Lesbian AND Fat...tough combo

syedwards
syedwards Posts: 8
edited September 21 in Introduce Yourself
I have always been one of those "pro-fat" people. Our community is pretty supportive of women of size...but my gf is very "anti-fat" and it's really starting to sink in and make me feel really bad about myself. So, it's day 12 for me and I have lost 8 pounds. I am shooting for losing 100 pounds and am having plastic surgery on my arms in October. So my big hope is she'll be looking at me on the cruise next year and not all the hotties in bikinis!

Replies

  • sparis88
    sparis88 Posts: 30
    Don't let anyone make you feel that way sweetie. Just remember who you are as a person! You are beautiful! Keep up the good work with the weight loss!

    :bigsmile:
  • SparkleShine
    SparkleShine Posts: 2,001 Member
    Don't let anyone make you feel that way sweetie. Just remember who you are as a person! You are beautiful! Keep up the good work with the weight loss!

    :bigsmile:
    Ditto this! Do it for YOU and nobody else!:flowerforyou:
  • AmandaB4588
    AmandaB4588 Posts: 655
    I like the way Oprah puts it.... "Love doesn't hurt."

    ::EDIT:: And what I mean by this is what the others have said. She should not be making you feel this way. Keep up the hard work but do it for YOU.
  • syedwards
    syedwards Posts: 8
    Thanks all! My gf is fat too and absolutely hates it about herself. Me? Well, I've always been pretty ok with myself. I haven't weighed less than 185 pounds since I was 13 years old. But the way I see it...if we get thinner together...she'll be happier with herself and with me. So I'm gonna nip, tuck, and shrink and be a smokin' hot blonde in the bahamas in a year! :D
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    congrats on your weight loss, you are doing great. But you need to do this for you,
  • MissNova
    MissNova Posts: 563 Member
    Good luck! The first step in getting it done is realizing you are doing it for YOURSELF! She can either love you or leave you alone. Its that simple.
  • mommamills
    mommamills Posts: 437
    Don't let anyone make you feel that way sweetie. Just remember who you are as a person! You are beautiful! Keep up the good work with the weight loss!

    :bigsmile:

    my first thoughts EXACTLY!!! Get healthy for you!!! If your gf cares about you, which I am assuming she does, she will be proud of you and love you regardless.....not because you are some hotty in a bikini! Make sure that every decision you make is FOR YOU and nobody else! nobody could ever love you as much as you should love yourself! Great job on the 8 lbs so far! that is amazing! and good luck on the rest of your journey!
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    whoa. i'm certain there are plenty of women who would be supportive of your weight loss without being "anti-fat." i don't want to lay judgment on your gf for words i didn't hear myself, but if this is truly the case, you should reconsider your relationship.

    a person who is anti-_fill_in_the_blank is someone that one should be cautious around at best, and that's really no way to live a life. what if it were jews? blacks? immigrants? would it be okay then?

    just sayin'.
  • tzipporah
    tzipporah Posts: 42 Member
    welcome to the board! and i agree with what most people have said ... people are beautiful at ANY Size....you should do this for yourself, not for anyone else! :)
  • jlayney
    jlayney Posts: 22
    proud of you for getting motivated. but everyone had been saying the truth- this needs to be ablout you. Your helth, your body, your happiness. Not to prevent her from looking at the skinny hobags on the cruise. I do think it's a great idea to work on your helth together- it will add a new dimension to your relationship. best of luck!

    j'layne
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
    y'know, as a man i find les women hard to measure up to in a lot of ways. i suspect that they're often more in tune, more empathetic, more understanding. the g-g couples i'm friends with seem to confirm this.

    now i read this and learn that a gay woman can be just as big a *kitten* as i can! Woohoo,,, thanks. :laugh:

    do it for you and get it done,,,, you'll be glad you did. and remember - nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
  • ashlee2407
    ashlee2407 Posts: 65 Member
    You're from evansville?!? That's amazing-I grew up in Princeton. Miss the area so much-its a GREAT place to live!
  • antiadipose
    antiadipose Posts: 447
    i agree with everyone... the thing is if u do this for the wrong reason, ull give up quickly! and u wont be as motivated. thats why were telling u to do it for YOU and YOUR health and YOUR happiness.
    this will give u the courage and motivation to truly do it for u and change ur entire lifestyle for YOU!

    best of luck =]
  • byHISstrength
    byHISstrength Posts: 984 Member
    One thing I have learned from personal experience is that if I want to make a change for the better, I have to do it for me. My son wanting me to stop smoking wasn't enough, I needed to do it when I was ready. Even this whole healthier living choice--it had to be when I was ready and for me.

    I will join the choir in saying, "do it for yourself."
  • Gorgeous1
    Gorgeous1 Posts: 450 Member
    While I understand the feeling of "when I lose this weight my SO will look at me like this or that", (and yes that can be motivating), it can't be anywhere near the top of the list.

    Doing it for yourself and your health is #1 because weight changes (up or down) can cause a LOT of changes in how people relate. If your motivation is resting in her reaction to your hot-self after you're finished shrinking, what happens if she doesn't react that way? What happens if she becomes jealous? Or overprotective?

