Feel so insecure at the gym
getfitcharles
Posts: 78
I started going a few weeks ago and am fairly ok at using the machines I want to use. I don't like people looking at me because a lot of the time, I'll be using about half the weight I've noticed most guys are doing. Still, there's instructions and it's easy to see what I'm meant to be doing. Likewise with cardio stuff - I've either built up some stamina or gotten better at pacing myself so that I can last longer, which is a good thing and I'm happy about that.
But I wanted to try using free weights after hearing from a lot of people online that they're way better than the machines for building strength and stability. Doesn't really help that they're in a separate, sectioned-off area of the gym that's usually full of fairly macho guys. I, meanwhile, am 'skinny-fat' and very short and have no idea what I'm doing and am way too scared to interrupt anyone and ask.
I was at the gym today and tried to watch them for a while. All I saw was a room full of men doing bicep curls, and a few guys my own age who were mostly talking and joking around. After a while I had the guts to go grab some dumbbells and attempt something resembling a bench press but with dumbbells, which seemed to get me a few raised eyebrows, so I left just as quickly as I came in. It's easy to find out exercises online that I could do, but actually going into a room full of people and attempting it in public is another thing entirely. I've got a massive fear of looking stupid and making a fool of myself, which I really feel like I did today. I'm even contemplating just forgetting the gym entirely and buying a few weights for myself, but have no idea if that's a sensible option either.
But I wanted to try using free weights after hearing from a lot of people online that they're way better than the machines for building strength and stability. Doesn't really help that they're in a separate, sectioned-off area of the gym that's usually full of fairly macho guys. I, meanwhile, am 'skinny-fat' and very short and have no idea what I'm doing and am way too scared to interrupt anyone and ask.
I was at the gym today and tried to watch them for a while. All I saw was a room full of men doing bicep curls, and a few guys my own age who were mostly talking and joking around. After a while I had the guts to go grab some dumbbells and attempt something resembling a bench press but with dumbbells, which seemed to get me a few raised eyebrows, so I left just as quickly as I came in. It's easy to find out exercises online that I could do, but actually going into a room full of people and attempting it in public is another thing entirely. I've got a massive fear of looking stupid and making a fool of myself, which I really feel like I did today. I'm even contemplating just forgetting the gym entirely and buying a few weights for myself, but have no idea if that's a sensible option either.
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Replies
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I'd say "F it" and do what you do. You've got to start somewhere, right? If what you're worried about is "looking stupid", my first suggestion is to not worry about it, however, I know how hard that can be. Easier said than done sometimes, right? In that case, maybe purchase some weights for you to lift at home. Perhaps consider practicing certain exercises at home, and doing them right, focusing on form, making sure you're doing it right. Once you finally work up the balls to go to the gym, just remember your form, your reps, your breathing, and to just keep moving. Don't stop, except to use the restroom, drink water, or stretch. Be serious about what you're doing, and do it right. That way, there's absolutely no reason for you to feel stupid.
But I still say F it and don't worry about what others think, do what you gotta do, do it hard, and do it well!
Love and Alohas,
Ihilani Kapuniai0 -
Bench pressing with DB's is good for you - it forces your weaker side to compensate for itself, whereas the barbell allows your dominant side to compensate. So, good choice there!
I understand being nervous to look like a fool in the gym...I decided to get some help. I hired a personal trainer (who, it turns out, is an idiot) without much success so I figured I had to learn on my own. I bought the New Rules of Lifting for Women - there are several version of this book/program so you can easily find one directed at men - or just anyone. The author is excellent at explaining the process, the purpose, the food stuff, the science behind his suggestions. And the one I got had 6 months of weight workouts included (I am fairly certain all of the books include the workouts).
There are also a bunch of people who swear by the Stronglifts 5x5 program available on the internet (maybe youtube?).
