Help and support desperatley needed.
stephharbron
Posts: 2
Hi everyone, I've just rejoined MFP in hope to lose about 6 stone. (Sorry this is lengthy).
I've been very much in denial about my weight, I have tried dieting numerous times, and it always works, however have always put it back on after.
I am now the heaviest I have ever been, im only 21 and have a whopping 6stone to lose. I have always pushed my weight issues to the back of my mind and have convinced myself that 'there are people who weight more than you, you're fine' but I now realise im not fine! I am very overweight and have extreme self esteem issues, along with a very bad relationship with food.
Going out for dinner yesterday made me realise what i'm doing to myself, when I saw a lady on a different table wolf down a similar meal to what I was having, she then polished off a cheese cake with ice-cream and enjoyed the left overs of her other half's dessert-the kind of thing I find myself doing on a regular basis. She had such a pretty face but had struggled to squeeze herself into the booth, as I was watching her I saw myself, in the (probably not so distant) future - and felt sick!
I went home and polished off a large chocolate bar to try and make myself feel better. How does that make sense? How can I be so depressed about my weight and they I look yet continue to eat the wrong foods, in order to make me feel better. Needless to say, I felt worse for eating the chocolate. This happens far too often, and its a shame that I have had to get this big to realise its all wrong.
I hate the way look, I always had a pretty face and nie hourglass size 10-12 figure, until I had my son 3 1/2 years ago - from then I just started to eat and eat and eat. Now look at me.
My idea of a perfect day is hiding indoors, curtains shut, door locked from everybody on the outside. I dont like to feel like this, I hate going out, when I do go out, I drive - I hide in my car and send my other half into the shop for example. I will NEVER go anywhere on my own unless its to drop my son off at nursery, even then I am so self-conscious of the way I look and dread having to take him.
I used to enjoy going on walks, we live in a small seaside town and there is plenty to do outdoors, I just cant bring myself to get out and do it. Im so scared of what others will think of me-despite being told I dont look half as bad as I think I do. I know to some extent that is true, but its in my head that I look like a ball!
Despite feeling like this, I still eat and eat and eat and its always the bad stuff. I eat when im not hungry, I eat something just because I enjoy the taste, because im bored or simply because its just 'there'. I dont remember the last time I felt 'hunger'!
I wake up every morning and promise myself that this is it now, im going to change. But by lunch time I am stuffing my face again, and then crying because of guilt, then starting all over again the next day.
I need help! I am addicted to food.
I have come here today to try and find someone who has been in my situation and has made it through. I know that only I can do it, and if i really do put my mind to it, I can overcome this. Im in such a bad place at the moment and some help and support would be so appreciated.
Is there anyone here who can relate to what I am going through?
Im sorry for the lengthy message, I dont know what else to do.
I've been very much in denial about my weight, I have tried dieting numerous times, and it always works, however have always put it back on after.
I am now the heaviest I have ever been, im only 21 and have a whopping 6stone to lose. I have always pushed my weight issues to the back of my mind and have convinced myself that 'there are people who weight more than you, you're fine' but I now realise im not fine! I am very overweight and have extreme self esteem issues, along with a very bad relationship with food.
Going out for dinner yesterday made me realise what i'm doing to myself, when I saw a lady on a different table wolf down a similar meal to what I was having, she then polished off a cheese cake with ice-cream and enjoyed the left overs of her other half's dessert-the kind of thing I find myself doing on a regular basis. She had such a pretty face but had struggled to squeeze herself into the booth, as I was watching her I saw myself, in the (probably not so distant) future - and felt sick!
I went home and polished off a large chocolate bar to try and make myself feel better. How does that make sense? How can I be so depressed about my weight and they I look yet continue to eat the wrong foods, in order to make me feel better. Needless to say, I felt worse for eating the chocolate. This happens far too often, and its a shame that I have had to get this big to realise its all wrong.
I hate the way look, I always had a pretty face and nie hourglass size 10-12 figure, until I had my son 3 1/2 years ago - from then I just started to eat and eat and eat. Now look at me.
My idea of a perfect day is hiding indoors, curtains shut, door locked from everybody on the outside. I dont like to feel like this, I hate going out, when I do go out, I drive - I hide in my car and send my other half into the shop for example. I will NEVER go anywhere on my own unless its to drop my son off at nursery, even then I am so self-conscious of the way I look and dread having to take him.
I used to enjoy going on walks, we live in a small seaside town and there is plenty to do outdoors, I just cant bring myself to get out and do it. Im so scared of what others will think of me-despite being told I dont look half as bad as I think I do. I know to some extent that is true, but its in my head that I look like a ball!
Despite feeling like this, I still eat and eat and eat and its always the bad stuff. I eat when im not hungry, I eat something just because I enjoy the taste, because im bored or simply because its just 'there'. I dont remember the last time I felt 'hunger'!
I wake up every morning and promise myself that this is it now, im going to change. But by lunch time I am stuffing my face again, and then crying because of guilt, then starting all over again the next day.
I need help! I am addicted to food.
