Desperate for motivation,words of wisdom or any guidance

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ginadnorris
ginadnorris Posts: 5 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi I am Gina, I am 30, stay at home mom. Just to cut to the chase, I have struggled with my weight the better part of the last decade. it got progressively worse after I stopped working in October 2011. I weighed myself in January of 2012 and was absolutely shocked that I had gained about 20 lbs in the 3 months of being at home. So that was last year. I immediately started changing my diet. Ya know, no junk, did the south beach diet thing, I walked about 5 miles a day. I lost about 17 lbs by March. And now for the last year I just struggle. And I know what my problem is. Its ME. This past january I hit the floor running. Literally. With now, 70 lbs to lose I was diving in head first with a goal of finally being able to enjoy summer. I figured I had 5 months to lose a good chunk of this weight. I joined the gym, stayed on top of the food. But my problem is consistency. Yeah I would do fine for a week, lose 4 lbs that week, next week work out once and gain a pound. Now here I am 5 months later with a total loss since January of 3 lbs. I spent Sunday morning crying as I tried to find something to wear to church in this heat wave we have here. I hate myself. Why cant i do it??? I want this more then anything in my life right now. I had 5 months that I just threw down the toilet. I could be sitting out in my yard in a bathing suit feeling happy and confident but instead im in the house feelings so disgusting. Its like when i do it I go all the way. I stay within my calories. I work out and then after a week I lose my drive. I eat junk, dont work out. Its killing me. No one knows what I go through. My husband says "You look fine, stop it" thats not what I see. I try to reason with myself and just say its just 70 lbs! thats it! You can do this! but then i eat myself into a depression. I wear clothes that I never thought I would ever go out in public in. Long shorts and baggy shirts. I was once beautiful and peopled commented on my clothes but now I wont even look at myself in the mirror. This past winter I also tried weight watchers, but the apps gave me so much trouble and the message boards were filled with condesending mean people so I never renewed my subsciptiion. My situation now is that my kids are home for the summer and my car has died so im literally trapped in my house with my kids not able to go to the gym. I have a ton of work out dvds but i just never feel like they work. Can someone help me? I mean I dont even know what I want or need to hear. I just wanted to vent to people who get it. I Did you have trouble like me? how did you make yourself stop getting in your own way? Please help me. This girl is not me.

Replies

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    I hate myself. Why cant i do it???

    You cannot change anything until you give yourself some slack to be human, have made mistakes, and understand you are more than worth the effort to be a better you. You need to make every day a stand for you and care enough about yourself to take yourself to task. It can't happen until you make it happen.

    Seeing a therpaist might help in talking about what has brought you to this point in life. Being overweight is almost always just a symptom of a deeper issue. You will have to deal with those and align your mind and spirit, and trust me your body will follow.

    Don't give up. DO NOT GIVE UP.

    So the reality of weight...you did not get overweight in a week or a month, so do not expect to lose it that quick. Be content and happy with a slow, steady rate of loss back to the you that you want to be.

    Be strong.

    Good luck sweatie.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    PS - Add me if you want. I try to post up encouraging thoughts and motivation each day.
  • merediththemom
    merediththemom Posts: 9 Member
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    I've been there and have also gained weight as a sahm! I don't know what to say really, I've done the back and forth thing for a long time and then one day had just had enough. I hated everything about my life and this gives me a sense that I am doing something right and something good for myself and my family. I don't know what it was that clicked, it just did and I'm hoping it stays this way. Just know that if you don't do it, another 5 months could go by and you'll say the same thing again. I know I have told myself that I wish I had started a year ago but I don't want to be saying that a year from now again. The time is going to pass whether you lose the weight or not, you know?
    Feel free to add me if you want, I try to be positive!
  • success1113
    success1113 Posts: 2
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    I've been there...and still am there....but I'm at it and working again. Here are some things that should work. Happy to join you in the battle!

