Bulimia Recovery Support?

This is the first time I have ever really admitted to anyone besides my parents, brother, husband, and 2 friends that I have this problem. I even do not talk about it with them- so the fact that I am responding, is a big deal for me, but I am now understanding that my not talking about it hurts myself and prevents others from getting help. I read your post and sincerely want to help you.

Let me tell you my story-as briefly as possible. I am a musical theatre actress- it is my passion- but I have a weight problem and a food addiction so I often do not get good roles because I am overweight. I first started throwing up occasionally in high school when I would eat something really decadent or rich. However, it wasn't a big issue. I entered college very slim and at a good healthy weight. By the time senior year approached I was roughly 40 pounds overweight. I knew if I wanted a career in the theatre that I needed to get my weight under control-nobody needed to tell me I was fat- I knew. I joined WW and had lost 5 lbs in a short time- I worked very hard. This was around the time of my solo recital. When I went to get some advice before graduation from a theatre adviser on what I should do to continue in my career he flat out told me I needed to lose weight. While he was absolutely right, I didn't need to hear that from someone in his position- he did not know I was already on top of this problem and was having success overcoming it. I began to go on a long journey of binging and purging because I felt nobody recognized my weight loss (even though it was small at the time)-but I felt there was no quick fix. All summer I threw up- it got to the point it was so bad that I would eat healthy and I would have the urge to throw up green beans and corn. That's when I knew something had to be done because it wasn't like I was eating fattening foods anymore, but I had trained myself to throw up after pretty much every meal.

It took a lot of courage but I admitted it to my mom- who always suspected.. I went to see a nutritional counselor, but my insurance did not cover it either and I couldn't afford it. So, I did two things which may help you.

The first, was I went on some website and looked at the effects of eating disorders. As a singer, I knew I was hurting my vocal chords, but I didn't know how much- if I continued what I was doing, my voice was going to end up permanently damaged. The second thing I saw is what really hit home- I saw a post that someone wrote to their child- this girl gave birth to a stillborn due to her bulimia- it was an apology letter to this child. I also saw many other posts relating to people not being able to have children because of this disease. I was not at the time, nor am I now, ready to have kids, but I do want them. I do not want to think that my illness would cause a baby to die or a child to be born with severe birth defects (I saw a lot of that on the website too). How could I ever explain this to my husband or if that child were to survive, that I was the reason there was something wrong with them? At that point, I made a promise that I would get help no matter what and I would overcome this.

So, the second thing I did was I called the nurse at my college which I had just graduated from. She gave me the name of a nurse practitioner that specialized in nutrition at a family practice. The NP knew my insurance would not cover nutritional counseling, so she coded it as GERD. This makes perfect sense, because if you are throwing up a lot, you are probably suffering from acid reflux- thanks to my habit, I still have this. So, maybe you could look into some local doctor's offices in your area or the nutritional counselors and ask them if they can code it differently. Most will be willing to provide you with the help you need and if you are on a reflux med it is legit. Call the offices to see if there is someone on staff that specializes in nutrition and then you can go see them weekly just as if it were a dietician or therapist. Hope that makes sense.

I will admit that I have never gotten over this completely. There are still times that I want to throw up- and every now and then I will give in- it is rare, but it is on those days that I eat something I know I shouldn't and I then feel fat. My husband keeps me accountable and I hate to have to tell him what I've done. We have a deal that if I throw up, he gets to smoke- vice versa.

I did reach my weight goal without purging. I have gained my weight back due to some other medical problems and then lack of self control, but am back on track now. I came to this forum today because yesterday i found out i did not get a lead in a show that I desperately wanted- I do not know if this is the reason, but I think it was because I am not skinny like the original actress on Broadway and the girl who was my competition. I wanted to begin the cycle again last night- I stopped myself because I know that I will not get anywhere. Research has shown that you do not lose weight while purging and what good would I be for future roles if my voice is damaged? I am now on this site counting calories, etc. and working out- it has to be a lifestyle change for me that I will stick to and one day I will be the star of the show.

I'm sorry my post is so long but I do hope that it helps you and encourages you. Call around and I would go to some of the websites where you can look at some of the effects that this disease has on your body- I'm not sure if you want kids or already have them-but that is what did it for me.

I will be checking in on here because I am feeling a relapse but I refuse to let this take over me again- we need each other to make sure we take care of ourselves. Hopefully, one day insurance companies will cover this and people can get the help they need.

Good luck to you!

hi,
i am also recovering from an eating disorder. restrictive eating and also bulimia for about 1 year. i found the following sites really helpful

http://www.youreatopia.com/
http://fyoured.com/
http://www.burpandslurp.com/ (Weekend ED series)

you can get better. i think back on how i was before and can't believe i let myself do that to myself. i still have those voices that tell me i'm fat and struggle with alternating between not letting myself eat and wanting to binge, but it's gotten a lot better.

let me know if i can help in any way. feel free to pm me.

Agree - there is hope, and you -can- recover. But it is very difficult to do alone. Enlist your family and friends to help you. They love you and want you to be healthy. These diseases kill. You will need treatment that most likely has a talk therapy component, nutritional counseling, possibly a support group and/or meds. There are different ways to approach. Finding a good therapist in your area that treats ED is a good start. If you don't have money, go to Overeaters Anonymous and find an eating disorder-specific meeting. I wish you recovery, health and happiness. You deserve to be well. You are not weird or defective. You have an illness and it can be successfully treated IF you make that choice. It is not your fault or your parent's fault. It just is. Good luck. Keep us posted on your progress. Hugs.

Bump

I'm not ready to discuss my own issues in-depth right now, but I can say that I completely understand and just wanted to offer some (virtual) support. You CAN do this. ((hugs))