Found the Faith to Believe in Myself!

I had a stranger take this picture of me last year. I had just "run" for about an hour.

I had started using MFP in April 2012. I was down 25 pounds by this picture, and was feeling really positive about the whole experience. I had just increased my calories and macros (40/30/30) 5 days before based on the ‘In Place of a Roadmap v2’ thread. At lunch time, I had started walking longer and faster and up hills. I had started lifting heavy. I was feeling great about myself, but I had also come to realization that I had done a horrible injustice to my eldest daughter.

My husband (her step-father) had taken up running, and was really enjoying it. When he started, I said that he and his family were "made" for running. After all, he had run in high school, and his brother was running ultra-marathons. So it was easy for him. I was not a runner. I called myself the anti-runner. Even as a young child, I would get a massive stitch in my side when I tried running in gym class. So, to help her feel better when she struggled with running, I had often told her that some people just aren't made to run, and it seemed our family was that way.

But then as I started reading the ‘Success Stories’ and the ‘Fitness and Exercise’ forums, there were so many other non-runners who were able to teach themselves how to run and wrote about actually enjoying it. I also recognized that it wasn't easy for my husband to run; he just made it LOOK easy. He was working hard to improve himself.

I had tried jogging, and had been working on my cardio endurance (pathetic to start with) by doing interval training on the Nordic Track ski machine over the past few weeks. I had to prove to myself, and to her that we could do it if we tried. But my knees hurt when I ran, and my Achilles tendon started hurting pretty bad from the walking up hills. Alas, more proof I wasn’t cut out for running.

I had read that barefoot running was easier on the body, so as a last ditch effort I decided that day to try running on the beach instead of walking. Sure I was wicked self-conscious, but I did it anyway. I ran for an hour! I only covered 3.5 miles, but I thought that was fantastic. Since I have logged every meal, good or bad, since April 23, 2012, I can recount how I was feeling on that fateful day. Here was my entry;
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"Exercise notes

I did it! I "ran" (jogged really, well sort of) on the beach for an hour!! Whoooo hoooo!!! And the only comment I heard was "hey lady you gotta close your mouth!" HA! HRM indicated the calories burned around 500+. "
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I had a stranger take my picture, because during that "run" I found the faith to believe in myself. I somehow just knew that a year later I would go back to that beach, and take a new picture.

One year later, I have lost 50 more pounds. My body fat is at a personally acceptable level. I have been at maintenance since mid-Feb. Since completing Couch to 5K in September 2012, I've run four 5k races, with a personal best time of 27 minutes. However, it turns out that my body really doesn't like running. My knees still hurt at times, but not as much since I started taking fish oils.

I did discover that I love having a fitness goal, like races, it gets me out of bed at 5:45 am. I decided to try triathlons, because I figured since the run was the last part, if all else fails I could walk. I started training, including learning how to swim laps, in January.

Yesterday, I competed in my first sprint-distance tri with a finishing time of 1 hour and 31 minutes. I swam 1/4 mile in Narragansett Bay, I cycled 11.4 miles (on a very low-budget bike), and then ran 3.2 miles through the woods (not a cross country runner!) I had fun, and I finished with a smile. My next tri is at the end of July, and I inspired (goaded) 2 colleagues to compete with me. I have been a good example for my daughters and while the eldest does not run, I have shown her that when she is ready she can do anything, too. She was a volunteer at the event yesterday handing out waters and encouraging the athletes. I feel so good about that!

As I was driving to my last tri run-thru on Saturday, I was feeling so many emotions; anticipation, anxiety, happiness, joy, excitement and FREEDOM (said like Mel Gibson in Braveheart)!

I feel so incredibly free of the 75+ pounds of fat that were holding me back. I was buried but have been unearthed from the excess weight brought on by bad food choices and emotional over eating due to many past traumatic memories and events. I feel I can accomplish almost anything I want badly enough. I still struggle, but I really try to leave the past in the past and move ahead without shame and guilt.

Words cannot honestly express how joyful I am to be me in this moment. I relish my strength, flexibility, stability, and overall EXCELLENT health and fitness. Less than two years ago, I was suffering from plantar fasciitis, I had weird medical conditions that I assumed the doctor would attribute to being obese, I was afraid to walk down stairs without holding on to the railing for fear of falling, I was self-conscious about my body, and resigned to being the nobody that I felt like.



But, I somehow found the strength to start making better food choices for myself and my family. My ultimate goal was a healthy future, and now I get to live it. I do not take that for granted!

I want to whole heartily thank the MFP community, and especially my Pals. Reading all your stories of successes, stumbles, NSVs, arguing, questions, good and bad advice, and stories/ experiences that I could have written myself, and words of encouragement, have gotten me through this year. I look forward to another year of fitness progress and weight maintenance.

My words of advice to those who are looking to make a life change; log - log - log - move your body - drink water - log - log - log

I have faith in you, just as I had faith in myself.

Oh and that photo, (different beach and this was before pic because my after looked B-A-D, and don't mind my mix and match dollar store suit - I'm a budget triathlete)


Thank you for reading!