    1) Take one day at a time.
    2) Forgive your past mistakes.....nothing you can do about them now.
    3) Keep a list of reasons you want to lose weight handy so that you can read them when you're tempted to go over-board. "So that I can be there for my kids" is the one that motivates me the most!
    4) Find something that you enjoy doing -- or a really good distraction -- so that you can get some exercise every day. I read an article today that indicated that there are actually more benefits from walking than running. Going for a walk is easy.....especially if you can find a friend to walk with. I'm fortunate to have an elliptical at home, so I either watch TV or play solitaire on an iPad while on the elliptical.
    5) Use the calorie counting tools to keep you honest.....that also provides some motivation to exercise more so that you have an extra pool of calories that you can use if you would like to have a dinner out or a special treat.

    Good luck! You can do it.......we'll all lose the weight together!
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    I will echo what was just said and add, for me, I had to have a plan. Once I had my plan, I set out to execute my plan. It's a pretty simple plan. I plan on only eating 2100 calories a day. I plan on walking for 30 minutes a day. To facilitate the plan, I had to plan my eating. I eat oatmeal, an Apple and toast for breakfast. I eat last night dinner leftovers for lunch. I eat a sensible dinner every night and prepare enough for lunch tomorrow. I always have an evening snack, always and its usually ice cream. But it has to fit my calorie budget. I don't take a day off. I can't afford to. I have set my mind to changing my life and guess what? It's working. And it can work for you too. Add me if you would like.
  • JennypegMarie
    JennypegMarie Posts: 133 Member
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    Hi there hun.

    I can relate to you, It can be heart breaking. I have recently just posted something similar, I get discouraged because I cannot work out has much as probably needed. I have to ask myself what do I really want? You cannot fix a thousand issues in one day. And sometimes you have to work with the tools you have.

    You have lost weight before, so you know you can do it. and I'm sort of on the right track I've gained 4 lb recently and not sure why but I'm working on it, and so are you, your here asking for advice and recognising your situation to me thats working on it :) so least you are doing something about it even though you feel you aren't. The guy above is right don't give up. That's when things will go wrong, they spiral.

    You sound like your in a miserable spot at the moment hun, and that don't help the diet and motivation thing, just remember that hopefully you can start again when your heads a little clearer and begin your journey again- start over.

    Its the only thing I can see that might help you at this time. You cant change everything in one go, You confidence is pretty low, BTW, you look fantastic on your pic! :) but as do I feel, I everything is wrong you put on weight or cant do what is 100 % needed and you feel a total failure. Its a journey. not a race.

    I have to listen to my words of wisdom too sometimes, We are human and have feelings. Determination will prevail in the end- it has too because if we keep trying we won't ever go back.

    Your more than welcome to add me as a friend

    I hope this has help you hun,
    And good luck ~X~
  • naye1104
    naye1104 Posts: 1
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    Hello there, reading your story reminds me so much of me after trying what seems like every diet! I went from 115lbs to 170lbs! I think for me my reality check was on a saturday night when i was getting ready to go out with some friends and i felt so uncomfortable in everything i tried on! i decided to weigh myself and i was so mad at myself for allowing myself to gain that much weight! I was so tired of feeling sorry for myself of feeling uncomfortable and i decide to change my eating habits! No more soda chips or junk food. i eat smaller portions i drink alot of water. its been really hard though ive fallen back to my old habit at times but since i recently started my new job it has been alot easier to stay on track since they are very big on fitness we have a gym free of charge and they also have poster all over that motivate you. i also started working out with a coworker and we push eachother to keep going. It has been a month and i have lost 8lbs and my coworker has lost 5lbs it is such an amazing feeling when people start to notice! you can do it always keep in mind what your goal is and never make excuses for yourself make heathly eating choices drink plenty of water and exercise you'll see the weight just start falling off! if i can do it i know you can too also surround yourself with positive people! the best investment you can ever make is in yourself! :happy: :)
  • Mario_Az
    Mario_Az Posts: 1,331 Member
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    just remember it is a marathon not a sprint it will take time just be consistent force yourself to do it make it a way of life like you get up in the morning take a shower brush your teeth it has to be part of your daily routine don't give up as for your snacks look for healthy alternatives ie quest bars rice cakes some peanut butter and honey on it stuff like that then take it a day at a time and take pictures of yourself so you can look back and see how far you have come you are the only person in your own way stopping your progress so look forward not back and do work and remember Train Insane or remain the same the reward in the end will be worth it make today the first day of the rest of your life. good luck
  • marciebrian
    marciebrian Posts: 853 Member
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    PS - Add me if you want. I try to post up encouraging thoughts and motivation each day.

