Working through jealousy...

Lauren_Ellison
Lauren_Ellison Posts: 25
in Motivation and Support
Hey all,

I have a bit of a problem that I've been struggling with on here. Most of my friends are doing so amazing, they are working hard and getting results. I am so proud of them for all of this, but sometimes I struggle with believability or feeling like my face is being rubbed into it. I know that is just a silly feeling that I have to work through because of problems within myself. Basically, I know what's going on in my head...

I am woman enough to admit part, if not most, of my problem maybe stems from a jealousy issue. My weight loss is super slow, it's going to remain super slow bc it is just a bit harder for me to lose weight. It's not fair of me to covet others' results. Now, trust me... I NEVER say anything about these feelings. My mama taught me better than to voice jealousy (other than this here call for help in dealing with it) so, I don't have to worry about that... But it is something I struggle with and it makes me look at myself and my results more negatively. And that is not good.

I don't want to be an *kitten*, because I am so happy for others' losses... I just need to find a way to deal with it.

What do you do to help get rid of uglier feelings? How do you stay motivated and help others do the same??

Replies

  • Lalasharni
    Lalasharni Posts: 353 Member
    Forgive the bluntness of this reply, but you need to hear this. Yep - you got it right - jealousy - but at least you admit to it. does it spill over into other parts of your life? Friend's clothes, cars, men, acquistions etc ? If the answer is honestly "yes" then you need to take some action. You are young, from your pic, very pretty, and I dont see what you have to be jealous of. A lot of us here are extremely obese, struggling and dont have the pretty face to add to our self-confidence. We need that day to day motivation from our buddies otherwise we would crash and burn, and for the most part, we struggle each and every day. Every ounce lost is a triumph and I like to think that we are accountable and (for the most part) truthful in what we log - by cheating others with untruths, we only cheat ourselves and that makes no sense at all.
    Those negatiive feelings of yours are present in all of us when we see super huge weight losses and they are backed up with photographs - so we KNOW that we are all succeeding. However, none of us would ever put voice to any negativity, because that is not what everyone or anyone needs.
    The truth is, that you only get, by giving. You only have a happy life when you can put selfishness aside.
    Get some work done on that jealous side of you and make your spirit as beautiful as your picture.
    good luck with your journey, and these comments are only made in the aspect of friendship.
  • katinachaos
    katinachaos Posts: 90 Member
    Jealous thoughts happen. If you're not taking it out on other people and you recognize they aren't really rational thoughts, I think it's pretty normal. If I see someone eat crap during the day and then have their ticker say that they were under their calorie goal, I just don't comment. I might think "Yea, right!" in my head, but as long as they are happy doing what they are doing, then I just shut up about it. In the end, I'm still getting healthier, and maybe they are too, but that's not my concern here.
  • srrose15
    srrose15 Posts: 104 Member
    I lose weight slower too because I have PCOS and where it took me 4 months to lose 10 pounds most people can do in a month - I understand where you are coming from - I am going to send you a message to let you know how I deal with it - I don't want to put it on the board becuse I don't need people trying to tell me how to handle my feelings:)
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    I think most people who are on here, are doing it to have genuine results. So therefore, what they log in their diaries are what really happened that day. I'm sure there are people who falsify their logs, who omit some foods from their diaries so that it appears that they ate better that day than the reality. But why would they do that? To fool themselves into thinking they did better? That won't help them. To fool others into thinking they're doing a great job of it? That won't help them, either. Anyone who doctors their diary for the sake of appearing better in the eyes of other people, has a great deal more serious problems than your bit of jealousy. Your jealousy is misplaced. They are they, and you are you. If you're looking at other people's diaries, do it with the intention of gaining new ideas for meals, or learning how others space out their calories over the whole day. Don't think of it as a competition. The only diary that really matters is your own.
  • Lauren_Ellison
    Lauren_Ellison Posts: 25
    Thank you all for your replies.

    As for the first responder: I fear you judge me a little too harshly. No, I do not struggle with jealousy of other things. As I said above, it is a feeling that I get just from time to time dealing with this site alone. I acknoledge it is a small jealousy problem and that it is not a good thing. That is why I am here asking others what they do. Just telling me I am wrong for being jealous and others are doing great, and that I need to work on my jealousy doesn't help. Obviously, I know this since I am asking for others' advice.

    Please excuse this reply if it sounds short or anything of the like, and thank you for your reply.

    To others, thanks again. I really appreciate the email, and the other replies. I need to find healthy ways of getting involved and focus on my journey. It helps to hear I am not the only one who has moments of feeling down when you don't get the same results as others. :)
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    never judge what you are doing with others. whether it is the same exact routine or same eating habits. everyone is different. they may slow down in a bit while your body kickstarts. or it could stay this way longer.

    but the more you judge your progress against others the more likely you are going to fail
  • meredith1123
    meredith1123 Posts: 843 Member
    You are your own success story. Do not compare your success with others success.
    A tid bit of jealousy is very normal. I think we all feel that way, even after losing weight. you're not acting up on it ,and that's the key here. I think you should use other's weight loss as your motivation. Worry less about jealousy, change your thoughts immediately when you become jealous into something that is motivating. THen maybe, you'll feel better about things.
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    If I have feelings about someone else that are similar to jealousy or loathing, I make a point of changing it around immediately. For example, if someone does something hurtful to me, I look for a way that I can be grateful for the situation. For example, I may be grateful for the opportunity to learn to assert myself. In the case of jealousy it's much easier. I focus on their success, put myself in their shoes, and feel genuinely excited and pleased for them. Also keep in mind that even people whose success you covet have insecurities. Practice empathy, love, and feeling really glad for other people's success. At first it takes practice, then the practice comes naturally:)
  • Mosley35
    Mosley35 Posts: 31 Member
    I think your jealousy is normal and you just need to your that jealousy to motivate you to stay on track and continue until the next person is secretly jealous of you. I think it is pefectly normal.
  • MSam1205
    MSam1205 Posts: 439 Member
    :noway: Had one of those moments the other day, and it showed in my diary and my comments. It happens, then the sun comes out and it's a new day and I force myself to refocus and get back on plan. We all lose at different rates, just like we all have our own baggage to deal with. Some of us hide it better than others.

