How do you deal with these post-break up feelings?

InnerFatGirl
InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
in Chit-Chat
It's been 3 days since I broke up with my ex. I have been keeping as upbeat and positive as I can manage. At work, I am just as cheery with the customers and fellow co workers. Out in public, I appear like I'm fine. I've been feeling .. okay. I feel free, I am trying to be positive, I am staying strong.

However, there's been this horrible niggly feeling of loneliness, sadness and emptiness inside of it, feelings that I have struggled with for years and which have become overwhelming since I developed depression. It scares me, so I try to push it away. But like an itch, it's there. Always there.

Not only that, but I've been, excuse the openess, craving ... 'relations'. I guess it stems from loneliness, hormones and the fact that he barely touched me towards the end. However, it makes me feel awfully guilty, and I feel like I don't have 'the right' to sleep with someone else even though I am, essentially single. I don't know, I just feel like I'm 'his' still? Like I'm not 'quite single'. It's so annoying, but it's just on my mind constantly.

If you, yourself, have dealt with these feelings - male or female, please could you just tell me what the frick to do. I'm going out of my mind here :brokenheart:

Replies

  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Do not expect that things will be normal in 3 days or 3 weeks or 3 months but one day you will discover without even realizing it that it is back to normal.

    Live your life as you know to be how you want,no person ever is worthwhile via the presence of someone else.
    Have your standards that please you and make you proud and go forward looking at the horizon because that is where you are aiming for.
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    They say it takes half the length of the relationship to "get over them". I dated someone for 7yrs, when we broke up i focused on me for 2.5yrs before I felt comfy dating and having relations again. Everyone is different, just give yourself time to heal and every day will get better
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    Me and my ex of 7 years just broke up last week.

    I think because it was MY decision and I havent been happy with him in a long time that its not hitting me as hard as some might think it should.

    You have to ACCEPT the fact that its over and you need to ACCEPT why before you can really move on.

    If you need to talk you can always message me. :o)
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    They say it takes half the length of the relationship to "get over them". I dated someone for 7yrs, when we broke up i focused on me for 2.5yrs before I felt comfy dating and having relations again. Everyone is different, just give yourself time to heal and every day will get better

    I am giving myself time, but these feelings are horrible. I'm so used to them but they're so scary. I barely have any real friends because most people my age and I can't relate, and everyone's just busy with their own lives. Not to mention I basically push everyone away. He was my constant in my life and now it just feels weird and empty.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Me and my ex of 7 years just broke up last week.

    I think because it was MY decision and I havent been happy with him in a long time that its not hitting me as hard as some might think it should.

    You have to ACCEPT the fact that its over and you need to ACCEPT why before you can really move on.

    If you need to talk you can always message me. :o)

    It was also my decision, and I was also not very happy for a while. It hasn't been hitting me awfully as well, probably due to the same reasons, but I still miss him and miss being around him.

    I guess the problem is non-acceptance. I just feel like I'm in limbo. When I broke up with him, he wouldn't return any of my messages, and hadn't been for the week (except from the odd text, of only ONE was semi positive in regards to us) and he wouldn't discuss this. So it just feels unofficial. It feels like he just thinks I'm playing around and gonna be running back to him, which is not the case. I just feel so confused ...
  • Luc245
    Luc245 Posts: 73
    I know exactly how you feel because it's the same way I feel. My ex left me to get an arranged marriage about six months ago and I still struggle with it. The pain and difficulty has lessened but there are still triggers all around that cause heart ache. I looked for weeks all over the internet trying to find help dealing with the pain but in the end all it takes it time. It will go away but you must do a few things.

    1. Like another poster said you have to ACCEPT that it is over. That might take a while.
    2. Don't talk to him no matter what. That will set you back to square one.
    3. Find things that make you feel happy. For me, every pound I lose puts a real smile on my face even if only for a bit.
    4. Cry. Let the feelings and emotions surface. Don't hold back. It will make you feel much better.
    5. Don't date until you can honestly say you are over your ex. It's just mean to the other person. No lying to yourself!
    I am giving myself time, but these feelings are horrible. I'm so used to them but they're so scary. I barely have any real friends because most people my age and I can't relate, and everyone's just busy with their own lives. Not to mention I basically push everyone away. He was my constant in my life and now it just feels weird and empty.
  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
    One day something will just change inside you but there is no way to tell when.

    Carry on as normal as you can but don't be afraid of being upset, or sharing your feelings with friends and family.

    I broke up with my boyfriend of around 4 years (I can't actually remember how long we went out now) about three years ago. It was my decision and it was something I kept thinking about doing for ages, one day I just did it, I'd spent a miserable day at home watching miserable films and when he came home he kept asking what was wrong and I just said I wanted to break up, and this time I didn't turn back, he went out and when he came back I still felt like that. It took me a week to move out and I remember just feeling numb for most of that time. I think if I hadn't felt like I was lacking emotion at the time we would still be together. I still kind of feel upset about the break up mainly because I now don't immediately remember the bad stuff as much but when I think about it I remember why I needed to do it.

    I really don't remember when I started to feel normal but I just kept moving on as if nothing happened although I was upset in private.

    I listened to my favourite music, a lot of bands he didn't like so I never got the chance to listen to them -one of the reasons I left him. I spent time with friends and that was it.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    I know exactly how you feel because it's the same way I feel. My ex left me to get an arranged marriage about six months ago and I still struggle with it. The pain and difficulty has lessened but there are still triggers all around that cause heart ache. I looked for weeks all over the internet trying to find help dealing with the pain but in the end all it takes it time. It will go away but you must do a few things.

