Just when I started to get my motivation back....
ChantiC
Posts: 137
So this past 6 weeks I have not felt very motivated and pretty much just ate whatever I wanted. I took a week off of MFP to reflect and think about what I really want. So today I was feeling good after my work out etc.
Then this evening my son and I (he's almost 6) was at Walmart. I was looking at dresses for an upcoming event and he so bluntly yells out, mommy all these dresses are skinny why are you looking at them? I then give him the stare of death for saying that, and he says " what? these dresses are for skinny people and you are FAT!". Ouch like a swift kick to the stomach. A part of me was livid that he would ever say something so rude, another part of me was embarrassed that he yelled that, but mostly I felt like just sitting down and crying. He truly hurt my feelings. I know as an adult and his mommy that he would never want to hurt me and that he is 5 and as children are, they are blunt and call like they see it. I then had to explain why he does not say things like that in a calm manner and told him that it can hurt someone's feelings etc. He understood and said sorry mommy. But I gotta be honest it made me feel awful inside. All I could think is, so this is what he see's when he looks at me. And its funny how kids know about fat and skinny so young. When we came home I really wanted to binge eat to make me feel better, but instead I am writing here. To help talk it out I guess lol.
How do you all stay motivated? I don't have an issue with the exercise part for me I really struggle with food. Eating under 2000 cals a day is a struggle for me and my cals are at 1850. My son saying that tonight made me want to try harder to be a good example for him. I have been on MFP for a while and have not lost a lot of weight, no excuses, just me eating too much.
Then this evening my son and I (he's almost 6) was at Walmart. I was looking at dresses for an upcoming event and he so bluntly yells out, mommy all these dresses are skinny why are you looking at them? I then give him the stare of death for saying that, and he says " what? these dresses are for skinny people and you are FAT!". Ouch like a swift kick to the stomach. A part of me was livid that he would ever say something so rude, another part of me was embarrassed that he yelled that, but mostly I felt like just sitting down and crying. He truly hurt my feelings. I know as an adult and his mommy that he would never want to hurt me and that he is 5 and as children are, they are blunt and call like they see it. I then had to explain why he does not say things like that in a calm manner and told him that it can hurt someone's feelings etc. He understood and said sorry mommy. But I gotta be honest it made me feel awful inside. All I could think is, so this is what he see's when he looks at me. And its funny how kids know about fat and skinny so young. When we came home I really wanted to binge eat to make me feel better, but instead I am writing here. To help talk it out I guess lol.
How do you all stay motivated? I don't have an issue with the exercise part for me I really struggle with food. Eating under 2000 cals a day is a struggle for me and my cals are at 1850. My son saying that tonight made me want to try harder to be a good example for him. I have been on MFP for a while and have not lost a lot of weight, no excuses, just me eating too much.
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I try to find better options. You would be amazed how much spinach you can eat and still be under 50 calories. The same goes with almost any vegetable. The more of those you add to you meals, the better off you'll be. You'll still feel like your getting enough and not have to worry about denying yourself while you're still hungry. I also try to keep relatively healthy, slow eating snacks (my favorite is pistachios, still in shells, coated in chili or garlic - it takes forever to eat one, so you can snack for half an hour and barely eat one serving). It also helps to bear in mind why you're doing this. Nothing tastes as good as being skinny, healthy and happy feels. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but perservere. Good luck.0
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until about 2 to 3 weeks ago, I stayed motivated by having that special goal outfit, about 1 size smaller than I am, then when I fit into it, got another one and so on. I've been feeling unmotivated these last 2 to 3 weeks, I think its work stress, its my busy season at work and at night I am so tired I can't even think about working out or cooking a healthy meal. Now I know I need to get back at it, I feel crappy and tired and not as happy as I was a month ago. Luckily I haven't gained anything, but I am not happy with my energy level and my lack of movement. I wish you well with your search for motivation and hope to learn more about motivation from future posts.0
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After reading your post, my first question would be what goals are you setting for yourself? Make sure they are realistic (1-3 lbs/week).
As far as cutting calories, have you tried preplanning what you will eat (sometimes, I will put in what I am going to eat into my MFP food diary early in the day or the night before - this helps me stay on track because if I deviate, then I know I have to come back and change my entries)? Another thing you can do is cut back slowly (like 50 less calories per day until you get to your goal amount)...it takes longer, but that type of a transition on the body is a little easier than going from 2000 to 1400 calories at once.
I am proud of you for turning to writing instead of binging when you got home...that was one good decision. When it comes to living healthy...I try to leave by the 80/20 rule (as in 80% of the decisions I make are healthy and the other 20% I try not to feel too guilty about).
