already lost 90 lbs .. but! it's coming back D:

Hello everyone My name is Ty. I'm 25 years old and I've been overweight since I can remember. It started out as just being "chubby" but then it grew into straight up obesity. I was always the "fat friend." My heaviest weight was 229 lbs. And then I became poor and I'm pretty sure I was struggling with an eating disorder, because I started telling myself that it was okay that I didn't have dinner since I can't afford it anyway, and now I'll be "even more hungry in the morning"

I have since gained a little more control of myself. I lost a lot of weight during my "poor period" - I dropped down to 145 lbs at my lowest weight. I wasn't eating healthy, though. Now, I'm at 169 lbs, and my goal weight is 125 lbs. I've joined a gym, and I do mostly yoga/pilates classes. I've felt a real difference in my muscles, and I'm slowly adding cardio (like Zumba) into my workouts. I weighed 156 lbs when I joined the gym at the start of May, and it's been a month, but I've only gained 13 lbs. I'm pretty upset about this, but I know that I just haven't been disciplined enough.

I still drink soda, I still eat candy and chocolates every day (sometimes a LOT). I stress eat. And I eat lots of breads and greasy food.

So I definitely need to change my eating habits and my workout habits need to become regular & I want to look forward to them. I really like dancing, so I've been having a lot of fun at Zumba!

I want to feel good about my body. I've never really felt great about how I look. And it makes me think negatively about my body. And it's not my body's fault! It just reflects my decisions. I can't blame it for my poor eating habits & lack of exercise.

So ... I'm here getting my crap together. I have just recently gotten over very serious depression, and substance abuse. I've been coming out of my shell I crawled into. I'm ready to be healthy, happy, and free. It's all up to me, and I know that it's easier to just fall into old habits & patterns, but I want to change. I want to be healthy, in all ways. And the first few steps are over (you know: admit you have a problem, etc etc.) So, now it's up to me to just ... get off my butt! Quit making excuses! Quit blaming outside sources! I am in control. This is my life. This is my body. I make the rules

So, pretty little body of mine, I'm ready to respect you and give you the proper love & care that you deserve! Please don't hold my immaturity & stubbornness and blindness against me. I was young and in denial. I'm growing up though, and I know that I'm responsible for your well being.

I'm going to change