Needed to Vent: Emotions sabbatoge my diet

jocelyne17
jocelyne17 Posts: 20 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm living with my grandmother this summer and it's been lovely until it comes to food. She's your classic southern woman, and in her earlier years she was always cooking. And all the effort she puts in the food tends to guilt trip me into breaking my lifestyle changes

She's in her 80s now and she can't be bothered to cook like she used to but she's ALWAYS buying food. She has two fridge's STUFFED to the max. It's pretty much red meat and junkfood.

When I arrived to her house, both my mother and I told her my dietary restrictions and so on. I know I have to be consistent as well and I do good for most of the day, but It gets so hard when she lays the "Little Old Lady" Guilt Trip On Me every time i FIRMLY tell her I can't eat XYZ.

I was really upset today because I had meals prepared, and when I came home, she bought me fastfood and I was just so hungry and tired from my bike ride home I ate it.

I'm so mad and frustrated. I was trying to eat clean all day, and then I messed up. And the only reason I messed up wasn't because I wanted the burger, but because my grandmother made me feel so guilty about NOT eating what she bought me. Especially since she said " I was just thinking about you working all day I thought you needed to eat when you get home"

Replies

  • smurlene
    smurlene Posts: 72
    Oh, I have so been there! I get that!

    I think you might have to talk with her a little bit and explain why you are doing what you are doing with emphasis on how much your love her food and her.

    Hugs!!
  • jocelyne17
    jocelyne17 Posts: 20 Member
    Thank you!!!!
    I get so confused because when I told her, she told me she could only use EVOO and Safflower oil to cook (she has diabetes, had open heart surgery, low blood sugar etc)

    But she puts butter in EVERYTHING. Like Paula Dean.

    And she's constantly going to the grocery store.

    It's really messing with my relationship with food. I'm trying to stay healthy, but when I'm here, my cousins eat because they're bored, my nana buys so many groceries we can't possible eat it all before they go bad, and I can't eat anything she cooks because it's drowing in salt butter and fat.

    There's so much gluttony, excess, and just....unhealthiness despite the fact that if anyone should be eating well it should be them!! -____- I just wanna live!
  • mahanaibu
    mahanaibu Posts: 505 Member
    One trick that works is to say, "I'm on a doctor-supervised diet and my doctor says I can't have....."

    Somehow, when it's a doctor saying it, people, especially older people, get the "can't have" much better.
  • VaingloriousVictoria
    VaingloriousVictoria Posts: 137 Member
    I know how you feel; however, you are on this journey to live a healthier life. This is what I had to do with my mother...

    1. Tell her you cannot eat xyz. Even if she prepares/buys it, you have to have the strength to say no.
    2. Prepare/buy lower calorie options.
    3. Allow yourself one meal to splurge a week. Do your best on counting the calories. :)

    Be strong!
  • bwogilvie
    bwogilvie Posts: 2,130 Member
    One trick that works is to say, "I'm on a doctor-supervised diet and my doctor says I can't have....."

    Somehow, when it's a doctor saying it, people, especially older people, get the "can't have" much better.

    This is a great idea. If your doctor says you need to avoid certain foods, your family is less likely to object.
  • cranium853
    cranium853 Posts: 138 Member
    My mom came to visit and was constantly sliding little bowls of ice cream and pudding and plates of cookies onto my desk or chair or lap. I learned to say, "If you really loved me you could get me some raspberries (or an orange cut into slices or XXX)" or ANYTHING that I could actually eat. All she wanted to do was nurture me and I had to teach her how to do that on my terms. You might also quote the doctor: "My doc said that if I eat that my arteries are going to blow up (my allergies will take off/ my cholesterol is going to need medication that I can't afford) and I want to be around to have a long life." MY doc said that my kidney pain was actually the 30 pounds I put on my backside pulling on the muscles. Telling mom that the kidneys were failing helped. They were. They were soooo overworked pulling crud out of my system.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Aw, this does seem like a tough position. What if you adjusted your calories during the day to leave room for some of the higher cal meals grandma makes. It might be a nice balance of being good at work during the day and then looking forward to a homemade meal your calories can then afford so you could enjoy it guilt free maybe?
  • mkmerrill
    mkmerrill Posts: 74 Member
    You gotta do you....it is ok to say no. You cannot give in...even to granny :)
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
    I would suggest a more hands on approach. Grandma needs help in the kitchen. Whether she thinks she does or not. It can get dicey I am sure since many cooks are territorial. But, you could be there making suggestions to lighten up her recipes or to make them more friendly to a diabetic diet. And perhaps gently show her that she is spending way too much on food when it ends up going bad. Sounds like she might be a bit OCD or is having trouble adjusting to cooking for far fewer people than she used to. In any case emphasize that you want to spend more time with her you love her, but you need to make changes in your diet (doctors orders) and you have learned things that can help her with her health issues as well. Good luck, I sense you will need it.

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