Mental Struggle: Advice appreciated! :)

jaxelrad22
jaxelrad22 Posts: 118
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello everyone,
I'd love to hear from people going through the same thing, or having dealt with this topic before.

I am a rather extreme person, I'm very all or nothing, and moderation (although I believe in it 100%) is very difficult for me to achieve the majority of the time. I have a tendency to eat very little when i'm on a diet, and when I do eat I feel badly about it. That being said, if I don't monitor my diet closely then i will end up binge eating. The problem is this, my diet is not supposed to go below 1000 calories, I will have a breakfast shake, and healthy choice lunch, perhaps some snack in between, and then a healthy choice dinner/ or a salad etc. But by 10 pm or so I realize I've eaten around 450-600 calories, and I don't want to eat another full meal before bed. Previously, me on a diet consisted of not eating for a week and then small foods for another two and then one big meal a day for a month, so this level of moderation is already difficult. Is anyone else experiencing this kind of thing or have any advice, perhaps mental techniques I could use to make small, frequent, meals a day seem more reasonable?

Thank you for take the time to read!!

Replies

  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,923 Member
    How about telling yourself you aren't on a diet? Eat healthily, balance out your calories throughout the day with nutrient rich foods (for example, but not necessary the "right" thing, 300 calories for breakfast, 400 calories for lunch, 500 for dinner, 200 for snacks, or whatever works out best for you, some people do better eating 2 large meals, some people do better eating 6 small). Concentrate on eating better, not eating less. 1400-1500 calories is typically a good range for most people to lose weight (even if slowly). 1000 calories isn't enough for a child to be healthy on, why would you think it would be for you?

    Find a reasonable exercise plan you can stick with (not one that you only do because you are on a diet). Like 2-3 days of cardio that you enjoy and 2-3 days of weight training. Do what you love to do, what makes you feel good. It's all about learning a different life style so you don't have to "diet"...
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    I don't have any offers, but in to see if anyone else does. I have family member that fits this to a T and I'd love to hear how to help them.
  • Aparz1
    Aparz1 Posts: 949
    I pre-plan my meals... 5 small meals a day.... all portioned and separated by meal for a few days at a time. This makes it really easy to follow and the meals are small enough to eat that often. Feel free to look at my diary.... I eat the same stuff on a regular basis with 1 cheat meal every 4 days to keep me on track. Maybe this would help? :happy:
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Make you meals and package them in advance. You can control the size of them. It also helps to plan the times which you will eat and your body will adjust to this. I usually eat at 9am, 11am, 1pm, 4pm, and 8pm with the size of my meals decreasing towards the end of the night. I usually eat about 1500-2000 calories and am comfortable, not overstuffed and not starving. Most of my meals are clean and consist of mostly veggies, fruits, proteins, dairy and grains. I try to keep everything natural. I work a desk job and keep fruits and healty snacks around that I munch on all day. Feel free to add me. Hope this helps.
  • Lonestar5775
    Lonestar5775 Posts: 740 Member
    To me, the best answer is Kristen's. If I think I am dieting, then subconciously I'm thinking there will be an end to the diet sometime. That results in me simply enduring this period of time and even if I reach a goal it is lost once I stop being disciplined. But, since I have been using MFP to track calories and gain in my understanding of what food's calorie content are, it is helping me change my eating habits which I will do for the rest of my life. Best of luck in achieving the change you are seeking.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I pre-plan my meals... 5 small meals a day.... all portioned and separated by meal for a few days at a time. This makes it really easy to follow and the meals are small enough to eat that often. Feel free to look at my diary.... I eat the same stuff on a regular basis with 1 cheat meal every 4 days to keep me on track. Maybe this would help? :happy:
    this is what I was going to suggest. Also, send yourself reminders to eat - this way you'll use your calories throughout the day instead of being 'stuck' with too many at night
  • Lmns218
    Lmns218 Posts: 155
    I don't know if you cook or not....but you eat an awful lot of processed food and that can't be good at all.

    I rarely make my calorie goal....I eat anywhere around 1300-1800 calories a day and this is how I break it down.