Do some research, wear your headphones and ignore everyone else. You can totally do this!!0 -
My very first day at the gym I had no idea what I was doing. I went straight up to elliptical machine and lasted less than five minutes before getting off and going home and thinking about just cancelling my membership. Luckily my membership allows me to go to all of their locations so I tried a different location the next day, mostly to save face, and it turns out I like this one a lot better.
I talked with the staff and told them my concerns and turns out i got a free 30 minute session with a trainer, which I did and learned SO much in that 30 minute session.
Not gonna lie, It's a bit expensive on my income but I'm really spreading the sessions out. Especially for smeone like me, who literally has never worked out before but is so interested in lifting and strength training, my personal trainer has been an invaluable tool. The money issue, I just think the former me would've spent that easily on fast food in a months tme. This is a much better investment, I'd say!0 -
Most of it is in your mind. Study a program you want to use. I'll strongly recommend Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. Read the book, follow his advice on form, and get with it. Hell, bring the book to the gym with you. You may get a raised eyebrow from the curl bros, but the handful of men and women in the gym who know what they're doing will pay attention and may even offer to help. If you don't like that book try The New Rules of Lifting, or Jim Wendler's 5/3/1. The important things are the focus on compound movements with proper form, and progressive overload.
Edit: Apologies, OP. I've edited my suggestions. Also take a look at Strong Lifts. My primary suggestion though is for Starting Strength by Rippetoe though because his advice and description of form is in such wonderful detail. He's a nationally recognized coach and is very good at conveying what should be done. I use Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 program but he's not as good at Rippetoe with the "why" so I use Wendler's program and Rippetoe's technique help.0 -
I started going a few weeks ago and am fairly ok at using the machines I want to use. I don't like people looking at me because a lot of the time, I'll be using about half the weight I've noticed most guys are doing. Still, there's instructions and it's easy to see what I'm meant to be doing. Likewise with cardio stuff - I've either built up some stamina or gotten better at pacing myself so that I can last longer, which is a good thing and I'm happy about that.
But I wanted to try using free weights after hearing from a lot of people online that they're way better than the machines for building strength and stability. Doesn't really help that they're in a separate, sectioned-off area of the gym that's usually full of fairly macho guys. I, meanwhile, am 'skinny-fat' and very short and have no idea what I'm doing and am way too scared to interrupt anyone and ask.
I was at the gym today and tried to watch them for a while. All I saw was a room full of men doing bicep curls, and a few guys my own age who were mostly talking and joking around. After a while I had the guts to go grab some dumbbells and attempt something resembling a bench press but with dumbbells, which seemed to get me a few raised eyebrows, so I left just as quickly as I came in. It's easy to find out exercises online that I could do, but actually going into a room full of people and attempting it in public is another thing entirely. I've got a massive fear of looking stupid and making a fool of myself, which I really feel like I did today. I'm even contemplating just forgetting the gym entirely and buying a few weights for myself, but have no idea if that's a sensible option either.
Everyone needs to start somewhere. I would just ignore others and do what you need to do. As for getting help, if you can't afford a trainer who can give you a basic workout routine to get you started, I'd start looking at books and devising a rounded routine that has you hitting all the different muscle groups. I really like a text titled "Strengh Training" (DK publishing) -- but the important thing is to find a text that gives you some sample workouts.
Starting with dumbells may be advisable, but I'm aim to move to barbells as quickly as you can. Even if you have very little weight on those barbells, you'll be working the important stabilizer muscles that you may miss with a dumbell workout.
Just get in there, and don't worry about anyone else. If they're taking time to stare and raise eyebrows, then they are wasting their energy.
edit: I must have been typing my post just as the poster above me had entered his (so sorry for the redundancy)0 -
Agree.Most of it is in your mind. Study a program you want to use. I'll strongly recommend Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. Read the book, follow his advice on form, and get with it. Hell, bring the book to the gym with you. You may get a raised eyebrow from the curl bros, but the handful of men and women in the gym who know what they're doing will pay attention and may even offer to help. If you don't like that book try The New Rules of Lifting for Women, or Jim Wendler's 5/3/1. The important things are the focus on compound movements with proper form, and progressive overload.
