[SERIOUS] Advice Needed (BED issues)

bone_arista
bone_arista Posts: 24
in Motivation and Support
Okay I put the bracket "serious" because I had to delete my old MFP account due to people mouthing off at me because I was looking for real help or because I was giving real advice. Guys I'm a 20 year old agoraphobic who has suffered with BED and BN/AN basically her whole life. If you can't handle that fact then please just stop reading and don't write that I need to stop trolling, etc.

Onto the issue.

I've completely lost all my motivation to stop binge eating. And when I DO have the motivation it's negative motivation. My walls have "fitspo", "thinspo", and "bonespo" covering every inch. I have printed out countless papers on how to stop binge eating and pasted them onto the fridge, onto my door and even onto the cupboards. I have size 5 jeans I bought even though I'm a size 12/13 just to help keep me motivated to stop stuffing my face. About three, maybe five (?) years ago I picked up the nasty behaviors of eating disorders. I was diagnosed with EDNOS one year ago after I swallowed 12 pill containers because I ate a pan of brownies. But have I ever been in treatment for it? No. I'm 160 pounds (5'5") so to my insurance company and to the local ED clinics I'm not in severe enough danger to get help. So I'm left with no choice but to help myself. Can ANYONE give me tips on how to beat this binge eating behavior? I give everyone here my word that I'm going to be working on my EDNOS (anorexia with bulimic tendencies), but I can't if I'm still binge eating. I'm putting priorities in order and considering I've attempted suicide five times due to my BED then that is obviously what I need to treat first.

And PLEASE, do not tell me:
a. see a therapist (I already am, twice a week)
b. kill yourself (I just might)
c. you're not fat (I appreciate the attempt but I could be 75 pounds and still think I'm a whale)

Replies

  • bone_arista
    bone_arista Posts: 24
    On a side note, 5 times isn't the number I've attempted suicide. It's just the number of times for THIS reason.
  • amyk0202
    amyk0202 Posts: 666 Member
    I don't have any advice, but I hope you find what you need.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    First, best wishes to you in every way. I hope you find the way to a happy lifestyle. I had an eating disorder once in my life, many, many years ago when I split up with a college boyfriend. At the time, I stopped eating and went down to a horrific 85 pounds. I just didn't want my life to go in that direction, began eating high calorie easy foods like ice cream, and slowly gained the weight back. As I said, this happened many, many years ago (I'm in my 50s now).

    Besides seeing a therapist, what about developing some non-problem interests that have nothing to do with these issues? For example, volunteer for something you enjoy or find meaningful, or sign up for college/community college classes. In this way, you will give your psyche something else to focus on that's positive and has nothing to do with food or weight issues.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't have advice for you, sorry (I wish i did!). I hope you find the help that you need.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
    i dont know what other advice can be given other than what you already mentioned? May a support group? Hope you find what you need.....
  • Annerk1
    Annerk1 Posts: 372 Member
    Have you called your state or local department of health?

    How about joining a support group? Most hospitals and many community centers offer them and they are free.

    Good luck!
  • rebbylicious
    rebbylicious Posts: 621 Member
    well what kind of advice are you asking/looking for? Do you think someone will write a few paragraphs for you and it will spark a revelation for you?

    Eating disorders rarely have anything to do with eating, and usually are connected to emotional issues or psychological issues such as dealing with trauma, abuse of any kind, etc. IT's a form of either control for you to have over your calories and body, or a form of self abuse due to buried pain. You need to work on the root issue not the symptoms (the eating is a symptom) This is something that only you can do internally, nobodies advice on eating will help you with the pain that is causing it.

    But do know you are not alone, you might want to join a support group as well as focus your therapy sessions on the pain and forgiving the past situations.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Hi, I can't really help much and so sorry you are going through this hell but I just wanted to say if you aren't on anti-depressants to give them a try. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right one for you. I have never used them but someone I love does and they help a lot. I know this won't fix the ED's but at least you might stop trying to kill yourself. (Hugs) :flowerforyou:
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Okay I put the bracket "serious" because I had to delete my old MFP account due to people mouthing off at me because I was looking for real help or because I was giving real advice. Guys I'm a 20 year old agoraphobic who has suffered with BED and BN/AN basically her whole life. If you can't handle that fact then please just stop reading and don't write that I need to stop trolling, etc.