    I make sure I eat 3 servings of dairy-That's 300-400 calories right there between skim milk, yogurt, and hard cheese

    I make sure I eat at least 3 servings of veggies-that's about 100 calories or so

    I eat at least 2-3 servings of fruit....that is about 200 calories

    Then the rest of my calories are made up pf carbs and lean protein (chicken, fish, sirloin)-about 500-1000 calories

    If you absolutely cannot, or will not cook, try adding fruits and veggies, and lean dairy into your daily intake in between those microwave meals. That should add about 300-600 calories....or maybe healthy snacks like celery and peanut butter. And of course exercise!!!! Hope this helps...also pre-plan your meals and record them....I completed my menu today and it added up to 74 calories less than my daily goal of 1530 without exercise.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Make a plan and stick to that 100%. Pre-count and pre-log and make yourself stick to the plan and eat all your food. This is not a DIET, this is the plan to get you healthy and should be something you can stick to for more than just a few weeks or months.
  • TheRunningGuppy
    TheRunningGuppy Posts: 651 Member
    Like Kristen said, this needs to be a lifestyle change for it to work. Are you going to continue eating like that the rest of your life? Probably not, right? So work on meal planning. Pre plan them so the calories are appropriate for you. Set some goals for yourself, non scale related, like I am going to eat 1200 calories today. Or, I am going to run 1 mile today. Small achievable goals.Have one every day if needed. And set longer term goals as well. Something like, I am going to do 25 jumping jacks a day for 5 days this week.

    Goal setting has been a huge factor in my success so far. I'm so competitive with myself.
  • NYCNika
    NYCNika Posts: 611 Member
    If you are "all or nothing" person how about setting a goal for yourself? A goal that you know is good for your health.

    So if you set a goal of 1,500 calories you must meet it within 50 calories.
    If you eat 2,000 than you did not meet it. If you eat 1,300, than you also did not meet it.

    If you track everything, you will have no guilt about eating something while meeting your goal. (Tracking meticulously, I discovered that sometimes I would overestimate what I ate.)

    And if you want to eat something extra for a 2,000 calorie day, you know you need to work off 500 cal first.

    If this is a diet, you will fail. If this is a lifestyle, you should never be eating "as little as possible". Lifestyle must be sustainable and as stress free as possible.

    And for God's sake, EAT REAL FOOD, not canned shakes or diet products. Real, fresh, cook-it-yourself, as unprocessed as you can get FOOD!
  • manique45
    manique45 Posts: 99 Member
    To me, the best answer is Kristen's. If I think I am dieting, then subconciously I'm thinking there will be an end to the diet sometime. That results in me simply enduring this period of time and even if I reach a goal it is lost once I stop being disciplined. But, since I have been using MFP to track calories and gain in my understanding of what food's calorie content are, it is helping me change my eating habits which I will do for the rest of my life. Best of luck in achieving the change you are seeking.


    ^^^^ This is me too, I am healthy and I track the cals... I know I have to fuel my body because I love to work out! Intense! So I bought a HRM and seeing the number of cals I was burning did the trick for me.... I have to eat. And yes its not a diet... I can have a donut when ever I want, but I'd rather eat more food than the cals in that donut!! FUEL YOUR BODY!
  • jacz83
    jacz83 Posts: 19 Member
    There have been some really good ideas on here. I agree with all of them; for you, planning will be a must. I'm also a fan of going with natural food intake versus "diet" meals. It sounds like you need a change in your outlook on this. Like others have said; this is about you being healthy... not "skinny." Perhaps the more you approach it like that, the better it will work for you. Also, give yourself the permission to treat yourself well. You are worth the calories you put in your mouth. Sometimes I struggle with literal thinking myself: "I want to lose weight, so, all food is bad." .... But I know logically that thinking this way is ridiculous. Honor your body, mind, heart and soul. Set yourself up for success and keep reaching out. :)
  • KimLee76
    KimLee76 Posts: 89
    You need to plan your day's meals in advance like the others have said. Since you already know your dieting style is extremist, you need a structure to just follow. In general, I find people are very intolerant of others beliefs especially when it comes to religion, politics, and diet so.... I am not sure there is a way for you to feel good about following a plan so different from your norm other than seeing that it works.

