"I won't let you lose weight!"

kateauch
kateauch Posts: 195 Member
in Motivation and Support
I see a lot of people, myself included, having to deal with everyone else's opinion on their weight loss journey and aren't quite sure how to handle it.

So the other day, my boyfriend and I were talking and somehow got onto the topic of health and fitness (probably because I've become slightly obsessed with it).

I had several things come out of this exchange-

#1 I told my BF I am going to lose 75 pounds. He looked shocked and said "I won't let you lose that! You can't do that!" Implying, NOT that he won't let me lose weight, but losing that amount would be unhealthy.

#2 Embarrassing overweight moment #TOOMANYTOCOUNT. I looked at him and said "Do you know how much I weigh? 235. I should to weigh 175."

#3 He scoffed, and asked where I had heard such a "ridiculous" figure (this is how little my bf is aware of things like BMI, TDEE or health in general). I cited a good friend of our who's a nutritionist and nurse. He frowned.

#4 He looked at me and said "I just want you to be healthy."

So....long story short, don't let your loved ones discourage you from your goals!! Remember- whatever advice, support or (hopefully constructive) criticism they give, it's coming from a good place 99% of the time.

Persevere MFP'ers!

Replies

  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    I like this post, it's cute. When my brother and I first wanted to lose weight our mom was kind of like this. Since then we've been able to educate her more and now she's on board with us. ^_^
  • dlionsmane
    dlionsmane Posts: 674 Member
    Ditto - Like this!
    It is about educating the people in your life though about what is important to you and health is a major consideration, if you expect to be with someone for a long time.
    My BF is onboard and so I got him to sign up too and he's lost 10 lbs himself. We eat better together and are both getting healthy!
    Win, Win!
  • rose228822
    rose228822 Posts: 186 Member
    Well my boyfriend wants me to be healthy too and he has encouraged and supported me to lose weight because I was depressed at my heaviest and he hopes I get off the high blood pressure medicine and I'm much more active and energetic and he feels when I'm happy he's happy lol....I guess the bottom line is you need to do it for yourself and if those around you even loved ones don't want to be supportive or just not thinking it's healthy to lose so much maybe you just have to stay strong and keep motivated:smile:
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    Some people just have no concept and aren't trying to be harmful, like this. :smile: One of my old coworkers, when I told her I needed to lose 100 pounds, just looked at me and goes 'you'll be a skeleton!'. :laugh: My response? 'No, I just really AM that much overweight, but thank you!!'
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    He probably doesn't see you as being fat and that he's worried you're setting yourself a target that's dangerously low. Men are not usually very clued up about what weight is healthy for anyone, or how much you'd need to lose to make a noticable difference in your size and that sort of thing. I really don't think he's trying to discourage you. It's also probably his way of saying that he's happy with you regardless of what size you are.

    you'd probably be better off not talking about numbers to him at all, just saying that you want to get healthy, eat right and exercise to get fit and healthy. I'm sure he'd be supportive of that. Weight loss is a side effect of doing those things, if you include good portion control. it's his perception of 75lb that he's not supportive of, if you actually lost that much and he could see that you're more healthy and fitter and stronger as a result then he'd be supportive of the new you.
  • eep223
    eep223 Posts: 624 Member
    I see a lot of people, myself included, having to deal with everyone else's opinion on their weight loss journey and aren't quite sure how to handle it.

    So the other day, my boyfriend and I were talking and somehow got onto the topic of health and fitness (probably because I've become slightly obsessed with it).

    I had several things come out of this exchange-

    #1 I told my BF I am going to lose 75 pounds. He looked shocked and said "I won't let you lose that! You can't do that!" Implying, NOT that he won't let me lose weight, but losing that amount would be unhealthy.

    #2 Embarrassing overweight moment #TOOMANYTOCOUNT. I looked at him and said "Do you know how much I weigh? 235. I should to weigh 175."

    #3 He scoffed, and asked where I had heard such a "ridiculous" figure (this is how little my bf is aware of things like BMI, TDEE or health in general). I cited a good friend of our who's a nutritionist and nurse. He frowned.

