Is monogamy really 'unnatural'? As this article suggest?

resistance_freak
resistance_freak Posts: 899
in Chit-Chat
Just read this article on cnn, and I'm curious to hear others' opinions on the topic.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/laslocky-monogamy-marriage/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

Replies

  • wohlgangerc
    wohlgangerc Posts: 12 Member
    From a biological standpoint, the best solution for the female is to cheat on a resourceful mate who is monogomous to her with a biologically superior male. For the male, rampant cheating while "investing" in a monogomous relationship with whatever mates produced the best offspring is the best strategy. Sociologically, most humans live in monogomous relationships that focus on parents or extended family raising children. Children without both parents, or who are raised in a home where they were unwanted or seen as a burden are demonstrably more likely to become criminals. As a society, we should either embrace monogomy wholly, to prevent unwanted (or burdensome) children, or embrace a lifestyle where the entire community lives together and raises children together, so that they don't feel unwanted. Monogomy is just easier to (attempt to) do.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I've heard the same sort of claims from people who post here on MFP.

    My thoughts are that we aren't animals, we are humans who are capable of making decisions based on more than just sex pheromones. I think that people who cheat, make a choice to cheat. Those who are monogamous make the choice to not cheat. To me, it's really that simple.
  • tc6952
    tc6952 Posts: 14
    I asked my wife. She said I should definitely stick with it, and she'lI let me live.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,641 Member
    I can see benefits to both. Biologically it does make sense to spread your genes out there. Socially it makes sense to provide a stable family environment to raise children.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I don't believe it is unnatural. I believe that could be used as an excuse, though.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    i think at the heart of it, as humans we have choice.

    that is our gift...choice and free will...and our internal alignment is determined by us, whether unconsciously or consciously...

    so some of us gravitate more naturally to monogamy, others to polygamy, or other types of relationship values.

    basically it's very individual and up to the individual...i don't think it's one way for ALL....and anyone that uses that kind of thinking to say "it's not my fault, we weren't meant to be monogamous" isn't living up to the choice they made.

    that's all.
  • Squeeks70
    Squeeks70 Posts: 157 Member
    I asked my wife. She said I should definitely stick with it, and she'lI let me live.

    Exactly! LOL
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    I've heard the same sort of claims from people who post here on MFP.

    My thoughts are that we aren't animals, we are humans who are capable of making decisions based on more than just sex pheromones. I think that people who cheat, make a choice to cheat. Those who are monogamous make the choice to not cheat. To me, it's really that simple.

    Humans are animals.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    From a biological standpoint, the best solution for the female is to cheat on a resourceful mate who is monogomous to her with a biologically superior male. For the male, rampant cheating while "investing" in a monogomous relationship with whatever mates produced the best offspring is the best strategy. Sociologically, most humans live in monogomous relationships that focus on parents or extended family raising children. Children without both parents, or who are raised in a home where they were unwanted or seen as a burden are demonstrably more likely to become criminals. As a society, we should either embrace monogomy wholly, to prevent unwanted (or burdensome) children, or embrace a lifestyle where the entire community lives together and raises children together, so that they don't feel unwanted. Monogomy is just easier to (attempt to) do.


    Good answer... men are here to spread the seed, thus having a better chance of extending his lineage. Women are here to nest and raise those babies properly so they don't die and can contribute to the family. Social norms and life expectancy has changed drastically, but has evolution shaken this drive in each sex?
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Children do what they want. Adults do what they have to.
  • kf4vkp
    kf4vkp Posts: 164 Member
    Most of the time when I see these discussions, people assume that non-monogamy automatically means cheating. It doesn't.

    It might not be your choice to live that way but there are many happy polyamory couples who make non-monogamy work for them...
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Depends on the person and how his or her brain is wired. My BF is more monogamous then myself, but I have a higher drive and could envision a life of polyamoury. However, I'm loyal and respect that to him having another partner would be cheating. It's vanilla, but luckily I love vanilla.

    This is where the human part comes in if you love and respect a person than you dont cross his or her boundaries just because you are wired to want to get it on with anything in a skirt.
  • Antiquers
    Antiquers Posts: 12
    Monogamy's about as natural as wearing clothes or eating with cutlery - other animals generally don't do it but it's pretty damn popular among humans. Nothing wrong with it, of course. There are pros and cons to monogamy, and, whilst generally the most socially acceptable form of relationship, it just doesn't suit everyone. Plenty of people engage in happy, polyamorous relationships everyday and they get along just fine.

    • A lack of monogamy doesn't have to mean adultery
    • Just because monogamy isn't generally 'natural' amongst animals that doesn't mean that it's wrong or that we shouldn't try for it
    • And, likewise, just because non-monogamous relationships aren't particularly socially acceptable, that doesn't mean that they're wrong either. It's all about what suits someone I guess.

