How do I help my husband eat healthier?
Lagarto26
Posts: 10
So we have been married for almost 5 years. After I moved in with him I stopped exercising and we both made poor eating choices. Needless to say I gained 40lbs and he gained roughly 30lbs. Over the years I have bought healthy food and tried to change, but I always failed. Now I am down 24lbs and fitting into size 14 jeans for the first time in years and I feel great! I have a lot of health issues that make me feel tired all the time. But I have way more energy now and overall I just feel better.
Here is the issue. I can't get him to change. He says because I am a housewife, its my job to cook. So it is my fault for him eating badly. "I will eat anything you put in front of me" He says numerous times.I have tried taking small steps with him. Eating more veggies, using proper portions, changing over to healthier choices (i.e. whole wheat breads, fat free milk, baked chips) He refuses. He says "I won't change bread and milk, Those are the only things. You can change everything else." I come home yesterday with baked chips, and he wont even try them. "I'll just go buy another bag. If I am going to eat bad things, I want them to to taste good." So then I say can I get smaller tortilla shells because we eat tacos a lot and we use the 10' shells. He will eat 2 huge tacos just filled with meat and cheese. He says no I don't like the small ones they don't roll right. I say put less meat and cheese in them. He says no.
I can't do this. I want him to feel better because he feels like crap all the time, He has no energy and I know a change in diet would help. But I don't know what else to try.
He has changed one thing, he stopped drinking soda and drinks more water. This was a sign to me that he wanted to change. I was trying to find a next step for him. Something else he could change but he has stopped everything I try.
I don't know what to do anymore
Here is the issue. I can't get him to change. He says because I am a housewife, its my job to cook. So it is my fault for him eating badly. "I will eat anything you put in front of me" He says numerous times.I have tried taking small steps with him. Eating more veggies, using proper portions, changing over to healthier choices (i.e. whole wheat breads, fat free milk, baked chips) He refuses. He says "I won't change bread and milk, Those are the only things. You can change everything else." I come home yesterday with baked chips, and he wont even try them. "I'll just go buy another bag. If I am going to eat bad things, I want them to to taste good." So then I say can I get smaller tortilla shells because we eat tacos a lot and we use the 10' shells. He will eat 2 huge tacos just filled with meat and cheese. He says no I don't like the small ones they don't roll right. I say put less meat and cheese in them. He says no.
I can't do this. I want him to feel better because he feels like crap all the time, He has no energy and I know a change in diet would help. But I don't know what else to try.
He has changed one thing, he stopped drinking soda and drinks more water. This was a sign to me that he wanted to change. I was trying to find a next step for him. Something else he could change but he has stopped everything I try.
I don't know what to do anymore
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Replies
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It sounds like there are other issues at play here? Your job to cook? I understand gender roles but it sounds like all he wants from you is food and bedtime fun.
If he's really wanting to change he'll have to do it himself. You can't force him to change. I changed when I saw how fat I had become in a picture. Show him a picture where he looks really fat and maybe he'll "get the hint".0 -
Sounds like you need to have a serious heart to heart talk with him.
My husband does the same thing sometimes. I cook healthy...fairly clean and stuff. But, he will always eat like 3-4 servings in one sitting and then go back for seconds. And then will get mad when I say something to point it out to him.
With my husband, I told him this....I told him that I will cook healthy, and I will encourage. But, he had to take over the rest.
