Denial? ....I saw me like you see me......

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farmers_daughter
farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
in Motivation and Support
This weekend, I saw myself in a video for the first time in forever. And I was shocked.

I do not see myself that way, I have a rather large bathroom mirror (and not to mention the huuuge one at work) and I do not see the woman that was in that video. I didn't recognize myself. I was truly horrid.
I refuse to blame it on angles, lighting etc....I was moving around and could see many different angles. And the camera adds 10 lbs is bull crap.

I cried exceptionally hard and long, and now I'm done crying. But I wonder was I in denial? I guess I was slathering my existence with "It's not that bad" I was calling myself "ok" when really.....

I'm going to try to see it for what it is, but not worse than what it is. Becuase it's bad. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been. Even my pictures that are on here....aren't that bad. Granted I'm probably 15lbs less in my profile pic, but still.

If I were to say anything about the person I saw in the video I would have honestly said "At least I'm not as big as her"

It was ME. Me. Wow. That was me. I don't like me obviously.

Thanks for listening...
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Replies

  • SenoraMacias
    SenoraMacias Posts: 305 Member
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    I've had this happen. I can feel really great when I leave the house, but when I see a pic of myself taken the same day, I'm like "no way". I can't explain it, but when I look in the mirror, I think I look ok... Try not to dwell on it though. Use it as motivation!
  • 1longroad
    1longroad Posts: 642 Member
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    I am always shocked when I see myself. I never think I look as bad in the mirror as I do in photos! It's strange, as I know I am obese, but for some reason, I don't want to believe it's me.
  • daniellemm1
    daniellemm1 Posts: 465 Member
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    I have totally been there and it feels terrible. It is so strange the disconnect in our brains that we don't realize how big we have gotten until we see a pic or video of ourselves. Even when I look in the mirror I know that I'm big but those pics give new meaning to just how big. You realize it and now you can do something about it. Use it as motivation. Just imagine how great you will look next year when someone takes a pic/video of you. It's a long slow process but it will be worth it to see that healthier your next time around.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    oh yes, been there. We get videos of our concert performances, and I have always cringed to see what I looked like up there. I know the video compresses things vertically a bit, so I'm not really that short and squatty...lol...but I hated what I was seeing even if I was liking what I was hearing. This has changed...our last concert video, I could really be pretty happy with what I was seeing (although it has become clear I need a more supportive bra, at least to wear onstage.....)
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
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    I mean I've seen pictures of myself, my profile pic was October 2012, but I was also 15lbs lighter than I am now. ANd I know I'm overweight in that picture, but I still really like it. Double chin and all. :)

    Just wow. I'm still dazed from it.
  • mikajao
    mikajao Posts: 30
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    Ugh I hate that feeling.
    Just remember you're probably judging yourself more harshly than anyone else is.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
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    When reality really smacks you upside the head, it hurts...but it also can motivate. Make sure it does the second and then use that as part of your inspiration. We have to be mentally ready to tackle the problem and it sounds like you're there! Good luck.
  • Habiteer
    Habiteer Posts: 190 Member
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    The title is a little inaccurate. "I saw me like you see me" isn't really true. The way you see yourself after a picture or video taping is compared in your brain with how you perceive yourself. Unfortunately, there are two problems with this. The first is that our brain is always wrong about the way we usually present ourselves. For example, the way you hear your voice versus how others hear your voice, the way you move your body versus how others view your body moving. It's not a big deal, you don't look at all other people and say "wow that person sounds weird or that person moves weird," but no matter what, they probably aren't perceiving it correctly.

    The next reason is because every time you look in a mirror, you are seeing a reflection of yourself. This is the you that you are used to. When you look at a camera or video, it's reversed again, and then you compare in your brain the reversal in the mirror versus the reversal in the camera and video and you increase the amount of "flaws" that you see.

    People that see you normally always see only one version of you, and definitely don't see you as much as you see yourself in your own brain. So their perception of you is usually a lot less harsh, and more in tune with reality.

    For example, I used to hate seeing photos of myself right after they were taken. If you view the photos a lot, you probably get more used to it and think "well, it's not that bad." If you are a person that gets a lot of photos taken of yourself, versus a person that does not, then you are also probably have a better perception.
  • bio01979
    bio01979 Posts: 313
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    been there :) all the time :) and it SUCKS!

    I look in the mirror and I know I am overweight and need to lose it, but I don't see a double chin in the mirror. Then someone takes a picture and I swear an extra chin magically appears lol

    but I will get rid of it eventually :)
  • RedPandaJami
    RedPandaJami Posts: 23 Member
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    I have been there. I perform with a couple bands and there will occasionally be a picture or video of me that just causes me to break down. I don't like being 'the fat one'. Granted, I am the only one who says that, but it hurts.

