I'm the only one trying to get healthy
evw123
Posts: 29
Does anyone have any tips on how to get my friends and family on board with eating at least a little better??? It's hard to be around skinny friends who can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. Not to mention that my entire extended and immediate family is either overweight or obese, and none of them really take health seriously, so at family gatherings I don't really have any options. My parents, as much as I love them to death for everything they do for me, resort to instant meals and fast food almost every night at supper to save time, and I as an 18 year old full time student and employee do not have any time or means to prepare my own meals. 
***I do want to stress that I don't want to force anyone to do anything they don't want to, and I am fine with not following the crowd and eating better in their presence. I just wish that my family would understand that this is important to me, but they make fun of my for eating an apple while they eat cake and telling me that "it's in my genes to be fat, just look a the rest of the family". Not to mention the fact that we got cousins and other extended family dropping dead of heart attacks a couple times a year, and I would do anything to prevent that from happening anymore.
***Also, since I think some of you don't quite understand what I mean by not being able to get my own food. I don't have a license yet, I live in a small town with no transit services, and all of the money I make at work goes to tuition for my degree, so I don't have the time or money to make meals, I usually don't get home from class until everyone else is eating already. You would be shocked by my pantry, I'd say about 10% of it could be prepared in a healthy way.
***I do want to stress that I don't want to force anyone to do anything they don't want to, and I am fine with not following the crowd and eating better in their presence. I just wish that my family would understand that this is important to me, but they make fun of my for eating an apple while they eat cake and telling me that "it's in my genes to be fat, just look a the rest of the family". Not to mention the fact that we got cousins and other extended family dropping dead of heart attacks a couple times a year, and I would do anything to prevent that from happening anymore.
***Also, since I think some of you don't quite understand what I mean by not being able to get my own food. I don't have a license yet, I live in a small town with no transit services, and all of the money I make at work goes to tuition for my degree, so I don't have the time or money to make meals, I usually don't get home from class until everyone else is eating already. You would be shocked by my pantry, I'd say about 10% of it could be prepared in a healthy way.
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Replies
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Bring your own food and don't try and make your personal health and fitness goals anyone else's burden. My opinion.0
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If you build it, they will come.0
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Unfortunately you can't make others around you care about their eating... and you do have to get used to being around people who don't eat healthy as well as being around unhealthy foods.
For your family, can you see if your parents will let you make dinner? You can therefore get a healthy meal and they wouldn't have to cook. Or order something relatively healthy when eating out?
You have to make time and find a way to prepare your own meals if you really don't want to eat out.0 -
Get a note from your doctor that says if you don't get healthy, you'll die. It's true.0
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Nope. If they want to do it they will. If they don't they won't. Lead by example.0
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Congratulations on your weight loss. You should be proud of yourself.
I understand that preparing your own meals would be hard for you. Unfortunately, it is a key element for success.
Try to be a "living example" of "Healthy Living". Do not try to "convert" your family and friends to your chosen lifestyle. You will create antibodies.
They will have to undertake their own journey.
Some will never start. let them be.
You can not resolve world hunger nor boil the ocean. Focus on your own healthy journey.
Good luck in your journey0 -
There's really no way to get other people on board aside from doing your thing and setting a good example. Maybe you could eat part of what they prepare and only buy enough food to supplement (like buy some veggies to make yourself a salad to go with whatever the main course is).
Also, you should reconsider your assessment of your friends who can "eat anything they want and not gain a pound." Now that I'm thin I get told that sort of thing all the time: "it's easy for you, you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight." They seem to forget that I used to be 45 lbs heavier, and that I count every calorie even now. You're probably just not seeing the exercise they do, or that the meal you see them eat is the main thing they eat that day.0 -
People are their own person. If they want to change, they will. it's not your place to press your ideas, beliefs, etc on them.0
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If I had a way to get my own food I would. I live in a small town with no transit and I don't have a car. And my intention was never to "burden" anyone, I'm just trying to encourage them to eat healthier before they drop dead like the rest of my family. It's not about being fit versus fat, in my hometown it's about life or death.0
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Unfortunately you can't make others around you care about their eating... and you do have to get used to being around people who don't eat healthy as well as being around unhealthy foods.