    It doesn't take long before you can tell which folks are workng hard, struggling, or just faking it. . Supporing those who struggle, along with those who are winning can be motivating for ourselves as well as for them. Those that are faking it will eventually dissapear...

    Sometimes you even find a core group of MFP friends that go the distance for each other, thru good times and bad. Stick with and you'll see what I mean!!:bigsmile:
  • SpazQ
    SpazQ Posts: 104
    Girl, look at yourself in the mirror every single day and tell yourself that you are awesome.
    Embrace the successes, no matter how small.
  • Lauren_Ellison
    Lauren_Ellison Posts: 25
    You are all so awesome!! Thanks for the advice!! I actually tried some of what others are talking about this morning. I have a friend who is loosing like a champ and she is busting her butt! I talked to her about the feelings I get and she also gave me some good advice. I asked if I could join her daily walk, because it seems to be helping her journey so much and she welcomed the addition of my feet next to hers. She made a good point that if you find yourself jealous of someone else's results, asking them to join or for advice is really a good way to join in and vanquish that bad feeling.

    I really appreciate the responses!! If nothing else, it shows me that I am not a monster and am not alone in having these feelings sometimes. :)
  • andiroot
    andiroot Posts: 43
    Thank you all for your replies.

    As for the first responder: I fear you judge me a little too harshly. No, I do not struggle with jealousy of other things. As I said above, it is a feeling that I get just from time to time dealing with this site alone. I acknoledge it is a small jealousy problem and that it is not a good thing. That is why I am here asking others what they do. Just telling me I am wrong for being jealous and others are doing great, and that I need to work on my jealousy doesn't help. Obviously, I know this since I am asking for others' advice.

    Please excuse this reply if it sounds short or anything of the like, and thank you for your reply.

    To others, thanks again. I really appreciate the email, and the other replies. I need to find healthy ways of getting involved and focus on my journey. It helps to hear I am not the only one who has moments of feeling down when you don't get the same results as others. :)

    plus it seems like she just replied with passive aggressive jealous about your pretty face. advice is how we all learn and owning up to the jealousy is big. good for you. i'm bitter daily that my boyfriend eats like a machine and is losing weight twice as fast as I am, but be cause hes mine I can tell him i'm bitter about it. hahaha
  • gensteele1
    gensteele1 Posts: 60 Member
    Wow, I could have written this post myself. I think its only human nature to feel jealously at any given time. I too feel that while I may be working harder then some, why are they doing better...why not me??? That it in itself creates negativity which in turn will affect how you continue to wait for results. Stress causes a rise in cortisol which is responsible for fat production (and retention for that matter). I just tell myself, "my day is coming" and to just take it slowly. Everyday is a challenge but it is also its own reward. You have made it through another day and wish to continue towards success. Try not to compare yourself to others and focus on what you are doing. You have made it this far and there's no telling where you will go.

    Good luck and keep it up! :-)
  • lorcart
    lorcart Posts: 406 Member
    I'm HORRIBLE about this. And I don't always contain it like you! lol It's just very frustrating and it's so easy for me to think WTH? I've worked my butt off and they give up a beer and a potato chip and lose 20 lbs! Ugh! lol Right now I have no words of advice because I'm struggling with it HORRIBLY right now. Just wanted you to know you're not alone and at least you keep it to yourself! lol Lucky you!
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    .
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    You are all so awesome!! Thanks for the advice!! I actually tried some of what others are talking about this morning. I have a friend who is loosing like a champ and she is busting her butt! I talked to her about the feelings I get and she also gave me some good advice. I asked if I could join her daily walk, because it seems to be helping her journey so much and she welcomed the addition of my feet next to hers. She made a good point that if you find yourself jealous of someone else's results, asking them to join or for advice is really a good way to join in and vanquish that bad feeling.

    I really appreciate the responses!! If nothing else, it shows me that I am not a monster and am not alone in having these feelings sometimes. :)

    I have to tell you....I've very impressed and proud of you for jumping up and taking action to make a change. So many people ask for advice and then do nothing but continue to complain. You've gone well beyond just thinking about it. I think your act to talk to and physically join your friend is a fantastic step in a very positive direction. Well done!
  • reevesml
    reevesml Posts: 6 Member
    I agree it is awesome that you talked to your friend and are now joining her. I think it is completely normal to get that jealous bug! The best way to use it is to have it as motivation. That is what I am doing! My sister has lost 40 pounds to my 18. But like another responder I have PCOS so it is just something I have to deal with. But keep up the good work you are beautiful, and remember as long as it doesn't deter you from reaching your goal use that jealous! Good luck on your journey! :wink:
  • RM10003
    RM10003 Posts: 316 Member
    Just another voice chiming in to say good for you for talking to your friend about it and joining her in her walks! I know that we all lose weight differently, but if I see someone whose results are much better than mine, I figure they must be doing something that I am not, either because I haven't thought to do it or because I don't want to. (Example: I will never low carb, I would just be too miserable doing it.) So good for you in choosing to make it a "learning moment".

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