    I am trying to get to where I use that as motivation to change instead of something to beat myself up over.
  • kirstie1926
    kirstie1926 Posts: 48
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    this is the epiphany i had about myself that made me get on mfp.

    i saw a few pictures of myself and i couldn't believe what had happened to me, i was in major denial of all my jelly and my overall blah-manilla-beige-boring-mush that i've become. but this epiphany puts things in perspective and gives yourself the motivation to move ahead and start changing to a new (or former) self.

    seize this feeling to get moving!
  • madelonism
    madelonism Posts: 292 Member
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    i did that with my before photo.a 310lb three angle photo in bra and shorts.use all of the current documentation of your body as motevation and trust me you will look at this and say "im so glad thats not me anymore"
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    I don't see a difference between 190lb me and 150lb me. I look in the mirror and see the same person. Then I compare photos of me then and me know and can't believe the difference. There's a 5 size difference in my closet, but I still see a fat person when I look in the mirror, even though I'm on the low end of BMI for my height. It's just perception of ourselves.

    Use what you saw as motivation and you'll never have to see that "person" again...
  • Monica_SanDiego
    Monica_SanDiego Posts: 15 Member
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    Yup. This just happen to me this weekend. I had my husband take a few photo's of me in these cute shorts, top, and wedges. I thought I looks oh so cute - until I saw the photos. Ah .. Who's legs are those? Who's chunky, no muscle tone, cellulite ridden legs are those? OMG those legs are .. mine?

    It was a good wake up call and so no more cheat meal Friday for me which turns into cheat day then cheat weekend.

    A picture is sure worth a thousand words!!

    Monica.
  • GnomeLove
    GnomeLove Posts: 379
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    That happens to me too. I look in the mirror and I'm like,

    "Damn, girl...lookin' good today!!! A little extra around the waist, but you still got it, baby!!!"

    *Struts out of house like Chester Cheetah*

    Then I will see a picture from that day and I'm all,

    "Dafuq is wrong with my face and body?"

    Oh....reality.
  • Clemsonlkg
    Clemsonlkg Posts: 66 Member
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    Seeing a picture of myself at 196 pounds (I am 5' tall) was enough to 1) make me cry and 2) give me the determination I needed to change my life. I needed that pain to kick me into gear. Face it, embrace it, erase it!
  • michelejoann
    michelejoann Posts: 295 Member
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    I know what that's like. It's a hard pill to swallow when you see a picture of yourself and it doesn't look like what you see in the mirror every day. BUT I did compare a recent photo of myself running a 5K (and still a bit chunky) versus the pre-43 pound weight loss, and there is a pretty big difference! My chest got smaller, my shape got smaller, and I lost my double chin! So while I don't in reality look as skinny as a think I am...I have progressed and it's a great feeling knowing all of the clothes I had in the PRE photo are all in the trash because they're all far far too big for me.

    So next time you feel blue about a recent photo or video, just compare it to a pre-weight loss photo and that should put your success in a positive perspective!
  • hsmith0930
    hsmith0930 Posts: 160 Member
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    I just had one of those moments. I work for a yoga studio and we were having photos taken and I was apparently delusional (and being mislead) about how I looked. Of course the instructors told me I looked great, who in their right mind says "no you should go grab that shapewear you brought and slap it on" when someone is feeling less than secure. Then I see the photos and In all the group shots i bring the whole photo down. All these beautiful instructors of varying sizes, but not unhealthily overweight like I am, then there's me, with rolls and back fat and double chins. Makes me sad to have ruined so many good photos of them.
  • Sara2184
    Sara2184 Posts: 183 Member
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    I've been there so many times, I keep running when I see someone record (guess that would count as a cardio). The thing is when I saw myself, I used to think this is the last time & I'm gonna change, but nothing happens. So now I just try to stay positive about it & slowly work my way into being fit.

    But I never liked the way I looked on videos, even when I was thinner, so it must be me
  • darcyrose_texas
    darcyrose_texas Posts: 38
    Options
    The title is a little inaccurate. "I saw me like you see me" isn't really true. The way you see yourself after a picture or video taping is compared in your brain with how you perceive yourself. Unfortunately, there are two problems with this. The first is that our brain is always wrong about the way we usually present ourselves. For example, the way you hear your voice versus how others hear your voice, the way you move your body versus how others view your body moving. It's not a big deal, you don't look at all other people and say "wow that person sounds weird or that person moves weird," but no matter what, they probably aren't perceiving it correctly.

    The next reason is because every time you look in a mirror, you are seeing a reflection of yourself. This is the you that you are used to. When you look at a camera or video, it's reversed again, and then you compare in your brain the reversal in the mirror versus the reversal in the camera and video and you increase the amount of "flaws" that you see.

    People that see you normally always see only one version of you, and definitely don't see you as much as you see yourself in your own brain. So their perception of you is usually a lot less harsh, and more in tune with reality.

    For example, I used to hate seeing photos of myself right after they were taken. If you view the photos a lot, you probably get more used to it and think "well, it's not that bad." If you are a person that gets a lot of photos taken of yourself, versus a person that does not, then you are also probably have a better perception.

    I'm quoting this because I feel this is super valuable for some people here to read. While sometimes photos can be a good motivation (OMG, since when does my face look that chubby?) it is NO reason to bash yourselves. If you feel like you look great and are feeling confident, thats how others ARE going to perceive you. The camera is not alway correct, because angles and lighting can really make a difference. For example, I had a picture of me taken in shorts and an oversized tank, and I was surprised as how big I look because the only part of my body showing was my thighs.... I tied up my shirt to give me a waist and I immediately looked better in pictures.

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