I feel like i'm doomed to fail!

mshopey Posts: 125 Member
In January of this year, i was so determined to put y weight behind me to start a new life with my fiance.
I did really, really well, for about and lost 20lbs in 5 weeks. And i was chuffed and proud.
Then i got the flu, which developed into a chest infection, then it was "i can't be bothered, just order a takeaway, i'm poorly".
And as we all know, when you mentally make the decision to stop trying, all hell broke loose.
I haven't even stepped on the scales since that say.
But i started again monday, it's now or never. To find out i'd put all those 20lbs back on, then another 2 :(
I know i need to do this, for my future and my fiance's.
But do you ever get the feeling that your doomed to repeat your past failings?


  • liddienicole
    liddienicole Posts: 45 Member
    I know exactly what you mean! I've been on numerous diets before - probably when I didn't even need to. The last one I went on I weighed myself and I had put on 7 pounds - not too bad, not good either. I tried to get that off, but gave up and thought 'what the hell' and ate rubbish again. Now I'm 8 pounds heavier than I was a few months ago. If I had tackled it then I would have never got that big, and that just makes me so upset. But this time feels different, I feel motivated with the help of MFP and think (hopefully) I'm going to do it this time! You've just got to think positively and do it for yourself. Feel free to add me if you want :)
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    20lbs in 5 weeks is a lot to lose, even for someone with 100 lbs to lose. It makes me wonder how you lost it and whether what you were doing was something you could sustain permanently. Sometimes it's better to go slower, knowing that you can keep doing the things that you'll need to do to keep it off.

    It's true that when you decide to stop trying, that's what happens. It's equally true that you can decide to do something about your situation, make a commitment to yourself and succeed. You are only doomed to fail if that's the choice you ultimately make.

    If you look at this as a temporary thing - things you need to do until you get the weight off - then you are decreasing your chances of success. What you need to do is work on coming up with a lifestyle that you can love with forever, while creating the ideal conditions for you to be a healthy weight. I'm sure with a wedding coming up that you feel a sense of that "I must do this now" desperation, but please don't fall into the trap of going so drastic that you either lose the weight for the wedding, go back to normal and gain it all back plus more (this is very common) or, not even get there and burn out long before the wedding happens.

    So, to get past the feeling that you're doomed to fail, you need to do things differently than you did before. Make up your mind that this is going to happen, that you're going to adopt a lifestyle that allows you to be the size you want.

    Don't drop the calories drastically, or give up all the foods you like, or start forcing yourself to do exercise that you hate. Focus on calories in/out first, eat the foods you like and fit them into your calorie goal. You can still have takeaways from time to time - how often depends on how easy it is to fit them into your goals. The actual content of your diet will probably change naturally anyway, but I really don't recommend making drastic changes that you aren't going to live with after a few weeks.

    Basically, don't turn this into "being on a diet". Just live your life, and use calorie counting as a tool to make sure you're eating the right amount. I don't know if you'll lose all the weight you want to by your wedding, but you can definitely lose a large amount of it. You already have the motivation, you've just got to make that commitment!
  • PosterPens
    PosterPens Posts: 172 Member
    some of us dont have to think twice about what goes in our mouths, yet never gain a pound. i, however, am not one of those. when i did that, i gained 50lbs. ice cream, whole pizzas, cereal boxes, you name it. i ate it! i couldnt imagine what the calorie intake was when i did that since i never logged the calories, but obviously they were off the charts and no wonder i gained 50lbs. thank god i stopped myself before things got really out of control with my weight, and so far ive been able to lose more than half my goal since mid-Feb. its just all abt consistency really, and it becomes a habit after a while to make better choices of what goes in your mouth.

    you know yourself that eating what you want, how much you want, when you want is not going to help you lose the weight, so be glad you are aware of it to stop now and start again. so congrats and welcome back. log your foods, be aware of what your cal intake is, get some sort of exercise (even just a walk), and youll get to where you want to be in no time!

