Apathetic About Life...What To Do?

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Kaypix
Kaypix Posts: 72 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not sad, I'm not depressed, I'm not angry. I just do. not. care. About anything. I get up in the morning, take a shower, wash my hair, feed the dogs, go to work (sometimes bicycling, sometimes motorcycle, sometimes driving), come home, make dinner, eat dinner, feed dogs, watch a tv show, read a book, go to bed. I'm married, have been for 8 years, and I love my husband, or at least I know I don't want to lose him. We have 4 pets, all of whom I take care of and care about how they are feeling.

My husband is this rising star , working out all the time to climb a mountain (he leaves for it in 2 weeks) and I made a comment when riding with him that I'll meet him wherever, I'm just going my "plod along pace". The problem is that my entire LIFE feels like a plod along pace. I don't wear makeup, I'm not "ugly' per se, but I'm 192 lbs and used to be 140 (a decade ago). I do my routine, is this what it is to be stuck in a rut?

I cook dinner because I should and it is healthier than eating fast food, and because my husband may call me fat if I do not cook. I exercise because my husband does, and ride bicycle to work because I have to get here some how right? Might as well be a healthier way. I get frustrated when my weight doesn't change, then think "Why do I care? People don't seem to go run screaming the opposite direction, I have good hygiene, whatever" and am right back to not caring about why my weight just does not move.

I've taken Wellbutrin, but got off of it when I started exercising regularly because the actual depression stayed away. I just don't know if I should be on it again? I want to try and get pregnant, which I hear is a little bit of a "no no" being on Wellbutrin...don' want that to happen either then...

Any thoughts are appreciated.

Replies

  • missshyeviolett
    missshyeviolett Posts: 310 Member
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    Your husband may call you fat if you don't cook? WTF.

    You sound like you're just in a rut. You need to switch things up. Try a new class or something. If that doesn't work and you still feel like that, you may want to talk to a doc or a therapist as you do sound a little depressed.
  • mangogirl272727
    mangogirl272727 Posts: 95 Member
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    Apathy is a form of depression. I would suggest talking to a counselor and/or psychiatrist.

    Also, I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but as someone who was raised by a severely depressed mother, I urge you to try to wait until you are in a better place mentally before having kids.
  • GormanGhaste
    GormanGhaste Posts: 430 Member
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    I've struggled with chronic mild depression all my life. And sometimes it just manifests as apathy, rather than sadness. Exercising regularly really helps me, but it sounds like you are already doing that.

    I agree with both of violett's comments. Try to find something new to do that you enjoy and find interesting. And your husband sounds verbally abusive!
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    You need a shrink. It also sounds like you may be in a verbally abusive and controlling relationship.
  • pobalita
    pobalita Posts: 741 Member
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    Set a new goal for yourself.....take a class, do something new, give yourself something to aspire to. I started off last year just jogging and met my goal of a half marathon by the end of the year. This year my goal is a full marathon (next weekend!). It doesn't have to be running, but push yourself a bit beyond your comfort zone - it will help you remember how amazing you really are.
  • FeelingLessChubby
    FeelingLessChubby Posts: 152 Member
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    I don't like the way that husband of yours talks to you. It sounds like he climbed so high he left his good manners and respect for you behind... I imagine the way he talks to you doesn't help how you are feeling either!

    I second the advice already given - but another thing you can do is see some people less fortunate than you are. Volunteer once a week anywhere - kids, old age home, library, local community centre - and you'll feel better about everything. I've never seen it not work, ever.

    *big hugs* and good luck!
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    *super big hug*

    I've been there and with the help of wellbutrin Im slowly coming out of my shell.

    Best of wishes to you :)
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    That's like a depression sounds like. Not enjoying anything in life...

    Find something that makes you feel good. Just for you, not for anyone else.
  • endoftheside
    endoftheside Posts: 568 Member
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    You say you are not depressed, but it sure sounds like it to me. I would get in to the doctor for an evaluation. You don't have to feel like this, you deserve more.
  • bababangarangrang
    bababangarangrang Posts: 23 Member
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    Apathy is a form of depression. I would suggest talking to a counselor and/or psychiatrist.