    1. Like another poster said you have to ACCEPT that it is over. That might take a while.
    2. Don't talk to him no matter what. That will set you back to square one.
    3. Find things that make you feel happy. For me, every pound I lose puts a real smile on my face even if only for a bit.
    4. Cry. Let the feelings and emotions surface. Don't hold back. It will make you feel much better.
    5. Don't date until you can honestly say you are over your ex. It's just mean to the other person. No lying to yourself!
    I am giving myself time, but these feelings are horrible. I'm so used to them but they're so scary. I barely have any real friends because most people my age and I can't relate, and everyone's just busy with their own lives. Not to mention I basically push everyone away. He was my constant in my life and now it just feels weird and empty.

    I'm sorry <3
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,345 Member
    Me and my ex of 7 years just broke up last week.

    I think because it was MY decision and I havent been happy with him in a long time that its not hitting me as hard as some might think it should.

    You have to ACCEPT the fact that its over and you need to ACCEPT why before you can really move on.

    If you need to talk you can always message me. :o)

    It was also my decision, and I was also not very happy for a while. It hasn't been hitting me awfully as well, probably due to the same reasons, but I still miss him and miss being around him.

    I guess the problem is non-acceptance. I just feel like I'm in limbo. When I broke up with him, he wouldn't return any of my messages, and hadn't been for the week (except from the odd text, of only ONE was semi positive in regards to us) and he wouldn't discuss this. So it just feels unofficial. It feels like he just thinks I'm playing around and gonna be running back to him, which is not the case. I just feel so confused ...

    Contacting him is the last thing you want to do.

    Its only torturing yourself and making it harder for you to move on.

    You need to remember WHY you broke up with him.
    If it was a good enough reason to break up with him for then it must be a good enough reason not to get back with him.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    One day something will just change inside you but there is no way to tell when.

    Carry on as normal as you can but don't be afraid of being upset, or sharing your feelings with friends and family.

    I broke up with my boyfriend of around 4 years (I can't actually remember how long we went out now) about three years ago. It was my decision and it was something I kept thinking about doing for ages, one day I just did it, I'd spent a miserable day at home watching miserable films and when he came home he kept asking what was wrong and I just said I wanted to break up, and this time I didn't turn back, he went out and when he came back I still felt like that. It took me a week to move out and I remember just feeling numb for most of that time. I think if I hadn't felt like I was lacking emotion at the time we would still be together. I still kind of feel upset about the break up mainly because I now don't immediately remember the bad stuff as much but when I think about it I remember why I needed to do it.

    I really don't remember when I started to feel normal but I just kept moving on as if nothing happened although I was upset in private.

    I listened to my favourite music, a lot of bands he didn't like so I never got the chance to listen to them -one of the reasons I left him. I spent time with friends and that was it.

    This is most helpful, thank you.

    I guess I know it, though. I mean, I'm not expecting to be okay right now. I know these feelings are normal. And I know I will get over him, probably quite soon (I made a vow to myself a few years ago to get over failed love interests quickly and since then, I move on very fast. I usually cut them out of my life and head, and it works - too well). In fact, I'm not super devastated. I'm not in tears - heck, I can't even cry anymore. I'm not feeling in raw pain like I was on the day. I feel numb, slightly relieved and slightly liberated, but there's this part of me that misses him, that wants to keep myself for him because he might come back. I know, it's pathetic. I just don't want to ruin any chances of reconciliation (which will not be initiated on my part). It's so stupid.
  • jaimrlx
    jaimrlx Posts: 426 Member
    My ex of about 3 years broke up with me a little over a year ago, and it took me about 6 months to get over him. I didn't think I ever would.. in fact, he got a girlfriend right away and I was crushed. During those 6 months, I was very depressed. I couldn't really work and I was starting to push everyone away. One day, it just snapped. I had to see him every day because we work in the same building, and this one day I was just able to look at him and realize he isn't what I wanted. At that exact moment, everything turned around. I've now been dating my current boyfriend for 6 months tomorrow.

    TL;DR I didn't think I would ever get over him.. but I did, in less time than most. And just when I did, opportunity came knocking. <3
  • shaybethxo
    shaybethxo Posts: 153 Member
    When my ex and I broke up, I cried for weeks, couldnt eat couldnt sleep, whenever I saw him I would break down and cry. So to me, you're doing really well! We broke up just over a year ago and I can honestly say, it gets better. Not in 3 days, but in a few weeks you'll come to terms with the fact he isn't yours. Then in a couple more months you'll not want him to be yours anymore. Focus on you now, you have your weight loss and your work to keep you going and to focus on. Chin up honey.
  • SnookiBaby92
    SnookiBaby92 Posts: 85
    I am going through this atm....... sucks! :brokenheart: :sad:
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Thanks everyone. I am feeling a bit better today. Just forcing myself to be strong and positive. I'm coping well, I think, but I am craving male company so much, it sucks. My head is still very confused..
  • SheleeVictoria
    SheleeVictoria Posts: 2
    I received a love spell from dr.marnish@yahoo. com and within 3 days he casterd the spell, the spell started working straight away. before i could know what is happening my lover who broke my heart came to my house to ask me out for a lunch" we back together now and we are living happily – Shelee Victoria, Australia

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