    ETA: i should mention, i still eat the foods i love, just in moderation. i still eat mac&cheese, pizza, and ice cream. just a portion of what i used to eat before! so eat the foods you love, but be aware of the portions.
  • LizLSB
    LizLSB Posts: 8 Member
    One sentence that you wrote is the key to your success: "I started again." You may have taken a break for a while, and that can be discouraging and detrimental, but you're back and you know what you did. Keep going. You've lost the weight before; you can lose it again, this time with the full knowledge that you have to stay on track. I'm glad you have recovered from your illness, and you have the strength to do what you need to do! Hang in there.
  • liddienicole
    liddienicole Posts: 45 Member

    ETA: i should mention, i still eat the foods i love, just in moderation. i still eat mac&cheese, pizza, and ice cream. just a portion of what i used to eat before! so eat the foods you love, but be aware of the portions.

    This. It's not about cutting out everything you eat and just eating salads, although eating good food is good for your nutrition. You don't have to cut anything out, you just eat it in moderation. For example I found out one of my favourite meals was 1,100 calories and so I've halved the portion size I used to have. Doesn't mean I don't eat it, you just find ways to make things fit in with your calorie goals! & yesterday, I had 200 calories left from doing exercise, so I treated myself with a chocolate bar. The difference was I savoured those 200 calories and it was amazing, wheras before I probably would have just eaten about 5 of them and not cared/not really tasted them. :)
  • PosterPens
    PosterPens Posts: 172 Member
    exactly! before if i wanted ice cream, id eat AT LEAST a pint, maybe 2! but instead, i treat myself to a weight watchers ice cream snack (SO GOOD!) or skinny cow...both around 100-150 cals which definitely beats the pints i was eating at almost 2000cals!!!
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
    I used to think that and then I stopped counting calories, focused heavily on my fitness and realised I'd learnt so much in the 5 months of calorie counting I've done that I struggle to hit my maintenance calories in a day now anyway. Out of curiosity I sat and added up all the calories I'd eaten on a day I felt like I'd eaten way too much food and I'd only hit about 1900 calories (My maintenance is somewhere around 2100 cals per day), so now I know I've truly learnt the skills needed to not gain again.

    The key is mainly to realise what foods are bad for you. E.g. a takeaway is 9 times out of 10 a bad idea, so only have one if you've had a good week or two of decent eating. Don't get a take away if he night before you had 8 beers and the night before that you ate a whole cheese cake. Yknow?
    Also, learning correct portion sizes has been another thing to really help. I eat about half the amount of cereal in the mornings now as I've realised I just do not need to fill the bowl to the top, it's far too much for someone to eat in the morning anyway!

    Maybe you need to get back on the wagon and stick at it for a couple of months and then log at maintenance too to get an idea of what a day should look like for you?
    It's ok to still eat foods that are bad for you but you just need to realise they should be a once in a while treat, not an every week occurrence.
  • tndejong
    tndejong Posts: 463
    i started january 1st like a lot of people. i was not working and it was winter time. i have an elliptical at home too. i lost weight very quickly. we were pretty broke. so it was easy to watch my eating and exercise like crazy. i had my mom and friends challenging me everyday. we would text one another trying to beat each others exercise times. we were trading recipes and having fun with it. my fiance is slim and pretty fit. he would challenge me on the elliptical a lot. he could handle higher resistance levels from the beginning. and i had friends on facebook who set up a challenge. everyone threw down 25 bux and the winner got the pot. everyone would talk crap and have fun trying to lose weight.

    here we are in may. my fiance turned into a fitness nut. spending tons of money on pedal bikes and can beat and exceed me in everything i try. he toned up and doesnt have an ounce of fat on him. all my fitness buddies gave up. then i found a job. nice that i got one. but working 10 hour shifts and saturdays sometimes. with my fiance so crazy about fitness, he got lazy too. all the house work, lawn work, etc is falling on me. i have two gym memberships but im so tired and on the go, that i hardly use them. and i got lazy with my eating cause now i have the money again the go to the drive through or eat convenience foods again! kinda doesnt work to work a ten hour shift, go to the gym, and then be crazy hungry and want a burger from a drive through! but its crazy how your life and circumstances can ruin your progress. i totally understand.