Tell him you have tried, and you really want him to succeed...but until he wants to, there is nothing you can do but cook healthy meals. If he wants to turn what you cook into something unhealthy or over do it on the servings then it will be him, not you. You did your part...you did exactly what he said: you bought healthier food, cooked healthier meals and encouraged. That is all you can really do.0 -
Well, unfortunately you can't make others do what you want them to. At the end of the day, they are his choices. If you buy and cook the right things, and he chooses not to eat them/buys the old stuff instead that is no ones fault but his own. I do know how you feel though, I live with my boyfriend and he is very picky. but lucky for me he will try almost anything.0
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Your husband sound very set in his ways as far as food and eating habits go. You can't force him to change his ways if he is unwilling. It's like telling a smoker to quit smoking, they may hate the habit but until THEY are ready, they will never succeed. Here is what I would do (this is what I do in my house, it may or may not work for you). I do the grocery shopping, I buy the foods I want us to eat and I cook them. I've been working on making less food (it's really hard to cook for 2 people sometimes), but I serve it all. When dinner is ready I take out 2 plates and put the appropriate servings on each. If there are leftovers, I pack them away in the fridge before dinner for my lunch the next day. Then I tell him that dinner is ready. This way he can only eat the healthier foods that I prepare, and he can't eat too much of it. If he's still hungry later, it's up to him to decide what he wants to do about it, calorie wise. My rule is, if I cook it, you eat it. I don't nag him when he eats something that is bad for him, because that will only make him feel worse, I just try to keep healthier alternatives in the house so there are always options. Then, if he stays the same weight or gains anything, it's his responsibility.0
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If it's "your job" to shop and cook, then do your job and make it healthy. He can eat it or not. That's exactly the way it works in my home. I cook healthy choices and if my hubby and teenaged kids don't like, they can fend for themselves.0
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I'm sorry.. I don't know you or your husband but my husband wouldn't dare tell me it's my job to cook. I am out of work at the moment so I'm playing the housewife part but never would he ever dare tell me it's my job to cook, clean, shop, whatever. I do choose to cook for him as he is at work so it's something I can do for him as he is working so I can go back to school. Since I cook I choose what we are having. I will ask him if there is anything specific he wants or doesn't want sometimes but for the most part I choose what to cook and he always eats it. I would never cook two meals. The only time I ever cook something different for him than I eat is when I make meat for him. I don't eat it but he does so I do make that for him.
When I cook, I plate the meals for my husband and I and than pack up leftovers for his lunch. The only time he goes for seconds is if there was too much for two meals and his lunch. Otherwise, any extra is already packed in the fridge.
If you are the one cooking, make healthy meals with the odd treat meal thrown in. If he doesn't like it than he's a big boy and can walk into the kitchen and make himself something to eat.
By your post your husband sounds like a man set in his ways and stubborn. In that case, you can't change him... you can't make him want to change. HE needs to want to change. YOU shouldn't be trying to find something HE can change. HE needs to find things to change and HE needs to want to. Stop trying to change him.. stop trying to get him to eat better when he doesn't want to.0 -
I say keep buying the healthier snacks and buying the smaller portions of taco shells. If he decides to go out and buy unhealthy food despite your efforts, he isn't ready to make the change and he can't blame you.
If you keep buying the unhealthier options, he will always fall back on blaming you.0 -
Setting aside the fact that your husband sounds kind of like a jerk...
It seems like there's a fairly easy resolution here. Just make enough food for one serving each. Making tacos? Only cook enough meat for one serving for you, and one serving for your husband. Serve with plentiful veggies, so if he's still hungry, he'll have to eat those. No leftover, no big portions, no more worries.0 -
How about skim milk and whole grain bread.
I won't go into marital issues like PP since you didn't ask advice on that.0 -
OP said
...Here is the issue. I can't get him to change. He says because I am a housewife, its my job to cook.
I wasn't trying to be mean or judgmental. I was using your words.0 -
Control what you can....I feed my husband very healthy meals...its when I am not there..is when he pigs out..but then I am not his mom...he has to deal with the weight issue..not me...if he wants to keep up..he will lose the weight......
And personally..nothing wrong with gender roles..I am the wife..so I cook...I was raised that way..so it works for us...0 -
Similar way with my brother and my father. My mother's trying to lose weight along with me, but my brother and father, not really. Though they have super metabolisms, so nothing they eat makes them gain weight...