    And even success may not be enough to make you feel better about it. I refuse to eat back the calories I burn through exercise. I fully understand that I would still lose weight, but I just don't care. As long as I'm not hungry, getting the appropriate vitamins & minerals, and feeling great, then I don't see any reason to force extra calories down like I'm an elite training athlete, but I digress...

    In your case, I think you need to just buckle down and follow a structured plan and hope that as time passes, you find a way to wrap your mind around it.
  • Tasha_Fat2Fit
    Tasha_Fat2Fit Posts: 49
    Make you meals and package them in advance. You can control the size of them. It also helps to plan the times which you will eat and your body will adjust to this. I usually eat at 9am, 11am, 1pm, 4pm, and 8pm with the size of my meals decreasing towards the end of the night. I usually eat about 1500-2000 calories and am comfortable, not overstuffed and not starving. Most of my meals are clean and consist of mostly veggies, fruits, proteins, dairy and grains. I try to keep everything natural. I work a desk job and keep fruits and healty snacks around that I munch on all day. Feel free to add me. Hope this helps.

    Agree ^^
  • jaxelrad22
    jaxelrad22 Posts: 118
    Wow thanks for the prompt responses! It sounds like planning every meal ahead of time works for several of you, so I'm going to give that a try, that wil definitely help over summer break where I have much more free time. I try and do some home cooked meals but overall it doesn't work well for me, simply because I don't like eating the same food multiple times a week, and in order to do home cooked for economical and time purposes I would have to cook in bulk and eat that for the week. But salads and fruits I can definitely sub more of. I have tried thinking of it as a life style change but for whatever reason it is impossible for me to stick to it, I think once I get down to the goal weight thinking of it as a life style change will become easier. As far
    As the guilt goes, I'm still not sure how to change that, even meeting a daily goal, I still feel a personal achievement when it's less than. It's not just guilt even, it's tied into self esteem too. If you have similar feelings and have figured out a way to conquer them please let me know! Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart and make some changes!
  • jaxelrad22
    jaxelrad22 Posts: 118
    Smaller daily goals not food related is great, thank you! Putting this in practice right now :)
  • Junkergal
    Junkergal Posts: 15 Member
    How about telling yourself you aren't on a diet? Eat healthily, balance out your calories throughout the day with nutrient rich foods (for example, but not necessary the "right" thing, 300 calories for breakfast, 400 calories for lunch, 500 for dinner, 200 for snacks, or whatever works out best for you, some people do better eating 2 large meals, some people do better eating 6 small). Concentrate on eating better, not eating less. 1400-1500 calories is typically a good range for most people to lose weight (even if slowly). 1000 calories isn't enough for a child to be healthy on, why would you think it would be for you?

    Find a reasonable exercise plan you can stick with (not one that you only do because you are on a diet). Like 2-3 days of cardio that you enjoy and 2-3 days of weight training. Do what you love to do, what makes you feel good. It's all about learning a different life style so you don't have to "diet"...
    I agree with this. Otherwise you will be up and down the rest of your life. I've done the diet shakes and restrictive diets. When you reach your goal or just get so tired of doing it that you can't stand it anymore then you return to previous eating habits and weight gain. You have to change your eating habits and how you think about food. We all struggle (that's why we are here looking for help and suppot), you just have to find your balance between nutrition, exercise and life.
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Wow thanks for the prompt responses! It sounds like planning every meal ahead of time works for several of you, so I'm going to give that a try, that wil definitely help over summer break where I have much more free time. I try and do some home cooked meals but overall it doesn't work well for me, simply because I don't like eating the same food multiple times a week, and in order to do home cooked for economical and time purposes I would have to cook in bulk and eat that for the week. But salads and fruits I can definitely sub more of. I have tried thinking of it as a life style change but for whatever reason it is impossible for me to stick to it, I think once I get down to the goal weight thinking of it as a life style change will become easier. As far
    As the guilt goes, I'm still not sure how to change that, even meeting a daily goal, I still feel a personal achievement when it's less than. It's not just guilt even, it's tied into self esteem too. If you have similar feelings and have figured out a way to conquer them please let me know! Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart and make some changes!

