troubles with my dad

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KrisNM
KrisNM Posts: 17
in Motivation and Support
I live with my dad and step-mom who are both overweight. I was ready for a change and changed my diet and exercise habits. So far, I’ve lost 35 lbs and have another 30 to lose. I've even inspired my step-mom to make some positive changes in her life. I never asked either of them to join me because I know that only they can decide when they're ready to make those big changes. I've tried to be respectful to them without damaging my goals.

Since my step-mom has started making different choices I’ve noticed my dad become much more defensive. He’s started making rude comments to me. Saying things like “you ate all that [unhealthy] stuff too on vacation” and making a big production of me ordering healthier options at restaurant. I know he’s not mad at me, he’s upset with the change. I wish he would make different choices but I respect his decisions. I feel that I'm being unfairly attacked for things I haven't done or said.

Should I tell him how I feel? Any advice on what I should say? I want to be understanding and sympathetic but also don’t want to be his “punching bag.”

Replies

  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
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    Yes, tell him how you feel. he is your dad and will get over your honesty.
  • JessicaPasieka
    JessicaPasieka Posts: 149 Member
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    In my opinion, I would tell him how you feel. It may put him off for an hour or two, but maybe it will help him to realize what he's doing. My dad is much the same. My mom, sister and I have all been overweight for our entire lives. And my dad has never had a problem with his weight. The minute my mom wanted to start losing weight and being healthy, he got all defensive and mad, because she is trying to better herself and she may "find someone else" or "look too good to be with him". I tell him how I feel about his rude comments all of the time because they are unnecessary. And even if they don't register, I still make it known that he's being an *kitten*.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    That sucks. My parents were the same. I had to lie and tell them the doctor was instructing me to eat healthier because I was beginning to have high blood pressure and high cholesterol (not true at the time). Both my parents are obese with high blood pressure and heart disease.

    Put it on the doc so you don't have to explain yourself all the time. If they think they know better than a doctor then let them call one and argue with them.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I didn't have a weight problem till a couple years ago. But when I was much younger at times I was actually under weight. My dad on the other hand was obese. He was told by his doctors that he was pre diabetic. Every time I went into the fridge to get something to eat he would yell at me... "you eating again?" or "every time I look at you you have food in your hand!" Once I worked in a fast food place and when I came home he yelled at me for smelling like food and having the nerve to not bring him home anything. I tried to tell him how much it hurt that he ridiculed me just because he was angry at himself for not having any self control. The man would eat a large soup bowl over flowing with ice-cream. Could sit and eat an entire enormous party sized bag of chips all by himself with a large bowl of onion dip. PLUS all his beer. With my first pregnancy I was under weight. My dr. was getting on me to eat more. At nearly 6' tall I was only 130 pounds 6 months into my pregnancy. He still yelled at me whenever he saw me eating. It got to the point where I could never eat around him. He just didn't see what he was doing to me and how much it hurt that he chastised me just because he had to watch what he ate.

    By the way, no matter what anyone said to him about it he still did it. My entire life he got on me whenever I ate anything. He said once that it was his way of keeping me from getting fat. I was the only thin one in the family. Personally I don't think thats why he did it. I had always felt he hated himself and was taking it out on me.
  • KrisNM
    KrisNM Posts: 17
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    Thanks for sharing your stories and I'm sorry you were in similar positions. Thanks for your strength and wisdom!

    I agree that open communication is key and I know that it's honestly his problem not mine.

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