A Different Sort of Progress

So I've spent a lot of time browsing through all of the success stories on MFP, and I guess I just wanted to contribute a little. However, my success is a little different than others that I have seen.
I started off on the higher side of the healthy weight range. Like a lot of other people, I was unhappy with my weight, and decided to go on a diet and shed a few of my unwanted kilos. At 78kg, I was by no means overweight- but my mind could not be changed.




I started to work out every day, and cut down my intake- in a matter of months I had lost 10kg. I was finally getting thinner! Things were going according to plan.
And then things escalated.
I developed a growing obsession with calorie counting, overexercising, and severely restricting my intake of food. At times, I would go days without eating, terrified that any amount of calories would make me "fat". Over just under a year, my weight had dropped down to 55kg- dangerously low for my height. And still, even after a 23kg weight loss, all I saw was fat. Even the confrontations and concerns of my family could not convince me that things had gone too far. But they truly, truly had. My body was failing me- I was too exhausted to stand in the shower; too weak to lift my doona to make my own bed. I was dying, and I was in complete denial.




In Janurary 2013, I was hospitalised due to complications caused by anorexia nervosa. I was placed on an NG tube for re-feeding, and slowly began to learn to eat again. I began to realise just how bad things had gotten, and with my future- and my life- at stake, i decided that it was time to change.



Now, in May 2013, I am a healthy 63kg. Through gaining weight, I started to regain everything that my eating disorder had taken away from me. Some days are still difficult, and I definitely still struggle with the idea that I am"fat". But I'm also learning that there is so much more to life than just being thin. Weight and size do not show the world anything about you as a person. They cannot measure kindness, bravery, courage and resilience. People are so much more than just numbers.

So, that is my success- not losing weight, but gaining health.