I feel so huge like everyone is constantly staring!

tori240to140
tori240to140 Posts: 27
in Motivation and Support
I am 5'6" and I weigh 240ish. I have said this to my fiance, my best friend and my mom and they all think I am crazy! Does anyone else feel like when you are walking in the grocery store or in the mall that people are staring at you thinking of how huge and disgusting and obese you are?! I literally feel like if I buy some icecream at the store the cashier is thinking "Do you REALLY need that?" Or if I am looking in womans clothing section people are thinking "None of that is going to fit you why are you even looking?" Maybe it's my own poor self esteem but I seriously can't help but feel this way! 2 years ago before I had my son I was the perfect weight, could shop anywhere, wear anything, but I gained so much weight with my son and after he was born stayed home and just ate because I was bored! I am finally starting to realize that I am HUGE!! I can't even like look at myself without sucking in and adjusting my body to make me look smaller. HELP ME!!!!! I have to say I think for the most part I have been doing really good since I joined MFP, I just have a hard time being motivated when the weight doesnt come off as fast as I want. Alright I think I'm done!!

Replies

  • JayStu
    JayStu Posts: 332 Member
    You joined 5 days ago and have lost 5 lbs already, that is pretty amazing.

    I was the same way when I was 250lbs and sometimes it still happens when I am out but I just think, what do I care what these people think of me, and it usually works.

    Take progress pictures and measurements for those times when you don't seem to be losing. All the best with your weight loss journey.
  • sozisraw
    sozisraw Posts: 418 Member
    Your still in the crippling self conscious age group, so generally people are all in the own world thinking about their own stuff!
    Keep focused on your goals, don't worry about people you don't know :smile:
  • Meloonie
    Meloonie Posts: 144 Member
    Unfortunately I think it's probably your low self esteem. I remember feeling the exact same way and sometimes I still get paranoid that people are staring at me. To be honest you are very pretty and look like you dress nicely so people are probably looking at you and thinking that you're attractive or that you have nice hair or a nice top on etc, and it isn't at all what you think they're thinking!

    My husband told me this when I used to get upset and now for the most part I believe him. If I see someone looking at me and feel self conscious, I just smile at them and nine times out of ten they smile back and look away.

    Next time you feel someone is looking at you, tell yourself they're looking because you look good and soon enough you'll start to believe it.
  • twinkiemon
    twinkiemon Posts: 216 Member
    No, I feel the same way sometimes, but I just block it out anymore - I've been heavy through most of my 20's and I'm currently working hard so I don't follow the same pattern in my 30's.

    I did, however, once have this really rude salesperson who looked at me when I was buying this sweater and was like "You know this is a large, right?" And I was MUCH smaller than I am now - like 170-ish and I was like "Seriously?" I'd tried the shirt on and it fit and how did she know I wasn't buying it for someone else.
  • mcjabber
    mcjabber Posts: 374 Member
    I have those thoughts sometimes too, and I'm at a totally healthy weight. It's entirely in our heads. But maybe you can use them as motivation!! (I tend to turn that 'everyone is judging me for buying ice cream' thought into a 'well, I won't buy ice cream' action!) Seriously, though, I'm sure no one is REALLY thinking any of those things, and even on the TINY chance they are, so what? :laugh: Let's not let it bring us down!
  • JDBLY11
    JDBLY11 Posts: 577 Member
    I am exactly the same way. I am afraid people will make comments because I am so much bigger than everyone else.
  • krhn
    krhn Posts: 781 Member
    To tell you the truth I had the same dilemma in the past as well... However now it's the opposite as I feel puny (musculature wise) :bigsmile:
  • ron2e
    ron2e Posts: 606
    All those things are possibly true, perhaps you're not imagining them, but use them to motivate you. What better reason could you have to stick to your diet?
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    Never have cared what others thought. One of many reasons I got up almost 500 lbs. I'll admit when I first started exercising, eating less, I was a tiny bit self-conscious for a few months. That soon passed as well. Too busy being awesome to worry what others may think or say behind my back.
  • Vailara
    Vailara Posts: 2,467 Member
    I have felt like that sometimes, but I try to file those thoughts away in my "unhelpful thinking" box! The truth is, most people probably aren't thinking anything bad. The person watching you buy an icecream might just be trying to choose what to order, or trying to remember if they locked the door (I know I'm guilty of looking at people when I'm trying to remember something - a rude habit!). Some might people might be judging, but stuff them. I find it more helpful to try to think warmly about other people, and to try to assume that they're thinking the same about me (or just not interested in me). It might not be true, but it makes me feel better! And worrying about what people are thinking makes me feel worse.
  • Wakefromsleep
    Wakefromsleep Posts: 44
    We have all been there. The great thing about exercising and working out is that you start to gain your confidence back with each mile you walk/run. Our brains will have to be remold end just like our bodies. You will do great. Keep us posted on your progress.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    Just continue to meet goals.

