Married or single women advice

First I want to say I am sorry that you have to worry about that, that is very scary for your whole family. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have always been bigger. It took a good friend of mine that was the same weight as me getting diagnosed with diabetes to really put it in perspective. My husband was a huge supporter, but it truly starts as "tough love". He was very blunt about it, I NEEDED to get in shape. I NEEDED to get healthy. I NEEDED to go see a therapist and get medication for my anxiety and depression. I have never felt better in my whole life than I do today, and tomorrow it will only be better. It really sounds like your wife needs that tough love. She needs to see the worst scenerios, she needs to see that she can die before she sees her children grow up, she needs to see that her lifestyle is killing her and actually is making you and your children and her family suffer. Honestly, I wouldn't be light about it anymore. There is a point where a good husband isn't "sweet" or "trys to give it to you lightly so it doesn't hurt your feelings".... You have to sometimes give the news to your spouse or significant other straight, and tell them there HAS to be a change. You have to put your foot down. That is what my husband did and I am so happy he did.

I am in the same boat. My husband and I made this commitment together. We got the gym membership, bought the workout clothes, etc., etc., and here I am, 180 days logged on MFP and he has yet to complete a week. I've been going to the gym 4 times a week, he rarely makes it once a week. He is obese, suffers from high blood pressure and snores like a freight train, and he has terrible self esteem because of all of the issues that come with being heavy. I have done everything that the above posters have suggested. It does not work. We have three little boys (4, 2.5, and almost 1) and he does not go out and play with them.. I don't know what to do.. It's very discouraging. My husband has not yet found it from within to make a change. He is not changing for me, for our kids, or for himself. My advice, do the best you can for yourself and for your children. Maybe at some point something will click with her. I hope so.. It's admirable for you to want to help her, but she is going to have to do it herself.

It is really tough to say what will be motivation for her, but she has to be the one to see it. My husband got bad test results for cholesterol and such and started running, lost weight and was doing well. He wanted me to be his running partner, but I just wasn't ready to make that commitment. I had yo-yo'd many times over the years and I wasn't extremely overweight, but I was by no means healthy and was headed in the wrong direction. I don't know when or why it clicked for me, but it did and I will never go back now. Throughout, my husband continued. Now he is weight training (instead of just running) because he saw the changes in me and now we do run together. It's great having an active lifestyle together. I agree that you should continue to be the example. Eventually, it will hopefully click for her too. But, it has to be something she decides, it needs to CLICK for her. It won't truly work until it does. I would say whatever you can do to help it click, do it. Just be gentle. Best of luck to you, this is a tough road to travel.

I agree with making it something the two of you could do together. Just tell her your worried about her future and you want her to be the best possible person she can be, and you want to be the best possible person you can be. Just make sure whenever and however you bring it up she knows it is coming from a place of love and concern.

Since you do the cooking, you have a little more control. Subtle changes can go a long way, you said she likes Hamburger helper ok so get very lean ground beef. Search for some lower calorie recipes of her favorites, especially if your kids are also eating the same way so you are improving their health.

Also who's doing the shopping, at my worst I wasn't cause I couldn't walk enough to do it, so if you are, then cut back on buying soda, and sweets. If it's not in the house she either won't be eating it or will be getting up to go get it. And trust me, I was way to lazy to do that.

You can make little changes in your house, that will start her on the right track. Now she may drop a few pounds just with these changes which also may help her realize it can be done.

exactly! was just about to type this lol

Since you do the cooking I would just revamp all of the meals.Sometimes I'd serve the meat and veggies that you already make for yourself for EVERYONE and sometimes I'd make healthier versions of things that the family likes....Chicken tacos,Turkey tacos..with more veggies,low fat sour cream,reduced fat cheese,low carb tortillas.Spaghetti with half spaghetti squash/half pasta..or half regular pasta/half whole wheat pasta....HALf the spaghetti as usual and make half of that plate a salad....If you eat hamburger helper..eat it,but make half the plate veggies.Eat the same things,just make it better.I wold not even ask her about it since YOU cook..just change it,if she questions you tell her that you want your children to start eating healthier.DONT bring junk food into the house!!! Its not good for the kids either...Once or twice a week take the kids out for ice cream or treats or buy just enough for that one day,but only keep healthy snacks in the house....Buy Crystal light or diet soda.

It is wonderful that you want to be supportive of her and try to help her in a kind and loving way. I think the first step is to maybe sit down with her and tell her what you have said here (even showing her this post), that you love her and you want her around for you and the kids for a long time. That you are scared for her when you see her stuggling. Above all tell her that no matter what her weight, you love her. This is more about her health then being overwieight.

The next step is to see if she will make an appointment with her doctor and go with her if she will allow it. Have a thorough work up and ask the doctor for recommendation on diet and exercise. With her other health issues just jumping into an exercise program or severe diet would not be good. Check with your hospital dietitian, alot of times they will do a consult for free.

I agree with all the posts above, make it family time especially at first. Take a walk after supper (or before), have the kids ride their bikes while you both walk, go to the park and move (don't just watch the kids move)-she can push one of the children in a swing, push the merry-go-round or throw a frisbee, take a basketball out to the driveway and just dribble and play catch. She may not be able to do anything too strenuous at first and that's ok! Small steps are best. She may feel very self-consious for sometime. From personel experience she may feel like people are watching or staring at her, she may feel embarrassed because her 'fat rolls' are jiggling, she may feel judged and found lacking by you or others around her. It's no fun to take the kids to swing then they want you to swing with them and either you can't fit in the swing or it hurts and pinches because you are so large. So shower her with kindness, love and support for eveything she does to try to get moving. Try and stock the kitchen with healthier foods and snacks and eat those with her. It is incredibly hard to eat yogurt, carrots or salad when your spouse or kids are snacking on ice cream, chips and fried chicken.