For your family, can you see if your parents will let you make dinner? You can therefore get a healthy meal and they wouldn't have to cook. Or order something relatively healthy when eating out?
You have to make time and find a way to prepare your own meals if you really don't want to eat out.
^^ What they said is pretty much what I was going to say.
The only thing I will add is I kind of know how you are feeling, my finace can eat anything he wants and not put on weight. He basically eats junk all the time. You cannot force them to change, however by you changing your own lifestyle, this will influence them to eat better (They may even be inspired to lose weight themselves once they start seeing how committed you are to this)
Good luck
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I understand: I don't drive and have no bus etc., and so if my partner didn't take me to get food at times, there would be nothing. At least though I don't have someone else cooking and then being snarky at me. It seems so difficult for you since it almost seems very us-against-them feeling, with you on one side and 'tradition, family, the way we always did it, and nation and way of life' on the other. I find that being as unconfrontational as possible helps people to feel not-attacked, so then they don't have to attack or defend their stupid choices to the death, but if you are stuck in the same house, sitting at the same table, it's very hard. My sympathies to you!0
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You're between a rock and a hard place - as they say. When they order out, opt for the salad with chicken breast - dressing on the side. When they're making prepackaged stuff, limit the portions you eat until you can start going to the grocery store with whoever does the shopping in your house. Go along and try to have a little influence on what goes into the cart. Even if you have to use a little of your own money to buy some more sensible food, it might be worth it in the long run.
Best wishes! You can't change them, but you can coexist if you work at it.0 -
Surely your mum/dad would do some grocery shopping? And they would make some sort of list before they go out to the shop?
Why dont you write a list of groceries you need and get them to buy them?
Considering they're providing the bought meals for you, then surely they'd provide the groceries? Making your own meal is a much cheaper option than buying food.
Do u get home late every night? Or is there time on Sunday evening when you could do your cooking and have meals prepared in the fridge?
All you need to do is some serious planning. Once the planning is done, things are much easier.0 -
I've lived in a similar situation before and it seems like there's not a lot you can do but try your best anyways. Can you walk to the store? A couple trips a week for some healthier options for yourself might be helpful. Plus the walk counts as exercise! Or a bike, maybe?0
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I would try taking less classes so I can have a little money to buy my own food. If not, you might not be healthy enough to finish school. We all know a bad diet can lead to death. Make the necessary sacrifices. Good luck Hun.0
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I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.
The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.
I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.
To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.0 -
I understand: I don't drive and have no bus etc., and so if my partner didn't take me to get food at times, there would be nothing. At least though I don't have someone else cooking and then being snarky at me. It seems so difficult for you since it almost seems very us-against-them feeling, with you on one side and 'tradition, family, the way we always did it, and nation and way of life' on the other. I find that being as unconfrontational as possible helps people to feel not-attacked, so then they don't have to attack or defend their stupid choices to the death, but if you are stuck in the same house, sitting at the same table, it's very hard. My sympathies to you!
Thank you very much! You seem to understand my point in the situation, and I appreciate it greatly All I want is some support from people who understand that I don't have healthy food and a gym at my disposal. I didn't mention in my original post that I also have a back injury from an accident, so I can only exercise for 2 hours moderately every two days, which I do religiously! 0 -
I would try taking less classes so I can have a little money to buy my own food. If not, you might not be healthy enough to finish school. We all know a bad diet can lead to death. Make the necessary sacrifices. Good luck Hun.
Unfortunately since I'm in a Faculty program I have to complete a minimum number of courses each term, or else I risk being expelled from the Faculty. Still, a great suggestion! It just doesn't work for me unfortunately.0 -
How do you get to work, a ride with someone? Can they take you to the store a few times? Can you buy a used bike?
I'm an older person, but I'm in college, too. You should be able to get some grants, scholarships, etc. that will help you out financially. Have you talked to your college's financial office to be sure you are receiving everything you're entitled to receive?
