Should I Go?

orangesapphire
orangesapphire Posts: 32
in Health and Weight Loss
My husband just asked me to go on a short cruise with him and his golf friends next Friday night, a week from tomorrow. I have not seen the light of day (gone anywhere, done anything) in months. I work a full-time day job, and also spend about 20 hours a week doing paid online work for a college. I am at the highest weight I have ever been in my life, and am a complete physical wreck. I usually try to get out of doing social things. I don't know his golf friends or their wives very well.
I sincerely do not want to go on this cruise. My husband is a good looking, very fit guy and I am a huge lump of lard. I am ashamed of my phuysical condition.
Although I've met some of his golf buddies, it's been awhile. I don't feel comfortable right now being in public. I don't have anything to wear (I wear a semi-uniform to work, so I don't buy clothes often). I don't want my husband's friends to think, "Wow, XXX's wife is HUGE!!" How embarrassing.
So I don't know what to do. I suppose I should go. But I just anticipate it will be torture.
Would you go if you were me?

Replies

  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    Go. Would you rather have his buddies think, "Gee, his wife doesn't care about him enough to be with him?" The only way to start getting out is by getting out. And remember, you are your own worst critic so don't assume that others are thinking as negatively about you as you are.
  • amandafranks32
    amandafranks32 Posts: 36 Member
    I would go because its not fair to your husband for you to stay home. He asked you to go so I'm sure that he loves you and wants to spend time with you no matter what your size. I think that it would be very unhealthy for you to hide away at home while he is out socializing. Maybe getting out and about will be the motivation that you need to start taking better care of yourself to where you never have to feel like hiding at home again. I'm sorry that you feel this way, it is just so sad. If you sincerely feel like you should not be seen in public, maybe some counseling for depression would be in order. I hope that you are able to get to feeling better very soon!
  • nancycaregiver
    nancycaregiver Posts: 812 Member
    You have come up with plenty of excuses not to go. Don't worry about his buddies or their wives. Go and spend quality time with your husband. It sounds like you deserve a break! ⚓????
  • Ashkea76
    Ashkea76 Posts: 7,162 Member
    I'm heavy, and I go out when I can. Life doesn't stop because we're overweight. I have a fun-loving personality, and love to go out and meet new people. I'm sure hubs loves you for many reasons, and if you go, try to keep in mind that our body is just a shell...granted I'm working on that shell, but it's the person and soul inside that shell that truly matters. Please don't shut yourself away until you look like Cindy Crawford. Seriously, get out, and live life a little. Might do you some good, and is a great motivator to work hard at losing weight and looking fabulous for that next cruise with the friends- just think of the success you can have in a year down the road?!!

    Good luck!
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    would it be your husband...his golf buddies and you? if so dont go. guys dont want wives tagging along on a guys trip.
  • joy492
    joy492 Posts: 26 Member
    Hello, I wouldn't go. It doesn't sound like you would enjoy yourself if you went on the cruise. You would worry the whole time about how you look and how the other wives think of you to actually enjoy yourself. Work on going forward with improving your health and be ready for the next group trip.

    Lots of luck with your weight loss journey.
  • orangesapphire
    orangesapphire Posts: 32
    Hi, Thank you all for your kind comments. I suppose I will go. i can't NOT go, but I really don't wanna. Yuck.
    This outing would include the wives of his buddies, too.
  • devfam9257
    devfam9257 Posts: 6
    Yes, go! Your size does not define you! Get some nice clothes, put on a big smile and win them with your great personality!! I am trying to lose weight because I am starting to feel unhealthy but am starting to realize that confidence and your heart is what makes you beautiful, not you size! let us know what you do!! And please friend me, we can support each other! :)
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    Hi, Thank you all for your kind comments. I suppose I will go. i can't NOT go, but I really don't wanna. Yuck.
    This outing would include the wives of his buddies, too.

    oh....if all the wives are going you should definitely go. if you start feeling uptight just have another cocktail! :)
  • byrdiebee
    byrdiebee Posts: 85 Member
    Would you rather have his buddies think, "Gee, his wife doesn't care about him enough to be with him?" And remember, you are your own worst critic so don't assume that others are thinking as negatively about you as you are.