All of this is contingent on her wanting to do all this and wanting your help. That decision is completely up to her. Unfortunatly you can't do this for her, she has to want to make the change. Always make sure she knows that you want her no matter what size but you just want her around as long as possible. Don't try to be the food or exercise police! That will only result in hurt feelings all around. If you both can slowly incorporate this into how you live your daily lives then it will be much easier and better for the whole family. Your children will grow up seeing mom and dad living heathly and it will come naturally for them then.

Good luck to you both!

Start by making healthier version of food she likes, maybe? And like others have said, go for a walk together after dinner. Since she has health issues, keep the pace slow and the distance short at first.

Take her to the doctor and let him explain all of it to her. She won't listen to you.

Also, it has to be her choice to lose weight.

However, in my experience I do not always listen to loved ones. So it's likely she won't listen to you.

I have to cook my own meals because she refuses to eat veggies, beans, or salads. Believe it or not, I usually do the cooking. I will have my food going and cook her and the kids a meal too. That usually consists of tacos, pizza, hamburger helper, etc because that's all she will eat. I've also tried to get her to try protein shakes and healthier snacks, but she doesn't want to try it. She doesn't really eat a lot of heavy meals, but does a lot of grazing on sweets and pop. It used to be hard to set there with my plate of chicken, veggies, and water, while she had a plate of pizza and a can of pop. Her dad and grandfather both have pace makers and rely on heavy medications for their heart. She has even seen her dad almost die twice in the hospital because of his heart failure. She has inherited everything they suffer from. They have both told her to get into better shape, but it hasn't worked.

Have you considered not making her the food she wants? Cook something healthy for yourself and your kids and let her know shes welcome to eat with you, or she can make something else for herself.

And def. make it a family affair. Offer to go for walks, play at the park, get the kids involved in cooking healthy meals, maybe see if she wants to join a gym with you?

Tacos, pizza, and burgers can be healthy. I don't like unadorned vegetables. I put them in tacos, on pizza, in soup, on burgers, in side salads, anywhere that a vegetable can be dressed up.

The best thing you can do is say something like you were thinking that "we" start working out and changing "our" diet. That way she might not feel like its all on her, like your being mean. its a positive thing. my family is a "big" family as has many health problems because of it and so I completely understand how youre feeling about watching her struggle getting around and everything else. I hope the best for you both and your children, stuff like this is never easy. best wishes

I don't think there is anything you can say to her to make her want to change her life and health. It will have to come from within. What will cause that is anybody's guess. I don't think exercise is what she needs to concentrate on right away. A calorie deficit is critical for her right now and exercise may just put her off the whole fitness thing right away since it may be very difficult for her with her health problems. As she loses weight she will be inspired to exercise too. I can see that you are on the road to becoming fit yourself. Just keep on doing what you're doing for yourself and maybe she will have that epiphany from watching you get healthier and healthier.

The best thing you can do is say something like you were thinking that "we" start working out and changing "our" diet. That way she might not feel like its all on her, like your being mean. its a positive thing. my family is a "big" family as has many health problems because of it and so I completely understand how youre feeling about watching her struggle getting around and everything else. I hope the best for you both and your children, stuff like this is never easy. best wishes

This is great advice. The entire family needs a food and fitness makeover.

I repeat: do NOT say "honey, you need to lose weight."

Whenever someone has told me that in the past, even though I know they are right I didn't want to hear any of it and it makes me want to eat even more crappy things. When my boyfriend's health-conscious, marathon-running mother visits, she always makes comments about my nutrition, "heavy foods" I am feeding her son, etc. which seriously has the complete opposite effect.

I would start your own health journey 1st so she sees you doing it and then will follow suite and she will also feel like she has someone to do it with. My Hubby is not obese or overweight but he is out of shape and loves his junk food. I never asked him to exercise or eat healthy with me but when he saw me doing it he asked if he could join me which I was shocked. We have been exercising and eating healthy for close to a month together now I never asked him to join me because he is his own person and I feel like its when you are trying to get someone to stop smoking-They have to want it them selves. So rather me pushing the idea on my hubby, I let him come to me at his own will. Make sense? Best of luck to you and your family!!

this is something that requires tough love.. She needs to lose weight not be pampered. If it hurts here feelings so be it, but she NEEDS to lose weight that is just how it is. She won't ever manage to achieve that if she gets offended by the mere suggestion of it.

Since you do the cooking, you have a little more control. Subtle changes can go a long way, you said she likes Hamburger helper ok so get very lean ground beef. Search for some lower calorie recipes of her favorites, especially if your kids are also eating the same way so you are improving their health.

Also who's doing the shopping, at my worst I wasn't cause I couldn't walk enough to do it, so if you are, then cut back on buying soda, and sweets. If it's not in the house she either won't be eating it or will be getting up to go get it. And trust me, I was way to lazy to do that.

You can make little changes in your house, that will start her on the right track. Now she may drop a few pounds just with these changes which also may help her realize it can be done.

This is a goo idea, you can research how to make her favorites healthier, you can make your own pizza together, the kids love adding their own toppings, you can add veggies and less cheese.
I love the McWraps so I make my own now, with my own dressing and healthy wrap. Its so good and save money.
baked fries, Baked "fried" chicken, or chicken nuggets,
Baked sweet potato Fries.
there are so many options for someone who has a hard time eating veggies.
has she gone to the doctor? Maybe she needs the doctors wake up call. I used to smoke I quit before my husband, it has taken him such a long time, and he is fighting hard, but before he did not want it, no matter what I said it made no difference, he had to see it and want it, and then see that its possible to quit and be ok.