I was totally intimidated at first, too. But I used Starting Strength and New Rules of Lifting. I read them, studied them, and looked everything up on YouTube so I could watch explanations and see people doing it, so that I could walk into the gym like a boss. I still did a few dumb things, but I felt way more confident. After a few times in the weight room, you'll walk in like you own the place.0 -
it's pretty much all in your head. i know, because i was the same way.
remind yourself that all the guys there started where you are now.
remind yourself that they are their because they are still working on themselves.
remind yourself that their work out is not your work out, and vice versa. concentrate on yourself.
and if you really have a problem with it, go really early. thats what i did. at 530am, there is no one at my gym.0 -
Most of it is in your mind. Study a program you want to use. I'll strongly recommend Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. Read the book, follow his advice on form, and get with it. Hell, bring the book to the gym with you. You may get a raised eyebrow from the curl bros, but the handful of men and women in the gym who know what they're doing will pay attention and may even offer to help. If you don't like that book try The New Rules of Lifting for Women, or Jim Wendler's 5/3/1. The important things are the focus on compound movements with proper form, and progressive overload.
This!
Also, realize that there are multiple "right" ways to do certain things, and there are many wrong ways, too. After you learn a bit more about form, you will realize that most of the guys at the gym don't really know what they are doing. They never learned, probably because what they do know was passed to them through bro lore.
Dumbbell bench presses are a fantastic alternative to barbell bench presses, by the way. Rippetoe discusses this.
The difference between Starting Strength and NROLFW is that SS emphasizes depth, whereas NROLFW is more a breadth book. SS discusses a handful of exercises in excruciating detail and gives you a simple (for some, boring) program to follow. NROLFW spends a lot less time talking about form, covers a lot of ground with a variety of exercises that require more equipment (such as Swiss balls and cable machines), and might appeal to you if you prefer more variety. I strongly favor SS of those two books, but that's the difference.
P.S. I see you're a guy not a gal, OP, so I took a quick look at the male version of NROLFW, New Rules of Lifting. My points apply to NROL too.0 -
F the haters! :drinker:
Honestly, to me, those guys are often the ones who look like idiots, not the people who are there genuinely trying to learn and better themselves. I'm often the only girl in the free weights area surrounded by a bunch of those macho guys and I feel self conscious sometimes too, but then I see them all trying to lift way heavier than they actually can, popping veins and dropping the weights heavily on the ground with a big grunt like 'yeah, look how strong I am'......long story short don't feel self-conscious among the dudes that are just there to show off. You're there for you and everyone has to start out somewhere!
I also strongly recommend having even just one session with a trainer. They will set you up with some exercises and teach you how to do them properly, so when you're there on your own you won't feel so clueless. It really is a big help.0 -
remind yourself that they are their because they are still working on themselves.
remind yourself that their work out is not your work out, and vice versa. concentrate on yourself.
Also, this!0 -
i used to think like yourself and worry i was being judged. i found that is the case but a lot of the times people sense you are new and are looking at your form.
if someone offers you tips on your form dont hesitate to change it. while they may not be where they want to be they may have a bit more knowledge than you and trying to help you prevent an injury.
a friend at the gym was spotting me on my bench press and noted that my hands were a bit closer than normal and suggested i widen my grip. i did and handled the weight not only easier but within a month increased my weight by 20lbs0 -
no words of advice from me, just positive thoughts going your way that you'll work it out in a way comfortable for you. just doing something seems admirable to me.0
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I was a scrawny weakling when I began lifting in high school. Trust me when I say that all those macho guys started somewhere and didn't look that way in the beginning of their journey.0
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Raise your eyebrow back.
