fit your criteria of a friend for your lifestyle then find other `friends`
Sometimes I kind of do ditch them a bit on certain things just to have a break lol! Not surprisingly, the two people who I am mainly referring to are actually a couple that I hang out with quite a bit. We get along great on everything else except sometimes they do seem to push my boundaries as far as getting into my business a little too much and/or making the comments that I mentioned. I try to just let it roll and/or start distancing myself a bit once I realize its starting to annoy me, and sometimes I think I even snap back at them for something they say but then I feel bad about it after. I know part of it is probably even my own jealousy and insecurities being brought out by what they say but I guess I have to practice reminding myself that those things they say are a reflection of them and not of me. I sometimes will say something like , "Yeah but you're not looking to lose a lot of weight like I am, so I have to go to the gym more if I want to do this," in order to "explain" myself, which I don't want to have to do. I think I will try to just stay pretty silent the next time something is said. If they do start pressuring me more often to skip out on the gym, I will definitely have to distance myself more seriously. Sometimes it is tempting to go do something else when they mention it, but when I already have made my own plans to work out that day, I don't want to back out of it because that's betraying my own goals and I don't want to have to explain myself to someone for that.0 -
Have a friend like that so I know how you feel. Keeps telling me Im going to get tired of the gym cause I go too much and then going to just quit going all together. No Im sorry, I enjoy it thanks! Ive now turned to the gym when I am upset oppose to food. Sorry you only go to gym twice a week at 20minutes each and then eat 3000 calories plus a day......get off my case.
Sorry OP, I felt your annoyance here and mine came out too
I'm glad I'm not alone Thank goodness for this site so that I can find some people who understand the frustration! 0 -
First off congrats on your amazing success thus far!!!
I can relate especially at the beginning. My fam used to think I was starving myself so much so that my grandmother and my mother came to stay with me at diff times for a solid week. I changed nothing about my everyday and they got to see that I actually did eat ALOT and worked out everyday Needless to say that stopped lol
Now it's little back handed comments from people who have not seen me in a while "Wow you have lost like a whole other person" "What diet pill or shake did you use?" etc
Anyway I let those comments roll off me now, I figure they can't take the joy I have gained from all my hard work so why let them?
Good luck doll!!
Thank you and congrats on your awesome success as well!! Dealing with family thinking those things must have been difficult, but knowing you didn't change just to make them feel better shows that you are such a strong person! Luckily my family has been pretty supportive whenever I mention what I'm doing, but since they live far away they can be kept at a distance (such a good thing for so many reasons! lol) I will work on letting the negative stuff roll off me! 0 -
Thanks for the support, all! Its good to know I'm not alone and that others deal with friends who say similar things. I am happy I've got this site for support that can't be found elsewhere at times. I plan to work harder on letting things people say roll off me and also on keeping distance from certain people when I start to feel the annoyance increase.
And for those who have made the decision to not have kids and/or not get married - I think that's AWESOME!! I hate how society puts a standard on what they think we should or shouldn't do in life. I haven't ever had the desire to have kids. I think it would be nice to be married some day but I have yet to even catch myself a good enough guy yet. Til then, I plan on living life the best I can and believing eventually things will fall into place as they should.0 -
Huh!
My BF puts my current "fitness" phase down to a temporary blip. Apparently I go through phases lasting no more than 2 years, although I stopped smoking almost 4 years ago and have been a season ticket holder at West Ham for 16 years (my most expensive habit).
I acknowledge their comments, and use it as fuel to reach my goals
Wow! Congrats on all your weight loss and quitting smoking!! I think after those things you deserve to always splurge on the season passes 0 -
Chalene Johnson has said before "If your friends won't workout with you then it's time to get new friends." The point being is to surround yourself with like minded people. It helped me to have an online support system during those periods that I felt all alone. In all seriousness it's most likely because they themselves are insecure in their own journey or lack there of. They see you succeeding and can not handle it so they'll make off handed comments about it. I'm not saying cut people out of your life but explain to them that while you may value your friendship that you are doing this to make yourself healthier.
Keep up the great work girl. Soon they'll be asking you to help them get started on their own journey.0 -
No matter what you do, people will always have an opinion. The beauty is that you don't have to give it any notice at all, if you don't want to. Or, you can address it head-on and put them in their place; it depends on your relationship with them and what you're comfortable with.
I've had people tell me I don't have to lose weight because I"m small - it's true, I have a smallish frame, though I'm tall. This means that the "extra" weight I'm carrying doesn't show that much. Great, except that doesn't mean that I'm fit, or in the best of shape, or addressing my health issues. I don't argue with people (I can't be bothered to deal with the nonsense) but simply say things like, "Thanks - I'm taking a holistic approach to my wellness, and it's really working out in a lot of ways."
Some people want you to stay out of shape so that they don't feel guilty about their own body/health issues. Other people want you to stay out of shape so that THEY can be the "skinny friend." Others still will try to tell you that you're still not good enough (and they're wrong, so don't listen to them)....it'll make your head spin. Listen to your inner voice, and don't worry about the rest.0 -
Eh, most of the time it's probably because they feel guilty for not going if you are and are wondering if they should be putting more time in too.0
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u are awesome ! u do you!! i had to drop lots of so called "friends" when I began my transformation!
Kristian Rocco NYC0 -
my boyfriend sometimes unintentionally discourages/frustrates me. Like the other day, I told him i was going to the gym 4 nights instead of 3 this week. He sighed dramatically and got all moody. It made me so annoyed. All I could think was "Is it really that big of a deal? Will you not survive the extra hour to an hour and a half without me?!" Sorry I dont want to be a fat disgusting whale when I'm 45 like my mother.0
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I'm completely oblivious when people make comments about my exercise habits that could be construed negatively. I love working out, so of course I go to the gym, hike, bike, dance, and climb. It has nothing to do with being, or feeling, superior to anyone else. My friends get to decide what is best for them, and I support them in those choices. Of course, they're always welcome to come and work out with me.0
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Chalene Johnson has said before "If your friends won't workout with you then it's time to get new friends." The point being is to surround yourself with like minded people.
I like to surround myself with interesting people, and exercise is only one of my interests. My friends are welcome to work out, or not, with me, or without me. It's none of my business, and the last thing that I want them to do is to feel badly about making their own choices. We have many other things to do together, like art, photography, enjoying books, dance, playing dress up for parties and events, talking, just hanging out.
Friends are more than props for my priorities in life.0
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