Change from, "I wish" to "I WILL!" - personal journey update

So 20 weeks ago saw the day I finally woke up and smelt the coffee, so to speak! Or got the boot up the *kitten* I really needed if that elaborates the real gravity of my then situation!
For that was the day I made a life change, a commitment, a vowel, to lose weight, not just to look better but for more important reasons like being healthy to in-turn, reverse what impending health problems my weight may well have attributed to after all these years.

The first sign I got was catching a glimpse of my horrid body in the mirror at the bottom of the stairs one morning.
Apparently we, as humans, see ourselves in the mirror 5x more beautiful than we actually are - so it would seem that I'd been wearing those rose tinted spectacles for far too long because catching sight of myself in the mirror off guard really made me realise just how big I actually was.
Scrap that, let's be practical without the bull**** now, "fat" I was.
I may have had 2 babies just 12 months apart (and only 8 months ago) which does well to contribute to the plasticine feel-like, misshapen stomach I now posses, but truth be told... I've never had a body to die for prior to that! In fact, In quite literal terms It could well have been a body that could have killed me. And that's not an over exaggeration!

The second sign I got, and probably the most poignant wake up call to get the ball rolling, was after a weekend of eating total rubbish and doing nothing much more than vegetating because my other half was off work with us (excuses I know) I ended up feeling completely lethargic with a chest that felt, just, 'heavy'.
My get up and go had literally got up and gone.
Now that itself should be a warning sign... Being 24 years old and having aches and pains that no-body, let alone my age, should be experiencing.

I can not and will not, sit here and blame my influx of excess weight on having children, or a bad experience etc.
The bottom line of it all is simply this; I have always been fat.
In fact, I can honestly say I can't remember a time I was slim, I don't think I ever was.
I was always the fat kid at school. Being tall didn't help because I stuck out like a sore thumb too and with brace-laced, crooked, sticky out teeth I was definitely a hot shot for all the nasty jibes that came my way.
I used to laugh it off and ended up being the funny one in class. The funny fat kid - hey I weren't complaining, I'd rather be the funny fat kid than just the 'fat kid'.
I never had a shortage of friends and all of them were kind enough to tell me that being as tall as I was I didn't look as fat because I "carried it well". Now, that's all well and good but when you think about what all that weight on the outside is actually doing to me on the inside and the pressure it's putting on everything, suddenly it's not funny anymore and something needed to be done, regardless of what I do or do not look like. Something had to give and I wasn't prepared for it to be my knees!

There's something that people really ought to know about being "fat" though.
It's all well and good when someone slim of the ideal weight says "just stop eating" or "you really ought to lose some weight". True as it may be, if it were that easy then nobody would be fat.
Aside from the fact that bad foods are not only cheaper, easily accessible and more convenient sometimes, people who are fat have an addiction - plain and simple (and are probably that little more lazy too it has to be said!)
Like any other addiction whether it be gambling, drugs, alcohol etc, food addiction is just the same and actually, is probably worse.

You see, when a heroin addict makes the choice to get clean, they go through the gruelling process of weaning themselves off of it and takes a substitute of methondine before they eventually aren't dependant anymore and take nothing at all.

Everybody needs to eat to survive. With a food addiction you cannot simply stop eating food full stop, ever, so the temptation to eat what you shouldn't is always there.
A heroin addiction will usually die from an overdose... An overweight person with a love of food or an addiction will accumulate all sorts of health problems which can actually lead to a slow and painful (usually early) demise unless a heart attack gets you first!

Sounds a bit extreme and morbid right? But that's the truth of it. That is actually the wake up call I have had which forced me to do something about it, to make a life choice to change the way I live. I don't want to die young and i certainly don't want to incur any weight related diseases which could disable me and/or lead to a premature death, especially when I have a young family of my own which need me here.
I WANT to be here!

Now, I'm not about to tell you how much I started at and that's purely down to embarrassment and disgust with myself, but what I will tell you is that my goal is to lose 117lbs, the weight of a child/teen but at just 20 weeks down the line I'm already a massive 61lbs lighter!

However, you are more than welcome to add me and see my progress, swap ideas, share thoughts or have a ramble. I'm not naive enough to think its not going to be any harder than it already has been but I'll report it all, the good, the bad, AND the ugly. And once I've reached my goal I'll post a before and after pic and what the weights are. With the vision I have in mind of how I want to look and feel at the end of my journey I hope you'll be as amazed as I will be and maybe i'll even inspire others to make healthier life changes too.

Wish me luck!!
And a HUGE Good luck and well done to those who are already on their own personal journeys and about to start!

Kirsty x