My motivation is that I want to be stronger and have more energy...I'm not as good as I can be, but I don't burnout either and slowly, but surely I will get to where I want to be.
I'm not going to really analyze your son's comment, but keep in mind "skinny" can be just as unhealthy as "fat" (think, anorexia). Also, kids today are surrounded by pics of people who have been photo shopped to be "skinny"...its not real, but a child doesn't know that.0 -
Try to take the moral judgement out of the term 'fat'. Your son was stating something that he sees as a fact, but you are adding emotional baggage. Please don't be burdened by this and practice acceptance.
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If you are hungry at 2000 calories a day, you are eating wrong foods.
Stay away from anything that is highly processed or high in sugar. Less sugar you consume less your body will ask for it.
Also eat more fruits especially fruits like apples, pears, peaches, and all kinds of berries. They are rich is fiber. Try increasing your fiber intake to 30 - 50 grams per day. More fiber you have in your food, the longer it takes yout body to digest and process it which in return makes you less hungry.
Drink planty of water since it fills you up. Drink one large glass of water before EVERY meal. Try eating smaller meals every 2-3 hours to keep your metabolism going which is also gonna make you less hungry cause you will constantly have something in your stomach especially if its rich in fiber.
Eat lean meats, chicken/turkey, and especially fish. You need decent chunk of protein as well.
Dont eat anything fried. In stead grill, bake, cook and steam your food. Use olive oil or cocanut oil in cooking. For the snack you can have a fruit, or greek yogurt or nuts.
Eat tons of veggies. Brocolli, spinach, cauliflower, cabbage and artichoke and few more i cant remember on top of my head are very low in calories but high in fiber and you can eat as much as you want of those.
There are tons of things you can do to make your weight loss more enjoyable.
Here....
This is what i started on and it has great information on nutritions and diet also great recipes.
Bob Harper: Skinny Rules
Is the book writen by trainer on the show "The Biggest Loser." I am sure he knows what he is talking about.
He helped thousands of people transform their bodies and life styles.
I've read it and i am confidant it will help you tons!
Good luck and if you want you can always add me. Also my food diary is always open if you wanna compare or steal ideas for your meals.0 -
So this past 6 weeks I have not felt very motivated and pretty much just ate whatever I wanted. I took a week off of MFP to reflect and think about what I really want. So today I was feeling good after my work out etc.
Then this evening my son and I (he's almost 6) was at Walmart. I was looking at dresses for an upcoming event and he so bluntly yells out, mommy all these dresses are skinny why are you looking at them? I then give him the stare of death for saying that, and he says " what? these dresses are for skinny people and you are FAT!". Ouch like a swift kick to the stomach. A part of me was livid that he would ever say something so rude, another part of me was embarrassed that he yelled that, but mostly I felt like just sitting down and crying. He truly hurt my feelings. I know as an adult and his mommy that he would never want to hurt me and that he is 5 and as children are, they are blunt and call like they see it. I then had to explain why he does not say things like that in a calm manner and told him that it can hurt someone's feelings etc. He understood and said sorry mommy. But I gotta be honest it made me feel awful inside. All I could think is, so this is what he see's when he looks at me. And its funny how kids know about fat and skinny so young. When we came home I really wanted to binge eat to make me feel better, but instead I am writing here. To help talk it out I guess lol.
How do you all stay motivated? I don't have an issue with the exercise part for me I really struggle with food. Eating under 2000 cals a day is a struggle for me and my cals are at 1850. My son saying that tonight made me want to try harder to be a good example for him. I have been on MFP for a while and have not lost a lot of weight, no excuses, just me eating too much.
I did feel for you as I read your posting, your little boy wasn't being malicious though as you know.
If anything, his comment should spur you on in itself. If you do not persevere, you will remain the way you are, but continue and every week, more pounds will come off and then within a few months you will be a lot lighter than you are now, you have already started by losing some pounds, just continue.
I haven't had what happened to you, happen to me, but what I have had is when walking in a shopping centre, suddenly catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and suddenly realize I need to shed a few pounds. Dang, comes to something when it is a shop window that is communicating with me though :noway:0 -
I have a few thoughts on this. One is to you and the other a learning time for our son.
To you:
You are doing great. Use this as motivation not a deflating thing. Get pissed off the the "i'll show you attitude". That made me start my weight loss. I got tired of hearing all my girlfriends talking about the 30 day cleanses, Advocare supplements etc., etc. just to lose a quick 8-10 lbs and gain it back. I decided to not say a word and eat right and exercise. I lost the weight and have kept it off. When I slip up, I have to remember the "I'll show you attitude" and how I don't want the talk behind my back of "see, she gained it all back".
