sick of my reflection neck down

well my story's not so bad
im not overly big but im not small although im maybe average size im still odd shaped and have mussel damage
im hoping to lose a bit so i can feel better about my body in a dress seems every time i wear one my belly pops out like im having a child
im happy with my back line no real drastic bumps their although my butt could drop a size or two im not really bothered about what follows me i am doing this for me no one else thats how its always been
but its hard to do it for you the same question pops up in my head
if its just for me ,and i really don't care what people think about me then why bother ??
then i think that maybe i do care what others think or i really would just let myself go ,then i remember that its really for me as i was so sick of wearing flower prints and strips across my bigger zone turning me into a hepherlump both deigns i have never liked , and well lets say lace doesn't look very good with rolls flowing over or under neath the soft delicate look of it
so im thinking its time again i lost some more
yes ive been here before ,last time i had no help i did it all alone i went from a size 28 to a size 12/14 i go up and down due to my irregular eating habits its really hard to stay motivated for me so i tend to just sloth around and so thats my probblem
i never was like this but i find as i get older and as i dont know anyone whom is interested in going out and about walking or just enjoying the out doors at all rather home bound as i dislike going places alone , it has always been that way but as things get worse in the world so does my hermit habits i would never walk at night like i use to or early morn to get first in line at bakery as i once did so basically thats my morn and night fitness plan gone
its been 3 years like that now
i have held a weight of 11 1/2 to 12 stone for these three years way better than my size 28but im slowly realizing that time is catching and if i don't get out a bit more and do something then i will in no time become the floral gal i really loath
i don't have support so decided to join you guys and see how i progress
if i do it im going to be so more confident as once i can wear a dress with out asking when im due i think i may leave it more often
sure i can hold it all in with thick elastic pantyhose and all slacks look good with a shirt but im older i want to shine my femininity as ive for so long been the boyish gal look
i want my true beautie to be seen not just by me but by others to this time , and not to say look at myee im talking inside beautie as im so in confident at the now that nobody sees me all they see is my shell and truly i don't like being a hermit crab i want to shine brightly from inward out
and i think this is the way to build my self esteem looking better for myself i will be able to be myself
wish me luck im going to need it as food to me is what livings about good food and good people