My diet is dirt cheap, mostly brown rice, lentils, and vegetables. I bought an inexpensive rice cooker, cook lentils ($1.20 a bag which makes about 4 meals), and the cost of the vegetables. It's not an exciting diet, but it's healthy, I'm never hungry, and I'm losing weight. You can look at my food diary for ideas.
Good luck!0 -
I've lived in a similar situation before and it seems like there's not a lot you can do but try your best anyways. Can you walk to the store? A couple trips a week for some healthier options for yourself might be helpful. Plus the walk counts as exercise! Or a bike, maybe?
That's a good suggestion! The only store within walking distance is a convenience store, but we do get our bread, milk and newspapers there. I could offer to go there rather than having my parents drive!
By the way, I really appreciate you actually suggesting something feasible 0 -
I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.
The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.
I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.
To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.
I hope I didn't come off as rude!
When I lived with my mom (in a small rural area with a small grocery store and no gym) she provided very unhealthy meals and snacks and was also an alcoholic. I tried for a long time to help her become healthier but even having cancer didn't change her mind. Unfortunately this is a truth in life, that you cannot help others change when they aren't willing to start from within first. It's that way with unhealthy eaters, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc, etc.
That may not be what you want to hear, but know that I am supportive of you because YOU are the one who has the mindset to lead a healthier life.0 -
There's really no way to get other people on board aside from doing your thing and setting a good example. Maybe you could eat part of what they prepare and only buy enough food to supplement (like buy some veggies to make yourself a salad to go with whatever the main course is).
Also, you should reconsider your assessment of your friends who can "eat anything they want and not gain a pound." Now that I'm thin I get told that sort of thing all the time: "it's easy for you, you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight." They seem to forget that I used to be 45 lbs heavier, and that I count every calorie even now. You're probably just not seeing the exercise they do, or that the meal you see them eat is the main thing they eat that day.
^^ This. If all you have is what is in the house then pick and choose and eat less.0 -
I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.
The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.
I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.
To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.
Try talking to them, but if that doesn't work just do your best to fit whatever they're fixing into your calorie goal. It may be more difficult if what they're choosing is calorie dense but not good for satiety (like fast food). When/if you talk to them try to be as nonconfrontational as possible. Make it about you, not about them.0 -
How do you get to work, a ride with someone? Can they take you to the store a few times? Can you buy a used bike?
I'm an older person, but I'm in college, too. You should be able to get some grants, scholarships, etc. that will help you out financially. Have you talked to your college's financial office to be sure you are receiving everything you're entitled to receive?
My diet is dirt cheap, mostly brown rice, lentils, and vegetables. I bought an inexpensive rice cooker, cook lentils ($1.20 a bag which makes about 4 meals), and the cost of the vegetables. It's not an exciting diet, but it's healthy, I'm never hungry, and I'm losing weight. You can look at my food diary for ideas.
Good luck!
Thanks for the response! I drive to work and school because both of them are a 50 minute drive from where I live, and I drive with my mom since she works at the university. I have received some scholarships thankfully, which is subsidizing my costs already, but school and books have become soooo expensive that it only covers a fraction of it and I'm really avoiding having student debt after my degree. I will take a look at your food diary, thanks!0 -
You have classmates and teachers, use any remaining funds you have (or take out a small student loan) and ask the ones that would be willing to hit a grocery store for you.
I'm sorry, but by the sounds of your family, as you described them, they may never have that "I better change my ways" epiphany.0 -
I don't understand how I'm supposed to 'lead by example' if I literally don't have healthy food available to me. I REALLY need to emphasize that I live in a RURAL town with no transit, gyms, grocery stores. I exercise as much as my physiotherapist allows, and I eat as well as I can with what I have at my disposal. My parents actually won't let me cook believe or not, they get extremely insulted when I ask.
The point of me starting this topic was to see if anyone had any suggestions. I never said I wanted to "convert" or "burden" anyone, just to encourage my family who are DYING as a result of the issue. And all I've gotten in response is to basically stop "whining" about it and worry about myself.