    Onto the issue.

    I've completely lost all my motivation to stop binge eating. And when I DO have the motivation it's negative motivation. My walls have "fitspo", "thinspo", and "bonespo" covering every inch. I have printed out countless papers on how to stop binge eating and pasted them onto the fridge, onto my door and even onto the cupboards. I have size 5 jeans I bought even though I'm a size 12/13 just to help keep me motivated to stop stuffing my face. About three, maybe five (?) years ago I picked up the nasty behaviors of eating disorders. I was diagnosed with EDNOS one year ago after I swallowed 12 pill containers because I ate a pan of brownies. But have I ever been in treatment for it? No. I'm 160 pounds (5'5") so to my insurance company and to the local ED clinics I'm not in severe enough danger to get help. So I'm left with no choice but to help myself. Can ANYONE give me tips on how to beat this binge eating behavior? I give everyone here my word that I'm going to be working on my EDNOS (anorexia with bulimic tendencies), but I can't if I'm still binge eating. I'm putting priorities in order and considering I've attempted suicide five times due to my BED then that is obviously what I need to treat first.

    And PLEASE, do not tell me:
    a. see a therapist (I already am, twice a week)
    b. kill yourself (I just might)
    c. you're not fat (I appreciate the attempt but I could be 75 pounds and still think I'm a whale)


    Do you feel that seeing a therapist is having a positive effect on your eating disorder? How long have you been attending? Do you feel like its helping you at all?


    The professional you are working with should be able to direct you towards support groups as others have suggested if that is something that interests you. Hopefully, this person is also able to work with you to get at the deeper issues causing these behaviors, emotions, etc. You might also ask your therapist to help you with some alternative techniques to combat the binge eating, like breathing exercises or something of that nature to create new coping strategies to break your negative behaviors.

    As someone who has never had an ED I cannot even begin to imagine what you have to deal with everyday, but I can certainly understand that it must be extremely difficult. I will say that I would imagine the best thing you could do is not to obsess over it like you have described (all of your walls being thinspso, etc). That's like a junkie staring at a crack pipe all day. As others have suggested, try to find healthy alternative interests, surround yourself with positive, loving family and friends, and do things that make you happy. Imagine if you were a heroin addict and you stared at pictures of people using all day, that would be torturous, right? If you can occupy your mind in healthy ways and devote energy into the work with your therapist then I think you will be able to overcome.
  • ddslowly
    ddslowly Posts: 46 Member
    i don't know that i can offer much in the way of advice but, does your current therapist specialize in disordered eating? if not, see if you can have him/her refer you to somebody that does. referrals can sometimes get you around insurance not covering something. also, since you've tried suicide and mentioned you might again, you can check yourself into a hospital (mental or otherwise) and they'll have to help you. good luck.
  • bone_arista
    bone_arista Posts: 24
    Thank you everyone for being polite in responding. I appreciate everyone who has given me some feedback. I am seeing a therapist that I enjoy, and I am on medicine, 12 different meds to be exact. To those who have sent me personal messages and those who have added me as a friend I appreciate it. I'm taking things one day at a time, 'cause that's all you can do in my situation.

    ~Silver
  • IronMikeFox
    IronMikeFox Posts: 458
    Hey there. I understand what you are going through. I don't want to hijack the thread by talking about my issues, but I will tell you that I suffer from somewhat similar issues. Compulsive behavior is really difficult to deal with and even more difficult for "normal" people to understand. Even while on meds, compulsions can be impossible to overcome. I don't know the medical terms, but I know that, at least in my case, it has to do chemical reactions in the brain. For me, the only thing that helps (in addition to meds) is to try to find something to substitute for the compulsive act that will satisfy the chemical issue. I am probably explaining this all wrong. Sorry ... trying my best. Anyway, for binge eating, a strategy could be to make sure that you have some kind of somewhat healthy food that you like around the house. If you like fruit, it's a great option. When I am having issues I can go through a whole watermelon. It satisfies that physical need to put something in my mouth, but when I'm done, I don't feel guilty.

    I have used other techniques that my therapists frowned upon (like the infliction of pain). They are probably not postable in a public forum, but they did work for me. Hmmm ... on second thought, I am probably not being very helpful at all. Sorry ... I guess the best I can say is that I totally understand.

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