    Cook in bulk and Freeze! You're eating frozen meals anyways, might as well control what you put in them. Target sells tupperware with measurement markers on the side for super cheap. Get some cute or colorful ones and start stocking your freezer.
  • Lmns218
    Lmns218 Posts: 155
    It starts with you!!!! Nothing to it but to do it!!!!
  • jennylee133
    jennylee133 Posts: 26 Member
    I pre-plan my meals... 5 small meals a day.... all portioned and separated by meal for a few days at a time. This makes it really easy to follow and the meals are small enough to eat that often. Feel free to look at my diary.... I eat the same stuff on a regular basis with 1 cheat meal every 4 days to keep me on track. Maybe this would help? :happy:

    This. Try to plan in advance. I find it's easier to stick to what I've planned out to eat if I've already pre-logged it and this way you'll know up-front that you've eaten enough throughout the day to meet that calorie goal without having to eat things you don't want at the end of the day. Good luck!
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
    If you are "all or nothing" person how about setting a goal for yourself? A goal that you know is good for your health.

    So if you set a goal of 1,500 calories you must meet it within 50 calories.
    If you eat 2,000 than you did not meet it. If you eat 1,300, than you also did not meet it.

    If you track everything, you will have no guilt about eating something while meeting your goal. (Tracking meticulously, I discovered that sometimes I would overestimate what I ate.)

    And if you want to eat something extra for a 2,000 calorie day, you know you need to work off 500 cal first.

    If this is a diet, you will fail. If this is a lifestyle, you should never be eating "as little as possible". Lifestyle must be sustainable and as stress free as possible.

    And for God's sake, EAT REAL FOOD, not canned shakes or diet products. Real, fresh, cook-it-yourself, as unprocessed as you can get FOOD!

    :smile:
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
    How about telling yourself you aren't on a diet? Eat healthily, balance out your calories throughout the day with nutrient rich foods (for example, but not necessary the "right" thing, 300 calories for breakfast, 400 calories for lunch, 500 for dinner, 200 for snacks, or whatever works out best for you, some people do better eating 2 large meals, some people do better eating 6 small). Concentrate on eating better, not eating less. 1400-1500 calories is typically a good range for most people to lose weight (even if slowly). 1000 calories isn't enough for a child to be healthy on, why would you think it would be for you?

    Find a reasonable exercise plan you can stick with (not one that you only do because you are on a diet). Like 2-3 days of cardio that you enjoy and 2-3 days of weight training. Do what you love to do, what makes you feel good. It's all about learning a different life style so you don't have to "diet"...

    See above this is exactly right.....
  • 9jenn9
    9jenn9 Posts: 309 Member
    Some advice about feeling guilty about eating ~ I've been there, but trust me, there is nothing virtuous about being hungry and deprived. That "oh I'm hungry, so the weight must be falling off me" feeling is a diet lie and in my case would eventually lead to a binge or a fall off the wagon. I rely on logging everything I eat to avoid feelings of guilt. If I know exactly what I've eaten, I can enjoy what I'm noshing on.
    Oh, and I second the advice to work some fruit/veg in with those frozen meals as a good way to up your calorie total.
  • MsEndomorph
    MsEndomorph Posts: 604 Member
    I'm right there with you. Most days I have to fight to get in 1200 calories in a day - until it catches up to me. Then suddenly I'm non-stop starving and craving only calorie dense foods and I end up eating all those lost calories and THEN some. Sometimes it happens all in one day (skip breakfast and lunch and then have a huge dinner) but when I'm trying to lose weight it seems to come in longer intervals. For instance, I had a huge calorie deficit last week (partially due to a strep infection) and this week I've gone over almost every single day.

    Then of course I over-exercise and end up needing a week to recover, totally defeating the purpose.

    What I've found is that pre-planning is a life saver. Plan 3 small meals and 3 snacks for every day, and even set a timer on your phone to remember to eat if you need to. I force myself to stick to my workout plan. I get excited and I want to lift 10000lbs every day of the week, but I'm only going to do my legs once a week, my arms once a week, etc, whether I like it or not.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    How about setting a goal of becoming a very knowledgeable and healthy eater. You can take this to an extreme and be healthy at the same time. I found a site today that has info to help you start with the information gathering: http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/

    Your current "diet" sounds pretty extreme to me. What works long term for many is refusing to "diet" (as a verb) but rather to have a diet that naturally results in good health. It's working for me so far. I do indeed need to change my eating habits long term so I am "simply" trying to eat like a healthy person and in the process I'm losing weight and feeling better.