    Also, I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but as someone who was raised by a severely depressed mother, I urge you to try to wait until you are in a better place mentally before having kids.

    Yes.
  • Kaypix
    Kaypix Posts: 72 Member
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    Thank you all for your advice. I should clarify that my husband does not call me fat. He says if I want to lose the weight I need to eat healthy. For me to eat healthy, I need homecooked meals. My husband does not cook normally. I eat the same food as him for dinner and go out for lunch with him.

    Yes he is controlling and we both know it. He tries to change but when he slips up it totally sucks and he can be a total asshat.

    I will be making an appointment with my therapist this week. Also I believe this could be related to hormlnes.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Thank you all for your advice. I should clarify that my husband does not call me fat. He says if I want to lose the weight I need to eat healthy. For me to eat healthy, I need homecooked meals. My husband does not cook normally. I eat the same food as him for dinner and go out for lunch with him.

    Yes he is controlling and we both know it. He tries to change but when he slips up it totally sucks and he can be a total asshat.

    I will be making an appointment with my therapist this week. Also I believe this could be related to hormlnes.

    You're taking steps in the right direction. Best wishes!
  • xinit0
    xinit0 Posts: 310 Member
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    I've never really been depressed, but your post made me think of Hyperbole and a Half... it sounds like how she described her depression.

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
  • PosterPens
    PosterPens Posts: 172 Member
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    i felt the SAME as you, a big apathetic log. Meh all the time. living life like whatever. i realized enough was enough, so i went to go see a new shrink and she diagnosed me as ADHD. i never knew. i always thought i was just depressed, but now it all makes sense. i stopped the antidepressants and feel great being on my current meds. i feel like i have purpose now, and ive finally motivated myself to lose weight.

    dont forget, apathy IS a form of depression, so its good that youre going to talk to your psychiatrist!! cheer up.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
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    Hello there. So your husband is excited about climbing his mountain. He is happy to leave you to look after the dogs. He knows you are thoughtful and reliable and expects you to be there when he isn't. I would be fed up too. Think of the things you used to do before marriage etc. Have you seen you friends lately, even family?

    While he is away take time for you. Do something you want to do or used to do. I have lived in a persons shadow and it isn't any fun. You could even take the dogs out for a walk in a different place. Find somewhere where there is space, a few trees possibly a pond and enjoy what you see and where you are.

    All the best
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    Not caring about anything is a symptom of depression, not a form of it. There are many other symptoms that have to persist for a certain amount of time for a clinical diagnosis. Also, a diagnosis can not be made with the limited information provided, but support from others who have experienced similar feelings can be.....

    OP:
    If you feel comfortable, you may want to speak to a professional in your area. Obviously, sometimes it just feels good to vent to someone and other times medication and/or learning new behaviors can be helpful. It is specific to the person and treatment should be tailored to you and your needs.

    :flowerforyou:
  • Kaypix
    Kaypix Posts: 72 Member
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    Thanks again to everyone :) I think it could be due to like, stolkholm syndrome or something. DH work together and I'm not particularly social, so I don't go see friends or family very often. I was up visiting our good friends this past weekend, who finally have a schedule conducive to me hanging out with my gal pals, and got to see my folks and grandfather on Sunday for father's day. DH was riding the trails on his own while I spent the day with family.

    I feel much more grounded now after this weekend, even though I pushed really hard (did 26 miles yesterday on the bike trails around my city and averaged 14.5 mph on the bicycle, felt like a rockstar) and have made plans to go see my dad again this week (got him a Nook HD+ for father's day) and my gal pal this weekend sometime.
  • SurfyFriend
    SurfyFriend Posts: 362 Member
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    I was going to suggest hanging out with the girls! They'll be full of new jokes and always bring sunshine into your life :)
    All the best xoxo

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