My story w pics. *sensitive material in story*

I'm just going to get straight to my story,

I'm 23, growing up as a teen, I was dealing with eating disorders and body image problems from the age of 12-16 where I got down to 97lbs. I don't know what the bleep I was thinking. Now that I have gotten older, my mind has changed so much and matured, I couldn't imagine still living my life like that. But at the time, it was SOOOO hard, it was literally the toughest thing I had been through in my young life.

Or so I thought. (i'll get to that)

Jump forward a few years (2 years ago, I was 21 about to be 22) My high school sweetheart proposed to me, we met in 9th grade and have been inseperable ever since. Going on 9 years here soon! Everything was going great, I'm a certified nursing assistant so I was busy working just like my boyfriend was. I started working out around November of 2011 in my crappy apartment gym that has 2 ellipticals, a treadmill, and a falling apart weight machine that had like 3 things on it. I was pushing 230 lbs although I am not sure the exact number.

Feb 2012 comes around, I've lost maybe 5lbs, we changed our eating habits completely, then we find out that I am pregnant. I just had a feeling so I took a test one night and literally freaked out. It was not planned, we were just completely startled. We honestly thought I would have a harder time getting pregnant from all the damage i had done from my eating disorder, and not to mention at the time i was at my heaviest. Things are a little scary because I did not have health insurance. I am self employed.

3 days after I take that test, I wake up violently sick, vomitting, head was spinning, my stomach felt like it was eating itself. SUPER LONG story short here, went to Emergency room, I was 5 weeks pregnant and they diagnosed me with hyperemesis gravidarum. SEVERE- life threatening morning sickness. I was told to go home, eat crackers, drink ginger ale, bla bla bla. I had never been pregnant before, I had never heard of this, even in my schooling.

Things got worse, by week 7 I had lost 15lbs, I no longer had the energy or sanity to shower or even brush my hair. Everything hurt. I spent most of my hours in the bathroom, either lying on the floor or having my head in the toilet throwing up intestinal fluid at this point. I had to go into the emergency room every 2-3 days because I would not be able to drink or eat ANYTHING. They gave me IV fluids and anti nausea medicine they give to chemo therapy patients. It didn't work too well.

I never had the chance to go to a OB/GYN, I was too sick, I also lost my full time job where I was making decent money. My sanity was on empty and I lost all hope in everything. during week 7, at one visit to the emergency room i was told that my kidneys were starting to go into failure. This didn't suprise me because for 4 days prior I had the worst pains in my lower back. I was sleeping maybe 3 hours a night, waking up like clock work at 4 am crying in pain because i was so hungry but i couldnt stand the bland, dry taste of plain toast anymore (usually ended up throwing it up anyways)

At 8 weeks I had an abortion. I was advised by emergency room doctors that either I find a way to afford $60k for a in home nurse, PIC line near my heart that would deliver nutrients to baby, ER bills, etc etc etcccccc AND risk my life and the babies, or basically risk my own life and the babies. Either way, it was too much of a risk for everyone.

I don't want to make this a thread about abortion, because that's not what I'm trying to do. This had a huge impact on my life and those arround me. My family no longer talks to me because they didn't 'understand'. A lot of people didn't get it. Not all women who get abortions get them because they don't want their child. I'm not ashamed because this event has made me the woman I am in 2013.

I had my time to cry and to grieve. Hell, it still hurts today, but It only makes me stronger.

It's been a year and a half since, I am down to 170. I'm finishing up week 10 at the gym, but I spent months before that in my crappy little apartment gym running 10+ miles a day on the elliptical. I'm so damn proud of myself, I've worked so hard. Through all the crap I've been through in my life, the deep depression I went through for many years, now I can finally say I hold my head high and I am the only person in my way.

Thanks for reading my story.

I honestly haven't taken very many pictures at all in the past year. That will change! I also don't own a scale, I weigh myself once in a while at my grandparents house.