    #4 He looked at me and said "I just want you to be healthy."

    So....long story short, don't let your loved ones discourage you from your goals!! Remember- whatever advice, support or (hopefully constructive) criticism they give, it's coming from a good place 99% of the time.

    Persevere MFP'ers!

    Aw, this sounds like his way of expressing to you that he loves you at any size and doesn't consider you "fat." I haven't had the guts to tell my boyfriend how much I weigh, only how much I gained. He knows how much I was at my lowest, though, so I'm sure he can do the math. The two of us gained the weight together, and he's gone down and up a couple times since. I'm hoping that as I stick with this, he'll hop on the weight loss train too. He hasn't commented much... only to congratulate when I tell him about a couple more pounds lost or a good workout. Definitely not UNsupportive.... but not exactly supportive either. I think they don't know quite how to react, and possibly even don't want to offend, knowing weight is such a touchy subject.
  • xinit0
    xinit0 Posts: 310 Member
    #1 I told my BF I am going to lose 75 pounds. He looked shocked and said "I won't let you lose that! You can't do that!" Implying, NOT that he won't let me lose weight, but losing that amount would be unhealthy.

    You meant ex-boyfriend, right?
  • tpcooper
    tpcooper Posts: 30 Member
    It is great that at least it seems to be out of genuine concern.

    I can't believe some of the things people think about heath, nutrition, and weight loss.
  • eep223
    eep223 Posts: 624 Member
    Also, WOW, newdaydawning79! I guess I haven't seen your picture in a while. You look GREAT!
  • ScarletFyre
    ScarletFyre Posts: 754 Member
    :smile: Great post! Reminds us to look at opposition from BOTH sides: yes they may hinder our loss, but it's not out of malice, it's out of them thinking they are helping.
  • fallbrawl
    fallbrawl Posts: 72
    I had the same conversation with my dad when the doctor said that if i did not lose weight then i would die sooner. I tried to join a gym but he said no because it was to expensive. He won't even let me have a weight set because it cost to much. I am only working thru temp services now so i don't have alot of money.
  • farmers_daughter
    farmers_daughter Posts: 1,632 Member
    um.... if you don't want him I'll take him! :bigsmile:

    It sounds like he wanted you to know he loves you the way you are... if you smash him when he does that don't complain later when he stops doing it.

    I wasn't there so I don't know but I'm just going off of the tone of the words you used.




    And I'm the only one it appears that took it that way....so I'll slink out of this conversation now. :):flowerforyou:
  • paxbfl
    paxbfl Posts: 391 Member
    I think the key is HEALTHY. I've just lost almost 50 pounds. There's a significant difference in how I look, and a few people have suggested that maybe I've lost too much weight. But I simply tell them that my body fat is now in the healthy range.

    I think we as a society are so used to everyone being overweight that we have a hard time recognizing what's healthy. Being overweight is not healthy no matter what anyone thinks.

    That's why I don't trust perceptions. I trust numbers - specifically body fat percentage.

    Scale weight and (especially) BMI are of limited use because they don't take muscle into consideration. Body fat is the way to go - aim for the healthy range and then tweak from there.
  • Saucy_lil_Minx
    Saucy_lil_Minx Posts: 3,302 Member
    I like the way you put this. My husband says the same thing. Why do you need to lose more weight your healthy! I told him I am overweight, and 34 years old. I'm not healthy even if I seem like it. I told him losing weight is hard, and if I don't work at it now it will be harder when I'm 40, and let's face it I won't do it when I 50. So I told him it has to be now so I am healthy long term. I love that he does not see my flaws, but in a way he creates barriers I have to hurdle by not seeing the BIG picture of what I am doing for my health, his health, and our children's health.
  • Kassidi21
    Kassidi21 Posts: 267 Member
    That sounds like about the conversation I had with my bf! I told him I want to lose 40 to start with and all he had to say is that's quite a lot and went from all for helping to a little distant about that subject... Well here's to showing boyfriends up! =) feel free to add if you'd like!
  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    Thanks everyone!

    And I did see this as very supportive on his end. (lol, farmers_daughter, sorry girl, he's taken!)

    He has told me he loves me no matter what shape I'm in and I've said the same to him. He just happens to be one of those blessed individuals that can drink and eat whatever he likes and still has an extremely low BMI so he's not very health conscious.

    This has really been a journey for both of us- me to become more fit, be in a healthy weight range and have more energy and for him to become more aware of quality foods, nutrition and general health. :smile:
  • bill323
    bill323 Posts: 100
    Imagine the thread if the conversation went like this.

    I want to lose 75lbs
    Yeah I was thinking the same thing
  • LisaLisaE33
    LisaLisaE33 Posts: 7 Member
    Are you a muscular 235? I only ask because he may not see you as unhealthy. I did my BMI with my doctors and found out I'm a lot closer to a good BMI than just basing it off of Internet calculations. They have a machine, so my goal is to be healthy, not super skinny, I was that once too & I wasn't healthy then.

    Work with your doctors and set realistic good goals and be glad you have a boyfriend who sees you as beautiful no matter what. Maybe he's afraid you'll rope him in. ;)

    Stick with it, it sounds like you already look good so it's truly about health and for you which it should be. :)
  • kateauch
    kateauch Posts: 195 Member
    Are you a muscular 235? I only ask because he may not see you as unhealthy. I did my BMI with my doctors and found out I'm a lot closer to a good BMI than just basing it off of Internet calculations. They have a machine, so my goal is to be healthy, not super skinny, I was that once too & I wasn't healthy then.

    Work with your doctors and set realistic good goals and be glad you have a boyfriend who sees you as beautiful no matter what. Maybe he's afraid you'll rope him in. ;)

    Stick with it, it sounds like you already look good so it's truly about health and for you which it should be. :)

    I am. Most people are shocked when I tell them how heavy I am. I'm thinking 175 (I'm 5'11") but really, I'm not focused on the scale. I take measurements to quantify my progress as opposed to weighing myself.

    And yes, I am a very lucky girl that I have found a man who loves me from the inside out. :blushing:

    Thanks for the encouragement!
  • ajbloomu
    ajbloomu Posts: 16
    I have heard much of the same from co-workers, family, friends, etc. I think most people want to lose weight, but for whatever reason (and we have all been there) do not, so when someone they know does a natural human reaction is to unintentionally shame them a little bit to make themselves feel better. Lucky for you, your boyfriend seems very supportive. Keep it up! You will get to your targets!
  • bill323
    bill323 Posts: 100
    On a less snarky note. I have gotten to the point where I am down a lot of weight in a short time frame so people think I am nearing the end. I have to laugh because I am still 220 lbs and 42" around my midsection. Its a helluva departure from 295 and 53" but still not healthy.
  • AllisonPlease
    AllisonPlease Posts: 48 Member
    Lol this sounds exactly like my Bf!! When I told him I needed to lose 40 more pounds he said absolutely not! I heard what he said and felt good that he cared and loves my body as is, however while he thinks 40 pounds will make me look like a stick, I'm well aware that this is not the case and that while my thighs will slim a bit, most of the fat will probably come from a combination of other places!! Stay with it!!
  • runningjen74
    runningjen74 Posts: 312 Member
    Just like my OH. I didn't tell him how much I had to lose. But when I'd lost about 10 pounds, he exclaimed sure you must be finished now. I'm down over 40 pounds, and only just out of the obese category, so yeah I've a bit to go (regardless of whether you use body fat or BMI to calculate it)

    He finds my whole 'fitness buzz' a bit frustrating. To be fair to him I am probably a bit obsessed. BUT, he views self improvement as good, and recognises some of the benefits - think of the bedroom ;)

    I did ask him if my butt, or boobs were smaller would he still like them, and he responded because they are mine, he'll always like them.

    Stick with it. To be honest, my OH for the most part can't see my weight loss - it is quite obvious. But if I stopped talking about it but continued losing, I think he would be a long time noticing. I just can't help telling someone about my successes in the gym.

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