Weight loss thoughts

Goddessmaker1
Goddessmaker1 Posts: 114 Member
in Motivation and Support
I know I shouldn't be writing this for the world to see but I wonder if I'm alone in my thoughts.

It's been a little over a year since I lose any weight. Now a year later I have gained quite a bit back. It's soo embarrassing.I'm not depressed at all, which is weird because I have been the happiest I have ever been in my entire 27 years on earth. I don't desire to go to the gym as it hit me in the shower: I don't feel motivated because I'm no longer getting any results. I use to hit the gym in 11 like no one's biz. I would push myself sick or whatever. Now I can't even be bothered. I use to be able to eat 1300 cal a day and be ok with being hungry or whatever. Now I feel faint when I get too hungry and I get a bit irritated. My diary is open for the world to see so no hiding.

I want to be ok if I never get to 150,170 or even 200lbs. The scale is a ugly word. I was actually lower before on the scale last year when i wasn't working out. When I began to workout again I stalled or went up. I was around 252 in Dec now I'm 272. 20lbs. I did take a psyc med for 4 months this year and I do know at times those things can cause problems as it did.

I don't want to be a fat hippo anymore. I know it won't be overnight,I know I have to run my own race and I know I have to try. I know all the cutesy wordings, I read them all day esp while on Instragram. I see all the hard bodies, the bodies every one worships. I want to be happy and be ok with me being happy at my size. I have soo much energy but as soon as it gets time for the gym it's like whatever. I don't need to see others all nice and fit while I chug away and still get no results.

I thought about doing a program but I really am unsure. I don't want to pay too much more money into weight loss. Gym fees,Bodybugg fees,healthier foods etc have definitely been costly. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for eating healthier as I love the way it feels. Choking down a green smoothie is icky but the aftermath is awesome. Just need to get this off my chest before I hit the sack. I pray for some insight.

Replies

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Reflect and see what really is driving you to gain weight back or make the unhealthy choices. Fact is, anyone can lose weight, and many can do it quickly, but that quick resolve is usually lost just as quickly because the ultimate goal is just the weight loss. It should be to be healthy and maintain healthier choices more often than not.

    So look at your lifetime plan, not what you can do in the next week, month, or year. How will you really change your life for the better where you health is concerned?

    Good luck. It is the roller coaster most of us are on. The good news is, with each iteration of the cycle, we learn more and can apply it to help curb the swings fro healthy to unhealthy. Or at least minimize the damage and give our self a quicker intervention to not let it go too long.
  • Seahawk27
    Seahawk27 Posts: 72
    Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! I can always use more friends if you'd like the support as well!
  • NoelleS85
    NoelleS85 Posts: 89
    I think you first need to be completely honest with yourself. First you say "I have been the happiest I have ever been in my entire 27 years on earth." and then I read "I want to be happy and be ok with me being happy at my size." - so what is it? Are you happy, or are you not happy with where you are?

    I used to be your weight and I told myself so many times I am happy, but when I really looked at myself or caught my reflection, I was disgusted. Not just because of how I looked, but because of how I felt. Sluggish, tired, exhausted, huge. I was sick and tired of 1. dragging all that weight around and 2. not having the energy to drag myself around.

    My focus is not on weight loss because working out and being in shape does more for me than losing 10, 25, 50 or even 100 lbs. I think you need reevaluate where you are. Reflect and see what you really want.

