Anorexia recovery...please help...

sunnysummersunshine
sunnysummersunshine Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
I have finally admitted after 9 years of obsessing, starving and self-loathing, and reading further into the condition, that I am by definition "anorexic." A few months ago I had managed to look in the mirror and think that I looked okay, that I didn't need to lose anymore weight and I wanted to be healthy now. Since, I've upped my caloric intake to 1500 to 1600 calories per day and started weightlifting and body conditioning in addition to my cardio (which I began to obsess about less).

My weight gradually climbed up but I tried to tell myself it was inevitable---it was muscle---it was this and that and not to worry about it. But I skyrocketed from 97 pounds to seeing the scale pique at 109.4 (realistically without foodweight I am probably 107). I know everyone is going to jump on it and say that 107 is a healthier weight for a 5'4" woman than 97 because I have heard this a million times from friends that think I am "overreacting". But the point is I can't handle this...I am already starting to self-loathe again and I just cut my caloric intake down to 1000 in an attempt to avoid completely starving again. I need to find a way to overcome this without putting on such drastic weight so quickly. I can see and feel the fat building back up around my thighs and it is tormenting me. If I keep eating like this my weight is going to keep going up. Isn't there a way to eat normal without getting fat?

I hope there is someone out there who has gone through this... I have only started recently reaching out like this because I am trying so hard to avoid a relapse. I have posted on a few forums and have gotten a lot of rude backlash, so if you have any intention of doing such, please scroll past. Thanks.

Replies

  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    First off, good for you for accepting and admitting you have a problem. Good for you for attempting to change this problem.

    You need to seek professional help. This is mental and therefore cannot be solved merely by changing your calories. You need help with how you view your body/self. You need a support system and you need someone who knows what they are doing to aid you through this process of recovery.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    ^^This.

    this is a bigger problem than a support network like MFP is equipped to handle.

    you need a dedicated support person in your corner helping you with this fight...
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    Well first good for you for noticing and admiting you have a problem.

    Secondly I agree with the person who said you require professional help, this is something that you need to do to stay healthy. No one on line is going to be able to help you with the hurdles you are going to face. THis part of the recovery you need someone who is going to be able to hold your hand and who specializes in the feelings you are facing.


    Best of luck!
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Have you seen a doctor before about this issue? You have been dealing with it for a long time. After years of under-eating, you have no doubt lowered your metabolism and your hormones are out of balance. This can be fixed, but it's not an overnight fix and neither is the mental aspect that comes along with this. Some people on a forum are not going to be able to help you, you need to see some professionals who specialize in it.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    I agree with the above posters.


    Sadly, you may get friend requests from people on this site who are still in the grips of Ana. Be very careful who you choose to interact with on this site - you may find that they do more harm than good.

    Get into therapy. I don't even know if it is a good idea for you to be on a site that has so many triggers right now. You need professional advice.
  • seryph_alethea
    seryph_alethea Posts: 16 Member
    It's okay, don't panic. This reaction is to be expected, both from your body and from you. Your body is trying to lay down some fat in case you starve it again, it's just as shocked as you are! :smile:

    I too recommend seeing a doctor, if for no other reason than you will have someone to stand in front of and talk everything through with and they can keep track for you, which can help. So long as you eat a normal amount, and work out a sensible amount you will eventually reach a healthy weight that you can maintain.

    After fighting for so many years it will be hard to accept what is a healthy weight, for example BMI wise 107 for a woman of your height is just below a healthy weight, but it must look very strange to you. Try getting on a healthy weight program at your local doctors. You are doing so well, so don't feel bad.
  • sunnysummersunshine
    sunnysummersunshine Posts: 4
    I appreciate the input...

    It looks like counseling and a doctor are my best options right now...

    Thank you all...
  • lblert
    lblert Posts: 55
    I have been in recovery for 3 years. I had to go into a residential treatment program for almost 5 months because I couldn't do it on an outpatient basis, even with seeing a psychiatrist, therapist, and dietitian. My biggest downfall while trying to recover before I went away to treatment was weighing myself. I'd try to follow the eating plan set up by my dietitian and if I saw scale movement, I panicked. I really think you have to be willing to throw away the scale while you're in the early stages of recovery. At the treatment program, I was always blind weighed and never told my weight throughout the process. I had my housesitter throw my scale away at home while I was gone. When I returned home, my dietitian continued to blind weigh me once a week.

    You also have to get rid of your sick clothes. Having them around are too much of a trigger - you'll want to lose weight to get back into them. Giving up my clothes was extremely hard - I sat and cried for hours as was packing them up. But it was necessary, otherwise I would have dragged them out of the closet and kept trying to fit back into them.

    Most importantly, you will need to work with a professionals on finding out why you cope using your ED. Some people have depression and anxiety, some people have trauma issues, etc. - whatever it is, that's the real reason behind your ED and anorexia has become the way you deal with it. EDs really have little to do with food and weight - those components are just more how the deeper symptoms manifest themselves.

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