Feeders

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Getawayfromthecake
Getawayfromthecake Posts: 124 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Just wondering if anyone else has a feeder in their life? Mine is my mother in law. For example if we eat at her house she will buy my favorite dessert and I'll be pressured into eating it. Or she will send us a lot of free food, for example last night they had left over pizza and she sent it our way.
She only noticed since last week that I was thinner and suggested I look 'gaunt' in the face. I'm still 13 stone 11 pounds so I doubt I am in any way gaunt.

I know it all comes down to will power and to be honest we don't eat at hers very often but it is better not to have these influences.

My partner has had these problems when he lost his own weight and recognizes her a a feeder throughout his life.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has somebody that can negatively influence their diet?

Replies

  • jjay23
    jjay23 Posts: 160 Member
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    I have a friend thats a feeder, my boyfriend as well likes to bring home "treats" he however has stopped after much protestation. My freind came round for dinner the other night and brought chinese, wine and ice cream despite me telling her that I had food in to cook. Its hard and I just ate a really small portion but it left me so hungry!

    I guess some people are and that is how it goes. do we say something though?
  • Seajolly
    Seajolly Posts: 1,435 Member
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    Tell them straight up that you're trying to lose weight, and though you really appreciate the thought that they are thinking of you and giving you food, it's making it hard for you with the temptation of food that you shouldn't be eating.

    If they keep doing it after you talk to them, just take it and then throw it away or give it to someone else who would appreciate the food.
  • Getawayfromthecake
    Getawayfromthecake Posts: 124 Member
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    I know what you mean. I don't want to say anything as I have a good relationship with her and that is hard with a mother in law...but it's no secret that I am dieting so surely she should know already. You know what the response would be ' oh go on treat yourself'. Is your friend naturally slim? I find that makes a difference, as they don't have to worry about calories as much.
  • freemystery
    freemystery Posts: 184 Member
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    One of my best friends has recently found herself with nowhere to live and as a consequence is staying in my spare room and she is the absolute worst.

    If I am eating say chicken breast and veggies she will try and ply my plate with cream sauces, potatoes etc that are "off plan" for me. If I protest she quickly turns it around telling me I'm boring or unadventurous etc. If I say no, I'm trying to watch what I eat she will go into a rant about how everybody she works with is constantly on some silly diet or other and she can't believe I'm just like one of them. I don't need to lose weight I need to get self esteem etc..

    There is no arguing with her, I mean I'm categorically overweight but she doesn't seem to care. It's basically do it her way or she's unhappy. I'm so so glad she is moving out in two weeks!!
  • Getawayfromthecake
    Getawayfromthecake Posts: 124 Member
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    Also good job on resisting the temptation from your friend and having a small portion. :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Some people don't know any othere way to show love...it can be tricky to deal with that because they get all hurt and feel like their love is being rejected. But, untimately, you have to do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. Of course, you don't want to hurt your "feeder's" feelings if you can help it, but sometimes taking care of yourself means not meeting every need of the people around you.
  • Getawayfromthecake
    Getawayfromthecake Posts: 124 Member
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    freemystery : your friend sounds very selfish! I'm glad she won't be with you much longer.Negative attitudes do not help at all! What right does she have to judge you for being healthy. I sometimes wonder if these people are jealous because they are not willing to make good choices themselves.

    Okay I just found the quote button... this makes things much easier!
  • kbeech06
    kbeech06 Posts: 328 Member
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    My mother is the feeder...but at this point she is 3500+ miles away so no temptation there. I think I take after her as well, showing love by cooking for and feeding my husband and my children. I'm trying to break myself of making happy memories with food...its a hard one though.
  • m0jk
    m0jk Posts: 133
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    i always call my hubby a feeder lol ill say im trying to lose weight i hate being like this and he'll go to the shop for something and come back with a huge bar of dairy milk or get a takeaway to cheer me up :bigsmile:
  • Getawayfromthecake
    Getawayfromthecake Posts: 124 Member
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    i always call my hubby a feeder lol ill say im trying to lose weight i hate being like this and he'll go to the shop for something and come back with a huge bar of dairy milk or get a takeaway to cheer me up :bigsmile:

    haha this made me laugh.Luckily my partner lost 5 stone a couple of years ago and so he has been in the same position as me at one point.
  • nettasue35
    nettasue35 Posts: 190 Member
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    I am he feeder in my family, everyone comes to me and tells me what they want for b-day, or special holidays, but I have been changing the recipes and using low calorie or low fat replacements so they don't even realize the changes. or I make mini deserts that way there just enough and no left overs.
  • jjay23
    jjay23 Posts: 160 Member
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    i always call my hubby a feeder lol ill say im trying to lose weight i hate being like this and he'll go to the shop for something and come back with a huge bar of dairy milk or get a takeaway to cheer me up :bigsmile:

    mine too, he looks so sad when I say thanks but I am being careful. bless them they are trying to be nice
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
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    I've found the solution, counter attack. Instead of allowing people an opportunity to feed me I'm always cooking sndfeeding everyone else lol. They see me cooking and assume I'm eating as well. It's tricky doing 20/4 IF because there's a limited window of time when I can eat. People act I'm crazy when I say "nope, not 7pm yet, can't eat" so this helps.

    Plus, I kick *kitten* at cooking and baking so the people around me are happy.
  • coral_b
    coral_b Posts: 264 Member
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    I have a lot of friends that use food as an excuse to socialise, and I suggest better options I consistently get the lecture of "you don't need to lose weight". Which frustrates me, as A) I clearly do and B) I have little motivation and cave in to the pressure. So although they're bad, I am worse.
    So hard to maintain control when people try and tempt you!
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
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    I have friends and family members who visit and without fail every single time they always bring a treat with them, a bottle of wine, a cheese and cracker basket, a box of candy, some muffins, or cookies. I appreciate the gesture as I too was raised to do that as well, it was considered rude so I would never show up as a guest without a gift for the host, and while I still believe this is good manners I just now bring something healthy like a platter of veggies with hummus to dip them in and recommend if they come to my house they do so as well, rarely it is though, so I just make them tea or coffee and let them indulge in their treat and I try a piece of theirs and leave it for them. You can be polite in telling them or just don't say anything and always bring things you can eat and share with them, turn them onto healthy eating.

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