Your son and learning:
Men are bombarded with skinny, model like images and this effects their thinking. Just like young girls, even guys think the only way to be is skinny. It is time to sit down with your son and have a talk about body image, comments in public and that "fat" people discrimination is the same as race and religion etc. discrimination. Nip this attitude when he is yourn.0 -
I truly want to thank you guys for your awesome comments and feedback. I felt like *hit when I wrote it but it did feel better to vent a little and then I did not eat and just went to bed. You are probably right about eating too much processed crap. I work for a company called M&M Meat Shops where we sell frozen meat and meals etc. Some stuff like meat is just that, but the rest is highly processed and full of sodium. I find it hard not to buy from there probably due to the fact that I get a discount and everything tastes good. But my hubby and I have agreed to stop buying the processed stuff from there. He is very supportive of me and will eat whatever I want to eat, so really its just me in my way. I will look up those skinny rules, as well as I just finished reading the Gabriel Method which was fairly insightful also. I will be slowly cutting back my cals this week until I reach my cal limit. And to be completely honest I really have to overhaul my pantry, having cookies and chocolate stare at you is not helpful either lol. I truly believe that food is like 80% because if it wasn't I would weigh less by now. Just got to eat healthier and continue on with exercise.
So my hubby and I had a talk with our son since I told him what happened. We had a sit down about just because someone is skinny it does not mean they are necessarily healthy. How he should never say that to anyone because people come in all forms and its whats on the inside that counts. He then asked me well how come all your family is skinny? Last week we went swimming with my two young sisters and my stepmom and dad and I come from a family of naturally thin fit people. And obviously I stand out to him. He said sorry again, like I said I know he didn't mean it in a mean way, it was just hard to hear from your child. But he seems to understand and hopefully he learned something from our sit down.
Thanks again everyone
You guys motivate me. And I really thought about why I want to reach my goals this morning and I have to remember why I am doing this when I want to reach for that extra serving. 0 -
Ouch
I have a 6yr old too and we have talked about being healthy and how people come in all shapes and sizes and colors.
I ask him if he will help me stay healthy and get even healthier, hes excited!
If we take a walk together, i make sure to tell him "thank you for helping me stay healthy, that was a really nice walk we did!". He is so proud now that he tells people he helps mom
I also make sure not to bring "skinny" into the picture. Its about health only.
Good luck to you! Feel free to add me for support or meal ideas. I DO look at others food logs daily.....fair warning , lol0 -
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I know that had to hurt. I remember when I was little, my mom would always talk about how fat she was (she wasn't) and how bad she looked in a swim suit (she didn't), so when I had kids, I banned the word "fat" from my house haha I have always tried to have a good body image in front of my boys, even if I didn't feel that way inside. Anyway, back to your question. 1800+ calories a day is a decent amount of calories. In my opinion, if you're not able to stay under it at this point, you're simply not motivated. This is nothing against you, we have all been there and we have all struggled with this. If you are not ready to lose weight, to give it your all, you simply will not lose it. You have the exercise portion down, now you just need to get your head in the game!!! You will feel hungry in the beginning (anytime you lower your calories, you're going to feel hungry- even if you're going from 4000 a day to 3500!!!). We all hit rock bottom and then finally say, "enough is enough!!!" Maybe this is that moment for you. You can use your son's comment to upset and cripple you, or you can use it to propel you into the future you want to have! It's up to you Best of luck to you!!!! 0
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Do you ever call yourself fat? Your son may just be repeating what he's heard you say. Kids that age are very honest and they aren't malicious with their honesty. I work with kids, and at my heaviest, a little girl said, look mommy, she's got a baby in her belly like you. I gain my weight in my belly, and the little girl was just being honest. I didn't say anything, because I knew the mom would be mortified if she knew I was simply obese.
You have to decide what you really want. We can all support you and feel your pain, but you have to make the decisions on what you put into your mouth. Do you value the food you love over your health and self image? You can still love food and love yourself, but you have to be ready and put the work in.0 -
That's the funny thing?? my hubby and I never use the word fat or skinny. For me it really is about health and feeling good in general. My son eats like crazy and he is very thin, I guess good metabolism. He knows I work out because he goes my gym's child care and when he asks why I tell him to be healthy its good for your heart. I didn't want him to know I was trying to lose weight, I was emphasizing healthy, that's probably why it took me so off guard. But what made me concerned also was he said he knows he's skinny, so I sure hope he is not calling anyone fat at school. We really tried to get to him last night about that and that its most important to be healthy etc.