    I could use encouraging thoughts and motivation too... I'm sending both you guys a FR. have a good night!
  • marciebrian
    marciebrian Posts: 853 Member
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    I'm sending you a FR. You are beautiful but it goes deeper than the outside.... you have to start loving the you on the inside and take care of her. You have a family who loves you and its time to love yourself. take baby steps it won't happen over night but it is not supposed to its a journey and a journey starts one step at a time.
  • Becky_Smith72
    Becky_Smith72 Posts: 161 Member
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    Being a mom I know that it can be overwhelming and hard to stay motivated. But it is possible if you remember why YOU want to do it. Is it to fit into some jeans, to have more energy, to ensure a healthy future.. I was close to 200 after my fifth baby was born in 2011 and could not motivate myself. When I saw my body I felt more depressed and one day it just clicked. If I didn't like it, I had to change it and I've lost over 60lbs in the last year. Remember your goal and take it a little at a time... you can do it! Feel free ot add me, if youd like; I love motivating others and would love to help! :)
  • Tysonlovesweights
    Tysonlovesweights Posts: 139 Member
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    The thing that got me going on the path was to MAKE SURE that I logged everyday, and that was tough at first. I had lots of nights where I got home super late from work, and wanted noting more than to scarf down my dinner and pass out. I had to force myself to log, and that built up my feeling of accomplishment, just seeing that number of log in days. My accountability increased too, and my food choices got a bit better largely because I really tried hard to fit my macros every day. Now I have been on for about 5 months, and have the habits built up to log everyday, weigh and measure my food, and make those sacrifices of things I can do without, to get the things I want/need (like I need to be healthy) You definitely have to be willing to go through some struggle and sacrifice to come out on the other side stronger and more dedicated. Keep pushing forward and struggling and sacrificing to succeed, eventually you will be ale to look back and see how far you have come. All those negative feelings are power that you can channel to your positive goals, you just have to really (actually) want them and be willing to give up some stuff to get them
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
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    You have to stop saying you can't do it and say YES I CAN!. I had to stop feeling horrible for myself and break my own insecurity wall down, beating yourself up will never help anything and don't look towards loved ones as they will always love u no matter what and can't see what you do. Breath and understand it took time to pack it on and it will take time to take it off. Dry your tears and hold your head high girl, you are so worth it! Never let what mean people say to get to you, they were in your shoes once and need to check themselves!