I'm sorry, but I though MFP was supposed to be for us to support each other. I'm not in the best situation ever to lose weight, and certainly not in the worst situation either, and I'm CERTAINLY not on here to complain about it. I just felt i should post all of the obstacles I'm facing because I want to get past it and lose weight and figured that others who are losing weight may be able to offer some advice. I assumed this was a place where I could lay it all out there and get some meaningful advice on how to overcome it.
To those of you who responded encouragingly, I appreciate it incredibly, especially after some of the other comments I've gotten back that were inconsiderate and rude.
I hope I didn't come off as rude!
When I lived with my mom (in a small rural area with a small grocery store and no gym) she provided very unhealthy meals and snacks and was also an alcoholic. I tried for a long time to help her become healthier but even having cancer didn't change her mind. Unfortunately this is a truth in life, that you cannot help others change when they aren't willing to start from within first. It's that way with unhealthy eaters, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc, etc.
That may not be what you want to hear, but know that I am supportive of you because YOU are the one who has the mindset to lead a healthier life.
Don't worry you didn't come off as rude! 0 -
I've always had to go it alone and if I want to eat healthier than my family, I have to buy and prep my own food myself. I work two jobs and make time to food prep, I'm sure you can, too. If you wanna get healthy, that's great! But don't expect everyone else to suddenly change their ways to suit your needs.0
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There's really no way to get other people on board aside from doing your thing and setting a good example. Maybe you could eat part of what they prepare and only buy enough food to supplement (like buy some veggies to make yourself a salad to go with whatever the main course is).
Also, you should reconsider your assessment of your friends who can "eat anything they want and not gain a pound." Now that I'm thin I get told that sort of thing all the time: "it's easy for you, you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight." They seem to forget that I used to be 45 lbs heavier, and that I count every calorie even now. You're probably just not seeing the exercise they do, or that the meal you see them eat is the main thing they eat that day.
^^ This. If all you have is what is in the house then pick and choose and eat less.
I do eat less, I only eat when I'm really hungry. Sorry, but it's not as simple as that. And I never said I think all skinny people eat what they want and never gain a pound. I said that a few of my friends do. And trust me, I'm close enough to them to know that they actually do eat enough for three people and never exercise haha! I don't judge them for it, I still love them for who they are, it just means that at social gatherings the only food there is junk. Again, small town. Everyone knows everyone incredibly well. I also live on an island, so getting veggies at the store is a rarity.0 -
It sounds like you have two problems -- one is that you have a very hard time getting things that are good for you to eat, and the other is that you are not getting what I'd call "moral support".
I'm afraid I can't help you with the second issue, except to say that you can change how you process it (because you can't change how other people talk, think or act).
The first problem actually does have some solutions.
Walmart ships free if you buy over $45 worth of stuff. You can buy a massive 26 pound tub of brown rice for less than $30. You can buy 6 pounds of steel cut oats or dried kidney beans for less than $15. And all kinds of other things in semi-bulk (green tea bags, etc). And no, you can't live on these things, but they would go a long way toward helping you make so-so meals healthier. Little bit of cash is required, but the stuff would last you a long time.
If you are in a faculty program at college, do you have a meal plan? Can you get one?
If you live in a rural area, can you grow a garden? Are there places nearby where you could buy produce, even if only in summer?
Are there additional student loans available to you? Even an additional $1000 a year would provide enough for you to get some of these basic staples shipped to you every month.0 -
I've always had to go it alone and if I want to eat healthier than my family, I have to buy and prep my own food myself. I work two jobs and make time to food prep, I'm sure you can, too. If you wanna get healthy, that's great! But don't expect everyone else to suddenly change their ways to suit your needs.
Although I understand where you're coming from, I think you missed a couple key points in my original statement. I don't have the means to buy or prep my own food. And I also explained that I don't expect everyone else to suddenly change just to "suit me." I'm not self-centered like that. I just threw my situation out there hoping for some solid suggestions to help out and to encourage - key word ENCOURAGE - the people I love to do the same which could potentially prevent them from dying young.0
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