You're a really amazing person, but...

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healthy4alex
healthy4alex Posts: 9
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone. How many of you can relate to that statement? As a child, I was told I had a beautiful personality and a horrific exterior. So 8 years ago, I developed anorexia to deal with my weight problem. For the past two years, I have been in recovery for anorexia with bulimic tendencies and have been doing really well...until recently.

I've been having some pretty serious family problems that have caused me to leave my house and live on my own (I'm 18, nearly 19 and in college). As you can imagine, this is very stressful. I have been purging almost every day for a week now, and am scared of fully relapsing. I'm doing my best to get it under control, but its hard. I've never been soley bulimic before, but I know thats the definition of binging and purging, even if binges aren't astronomically huge. I don't want to do this anymore and I want to get better. I've already gained 2 pounds just this week, making me 5'0 and 100.4 lbs, which feels like too much.

What can I do with my diet to avoid binging urges? When I feel like purging, how can I overcome it? What do you guys do to stop the tendency to overeat? I've never, ever had this problem before. Thank you all for your help!

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  • Loulady
    Loulady Posts: 511 Member
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    I have no good advice for you, other than to go see a counselor. Your school should have resources available to you as a student - take advantage of them!
  • shelbymkoenig
    shelbymkoenig Posts: 59 Member
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    I have no good advice for you, other than to go see a counselor. Your school should have resources available to you as a student - take advantage of them!

    Yes! Counselors are trained to help you. Your BMI is in the low range of normal and HEALTHY. Issues like anorexia and bulimia are often coping mechanisms for stress. I've dealt with my share of eating issues, probably not on the level of severity as yours but I'm not completely unable to relate. When I feel like stress eating now, or binging, I find vegetables or something that I can eat a ton of without harming my diet or my body. I really should find a way to stop that entirely, but it's how I've managed for the last few months. Seriously though, a counselor is probably the best route to go. Please take care.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    You need to talk to a professional. Please do this now, so you can have a chance at a brighter future.
  • cchardy82
    cchardy82 Posts: 26
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    I do agree that you do need a professional counselor walking you through this step by step. Recovery is a day by day process. You have to work to replace the negative criticism in your head by positive thoughts-this is hard and something I still battle myself. Childhood verbal abuse is one of the worst things to overcome. I did it and I am NOT any stronger than you. I still have bad days and I still struggle with healthy thoughts towards food but I enjoy life now!

    You can do this. It is in you to do it but right now you can't do it alone. Please talk to a counselor at your school or even to a local dr. They can refer you to a clinic that will help. Most reputable counselors and psychologists base their fees on a sliding scale basis. If they can't help you, they will know someone who can.

    Now to the honest, harsh truth about binging and purging.

    Purging DOES NOT rid your body of the calories. In fact, you will only lose 1/4 to 1/2 of the calories you are purging. Also, you are causing your body to retain water and swell. The physical trauma of purging damages your stomach and esophagus permanently. It also permanently damages your teeth and can burst blood vessels in your face and eyes. This damage can also be permanent if it is repeated enough.

    I am NOT encouraging you to continue thinking of weight loss because at 5'0, 100 pounds is healthy. I encourage you to stay where you are. You can maintain this weight by a normal, active lifestyle and 1600 calories or so a day. This includes going over your calories every now and then. Check the numbers to be sure and find what you need to maintain. This will give you more calories to eat.

    Your urge to binge is coming from depriving yourself and from hunger-yes, you are stressed and I understand that. My family is a WRECK. Not my immediate family but my parents and such. It is hard to deal with but since you have dealt with it using anorexia in the past, I would think that the sudden binging is coming from your efforts at recovery. DO NOT STOP THEM but this is why you need a professional to walk along side you. I struggled with the same desires and behaviors when I was in the early months of recovery. It is hard to relearn what normal, healthy eating is.
  • healthy4alex
    healthy4alex Posts: 9
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    I'm moving up near my school this weekend, and I'll start counseling with the church this coming week to try and deal with the issues. Vegetables and fruit sound like a lot better options. I'll try that when I'm in a binging mood.
  • healthy4alex
    healthy4alex Posts: 9
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    If you retain so many of the calories anyway, even when you purge, then why did I lose so much weight when I have had bulimia in the past? I understand digestion begins immediately, but in the past I've maintained a very underweight bmi even with high binges, not saying that makes it right. But I'm wondering about how that works. :)

    Also, I know that 100 is still really low, but having been anorectic for so long, though I am recovered, triple digits terrify me. I'm still struggling to fix that mentality currently. Right now, because I've been sedentary, I need about 1,450 a day to maintain. However, I'm starting some landscaping and vigorous outdoors jobs next week, to continue through the rest of the summer, and will require about 1800 a day to maintain.

    Are you sure I should just go with the urges to binge? Shouldn't I try and suppress them?
  • ScouseNerd
    ScouseNerd Posts: 119 Member
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    Nothing more than what others said, but I really just wanted to post and say that I wish all the best for you. I've been too close to this situation before and it breaks my heart and I know that it's not as easy as "get help, eat more". I'm glad to see you're at a reasonable weight and hope that the stress in your life dies down. I'm happy for you, knowing that you need to get it under control and applaud the effort you're making to do so :)

    That's all!

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