    It took me close to a year to get my husband to agree with telling me I wasn't healthy he would swear up and down I was, I stepped on the scale at 330 and I said... Stop lying to me...lead me with encouragement and he has ever since. If you want your husband to help then show him what he doesn't know. Because you need that help from a close loved one but on a more personal level. Don't fear anything open your eyes for yourself and push hard for it.
  • jocelynhsu
    jocelynhsu Posts: 4 Member
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    1) Save yourself one food that you LOVE and don't give it up, just eat smaller portions of it.
    2) Allow yourself a relaxation day once every week or two - don't count your calories but just be conscious of portion size. Plan for that day if you know you are going to a party or event where there will be lots of food.
    3) When you blow it and eat too much in one day, don't hate yourself. Just go back to your good habits the next day. Someone else said it's a marathon, not a sprint - it's so true.
    4) Someone else said to have a plan - especially if you stay at home: plan out a weeks worth of meals and shop for them making sure you have all the ingredients you need so you don't have to go back to the store. When you have all the healthy choices, it will be easier to keep making good ones.
    You can do it!
  • britneyy32
    britneyy32 Posts: 97 Member
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    I feel exactly like you. My original weight loss goal was to lose 10 lbs but once I lost that I decided to lose more weight because I didn't realize that 10 lbs didn't make that much of a difference.. so then I lost 20 lbs. And I still wasn't happy with myself, so I wanted to lose 10-15 more lbs.. and it's been 6 months and I have barely lost any weight.. it's been so difficult to get this weight off even though I've been working so hard and it's so discouraging. And I feel exactly like you, I feel like I just wasted 6 months when I could have been at my goal body by now. ): I guess part of my problem is that I'm not overweight or anything at all so I don't need to lose weight so that's why it's harder for me to lose weight but 6 months is a long time so I would think I could have lost 10-15 lbs in that time period but nope!! And it just makes me feel so discouraged and I feel like all of my efforts are just pointless so I should just give up, but I don't want to give up. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.. I eat super healthy and I rarely cheat and I rarely ever eat more than my calorie allotment, and if I do eat more than that I never eat more than my maintenance calories!! Ugh it's just so frustrating. But anyway.. perhaps you have been losing weight but you have gained muscle as well so maybe you have lost more weight than you think? My current weight is only five pounds lighter than my highest weight, or the weight I looked the biggest at but my body definitely look drastically different & smaller!! And that is because I've gained muscle! So the scale is really irrelevant! So I highly recommend that you disregard the scale, and take measurements and progress pictures instead. Also, when you get discouraged, seem to be making no progress, or mess up, you just need to forgive yourself and keep going and disregard the past. It's the past and you can't change it, you can only move forward and work harder next time! Or if what you have been doing isn't working, change something so that it does! You just have to keep going, and eventually you'll reach your goals, even if it takes a while! Don't give yourself a time frame to lose weight, because that will just discourage you.. just take it day by day. :)
  • SheilaG1963
    SheilaG1963 Posts: 298 Member
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    bumping to read more inspirational posts!
  • Rainorshine2013
    Rainorshine2013 Posts: 21 Member
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    I completely understand how you are feeling ...In a nut shell i guess i would have to say to make this your priority, That's what i do and it works..When you have positive thoughts and energy the rest follows. I could choose a piece from every post on here and say they are 100%...You cannot look back, yesterday is gone..start today,even if its one change...stay with it and gradually add another. You had said that you want this more than anything, you can start here, now...you have all of us to lean on, you are NEVER alone. Feel free to add me if you would like .
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    I have been overweight / obese since I was 5 years old. At my heaviest when I was 39 I weighed 227 pounds - the same weight as when I was pregnant with a 10 lb baby when I was 23. I lost 42 pounds when I was 40 but gradually gained 32 of it back. Last year I decided I'd had enough. The first thing I did was confide in a very dear friend and asked her to support me, listen to me, be hard on me and love me through it. She confided in me that, although she was slender and beautiful, she struggled with food issues as well. We became each other's support. The busyness of life got in the way some but we continued to check in with each other and support one another. In February of this year, she discovered this website. Another lady from our church was already using it and had recommended it. The three of us linked up on MFP and started working together. I had lost about 30 pounds (down to 187 from 217) but was still struggling the same as you - I'd work out and lose a couple of pounds one week, then fall off the wagon the next.

    In April I saw a quote - "If it's important you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse." I took a day off from work and went up to the mountains and spent a day with God, reflecting on how much I really wanted to change. I looked deep inside and found some of the reasons I turn to food and I came up with a plan of how I was not going to make those choices anymore. One thing I did was buy an electronic keyboard and started taking piano lessons. I love music and it gave me another outlet for stress besides food. I also FULLY committed to going to the gym 5 days a week - no excuses. I get up at 4:00 am and go before work. I haven't missed a weekday since, including the 3 weeks I've traveled away from home since then. It took about a month of forcing myself to go before it became a habit that I can't do without.

    I'm currently at 171 pounds and wearing a size 12. I'm down to 27% body fat from 41.4% a little over a year ago. This is the smallest I've been in my life (including high school). I have taken up running and ran 1.8 miles last Friday. I'm training for a 5K that I will run this summer. I can't say that I love exercise, but I don't want to live without it anymore.

    YOU CAN DO THIS! I am 50 years old and in the best shape of my life. It's not easy. But it's my lifestyle now. Because I work out every day, I really don't have to give up many of the foods that I love. I eat them in moderation but I don't have to give them up. It was worth every minute I spend in the gym, every logged calorie when my daughter told me 2 weeks ago that she was proud of me and I looked great! My husband can't keep his hands off of me.

    Send me a friend request if you like. The more support the better!

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