I have come here today to try and find someone who has been in my situation and has made it through. I know that only I can do it, and if i really do put my mind to it, I can overcome this. Im in such a bad place at the moment and some help and support would be so appreciated.
Is there anyone here who can relate to what I am going through?
Im sorry for the lengthy message, I dont know what else to do.
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Replies
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Hello.
You are welcome to add me as a friend
I have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old son.
Your post sounds like you may be depressed and use food as a way to cope.
I went through Postpartum depression after my 2nd child. I would just stay inside all summer and sit around and eat and just wait for the day to get over so i could put the kids to bed and go to bed myself. It was awful.
Im new to this losing weight thing but I try to log on everyday 0 -
I can't relate as such, but I have found out I'm diabetic and have to make a drastic change to my whole lifestyle. I am overweight by about 3 stones. I have changed my diet completely and started exercising 4 times a week. I started the Couch to 5K as advised by my nurse and I'm now on week 4, running for 5 min intervals broken by walking. The first thing I will say is you should be proud of yourself, you have made the first step in loosing weight by joining this site. Log your food intake it does make a difference, and everytime you feel like eating, get up instead and find something to do. My worst time was when I came home from work and I would make something to eat before having dinner. I now go for a run, do a zumba class and I don't miss the food. Don't worry about what you look like or what other people think, I'm sure they look at me and think that woman is too overweight or unfit to be running, but I don't care. You are doing this for you and not to please anybody else. Just keep logging your food, it helps as you can see it all written down and it stops you from overeating. Look for some kind of exercise, like the walking, take your little boy to the park and keep going don't sit down. Make sure you only have healthy snacks in the house, then you can't eat all the things that are bad for you. Just keep going and you can add me for moral support. :flowerforyou:0
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Hey. I understand the stress, I understand feeling bad. But trust me, you can do this. You can work towards a happier and healthier life.
It sounds like you are really stressed and kind of depressed and that you eat for comfort. My advice is to find other things that comfort you. Listen to a favorite song, paint your nails, take a little walk, buy some lovely smelling soaps and lotions and take a shower or read. Focus on the good about yourself.0 -
Thanks for the replies. The one thing that sticks out to me is keeping busy. Even if im not keeping busy doing lots of exercise, I could keep busy going to the local park etc. Come to think of it, when doing Uni work I find that I dont eat as much because my mind is pre-occupied. I have felt very alone, but looking through MFP I realise that I'm not the only person going through this.
Do you think a trip to the GP is a good idea? I have put it off as I am ashamed of myself, however maybe she could help with the depression? I dont know.0 -
I think going to the GP is a good idea if you feel quite supported by him/her. It may be helpful is assessing the severity of your depression right now and she/he may have some added resources to suggest for you in addition to the help that MFP will give you. It's a proactive forward move on your part, which is great. You are already moving forward, not backward, not staying still. Congratulations for that!! There are a lot of us who know exactly how you feel and are very supportive of your strength to reach out. You'll do it! You're already doing it. Take one day, one hour at a time.0
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Congratulations for taking the first steps - always the hardest!
Trip to the GP sounds like a great idea, even if only to reassure you that you're nowhere near as bad as you think you are and tell the doc you joined here. Shows you are being positive about changing. They may have support groups or something too. It all helps.
Good luck.
Add as friend if you wish, I'm on most days.0 -
I am exactly where u were...2 boys, no time, depressed about weight gain and lack motivation to lose. What do I do, where do I start0
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When my mom finally came up to me and told me she was concerned about my weight I ate a pint of ice cream to make myself feel better, I know just how you feel. A food addiction is a hard thing to break. It's like being an alcoholic or a smoker. Unfortunately for us we still have to eat. Unlike cigarettes and booze we still need food to keep us alive. Have a personal trainer or health concious friend purge your kitchen for you and have them take you shopping for healthy foods. If you have less unhealthy options you will eventually get used to eating healthy foods and then work up to some level of control outside the home.0
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First of all..... do this: Go get some large poster paper.... cut a huge piece off (big enough to trace your body outline) and tape it on the wall behind you. Draw what you think the outline of your body is on the paper. Then, have a friend or you husband outline you standing up to the paper. Take a look at it. More than likely, you're NOT as big as you think you are.
I can completely relate to how you feel. I was addicted to food. I learned it from my parents... we never had healthy food in the house. It was always "easy dinner" stuff. Hamburger helper, frozen pizzas, etc. We always had chips but never fruit. Eating made me happy. I would sit down with a bag of chips and a bowl of french onion dip... and eat ATLEAST HALF in one sitting. I was always "muching" like you I wasn't hungry... I just wanted to eat. I could polish off a tub of ben & jerrys in no time.
The last time I got to what I considered my goal weight, was right after my wedding and I was 8# away. I was working out like a crazy person.... EVERYDAY for hours... sometimes twice a day if I felt guilty about how much I was eating. I hovered at about 1200 calories/day... but I hit a plateau and got discouraged so I stopped working out.. I started eating everything again and I gained it all back.
So.. this time... I'm not working out as much. I work out maybe 5x/week for like 20-30min. I'm losing about .75#/week. Sure, if I worked out harder or weighed my food to the point of obsession I'm sure I would lose it faster. But you know what would happen? I'd get tired of it... i'd slip back into my old ways... wouldn't feel like working out and I would go right back to where I started.