    As you do so your confidence will increase.
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    If you stick with this and make it the way you live, in a few months your weight loss will be noticeable. It gets easier when you see the results.
    I do relate to your feelings. I am still self conscious when I am shopping for clothes, but now I am thinking to myself that others are wondering "why that fat lady isn't shopping in the plus size department." Grocery shopping is not so bad, because I rarely buy unhealthy food any more (but, I still do occassionally:embarassed: ). My brain has not caught up with my weight loss yet. I am not sure if, or when, I ever will, get over this thinking, but it has been decades since I have been this size.
    Do this for yourself, but do it so you can keep up with your young son. It is my one regret that I didn't do this sooner so I could do more with my daughter when she was growing up.
    The very best of luck to you!
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    That might happen some, but not as much as you think. Most people are too self-absorbed to notice and judge what everyone else is doing.
  • juliegrey1
    juliegrey1 Posts: 202 Member
    I think we all feel a bit self conscious thats very normal,remember its what you feel about yourself and not what other people think,one pound at the time and be proud of each achievement you make,yes you do have alot to loose and you can do it,you will always meet the ignorant and thoughtless ,you dont need to take any notice of that,I know its hard but dont let attitudes and ignorance get in your way!
  • MzzFaith
    MzzFaith Posts: 337 Member
    Don't worry about what others say & stare. Smile deep down inside you are making a change for yourself.
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
    I used to feel like that when I was like 170lbs.. it's all in your head because you feel self conscious about the way you look. Trust me, you aren't that big that people are staring.
  • DT1Rock
    DT1Rock Posts: 16 Member
    Have faith, if you really want to lose weight just stick with the program, eat clean, drink tons of water & get cardio! You Can Do It,
  • obeseandsassy
    obeseandsassy Posts: 118
    I'm twice your size, love, and for me it's not a feeling, it's a fact--people ARE always staring at me. I like to stare right back. Or ask them if there's something they have to say.

    In your case, though, I agree with the general consensus. You're more worried about it than anyone else is. It's kind of like how it's pointless to be self-conscious while going to the beach--everyone's so worried that people are staring at THEM, that no one actually stares at anyone else!

    Just try to focus on quelling the anxiety you feel and living your life. Some people will stare. Let them. You don't know them, you'll probably never see them again, it's their problem, not yours. Obviously it's much easier said than done, but it doesn't hurt to practice :)
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    Most people lack the attention spans and the interest in the world around them to constantly stare at anyone/anything.
  • LizLSB
    LizLSB Posts: 8 Member
    Let them stare, but they are probably not. You are making choices to help you become healthier and more fit, and unfortunately, for a lot of us, embarking on this journey brings out a lot of insecurity and fear. Yep, fear. What if I can't do it? What if I can't keep it off? What if I fail? Just keep trying to make healthy food choices, exercise, and making steady progress. Focus on your goals and don't worry about what you think others are thinking. Keep up the good work!
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    I am the same height as you and I started off at 220 and I was incredibly self-conscious. I had a newborn baby and a 2 year old so I went out every day so my toddler could run about and have fun, but I always felt like the fat, ugly mum. Looking back at photos now I realise I didn't look as bad as I imagined, and I definitely wasn't ugly, but I feel in a way I missed out on all the joys of my newborn as I was so focused on how I looked. I'm sure anyone I thought was staring at me was probably either looking at my gorgeous kids, or thinking how mad I was having 2 kids close in age :)

    Just keep up the good work and soon when people stare at you you know it will be because you look super fit!
  • tori240to140
    tori240to140 Posts: 27
    Thanks so much everyone for all of the encouraging words! I just need to realize that I don't need to care what these random people think of me!! Now.. Here's an even harder thing.. tomorrow I'm getting my hair done by someone from HS, she hasnt seen me since 140!! I am SO nervous.. Also, does anyone else like carry your kid around hoping people will notice that you had a kid so thats why you are heavy? HAHA it's so weird how my mind works! Thanks everyone!!!
  • healthytanya1
    healthytanya1 Posts: 198 Member
    People that have always been skinny and always will be are probably the people making judgements in their own head
    ( my sister is this way even though most of the people in my family struggle with weight) but I have been up and down a few times and have to shop in plus size for jeans so I feel the pain that every overweight person does. Most people don't want to be fat it just kinda creeps up on ya. Everyone just has to hit that point for themself to want to lose the weight. My sister is one of those people that describe her friends on how fat they are but says how cool they are. The worst part is when I meet them and I'm the same size. She's clueless about people's feelings.
  • greenmm1980
    greenmm1980 Posts: 86 Member
    You are not fat, you have fat. There is a big difference! I have to remind myself of this every day. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you are fabulous. When someone ask you how you are, respond with a smile and say fabulous. Eventually, you will not only say you are fabulous but you will also feel fabulous. Baby steps add up so keep going!

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