Also do an actual program, don't just do a few random exercises with the free weights - Starting Strength or Stronglifts 5x5 are both great beginner programs that should give you great strength gains pretty quickly because they teach form first and then add more weight (preventing injury), and since you're a relatively new lifter. Doing a program will help you focus on you and not to worry too much about bicep curl dudes.
And for goodness' sake don't skip leg day.
Seriously though, if you're not causing yourself injury, just ignore 'em. Preferably while wearing a tshirt with this on it:
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Starting Strength. Do it.
There's a great thread down at bodybuilding.com that summarizes the workout and answers any questions that you might have (Farley runs it and he is pretty much the most consistently helpful person I've ever met on the web):
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=131379243
You're allowed to link to other websites, right? Some forums are weird about that. Sorry if you aren't.
Also, regarding the people who you think are looking at you, they aren't. They really don't care. Everyone is just really focused on themselves. If you are convinced that they are looking at you, or making fun of you, take solace in the fact that if you do Starting Strength and eat right then you'll be twice as strong as them.
You could also try IceCreamFitness's Novice 5x5, which I'm currently doing:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=148036063&page=10 -
I have been going to the gym to lift weights for 15 years now! I believe most people are not looking at or judging you--it is paranoia! You are correct that free weights are more intense. Just start out with lighter weights and then incrementally build up to heavy weights! Most Macho guys at the gym are deep down "*kitten*" I have talked to many strong guys who can bench 400 pounds and they are very insecure! If you go to the gym during (non busy) hours it will help. If you use correct form and lighter weights it is WAYYY better than incorrect form and heavy weights! I am a female who can bench 100 pounds and use the lateral pull down cable machines at 100 pounds. SO IF YOU CAN do more than that then you are very much on your way!! Go for it!0
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You really can't judge a book by its cover.
Years ago, I used to avoid gyms because of a wide variety of insecurities. Only after getting a personal trainer did I first start to interact with these "perfect body" lol people and you know what? They don't have any higher likelihood of being judgmental a-holes than the rest of the population. And as you surely must have noticed in the MFP threads, many enjoy sharing their expertise...although face-to-face delivery is infinitely more polite than what must surely be anonymity-driven tones.
Also, you should not assume that people are sizing up your performance just because they look at you. I am usually wondering how much longer you're going to be before I can use it lol and trying to hover about to keep things going in the order I prefer.
And it could just be that the person thinks you're cute. I got the shock of all time when a heavy lifter who I never in a million years would have thought found me attractive, much less noticed me at the gym, asked me out. He liked my attitude and my smile.
Just hang in there. The gym is not the catwalk; everyone is there to do work and likely just respect you for doing the same.0 -
Thanks everyone. I definitely will check out some of the programs you mentioned.0
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I feel real insecure about my body too but thank GOD I have an in home exercise machine, so i don't have to go out an embarrass myself . The more weight I lose the more confident i will be.0
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If you do the same program on the same days at the same general time youll always see the same people and it will no longer feel so awkward. The awkwardness is short lived.
Everyone starts out with bad form and most start out in poor shape. You're just gonna have to suck it up and realize that those guys are more experienced than you.
Pick a program and stick with it. Within a couple months you'll have much better form on all the exercises. As for lifting lighter loads, it is what it is. The weight will go up fast in the beginning stages.0 -
First off, f*** anyone who would say anything negative to you. You're all there to be healthy and fit, so your goals are aligned in that aspect.
Seriously consider hiring a trainer and being taught how to do basic compound movements (bench, deadlifts, squats) and then once you got it dialed in go for it. Everyone is at different levels when it comes to lifting. Every body is different.
GO.
LEARN PROPER FORM.
LIFT HEAVY.
QUIT WORRYING WHAT OTHERS THINK.
ENJOY RESULTS.0 -
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it's pretty much all in your head. i know, because i was the same way.
remind yourself that all the guys there started where you are now.
remind yourself that they are their because they are still working on themselves.
remind yourself that their work out is not your work out, and vice versa. concentrate on yourself.
and if you really have a problem with it, go really early. thats what i did. at 530am, there is no one at my gym.
