HOW CAN I CHANGE MY WEAKNESS WITHOUT LOSING MY BESTFRIEND?
Replies
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Basically it sounds like I should start planning my meals before I go anywhere.0
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Show up with groceries. Maybe even cook something yummy and healthy for the both of you. Enroll her help. "You know I think you are beautiful, and I want to get where you are. Can you help me while I stay with you?" A real friend will jump on the bandwagon.
Yeah I guess so but my friend doesn't care that I'm on a diet but she doesn't want me to push it on her.0 -
So, like the others said, you have to want this more.
My dad is an alcoholic. And when he became sober, he always kept beer in the house as a "test". He said that if he couldn't remain sober with it in the house, he knew he wasn't really sober.
I'm trying to keep this in mind in my own life. If you can't make the "right" decisions now in order to stay on track, then you aren't really making the changes needed. There will always be "something" in the way of your goals. You cannot live in a bubble. Go to your friend's home with a plan, eat beforehand, bring a healthy snack for you both. It's your problem, not hers.0 -
Here's the thing, no one is ever going to understand why other people do what they do, in your case (along with most people on this site), changing your lifestyle to get healthier.
It sounds like you have an answer for everything, when the bottom line is you only have to answer to yourself. Quit over-analyzing every morsel, enjoy what you enjoy in moderation, exercise your little butt off and just live your own life for you. No one needs to know diddly-squat about why you're doing this, and really, who cares if your friend doesn't "understand", if she respects you enough, she'll eventually get it, and if she doesn't, she doesn't. Life goes on.
There are 8 million other things to stress out about with your friends, something that minor shouldn't make it or break it.
Sorry if that's too blunt.0 -
I'm in the same boat girl! My best friend is 5'5 and about 200 pounds and shes VERY confident and happy where she is and I am envious of her confidence but she eats whatever she wants because she is happy that way. I'm not happy being where I am now and I want to be fit so it is hard.
I've been eating before going to hang with her or if we go to lunch I make sure I pick a place or WE pick a place that I know I won't go for my "all time favorite meal" or something like that. I also try dropping hints to her that I'm eating healthy and she knows I am.
I've tried getting her involved with me at the gym or whatever but she wants no part in it...but I keep pushing forward because I WANT to be healthy and fit and I can't let others bring me down.
You can do it girl I know you can! If you ever need advice or a friend please feel free to message/add me!0 -
Here's the thing, no one is ever going to understand why other people do what they do, in your case (along with most people on this site), changing your lifestyle to get healthier.
It sounds like you have an answer for everything, when the bottom line is you only have to answer to yourself. Quit over-analyzing every morsel, enjoy what you enjoy in moderation, exercise your little butt off and just live your own life for you. No one needs to know diddly-squat about why you're doing this, and really, who cares if your friend doesn't "understand", if she respects you enough, she'll eventually get it, and if she doesn't, she doesn't. Life goes on.
There are 8 million other things to stress out about with your friends, something that minor shouldn't make it or break it.
Sorry if that's too blunt.
Thank you for putting that so sweetly lol0 -
I'm in the same boat girl! My best friend is 5'5 and about 200 pounds and shes VERY confident and happy where she is and I am envious of her confidence but she eats whatever she wants because she is happy that way. I'm not happy being where I am now and I want to be fit so it is hard.
I've been eating before going to hang with her or if we go to lunch I make sure I pick a place or WE pick a place that I know I won't go for my "all time favorite meal" or something like that. I also try dropping hints to her that I'm eating healthy and she knows I am.
I've tried getting her involved with me at the gym or whatever but she wants no part in it...but I keep pushing forward because I WANT to be healthy and fit and I can't let others bring me down.
You can do it girl I know you can! If you ever need advice or a friend please feel free to message/add me!
Thanks for help advice!!!!!!0 -
She is your best friend. Take some fresh snacks with you, veggies, etc. Maybe she will take a page from your book and joinm you in snacking healthy0
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Not sure if it's been suggested, but if you're super close with your best friend and hang out a lot, maybe see if you can go grocery shopping and keep some basic, healthy foods at her place. That way you won't feel as awkward as you might feel bringing over pre-made meals; you can go to the pantry and grab almonds or frozen fruit instead of chocolate – that kind of stuff.
I'm vegetarian, picky, and on a tight budget, so I tend to keep a limited amount of a small variety of food at my apartment. Because of this, my best friend has a habit of keeping frozen veggies or different meats here; it helps her stay on track when she's here for longer than a couple of hours and I don't feel bad for not being able to better accommodate to her palate!0 -
if she is your best friend, sit her down and talk to her. Explain all of that to her.
She doesn't understand my reason for wanting to lose weight so I've chose to not tell her anything about it!!!