    What makes us human and therefore different, in my opinion, is that we have the ability to look at the pros and cons, look at how we're personally wired and how our partners are wired, and choose the best type of lifestyle for us from there

    That's my tuppence anyway :happy:

    (I keep editing this to try and get rid of that bloody smiley but it's not working. Oh well)
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    In primal terms, yes. But some would argue we have evolved...I still swing the clubs (only at golf balls now), pull hair (because she likes it), and grunt (because, well...I am man.)
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
    Just read this article on cnn, and I'm curious to hear others' opinions on the topic.

    http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/laslocky-monogamy-marriage/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

    A little bit about the author of this piece.
    Meghan Laslocky

    Meghan Laslocky’s first book, The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages is a cultural and social history of not-so-happy endings that will be published by Plume/Penguin in January 2013. To this project, she brings considerable personal expertise: She has been dumped at least a dozen times, including by one Willem Dafoe doppelgänger, one Anthony Edwards doppelgänger, one farmer, one bartender, and at least three published authors. Laslocky has been ditched after moving across the country to be with someone, via email and over instant messenger, in a Honda Civic, on her birthday, and in her own kitchen while making dinner. (To be fair, she’s fairly certain she’s countered by breaking the hearts of three or perhaps six men, several of whom barely spoke English, and one of whom she almost regretted dumping because he really did have great taste in music.)

    Meghan is attracted to off-beat stories about love and sex, relationships, and gender and has profiled men who have relationships with love dolls and a stylist for transgendered women.

    http://meghanlaslocky.com/about-meghan/

    I'd say this is exactly the person that I need giving me relationship advice. That's a winning strategy right there. :laugh:
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    We have brains, morals and the ability to make a decision, that would make monogamy natural to those who have decided to get married. Just because a person is tempted, or attracted to someone else when they are in a relationship, does not mean they must act on it. Adultery is a decision it doesn't just happen. If it feels unnatural to some then they should not get married, or commit to a monogamist relationship.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Depends on who you ask, but if it feels unnatural to a person then monogamous marriage is not the way to go.
  • BenchPressingCats
    BenchPressingCats Posts: 1,826 Member
    I've heard the same sort of claims from people who post here on MFP.

    My thoughts are that we aren't animals, we are humans who are capable of making decisions based on more than just sex pheromones. I think that people who cheat, make a choice to cheat. Those who are monogamous make the choice to not cheat. To me, it's really that simple.

    Humans are animals.

    ^^This. However, there are many animals that are monogamous. Such as Gibbons, swans, penguins, wolves, turtle doves, termites, and quite a few others.
  • MsPudding
    MsPudding Posts: 562 Member
    One of my male friends has been polyamorous for most of his life (I call his girls 'wifelettes') and, though it personally wouldn't work for me, as an outsider I can see it works for him as long as the personalities gel well together.

    What kills relationships is deceit; as long as people in relationships are open and honest about their wants and desires and anything that leads from that point is mutually consented to, then anything can work really.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    we didn't need monogamy before we understood that p + v = babies. before that, we could have all the sex we wanted with whoever we wanted because we didn't make the connection. AND, back at that time, mortality was superhigh for everyone, espesh babies, so we needed all the babies we could get anyway.

    once we got the p + v connection, then it started mattering who you doinked. by that time there were more ppl and less resources, and, nobody wants to support or leave a legacy to someone else's offspring--so here is when we start getting patriarchy, subjugation of women, and the primacy of virginity, a.k.a., monogamy.

    flash forward to today, when mortality and reproduction rates are vastly different. monogamy does not make one damn bit of difference in an overpopulated world where we desperately need LESS ppl.

    'monogamy' = just a way of coping with the fact that no dude wants to have to work to support some other dude's offspring. women don't really care who is bringing home the bacon as long as the kids are fed. this, like others, is just a social behavior mechanism that humans, with their huge wonderful forebrains, have developed to cope with the situations they find themselves in. we use it; we don't need it.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I do not do monogamy anymore. I have tried in past relationships and I just can't do it.

    My daughter's father and I have been together for 11 years. I do not love this man in a romantic way, but I have lots of love for him. I want him to be in my life forever. We have a great relationship. But I do not want to "be" with him. He has given me everything I have ever wanted... unconditional love (by him and my daughter) and someone to come home to (my daughter.) I want someone to be with in a committed, non-monogamous relationship, but when they hear that, they either get jealous, or think that they can sleep with anyone or everyone under the sun. That is not want I want. It makes things very difficult, so I have just decided to stop dating because it's just not worth it anymore. And then things get even more difficult when I say that I sleep with women. Then I get the "OH MAN WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ENDLESS THREESOMES!!!" Um, no. I sleep with women because I am not going to lie about my sexuality. Most men can at least accept the fact that I sleep with women, but once I say that I sleep with my daughter's father, then it's all over.

    People asked me if I was going to marry my daughter's father after she was born. I was like "Um, no. I don't love him." "BUT YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM!?!" Yes, but I do not love him, no in that way. So that got me thinking and I asked him if he loved me. He said "That's a tough question. I never really thought about it. I love everything about you. I love that you're the mother of my child." I love the fact that he loves me unconditionally, the way I feel about him.

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