Serious self-esteem issues

trekkiebeth
trekkiebeth Posts: 172
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
I have a really serious problem with my self-esteem connected to my weight. When I'm near my goal weight I feel pretty good overall, but the more weight I gain the worse I feel about myself. I've gained a lot of weight recently and I'm probably almost 20 pounds above my goal weight right now (I'm not sure because I'm afraid to step on the scale).

I feel depressed when I look in the mirror or when my jeans feel too tight or I notice a muffin top. Sometimes I'm uncomfortable with my boyfriend touching my stomach because I think it must feel gross. I feel inferior whenever I see someone who has the body type that I wish I had. I even have trouble talking to some girls that I meet who I think are much more attractive than me because I feel like they're better than me.

Other people have told me that I look good and I'm not fat, but I still feel very unattractive. My boyfriend says that what I see in the mirror and what exists in real life are not the same thing, but I don't know how to see what he sees. Whether or not I really weigh too much, I know that the way it affects me is unhealthy.

How can I stop my weight from affecting me so much emotionally and psychologically?

Replies

  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457 Member
    I also struggle from self-esteem issues and previously I was able to reach my goal weight which I thought would take all those feelings away but it didn't. I think it all comes down to the fact that we have to love ourselves completely on the inside before we can feel happy with the outside. Even in saying that, I still haven't figured out exactly HOW to do that. But as I am taking this journey back to my goal weight once again (yes I gained it all back plus some) I realize that getting to my goal weight will be a great success and a happy day but it's not going to change who I am inside like I thought it would do the first time. Best of luck to you as you work towards your goals. . .both outside & inside!!!! :smile:
  • Allibaba
    Allibaba Posts: 457 Member
    I struggle with this as well, but I try not to let my weight determine my self worth. I am trying to focus on being healthy rather than being thin. As we age it will be harder and harder to look "perfect" and really health is worth so much more. If you try to focus more on the health the slimness will follow.

    Easier said than done though. I think that trying to actively love yourself as you are now is helpful. Look in the mirror and force yourself to find something about yourself that you like. Maybe put a sticky note on the mirror saying "smile" or "you are beautful' or "you are worth it".

    You are the only "you" that you get, so appreciate yourself and love yourself!
  • lessjess1
    lessjess1 Posts: 71 Member
    sherry and trekkie - are those profile photos of you? you're both BEAUTIFUL! Sherry - those eyes and pretty blonde hair! Trekkie - the smile, and the HAIR! You are about as cute as cute gets!
  • Clew
    Clew Posts: 910 Member
    I'm so with you, girl. And since I turned 40, my weight comes off slower than ever. I've been trying to slim down (this time) since January and have only seen teeny tiny progress at a time on the scale. A half pound here and there, sometimes no change at all. It's been so discouraging and detrimental to my commitment! My self esteem was so tied to the scale and got so bad in late months that I agreed to do a no-weigh challenge for July. Not get on the scale for a WHOLE MONTH ... could I really do that?

    Well, I did it. And letting go of that ominous weigh-in for a while made my confidence shoot through the roof. Just by feeling my way through the month and not having to hang everything on what the scale said, I felt so much more in control, believe it or not! When I finally weighed on the 31st I'd lost 5 pounds. I've been on cloud 9 ever since!

    My point is (and I do have one) - maybe you should try that. Take a starting point weigh and measure, and then just continue with healthy eating and exercise WITHOUT the constant scrutinizing of your progress, for a month. It really does take the pressure off, and allows you to spend more time thinking about how deserving you really are of being liked by yourself. :heart: . Just keep in mind, you are better than you were last week, and last week you were better than you were the week before, etc. Every day you are moving closer to where you want to be, and that's something to feel great about.

    I hope this will help! Friend request me if you'd like some more support! :flowerforyou:
  • trekkiebeth
    trekkiebeth Posts: 172
    Thanks everyone! I know I shouldn't let my weight determine my self-worth. It's just hard because I see so much on TV, in movies, on the internet, and even from people I know that suggests that a woman's worth really is in her looks. It's difficult to ignore such strong messages.

    I'm going to continue to try to be more healthy and do my best to have the right attitude about it.
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