Dont underestimate close loved ones sabotage...My ex would bring home KFC with chocolate cake everytime Id fill the house with fresh food and eat right. I fell off every time. Maybe your friend likes being the skinny one that can eat all she wants? Watch out! You changing leaves only a couple options for your loved ones, they're either going to support you and be of assistance or they are going to play dumb and drag you back down. Make friends with common interests. Dont be afraid to lose a friend, even a BEST friend if it means you life a full happy healthy life. This WHOLE thing is not just about losing weight (for me) its about DISCOVERING MY TRUE SELF. FEAR NOT. That drive of yours will take you all the way to your goal, and in the meantime I hope your friend has a really fast metabolism or good genetics because all that junk adds up!
and btw, this is just a different perspective, not saying to kick your friend to the curb or even that she IS sabotaging you, just pointing out that we start journeys and we dont always get to take everyone with us. *hugs*0 -
Not sure if it's been suggested, but f you're super close with your best friend and hang out a lot, maybe see if you can go grocery shopping and keep some basic, healthy foods at her place. That way you won't feel as awkward as you might feel bringing over pre-made meals; you can go to the pantry and grab almonds or frozen fruit instead of chocolate – that kind of stuff.
I'm vegetarian, picky, and on a tight budget, so I tend to keep a limited amount of a small variety of food at my apartment. Because of this, my best friend has a habit of keeping frozen veggies or different meats here; it helps her stay on track when she's here for longer than a couple of hours and I don't feel bad for not being able to better accommodate to her palate!
That sounds pretty workable.....0 -
This is not about my best friend or what she eats its only about me trying to change my weakness. What she do doesn't really matter when speaking about me I'm just trying to get helpful ideas on getting rid of the weakness!!!0
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if she is your best friend, sit her down and talk to her. Explain all of that to her.
She doesn't understand my reason for wanting to lose weight so I've chose to not tell her anything about it!!!
Dont underestimate close loved ones sabotage...My ex would bring home KFC with chocolate cake everytime Id fill the house with fresh food and eat right. I fell off every time. Maybe your friend likes being the skinny one that can eat all she wants? Watch out! You changing leaves only a couple options for your loved ones, they're either going to support you and be of assistance or they are going to play dumb and drag you back down. Make friends with common interests. Dont be afraid to lose a friend, even a BEST friend if it means you life a full happy healthy life. This WHOLE thing is not just about losing weight (for me) its about DISCOVERING MY TRUE SELF. FEAR NOT. That drive of yours will take you all the way to your goal, and in the meantime I hope you friend has a really fast metabolism or good genetics because all that junk adds up!
and btw, this is just a different perspective, not saying to kick your friend to the curb or even that she IS sabotaging you, just pointing out that we start journeys and we dont always get to take everyone with us. *hugs*
Great advice......THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
if she is your best friend, sit her down and talk to her. Explain all of that to her.
She doesn't understand my reason for wanting to lose weight so I've chose to not tell her anything about it!!!
Dont underestimate close loved ones sabotage...My ex would bring home KFC with chocolate cake everytime Id fill the house with fresh food and eat right. I fell off every time. Maybe your friend likes being the skinny one that can eat all she wants? Watch out! You changing leaves only a couple options for your loved ones, they're either going to support you and be of assistance or they are going to play dumb and drag you back down. Make friends with common interests. Dont be afraid to lose a friend, even a BEST friend if it means you life a full happy healthy life. This WHOLE thing is not just about losing weight (for me) its about DISCOVERING MY TRUE SELF. FEAR NOT. That drive of yours will take you all the way to your goal, and in the meantime I hope you friend has a really fast metabolism or good genetics because all that junk adds up!
and btw, this is just a different perspective, not saying to kick your friend to the curb or even that she IS sabotaging you, just pointing out that we start journeys and we dont always get to take everyone with us. *hugs*
Great advice......THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUGS
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if she is your best friend, sit her down and talk to her. Explain all of that to her.
She doesn't understand my reason for wanting to lose weight so I've chose to not tell her anything about it!!!
Dont underestimate close loved ones sabotage...My ex would bring home KFC with chocolate cake everytime Id fill the house with fresh food and eat right. I fell off every time. Maybe your friend likes being the skinny one that can eat all she wants? Watch out! You changing leaves only a couple options for your loved ones, they're either going to support you and be of assistance or they are going to play dumb and drag you back down. Make friends with common interests. Dont be afraid to lose a friend, even a BEST friend if it means you life a full happy healthy life. This WHOLE thing is not just about losing weight (for me) its about DISCOVERING MY TRUE SELF. FEAR NOT. That drive of yours will take you all the way to your goal, and in the meantime I hope you friend has a really fast metabolism or good genetics because all that junk adds up!
and btw, this is just a different perspective, not saying to kick your friend to the curb or even that she IS sabotaging you, just pointing out that we start journeys and we dont always get to take everyone with us. *hugs*
Great advice......THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUGS
HUGS<30 -
bring your own meals and food to her place. stick to your plan no matter what. let her eat whatever she eats.0
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does your best friend know about your weight loss journey? does she support or discourage you??0
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i think planning ahead is always a good thing , i have the same issue when i go to my brothers. i do one of two things, i bring food with me ( and yes i do that walk in the door with grocery bags in hand lmao i even bring a thermos of crystal light ) or if we are going out shopping or such, i account for the bad meal if you're seeing her just for one meal that would work have a healthy breakfast maybe a salad for lunch that way you have room for a not so great dinner. and just maybe exercise a bit more that evening but if you are staying over night at her house then you need to bring food and brace for the temptation because where one meal won't harm you a bunch will.