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If it is your "job" to shop and cook then do it the way you feel is healthiest. If he does not want to eat the whole wheat bread or reduced fat milk then He can buy his own. I stopped buying any soda or junk food. If my husband wants it He needs to get into a car and get it himself. I will not enable him to be unhealthy but I can't stop him from eating badly.0
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Just continue to slowly make small changes without letting him know. Don't ask him for advice before you change something just change it and see if he notices i.e. instead of using ground beef you can use ground turkey or veggie ground and see if he notices it.0
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My ex was the same way... Always eating McDonalds, Wendy's, all kinds of crap and would hardly ever touch anything I cooked simply because he preferred the fast food over a good home cooked meal. I encouraged him to chooseealthier options like fruits and vegetables, which he hardly ate any at all, when he would eat at these fast food places. Even tried to warn him about blood pressure, diabetes, etc. After a while, I just let it go... He eventually started slipping a fruit or vegetable here and there and would be so proud to tell me that he had one thing healthy to eat. lol!
I would suggest since you are the cook, be more imaginative with adding healthier options, like sautteeing vegetables into a spaghetti meat sauce. I even saw on Pinterest making mashed cauliflower instead of brocolli. In the end, he is ultimately responsible for what he chooses to put in his mouth. People are reluctant to change. I would say just don't nag him , because that may make matters worse.0 -
I'd stop cooking for him.
Well, no, I'd divorce him, but we're talking about you here.0 -
:-) For the bread thing...if you bake you should try making some bread using White whole wheat flour (the albino cousin to red whole wheat, but nutritionally Identical.) Is has a much less nutty flavor. I make my husband bread and pancakes with 100% white whole wheat and he never can tell the difference. As for dairy, unless he lactose in-tolerate remember...fat does NOT in fact make you fat! Dairy is not harmful in normal quantities.
I love this blog
http://myhusbandhatesveggies.com/
My man loves meat and potatoes/rice... so I find ways to disguise the food I want him to eat. lol
Since I am the health conscious person in my relationship I do the shopping and meal planning and cooking. I try to consistently provide healthy food in serving size portions. I also find that if I respect his strong preferences (he HATES certain foods I think are healthy)he does eat what I give him. He may eat snacks I don't approve of, but at least I know he is getting his macro nutrients :happy:
I also have learned that men need quite a few more calories then women. Through trial and error I came to realize that a healthy deficit of 300-400 calories a day STILL left my husband with 2300+/- calories. And when he is active its much more... I pack myself lunch and two snacks every day and now I do the same for him, I just give him 1/2 times more then I. It seems to work great.
I realized early in my marriage that nagging him to eat healthy food would not work unless I PROVIDED healthy food. He will eat MacDonald's if I don't make breakfast because in the end... he just does not think about health the same as I do. BUT THAT'S OK... I just consistently provide healthy food, and he eats it and now he is healthier then when we met! (Yay ME!)
If I pack him snacks and make breakfast I notice he is so full on healthy food that he rarely snacks on junk any more... the trick is to keep them full on healthy stuff hehe!
As for all the people out there yelling about "your job" I disagree! I think that it is between you and your spouse to split up the jobs. If it is his job to make the money and your job to keep the house and cook... that's a great example of freakin teamwork! Good for you :-) I am jealous! I would love to stay home and keep my house perfect and cook healthy foods... (That my goal in the long run...my office job is no where near as satisfying as a sparkling house and hot, healthy meal I made myself!
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My husband sounds similar, but more willing to make changes. When we started eating healthier, I did it slowly.. changed out white breads and tortillas (we eat some kind of taco once a week) with whole wheat versions.. it took time to find brands he liked.. there was a learning curve there. When we switched from ground beef to ground turkey, I didn't even tell him and he didn't even notice.. now we both get sick if we eat ground beef. I buy nitrate free lunchmeat, since he still loves his meats.. we eat a lot of chicken and fish.. and I am ALWAYS trying new recipes to keep things interesting. He used to eat out for breakfast & lunch everyday, but now I pack him a breakfast & lunch with good healthy choices 95% of the time. It took a while, bu the enjoys eating this way because he can tell the difference in the way that he feels. He still drinks his pop, or has his ice cream.. but he knows it's more of a treat now and doesn't even want it all the time. His biggest surprise was when he stepped on the scale at his physical last month and he had lost 12 of the 15 pounds he gained when he quit smoking 3 years ago.
