Driving Myself A Little Crazy...

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  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Thanks again you guys! I really appreciate the feedback from both men and women. I actually feel quite a bit better- I think I needed some perspective. And the advice is great too- I'm definitely planning on keeping up with Curves- I love their program and it's been working. That's what I need to remind myself- regardless of what anyone else is or isn't doing, it IS working!

    And yes, I'm very lucky to have such a great guy :smile:
  • zornig
    zornig Posts: 336 Member
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    OP, sorry for the double post, but two things I forgot:

    (1) I love that you appear to have a solid relationship with your husband and are supportive. It's truly wonderful to see.

    (2) When he comments about being fat, he is very likely ONLY talking about himself. Many men (not all) are really bad about seeing how our self criticism comes off to others, and particularly how calling ourselves fat can sound to our wives. I know this is a bit of a stereotype but men, in general, just are not as verbally aware as women and we are far more direct, blunt, whatever you want to call it.

    I'm glad that a man said this! I was going to reply that most of us are far more critical of ourselves than we are of our loved ones--I expect far more of myself than I do of those around, typically. But I also think it would be legit for you to find a way to help him understand that sometimes, whether rightly or wrongly, you apply his self-criticism to yourself. It really doesn't sound like that's what he is intending, and ultimately you are the one who is in control of your reactions, but good communication about unintended consequences is kind of necessary in long term relationships. YMMV.

    Also, it sounds like you are making awesome progress! Don't let that get lost in the shuffle.
  • CrankMeUp
    CrankMeUp Posts: 2,860 Member
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    Also do you have a food scale?


    I was shocked when I started weighing EVERYTHING.

    Instead of measuring peanut butter by the tablespoon, weigh it in grams! little changes like this will make your food diary more accurate.
    Same thing with cereal!!! measuring by the cup allows for a lot of error...look at the serving, and it will usually tell you the grams also

    I even weigh my protein powder now.

    I sound obsessive, but trust me i also allow for treats, but make sure i get 100 to 125g of protein etc.

    good luck.

    OH!

    and try not to worry about things you cannot control. Take what you CAN change and DO IT.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    My wife at one point told me...."I'm so proud of you for the weight you have lost, but when you bring it up, I feel bad because I haven't had as much success"...

    All of us are genuinely excited when we lose weight, and we like to share that excitement with those around us. We rarely think about the other person "not" having the same success and what that might trigger for them.

    So I don't really talk about it anymore, unless she asks.
  • tunes10590
    tunes10590 Posts: 2
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    Oh wow. This post had me in tears. While I don't have a significant other, I understand how you feel. My dad and brother both dropped weight like it was nothing. My dad "just stopping eating like an idiot" (his words, not mine) and lost like 70 pounds. They both tried to be encouraging of my weight loss goals, but unfortunately, it just increased my frustration and feelings of failure to the point where I stopped even trying for quite awhile. DON'T DO WHAT I DID!

    I won't give martial advise, but I can understand how difficult it is for you to hear him talk about being "fat" while you are busting tails to meet your goals. You don't want him to stop sharing his feelings, but at the same time, you should not have to suffer in silence when his comments hurt you (however unintentional on his part). Maybe you can find a gentle way to let him know that when he says those things, it is hard on you.

    All that being said, you should be proud of yourself. I am amazed at your attitude and how happy you truly are for his success. I aspire to be that generous of spirit. Good for you. Sounds to me like your hubby has a wonderful wife! Be proud of that as well as your weight loss and improved health.

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