And you all are right, I have no excuses, I am also a very blunt person. And if you want something bad enough, you make it happen. So even though I thought I wanted it bad enough, I guess deep down I really didn't, or I would of made it happen by now right. But I am taking many of your thoughts and tips today:) I am going to use yesterday as a motivation and really love myself enough not to fill me up with crap. Wishing you all great day!0 -
It hurts. But as others have said, negative feelings can be a strong source of motivation. When you are sitting on the couch and don't feel like exercising, remember what he said and how you feel now. Sometime when I am exercising or when I am about to make an unhealthy choice, I think of past comments about my weight that have hurt me, and it motivates me to make the right decision or push exercise a little harder. It is reality, we ARE overweight, and we can't sit around feeling sorry for ourselves. Good luck! 0
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You might try SparkRecipes.com or the SparkRecipes app. There are a ton of healthy recipes that show calories and nutrition along with reviews online from people who have tried the recipes. It also helps to make a menu for the week the night before you go to the grocery store. That way you have what you need and nothing more. There are some great desert recipes too. (I'm a sweets eater.) Or if you find yourself at the grocery store with no list just log in on your smart phone and go from there. Good luck!0
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That's the funny thing?? my hubby and I never use the word fat or skinny. For me it really is about health and feeling good in general. My son eats like crazy and he is very thin, I guess good metabolism. He knows I work out because he goes my gym's child care and when he asks why I tell him to be healthy its good for your heart. I didn't want him to know I was trying to lose weight, I was emphasizing healthy, that's probably why it took me so off guard. But what made me concerned also was he said he knows he's skinny, so I sure hope he is not calling anyone fat at school. We really tried to get to him last night about that and that its most important to be healthy etc.
And you all are right, I have no excuses, I am also a very blunt person. And if you want something bad enough, you make it happen. So even though I thought I wanted it bad enough, I guess deep down I really didn't, or I would of made it happen by now right. But I am taking many of your thoughts and tips today:) I am going to use yesterday as a motivation and really love myself enough not to fill me up with crap. Wishing you all great day!
Another thing about kids this age.... They are parrots. I've been told several things by kids whose parents would be mortified if they knew their children repeated, ask any Kindergarten or first grade teacher, lol. If your son is in the gym child care area, he is probably playing with children whose parents have commented that they are fat, out of shape, etc... Like another poster said, our society is bombarded with these types of messages. It sounds like you are teaching your son the right things.
I also want to say, I like your attitude. I love that you came and asked a question, read all the responses, and took them all into account. Look how much stronger and in charge of your health you sound in this post compared to your original post. A lot of times people ask a question and only take the responses that fits into their current mindset.
Here's to much success, I think you're going to have a lot!0 -
Try eating more whole foods and less processed foods, with whole foods you can eat more volume for less calories generally. Example, two medium apples fill you up a lot more than a serving of chips for the same ~140 calories. Also try eating 6 small meals instead of 3 large meals to avoid getting super hungry. You can add me if you want some meal/snack ideas 0
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I can so relate. I have a 5 year old son too but it was actually someone else's kid that said something to me today that hurt. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and met this kid today when visiting his mom and he said, "are you kind of bigger?" Just looking at me like I was a huge giant. I felt awful and his mom was embarrassed. One of my son's friends a few months ago started chanting "big fat lady" when he saw me:( I'm 5'6" and was about 200 lbs pre pregnancy. I also struggle with the calorie control. Add me if you would like!0
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I can so relate. I have a 5 year old son too but it was actually someone else's kid that said something to me today that hurt. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and met this kid today when visiting his mom and he said, "are you kind of bigger?" Just looking at me like I was a huge giant. I felt awful and his mom was embarrassed. One of my son's friends a few months ago started chanting "big fat lady" when he saw me:( I'm 5'6" and was about 200 lbs pre pregnancy. I also struggle with the calorie control. Add me if you would like!
That was very rude of him (the one calling you a big fat lady I meant) - do some parents not pull their kids up anymore when they are rude to adults?? God forbid if I was to have done something like that when I was little, my mum would have had my guts for garters!
The other kid, he is interested in your ongoing pregnancy by the sounds of it.
I remember when I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter back in the 80s, I had gone from 140lbs upto 196lbs and as I was walking along the high street my friend came out of a shop, stopped and shouted out really loudly, "OMG you are so fat!!!" She was mortified when she realized what she had just said, especially as people had stopped and stared at me, but I actually laughed because her face was a total picture of regret and I just couldn't help it, it was a wonder my bladder didn't give way LOL!
The fact is, you won't have that bump forever and it is not fat, it is a baby-bump - kids just don't understand 0 -
Very proud of you and your hubby for talking to your son!!!0
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