I say keep trying, playing around with different brands of things.. and go slowly.. and hopefully he will be more open-minded.0 -
From personal experience... it took years to change my husband. (We've been together 8.5 and he's still not "there") But, in his defense he was that way for 30+ years before me!...LOL
One thing I learned about him is that he doesn't pre-plan and generally lives in "don't eat until I'm starving" routine, then eats until he can't breathe. Which means he walks in the door "starving" for dinner everyday. Obviously when he's not home he's on his own, but otherwise I "remind" him, with things like "I'm making dinner at 6, you should have a snack". (Might sound like I'm talking to a kid, but I don't mean it that way and he doesn't take it that way.)
I also started slowly converting things to lower fat or no fat. Yes he put up a huge fight at first, but all I asked was that he tried what I made first before forming an opinion. I paid attention to things he liked and didn't like. (FYI- I rarely listened to what he told me but watch his actions... lol, he would laugh if he knew I said that.) There are some things that will never change but that's what keeps the balance. Ironically, I do the cooking but he does the grocery shopping, and the list is a joint effort. In essence he has full control over the food that comes into our house, but if he wants a happy wife (which he equates to a happy life) he doesn't stray from the descriptors on the grocery list. (aka, low-fat this, fat free that) If I wrote it down then he knows there is a reason. I pride myself on being a great cook. If he wants to reap the benefits, he doesn't complain or refuse to eat anything. We both win
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Why are you trying to change him? If he wants to lose weight he will lose weight. Maybe he's happy at this time? People lose weight for themselves not anyone else. No one forces food into people's mouths, for the most part haha. If your married and happy why does it matter if he's 150lbs or 250lbs?0
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I do the grocery shopping and cooking in my house. My hubby is very supportive about my life change, but he himself isn't looking to improve. So, I buy what I need to succeed. Guess what? He is way too tired and hungry at the end of the day to decide he doesn't want to eat healthy with me and he eats whatever I have prepared. Your guy can either deal with it and appreciate that you are trying to make a healthy lifestyle for you both, or go get himself a fast food cheeseburger. In the end he has to want to do it for himself, but that doesn't mean you have to sabotage yourself in the process. This could cause so much resentment in the future from you to him.0
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Just continue to slowly make small changes without letting him know. Don't ask him for advice before you change something just change it and see if he notices i.e. instead of using ground beef you can use ground turkey or veggie ground and see if he notices it.
Oh yeah... I did that too! Also prefaced things with, "I found an awesome recipe I found".
On a side note, we love turkey burgers.... but the caveat for my husband is that once in while he gets the real deal... full fat and everything.0 -
Why are you trying to change him? If he wants to lose weight he will lose weight. Maybe he's happy at this time? People lose weight for themselves not anyone else. No one forces food into people's mouths, for the most part haha. If your married and happy why does it matter if he's 150lbs or 250lbs?
Typical guy!!! :bigsmile:
If you're happily married you want your partner to be around a long time!0 -
This one guy sitting next to me on a plane saw me eating veggies and hes like "I would rather live a short life filled with good food, then a long life with gross food." That is the first thing that came to mind when I saw your question.0
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Wow! Sounds like a guy full of excuses... seriously, it's up to him to ultimately eat healthy, not your job. Just do the best you can do... but you can't make him eat what he doesn't want.
With that said, I understand where you are coming from as I am just now coming out of the same place.0 -
Thanks everyone! I kind of just needed to vent. He wears his weight well so he doesn't look fat, especially next to his friends. But I know he would feel much better if he ate better. It just hard to hear how tired he is when I have felt that way and I fixed it.
As for gender roles. He works at a job that he absolutely hates, you know the kind that suck your soul, so that I can go to school. Its my job to cook and clean because I have nothing else to do, even more so now that school is over for the summer. He does his part I do mine.
As for the nagging yea thats hard for me, but I will work on it lol. Thanks for all the great suggestions!0
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