    You can't be bothered to go to the gym, you get annoyed when you are hungry, yet you don't feel good right now. Do the math. We can all make excuses, but do you want to feel and be healthy enough to work for it? Only you can answer that.
  • lambchoplewis
    lambchoplewis Posts: 797
    I think just writing this is going to get you to the place you want to be. Re-motivated to lose the weight. I agree that you sound confused about when and why you are happy. I continue to maintain but if I start to gain, I try to think back to the motivation that made me lose in the first place. Think back and grab the motivation. Don't over do and go crazy with low cals and gym routines, just get started.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    I think you are beautiful. In looking over your pictures it is clear you have made a lot of progress. I don't know if the scale is an accurate picture of what is going on with your body. Motivation is always tough. I could never get motivated by the scale because it never really shows my progress and much like you I get totally frustrated and apathetic. There is only so much time you can spend not seeing any results and still keep chugging along. For me what works is non-scale motivation. And I'm all about short-term gratification, so I don't pick a goal that is more than 90 days away. And I usually make them activity based. For instance, I'm about mid-way through P90X. My May/June/July goal was just to get through the program putting 100% honest effort into every workout and not missing more than 10 workouts in 90 days. I supposed I could go for not missing any, but with my work hours and kids I consider that unrealistic. After that I'll probably do a month of dance. I have 2 ballet DVDs and about 6 bellydance DVDs and a hip-hop DVD, so I'll figure up a schedule for August and my goal will be to do the workout witout missing more than probably 3. It works for me becasue I feel fantastic when I can look back at that workout schedule and see every one I did marked off. It doesn't matter if I see any change in the scale, I know it's making me healthier and I can see the change in how I look. Most recently I lost my muffin top - it no longer hangs over my jeans when I stand up...it's been a companion for more than a decade and I didn't even see it leaving, but it's gone and yet the scale still hasn't really budged...about 3 pounds in 3 years...not enough that I would be able to use that as motivation.

    So, I guess when you get right down to it my advice to you is find something else to motivate you - because obviously the scale is not working as motivation. And maybe exercise will work, maybe it won't, you have nothing to lose by trying something different. MFP is full of ideas for motivation, try a few of them until something clicks for you.
  • Goddessmaker1
    Goddessmaker1 Posts: 114 Member
    Thank you all for responding. I wasn't going to come back to read but I needed to. I'm the most energized I have ever been. I use to be soo sluggish and tired all the time. Now I'm alot perkier. I'm happy but not happy about weight. I think for me I think I have to have it all to be happy but part of me is like you have come so far in other areas of life and God has be so good to me that I can't not not be happy. I am just very displeased. I'm a goal hunter. So for me I feel bad because I haven't met my goal as of yet.I started this month thinking I will just give myself 2 years to lose this 100lbs. I wanted to be fir and trim by 30. I want alot of things career change,relationships,etc and I feel being skinny will be the icing on the cake. I get pulled by society view point and God's view point. I'm not a heaping junk in God's eyes but to the world I am. It's a hard transition.
  • welly5
    welly5 Posts: 293 Member
    I really didn't workout for the first half of my weight loss because of a back injury. And then when I started it was really slow.. I've only started focusing on fitness for this last part and I do it because I love it.

    You don't need to workout to lose weight, and if working out makes you unhappy at the moment, then don't do it! In the future you might change your mind, but if going to the gym makes you want to give up then I'd strongly suggest that you don't go. My friend lost over 75 pounds without hitting the gym because its food choices that make the difference.

    I totally agree that you have to be happy with yourself along the way at every stage. I mean, you're with yourself 24/7 and who wants to hang out with someone that they can't stand?
  • FrancesGallagher
    FrancesGallagher Posts: 88 Member
    It does sound, from your writing, that you are trying to heap all the things on at one time. There is no need of setting a goal of a large number of pounds by this year's end or all of next year. Let those long term ideas go and get with the program of today. One day at a time toward a healthy you. Try to eat the kind of foods that your body needs to function in a healthy way. Have a system to how you do things. You do not have to be at a gym at all if that stresses you. You can take a walk every day and increase your time with that. You can do exercises right in your home. Think positively toward a healthy you; any walk begins with the first step and this can be your motto. God bless you and keep you looking forward in faith.
  • symonspatrick
    symonspatrick Posts: 213 Member
    Weight loss happens in the kitchen. Fitness happens in the gym. It does not cost more money to eat less calories. Mfp is free and you can keep track of how many calories you are eating and drinking. God does love you no matter what your weight is, your friends and family love you no matter what your weight is. The problem is you do not love yourself no matter what your weight is. You can get to whatever weight you want to be just by cutting calories. I know that you can do this.

Categories