This! There are times you can go (sunday morning for example/ Friday night, etc) hat the gym will almost be empty and I love to play around in an empty gym.
But you know, sometimes when I look at someone I am not judging them, I am impressed they are starting. But Im not even worried about what they are doing.
Honestly, I don't think anyone really is thinking anything negative, even if they glance at you, you can nod your head, people are usually nice, they just look serious because they are working out.
Okay and here is something SO RUDE (and I don't mean it that way) I just love this quote, it has gotten me through situations. "Why do you think your so important that everyone in the room is thinking of you/ or looking at you" so I take this statement and use it, I think about it, when I feel someone is looking at me or judging me I think, you know what I bet what I'm doing didn't even cross their mind. I know that statement is harsh but I loved hearing it, it kinda made me think, yeah why do I think everyone is judging me, I am I like that important that everyone needs to know what Im up to. I don't know maybe you will use it, maybe you wont. I didn't mean it to be rude, but you gotta think, Im sure they are more worried about how their workout is effecting their looks
happy lifting! 0 -
First off, f*** anyone who would say anything negative to you. You're all there to be healthy and fit, so your goals are aligned in that aspect.
Seriously consider hiring a trainer and being taught how to do basic compound movements (bench, deadlifts, squats) and then once you got it dialed in go for it. Everyone is at different levels when it comes to lifting. Every body is different.
GO.
LEARN PROPER FORM.
LIFT HEAVY.
QUIT WORRYING WHAT OTHERS THINK.
ENJOY RESULTS.
where's a good place to find a trainer? the ones at the gym seem generic to me..kind of vague and they turn over quickly...I think what I'm asking is where to find a trainer who will go to gym with you ( and hopefully monitor diet) but isn't employed by the gym..0 -
Id say its in your mind. No gym Ive ever been to has people watching and judging. To solve your problem though just to a google or youtube search for dumbell and whatever muscle you want to work, will find a bazlillion videos showing various ways.0
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I was reading this article and it reminded me of your post. Take a look it might help you out with feeling the way you do!
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/08/09/infiltrating-the-empire-how-to-workout-properly-in-a-commercial-gym/0 -
If you want to take on the challenge and lift straight away at the gym, that's amazing!
Maybe the company of a friend would help you feel less conspicuous - do have a friend who'd be interested in going with you?
It is also reasonable to start doing work at home until you feel a bit more confident. There are lots of instructional videos on youtube. You could even film yourself, and make the channel private, and invite particular people to give advice on your form. I'm sure many here would be willing to offer constructive, supportive comments.
I think, whatever you need to do to feel comfortable is fine. Getting moving doing something is the main thing. I'm positive that once you get into a groove, you'll feel better about everything, and it will be easier.0 -
Everybody started somewhere man. I walked in my gym skin and bones with a tank top on the first day because I didn't know any better. I seen guys 3x the size as me. I never wore a tank top to the gym again. It can be a humbling experience.
Goto bodybuilding.com and check out exercises, attempt them with light weight in the gym. Start slow you'll get there0 -
Yes it really is just all in your head! I say this because I get paranoid, too, haha I think we all do at times, especially when starting something new. I just started the Strong Lift 5x5 program and it took me days to work up the nerve to go to the free weight section with all the macho dudes (and Im in SoCal, lots of them to be found haha). Once I found the equipment I needed, I just did it, and it wasnt as bad as I thought. It wasnt bad at all, actually. Oh and I found wearing headphones helps for some reason, helps you to focus on yourself and not what others are thinking.... 0
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I thought the same as you when I started going to a gym 2 weeks ago. However, by just talking to these people raising an eyebrow, it turns out they are actually knowledgeable and helpful, telling me what the best way to proceed was. Don't worry about not lifting as much as they do, just do what you can do.
Bottom line, do what you can and don't worry about anyone else!0
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