    I log my food everyday (almost) and strive to stay close to a calorie level of TDEE-20% which I determined by using a variety of different ways to calculate TDEE and averaged it with the MFP lose a pound a week figure. I recalculate the figure about every 10 pounds and have recently needed to diminish it a bit to continue losing as I get smaller. Different folks use different methods.

    I like food too much to give up good food but not all folks who like good food are twice the weight they should be like I am. Therefore, I need to change my eating habits but for me it is mostly portion control and greatly reducing sugar consumption because it interferes with my appetite control.

    You need to work to find what your best method is. If you are all or nothing, you need to choose a different ALL -- and I suggest knowledgeable, healthy eating. It's the only thing known to work long term.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,854 Member
    But by 10 pm or so I realize I've eaten around 450-600 calories, and I don't want to eat another full meal before bed. Previously, me on a diet consisted of not eating for a week and then small foods for another two and then one big meal a day for a month, so this level of moderation is already difficult. Is anyone else experiencing this kind of thing or have any advice, perhaps mental techniques I could use to make small, frequent, meals a day seem more reasonable?
    The very fact that you recognize already that weight loss is mental/psychological as well as physical puts you ahead of the game. It took me a long time to understand that.

    This may be the answer to a question that you didn't ask, but if I was starting out today, I would not go straight to "the recommended daily calorie allowance". I would benchmark my existing habits first. In other words, just eat like I always have and keep track of it. I don't care if it's 5,000 calories a day, that's fine. It's not good or bad, it's just present reality. Then I would drop gradually. 4,500 per day for a week or so. Then 4,000 a day, and so on. That might be a better way to get where you want to go with less mental wear and tear.

    The problem is, and I've done it myself, is that we overeat and then try to go to something like 1,200 calories all at once. It's like driving 90 miles an hour and slamming on the brakes. It's pretty rough.
  • NYCNika
    NYCNika Posts: 611 Member
    Eating weight-loss products you only focus is on loosing weight. I don't think it is possible to focus on anything else while eating unsatisfying and unhealthy foods.

    To really stop obsessing and being miserable you have to focus on well being more than on weight.

    And, if I had to choose one word that is a key to successful and permanent weight loss it would be sustainable. The way you are eating now is not. So you have to figure out a way that is. And if it takes longer, it does not matter(I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear).

    The way you will start feeling about yourself when you are healthy and fit is fantastic. You will not get that feeling from just dropping the weight, trust me.
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
    Wow thanks for the prompt responses! It sounds like planning every meal ahead of time works for several of you, so I'm going to give that a try, that wil definitely help over summer break where I have much more free time. I try and do some home cooked meals but overall it doesn't work well for me, simply because I don't like eating the same food multiple times a week, and in order to do home cooked for economical and time purposes I would have to cook in bulk and eat that for the week. But salads and fruits I can definitely sub more of. I have tried thinking of it as a life style change but for whatever reason it is impossible for me to stick to it, I think once I get down to the goal weight thinking of it as a life style change will become easier. As far
    As the guilt goes, I'm still not sure how to change that, even meeting a daily goal, I still feel a personal achievement when it's less than. It's not just guilt even, it's tied into self esteem too. If you have similar feelings and have figured out a way to conquer them please let me know! Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart and make some changes!

    Are there meals that you like you'd be willing to eat say once a week for a month? Most meals can be bulk cooked and then divided into single serving sizes and frozen. In essence you can make your own healthy frozen meals. That way you don't have to eat chicken chili twice a day till it's gone. Just cook, portion, cool, and freeze. Then take it out in the morning or pack it in your lunch and reheat. There are quite a few good freezer cooking websites on line. Just google freezer cooking.

    In the past I've cooked up a 10 lb package of lean ground beef, seasoned 5 lbs for mexican meals and 5 lbs for italian. Then froze them in 1 lb packages ( or smaller if you're not cooking for a family). I've made my own frozen burritos with higer fiber tortillas, home made "refried" beans, and shredded sharp cheddar. Roll them up, wrap them in plastic individually, and freeze them in a large zip top bag. Even breakfast burritos would work with eggs and salsa.

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