    Do it for YOU and ONLY YOU.

    Maybe she'll look at your hot-self instead of the other "hotties" but either way, you'll be looking and feeling great.
  • syedwards
    syedwards Posts: 8
    I know you are all right. :) I need to do this for myself...but myself really doesn't have an interest in being a lot smaller. But I would like to be at my more comfortable size, about 40 pounds lighter...so I'll shoot for that for myself. We'll see if I really want to be smaller after that. Most of all, I think what would make me the happiest about losing weight will be an ability to run/walk with my dogs. We have 6 of them - darn - 7 now...we found a beagle in our driveway 10 days ago and can't find her family. It would give them and me so much joy to be able to walk with them. I have severe arthritis in my left knee from an accident when I was 16 and walking is very painful...maybe taking off a few pounds will help that!

    So thanks all! I'll try to keep some alternate goals in mind. It's just such an odd switch to me...lesbians have always been so accepting...she just throws me off my game! :noway:
  • moniraq
    moniraq Posts: 63 Member
    y'know, as a man i find les women hard to measure up to in a lot of ways. i suspect that they're often more in tune, more empathetic, more understanding. the g-g couples i'm friends with seem to confirm this.

    now i read this and learn that a gay woman can be just as big a *kitten* as i can! Woohoo,,, thanks. :laugh:

    do it for you and get it done,,,, you'll be glad you did. and remember - nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    Just FYI...my girlfriend says she gets tired of my need to talk everything out all the time. She says men are easier as they're never really listening and you can get over lots of stuff on them!! LOL! I guess what I'm trying to say is that every relationship has it's pluses and minuses.

    And for Sy, I agree with everyone else. We have to do what will make us happy because in the end, that's what's going to help us maintain the good things we're doing for ourselves.
  • mstarrett01
    mstarrett01 Posts: 74 Member
    That is your GF? If she doesn't like the way you look then why is she with you. Your beatiful no matter how big or small you are. If your worried she is going to be looking at other women on your cruise I think you need to rethink something. You need to get heathy for YOU, not so you can be more attractive for her.

    MFP will help you, everyone on here is so great and supportive with your weight loss journey!
  • servingthealiens
    servingthealiens Posts: 144 Member
    It's one thing to tell someone we love that we care about them and want them to be healthier. But in the end, you either accept someone as they are, or you don't. It really sounds like she doesn't accept you, and it's eroding your self esteem. If you like yourself at your current size, then stay there. You will change when and if you become ready to do so.
  • ♥jewelchristian♥
    ♥jewelchristian♥ Posts: 3,666 Member
    y'know, as a man i find les women hard to measure up to in a lot of ways. i suspect that they're often more in tune, more empathetic, more understanding. the g-g couples i'm friends with seem to confirm this.

    now i read this and learn that a gay woman can be just as big a *kitten* as i can! Woohoo,,, thanks. :laugh:

    do it for you and get it done,,,, you'll be glad you did. and remember - nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    Just FYI...my girlfriend says she gets tired of my need to talk everything out all the time. She says men are easier as they're never really listening and you can get over lots of stuff on them!! LOL! I guess what I'm trying to say is that every relationship has it's pluses and minuses.

    And for Sy, I agree with everyone else. We have to do what will make us happy because in the end, that's what's going to help us maintain the good things we're doing for ourselves.

    One of my bi friends is constantly telling me to stop being a *kitten* and overthinking things!! :laugh: I like over thinking things, it helps me know who I am and work out things in my mind. I am a selfish b*tch and am in this to lose weight for myself. Not because it'll make my husband more attracted to me, or to have other girls attracted to me. Simply to feel better for myself.
  • nikkijudg3
    nikkijudg3 Posts: 2
    I agree 100% with you...If the lady is making these comments now they are not going to stop. When you are smaller she will just find something else to complain about. I say do it for your self because usually what will happen is if you lose the wight for her and then she leaves you may just put it right back on again and then you will be way unhappy! Do everything for you. You need to take care of you first before you can assist anyone. That is why in a plane they tell you with those dumb little mask to take care of you first then the child next to you!
  • Jennplus2
    Jennplus2 Posts: 984 Member
    You need to do this for yourself! I have come to see that no matter what you look like your love will still look at others if they are that type of person. Your beautiful the way you are and if you want to make yourself happy be with someone who loves you for you and not your size. (I am the pot calling the kettle black right now, but still...)

    Good luck on the weight loss! :heart:
  • mariabee
    mariabee Posts: 212 Member
    I am shooting for losing 100 pounds and am having plastic surgery on my arms in October. So my big hope is she'll be looking at me on the cruise next year and not all the hotties in bikinis!
    [/quote]

    I'm not the sharpest knife kids... have I been living under a rock? What is "plastic surgery on your arms"? Like liposuction for your arms? If yes, what's the pro to this, as opposed to just good old exercise? Owwie... just thinking about that makes me cringe! :smile:
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