    a few weeks ago, i thought it would be fun to try running. i have never been a runner and they have a colorvibe run coming to my area. so i went in hard and hurt my knee and shin splints. so this made it hard to get cardio in. excuse of course! so i slowed down. then the ten hours. excuse! then i got really cold sick and was working ten hours! so i didnt do anything. more excuses! then i started cheating myself. yes i would mow the yard and get exercise in. but i would get cravings like ice cream and chocolate. so i would get treats from the gas station i would not record. i figured i earned these. but a daily treat sure does not help you lose lol! excuses again! and only cheating myself lol!

    i have lost 55 pounds in 5 months. that i am proud of. i go up and down by 2 or 3 pounds. but i have not gone up thank god. but i am not losing which is disappointing to me. but in the beginning i would tell people that your progress only is determined by how much effort your willing to put into it and being honest with yourself. if you work hard, you will lost. if you slack off, well, you see what happends. you dont lose and gain sometimes. so only you can make it happen. and i for one need to take my own advice!
  • Krystasfocused24
    You have been through a lot but you can do this. Try to focused on why you want to lose weight. Set goals around why you want to lose weight. The weight loss journey is challenging, but you did before and can do it again!!!
  • Queen_Adrock
    Queen_Adrock Posts: 130 Member
    Another important thing to remember is burnout. Going really hard really fast is a good way to burnout fast. Your motivation is going to be HUGE going in the first time, because you're more determined than ever to lose the weight and do really, really well. However, the first few weeks of counting every calorie and eating nothing but good food and exercising every day may feel like the right thing to do (and sure, it may be), but eventually you'll get sick of it and give up if before you were the polar opposite.

    The easiest way to not burn out is to make small changes, gradual ones. Add in a half-hour of walking each day. Drink an extra 2 glasses of water. Eat half a chocolate bar instead of a full one. Those are sustainable, and while you may be anxious to lose the weight RIGHT NOW!, it takes patience and small steps in order to avoid burnout and loss of motivation. Celebrate the small goals, and remember how long it took to gain the weight -- that's may be how long it'll take to lose the weight, too.
  • Sparlingo
    Sparlingo Posts: 938 Member
    If you want this to be for life, don't try sprinting to the finish line - go for slow and steady, sustainable for life. Add more activity, have a moderate calorie deficit. Try to make better food choices more often than you did before, and be mindful of what you put in your mouth. If you get a treat, savour it, enjoy it! Don't just eat it for the sake of eating it.

    Find activity that you love and hate to miss - that's Zumba for me, and slowly it seems I'm adding running and lifting to that list (my old self would never believe it!!). Because I love it, it's easy for me to see myself doing these things to various degrees for years to come. Suddenly I'm not so anxious about keeping the weight off in the future, because future me will be active (past me never was) and will not be ignorant about portions.

    If it's not such a chore, and you don't feel so deprived, and it's become habit - then it's not so painful :smile: and you'll reap the rewards in time. Also, illness happens, injuries happen, and weight gain happens. It's life. Just continue on the right path and you will like where you're going.

    Also, you've made the important step of starting again. Congrats on that, it is the most important step! You are worth the effort.

    I agree with Queen_Adrock, though, be careful not to burnout if you'd like this to be a long term reality :smile:.
  • barbsdag
    barbsdag Posts: 16 Member
    My friend, you are not doomed because you are picking yourself up and beginning again!!! That is success!!!!! Be proud that you are willing to begin again. I have been on a roller coaster most of my life with the weight going up and down. I was well over 300 lbs and, little by little weight would come off. When I reached 250, I thought I was in heaven and forgot to be cautious about what goes in my mouth and, the weight slid back up some. At the doctors office back in January, I weighed-in at 2072 lbs! I thought for sure there was something wrong with the scale but sure enough, I was at 207 lbs. Again, I slipped up and I am now at 227. My physician has a fitness trainer at his office and, I met with her and she ran tests and printed information as well as a better way to eat menu for me and, tomorrow I begin again with a positive attitude and, a smile on my face. My goal is to get to 185 and, come heck or high water, I am going to get there. So you see, you are not doomed to fail, you are destined to win!!!!! :happy: