Compliment or ignore?

lilawolf
lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
in Motivation and Support
The other day I was at the gym and there was a lady there who was at least 50lbs overweight. She was doing these really high step ups with a big backpack on her back and sweating her butt off. I really wanted to say good job! Same thing when I see a larger person running on the side of the road. Because of all of the awesome people on my friend list and on the forums here, I know how hard it is and how helpful a kind word can be, and I want to cheer people on. Give them a compliment on the fantastic changes they are making.

But I never do. Why? I'm afraid that I will just embarrass them, or make them feel like I am being condescending or making fun of them somehow. On the other hand, a nice young man told me the other day that I was "really impressive" when I was benching my 95lbs, and it made my day!

So to compliment or not to compliment? How would it make YOU feel? (or how has it or did it?)

Replies

  • piezoeyjune
    piezoeyjune Posts: 186 Member
    I feel exactly the same way. I see people exercising and I want to say good job keep it up kind of thing. But I don't...

    So, I guess if I had to think if it was me exercising and someone said something how would I react?

    I think if someone went on and on about how great it is that I was exercising etc. etc. I think I might start to think that they're being a jerk and making fun of me…

    But if that person just said it somewhat in passing "hey great job keep it up" I might not get so... offended... is that the right word? I might not get worried that there are ulterior motives...

    So, I guess the answer your question (and mine also) is compliment away. But don't try to sound surprised that they're actually moving their body.

    And in all honesty some people are going to get irritated with you no matter what because that's just the kind of people they are. And if someone gives you grief just say that you lost weight too so you can relate.
  • daniellemm1
    daniellemm1 Posts: 465 Member
    I would be happy if someone complimented me but I think you are right in that if you over compliment it might come off as pity rather than actually being a compliment. Maybe a simple "You rock?!"
  • iarelarry
    iarelarry Posts: 201 Member
    I've come to realize people out of shape don't take compliments too well, however, if they are in great shape... different story.
  • Arredondo145
    Arredondo145 Posts: 50 Member
    "Atta girl" or "Atta boys" ought to be okay. Just don't go over board. Frankly, I am chubby and love the encouragement. :wink:
  • BikerGirlElaine
    BikerGirlElaine Posts: 1,631 Member
    I smile, say something like "That's impressive!" or "Awesome job you're doing!", and move on. No one ever compliments m, I would love it if they did but I know I give off a "don't talk to me vibe". I clearly remember the last time that someone did and it still makes me feel good to think about it LOL.
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    Sounds like the consensus is to COMPLIMENT, but keep it short, sweet, and honest. Thanks guys! As someone pointed out to me, slender people need to hear when they are kicking butt too! I do actually compliment them (its usually seems less dangerous), but its a bit harder to impress me too. That shouldn't be the case. You can be larger and in great shape, or smaller and have no endurance. Someone working hard is working hard. :flowerforyou:
  • aaasky
    aaasky Posts: 68 Member
    Would you say the same thing to a thin person working their *kitten* off? If so, go for it! If not, I'd treat her the same way you would any other person in the gym.

    That said, I had a trainer at my gym compliment me on killing it on the rowing machine and it made my day!
  • Phx99
    Phx99 Posts: 69
    I would compliment but specifically. You said she was doing great step ups - why not something like "I just wanted to say I love the way you are doing those step ups - I seem to struggle with them"? I agree if you go on and on, people wonder if you are making fun of them, but if it's done like a "I can't do that....have any tips?", I find it less offensive. I would take it as a compliment someone is asking for advice.

    I can say this for sure, as I was telling a friend I bought Zumba for the xbox, and wanted to try it, and now THEY want to try it on line WITH ME. I find it a huge compliment that I may have inspired someone!
  • NoelleS85
    NoelleS85 Posts: 89
    Sounds like the consensus is to COMPLIMENT, but keep it short, sweet, and honest. Thanks guys! As someone pointed out to me, slender people need to hear when they are kicking butt too! I do actually compliment them (its usually seems less dangerous), but its a bit harder to impress me too. That shouldn't be the case. You can be larger and in great shape, or smaller and have no endurance. Someone working hard is working hard. :flowerforyou:

    Agreed. I think anyone would appreciate a short compliment, but don't overdo it, and make it seem like you're giving them any kind of special attention, just because they're overweight.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    How would it make YOU feel? (or how has it or did it?)

    The gym I go to I been complimented by both. A few men but majority are women. I joined it already well into my weight loss. So when people compliment me, I tell them thanks and when they ask how much, I tell them I've lost about 60 lbs since I joined the gym. I'm a bit shy and get slightly embarrassed when they do compliment me, especially women. :embarassed: Very few people at the gym I go to actually know that I've lost 200+ lbs.
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    A compliment on being able to do a particular exercise is great, and I've gotten a few of those. A compliment that's more like, "Good for you for exercising even though you're fat!" is more likely to come across as condescending. So I think try to keep it specific and then it won't sound like you're just making fun of them.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    I wouldn't want anything said to me, because I like my gym time to be my me time, and I would feel self-conscious if I thought someone was watching me exercise enough to compliment me. I often close my eyes while I work out. I'd say that if the woman needs encouragement, she can get it through posting her successes to a site like Fitocracy or MFP, Facebook, going to WW meetings.
  • diddles19
    diddles19 Posts: 122 Member
    I have a lot to lose and I would love somebody to say something encouraging. I hate going to the gym with all the skinny minnies who mostly look down their nose at me because I'm fat. I am trying my hardest and it would make my day if somebody said something nice or even gave me a little bit of helpful advice.
  • sweetpea129
    sweetpea129 Posts: 755 Member
    I think a smile and a nod would be good enough.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    a thumbs up and a smile is all you need
  • sigsby
    sigsby Posts: 220 Member
    I think positive reinfocement is a powerful thing. For me... I have led a very self destructive life. Partty it up and consequences be damned. Now I am trying to make a change. I am finding that all of my friends and family are still into the old destructive ways. Just having an intelegent conversation about health and fitness is hard to come by. Maybe those people need that comment to carry them a little further down the road.
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
    a thumbs up and a smile is all you need

    Yup. Much more than that runs the risk of sounding patronizing, no matter how sincerely it's meant. Personally, I like both, but it's a lot harder to read anything into the first.
  • AngelHeart1986
    AngelHeart1986 Posts: 7
    I vote for the thumbs up and smile. I worry that the 'keep it up' might come off as, keep going because you need to? Just my opinion :)
  • AngelsFan91106
    AngelsFan91106 Posts: 111 Member
    I also like the nod/ smile/ thumbs up. You get the point across without anyone questioning your intentions.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    It really depends on how you say it.

    "Atta boy/girl" sounds silly or contrived, ditto with "great job". But if they are doing something challenging, saying that form or technique is impressive, or you can sincerely remark that you find what they are doing to be really difficult or that you are working up to be able to do it, then it doesn't sound contrived.

    Complimenting form or technique is generally better than a generic atta boy that sounds more like the "yay for the overweight person working out" comment that you don't mean.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    as a fattie myself, if I just got done with a set and turn around and our eyes happen to meet and you gave me a friendly thumbs up or "awesome work bro" or something then it would be cool. It won't put me in the spotlight.

    But if you go out of your way and come up to me and say "OMG you're such an inspiration and, like, totally awesome that you're moving your fat butt!" then this puts me in a spotlight. Even if you said it while we're alone and you put it in the gentlest possible way, it would still feel weird.

    If you happen to meet eyes, give a kind smile and possibly thumbs up. Thats it. Carry on. Keep your cheering for friends here who expect it :)
  • Goddessmaker1
    Goddessmaker1 Posts: 114 Member
    As long as it's sincere and with a good motive it's fine. People can pick up the other type. I prefer folks to speak rather than just stare.

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