its hard when you need one thing and they need another but friends understand even if she does not agree you need to lose weight if she knows its important to you she'll get on board so like others said talk to her0 -
you said she doesn't understand or support it but you also said she doesn't know about it ? clarify please0
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you said she doesn't understand or support it but you also said she doesn't know about it ? clarify please
She knows that I want to lose weight but she doesn't understand my motives for wanting to do it. She thinks it's because of my low self-esteem or what not so she's not really on board with me or against me....0 -
Hun, my advice is this: 1. accept your weakness as is 2. Know accepting it doesn't mean giving in to it 3. I have found out the hard way, I MUST plan my meals at least a day ahead of time. If I'm at home I keep ONLY what I should be having, and in the event I stay overnight, or for the weekend somewhere, I plan for and take supplies for the whole time I'm there.
See, I had gastric bypass in January, and there are certain things I HAVE to do to remain healthy. My rearranged guts just will not tolerate anything less.
Here's an example: I spent the weekend with family out of town. They are perfectly content to eat junk and/or huge portions. Knowing this, I made sure to bring stuff I knew they wouldn't have, and some "just in case" stuff, so that if they had something I couldn't, I'd have options. It was really easy! I packed some of my protein powder, several kinds of nuts, extra veggies, low fat cheeses and lunch meat, frozen hamburgers, and a few other odds and ends. Doing this, I was able to have a great time with folks I love, and not stray from my plan. (straying from "approved" foods not only messes with my weight loss, it also makes me physically sick) My family, though not on board with me having the gastric bypass, were perfectly fine with the way I did things.
I know you can work this out too. If you'd like someone to brainstorm with about it, feel free to PM/add me!0 -
Well how exactly do you plan because I honestly have no earthly idea of what I am going to eat until the next day!!!
Plan your meals. Decide what you're going to eat, go shopping and then cook and/ or prep your food for the week or next few days. I don't mean write a menu of exactly what you will be eating each day but you should have an idea and healthy options. Last week I didn't feel like cooking or even eating anything in particular so I just got a bunch of chicken breast and fruit to eat for the week and I made a quinoa salad with black beans and veggies. I always have several breakfast options (whole grain hot or cold cereal, English muffin or toast with nut butter, omelette, fruit, etc) so I don't plan breakfast and instead just have what I want. I also always keep healthy things on hand at work and home for my snacks. My favorites are almonds, Fage 0%, fruit, veggies and hummus and nut butter on whole wheat crispbread.
I might not know exactly what I will eat but I have an idea because I know what I have to eat. Not knowing what I'm going to eat from day to day doesn't work for me because I will end up making bad choices or I might want to eat healthy but I can't because there aren't any healthy options and I didn't buy/prep/cook ahead of time.
Does this make sense? I don't like restaurant or prepared food and I can cook so I realize I have an added advantage for eating healthy, but you can eat healthy if you really want. You just have to make time to plan your meals. Good luck!0 -
i'm not gonna tell you to prep meals etc etc because i'm sure it's impossible for you when staying at her house and her not being supportive. i'll take a different approach here...
now first of all, my best friend is a model. she's beautiful, PERFECT body, and whenever i see her eating she eats CRAP . well, not fast food only but definitely a lot of burgers, fat foods, etc etc so not very clean..
at first i didn't really tell her about wanting to lose weight and my diet then later on, when i told her i was working out a lot etc we would go for runs together and so on.
Long story short, i think a best friend is supposed to be supportive if she really cares about you. and if you are certain that she doesn't then either cut her off (i know it's harsh) or lower the time you spend with her. If you are serious about your new lifestyle you'll have to make some sacrifices. you can still hang out with her but knowing her eating habits you maybe shouldn't choose to stay at her house for a long time? I mean say a junkie wants to get off drugs, he'll have to choose what surroundings and people are good for him and not hang around the ones that have a bad influence..
When spending less time with her and focusing on you and only YOU (that doesn't mean you can't be her friend anymore but like i said you have to make a choice here).. you'll be able to keep up your new healthy lifestyle and maybe even keep your plans to yourself. Afterall, This is about YOU!
Me, personally I must admit, I don't see my best friend as much as I used to but we're keeping in touch and will always be the best of friends. When I happen to be around her for say, a weekend getaway, concerts and know that i'll be spending hours with her, i'll make sure to pack some protein bars, some nuts or a trail mix. When we're out to eat .. she'll want to have a burger or chinese fried noodles, i'll tell her i'm not hungry, i just ate or i'll have a salad. There are ways to work around it. And I think some lies of omission won't hurt. As crazy, harsh or selfish this might sound. Get your priorities straight and put yourself first!
Hope this helped.0
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