So... the first step you should take is set yourself up for SUCCESS. THROW OUT ALL THE JUNK FOOD!! If you don't have it in the house, it's not a temptation. I cut out all processed foods, fast food and soda. That really helps. The only thing I drink is water, tea, coffee and wine. No bottled juice, soda or anything else you buy pre-made (except my wine that gives me a little treat at the end of the day and red wine is good for the heart). Look online for good lean recipes.. there's tons of great info on the net. Feel free to add me. This journey doesn't have to be a miserable one.. you don't have to "deprive" yourself... you just have to re-train your brain. It's a lifestyle change for life... so don't make changes you can't stick with for life. Good luck!0 -
Hi there! Please, feel free to add me. I love food, I really do, but it has to be good food. I've learned quite quickly that if I tell myself that I "can't" have something, I'll want it and that could lead to binging. Not a pretty sight when you're 41 and you wake up from "just eating two" mini reese cups to find most of the bag empty and papers littered around you. Yep, I've done that.
Together we can do this. One step at a time. You're still young enough that if you persevere you wont have to go through nearly twenty years of denial and self loathing ping pong. It's not fun. Please, go see a doctor about your depression or at the very least get outside in the fresh air, if just for a few minutes at a time. When I began walking I felt so much better. At first it was just down the street and back, then I added a little at a time. I'm still trying to figure all this out, but I try to stay away from processed foods as much as possible (not sure I will ever cut them completely out at this point) and focus on eating food made from scratch. You can do this. :flowerforyou:0 -
I know how you feel! That was me 1.5 years ago. You can do this! It will not be easy, you will struggle, you will cry, you will want to rip someone's arm off to get that chocolate bar(for me it was Pepsi). But in the end after you create a schedule/routine and set some goals you will succeed, and it will be a JOYOUS day! Wake up early go for a brisk 20 min walk right after you wake up, bring plenty water with you! The reason for this is increasing the movement in your body stimulates the release of endorphins from your pituitary gland, and in return make you feel happy and have more energy. Plus on top of walking drinking the water right after you wake up will KICK start your metabolism. It's a win-win!
Add me as a friend if you would like!0 -
I know what you are going through. I put on 50 pounds in the last three years and was so depressed that I could not stand to look at myself in the mirror. I got tired of not being able to wear the clothes that I had in my closet. I would think about my weight and get even more depressed. A month ago I decided that I want to live and get in better shape. I used to be an entertainer and wore a size 8. I was also an athlete in college and know what is needed to do to get in shape. I had my aha moment and made up my mind to do something about it. I started walking on a treadmill, exercising, watching how much I ate and drinking lots of water. It's hard to get started but even when you don't feel like, push yourself. It will pay off. I just recently bought a Nutirbullet. It's like a blender and food extractor and I make my own smoothies with spinach, fruits, vegetables, etc and drink them. Since I joined MFP a few weeks ago, I have lost a total of 8 pounds. I know that I still have a long way to go but you have to take it one step at a time. YOU CAN DO IT......AND YOU WILL DO IT....Just keep your eye on the prize and don't get discouraged.:blushing:0
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I can certainly understand how you feel. Depression made me pack on pounds, and by the time I was no longer depressed, I had gone too far down the road of overeating to naturally turn back. To add insult to injury, I eat when I'm happy too. I eat when I'm sick, I eat when I'm healthy. I just LOVE to eat. I figured out I needed to do something to get off my butt and not think about food.
I took up quilting several years ago to work past a bitter end to a horrible marriage, and I am really getting deeply involved in it again, in part to keep myself busy in the evenings and on weekends so I stay out of the kitchen. For me, staying busy is key to losing weight.
I would love to offer support to you as you lose weight and find the life you and your family deserve to have. Please feel free to add me. :-)0 -
Welcome to your awakening....I'm going to be blunt...
Welcome to realization......as I was watching her I saw myself, in the (probably not so distant) future - and felt sick!
Welcome the NEED TO REALIZE... I still eat and eat and eat and its always the bad stuff.
No, this is bullsheet....you NEED TO TAKE ACTION ON THE RIGHT CHOICES.I need help! I am addicted to food.
Remember this...write it down and place it on the mirror, on the refrigerator, in your car...... I know that only I can do it, and if i really do put my mind to it, I can overcome this.
The good here, is that you realize where you are at. You have had your awakening, as I call it. Every moment you choose NOT to change, you are defining how much you DO NOT want to change.Accept that the past is the past. The present moment is all that matters.
I live by the following...
Realize.Visualize.Choose.Act.SUCCEED.
If you are unhealthy, it is because YOU CHOSE and ACTED to be unhealthy. Choices are abundant in every moment of life. THe impacts of your actions, both consciously and sub-consciously, are what define your present being. You CREATE the present. Accept that the reason you are who you are is by your choices and actions, REALIZE. See where you want to Improve, VISUALIZE. Make the CHOICE to Change. Take ACTION upon the choices that lead you to SUCCESS.0
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