    ^^Agree.

    Go. Focus on your husband and being glad to be with him, that's the important stuff right there. He wants you, nothing else matters.

    Can you buy two pretty shirts and a pair of shoes and a pretty nightie? Something pretty would boost your confidence. And don't think you can't look pretty. One of my most stylish friends is, um, VERY large, but her smile and concern for others make her a joy to be around.

    Show off that trophy husband of yours! And have fun with him. It sounds like you could use a break, take one.

    As for what the others think- if you act ashamed and self-depreciate you will be off-putting and invite criticism. Exude confidence and listen to others with smiling attentiveness, ask them about themselves and you'll get a much better result.

    Go.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    I think that its wonderful that your husband wants you to go with him. Go! Try to stop being so self concious. (I know, I know; easier said than done.) Even if you are feeling shy or self concious the trick is to emulate confidence and graciousness...it will be well received!
  • melfitnesspal13
    melfitnesspal13 Posts: 378 Member
    I am a large attractive women married to a very thin attractive man. I love myself and now and working on getting fit. My husband loves me as I am, my fitness journey is something I am doing for me (with his support). You work, take classes and probably do tons of stuff but you sound like you need to take some time out for you, maybe this is your wakeup call on how you feel about your appearance. We can be beautiful at any weight but if we feel ugly then regardless of the size then that is what we see. Personally this time around I am using prayer and a fit group to help me achieve me goal. I wish you success and a fabulous time on your cruise. Some cute outfits will also make you feel better. Enjoy!....:smile:
  • aakaakaak
    aakaakaak Posts: 1,240 Member
    Hi, I'm in the long, slow, painful process of getting separated/divorced from a woman that doesn't want to be in any part of my life. Because of whatever reason, even though we're husband and wife at home, she never wanted to be with me in public. He wants you in his life and his golfing buddies are part of it. By not going you're refusing to be part of his life that he wants you included in. I know this may sound pretty harsh, but I hope it resonates with you. Be a part of his life or you may find he's not in it one day.

    Now, that being said, I suggest you tell him why you're reluctant to go and ask him to help you pick something out. You may find that you're more attractive in his eyes than you are in your own. I'd be willing to bet that this is the case. Maybe that will give you a boost of confidence in yourself that sounds like you desperately need.

    And with confidence in yourself, you're more likely to get out on your own more often, raising your total daily energy expenditure (TDEE), allowing you to burn more calories, allowing you to lose the weight that has been bothering you. So is that a good enough reason to go?
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,336 Member
    I think that its wonderful that your husband wants you to go with him. Go!

    ^^^^This! If I could go to a nude resort in the Caribbean when I weighed 238 and have fun, you can go on this cruise and have a great time. Enjoy!
  • orangesapphire
    orangesapphire Posts: 32
    Thank you all. Just read every one of your posts and I have gotten some great advice and thoughtful support. I will let you know how it all went. I think I really have to go, despite that I don't want to ... so I will try to ramp myself up for it.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    What a coincidence - I just signed up for my first cruise, and it also leaves next Friday. You know, those ships have everything you could think of. Maybe you could use the cruise as an opportunity to use the gym, take some exercise classes (try something new! It's free!), or pamper yourself with a facial or a massage.

    Take advantage of all the healthy food on offer - fresh fruits, good steaks, etc. - eat reasonably and you'll be fine.

    I plan to use the gym every day, use the stairs instead of the elevator, and get in a lot of walking during the port calls. As well as some snorkeling, so that should burn some calories!

    Just curious - where are you going? I'm heading to the Bahamas. Yay!
  • clairedrose
    clairedrose Posts: 121 Member
    Millerll has the right idea. You feel you need to go, so use the opportunity to get started on your healthy journey. Buy some nice clothes including some nice workout stuff. Use the gym and spa. You need to treat yourself well and remember your husband chose you! The other wives will likely have their own insecurities, so try to let go of yours as much as you can. I relate to your situation. My husband is slim and fit and so is our crowd of friends. Sheez...one of my thighs is the size of their entire bodies. I can tell you that once I started working out, I immediately began to feel better about myself. I still have 60 pounds to reach a healthy weight ( I take it 20# at a time). Let us know how it goes.

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