Unsupportive friends

GlassesandComics
GlassesandComics Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
In my freshman year in college, I gained the freshman 15. I would constantly eat junk food whenever I felt bored, hungry, happy, sad (literally in between crys I scooped ice cream into my mouth and continued crying. No joke). After a few months, I had some back pain but did nothing of it.

This summer I got into weight loss, exercising and a good diet. I have been at it for almost a month now and I lost about 9 pounds and I'm happy but my friends are not.

Lately, my friends are giving me the same old stuff over and over again:

'Men don't like beefy girls.'
'Men like curves not bones.'
'You need to eat something.'
'You're nothing but bones.'
'You've changed' (meant in a bad way)
'Do you have an eating disorder?'

The thing is, the 9 pounds lost did not take away from my 'curves' but toned them. I still eat (when I eat a salad, they make a wise cracks about me starving myself, when I eat junk on cheat days, I get scolded and told I'm not working hard enough).

I've tried explaining my reason for weight loss but when I do, they take it as an insult? Kind of a 'If you thought you were fat, you must think i'm fat' sort of deal.

I don't know. I love working out and eating healthy (sometimes) but I'm tired of getting belittled by friends.

Replies

  • pinktoesjb
    pinktoesjb Posts: 302 Member
    If they really are your friends they will be saying this from a good place, even if they aren't being desperately helpful in the delivery!

    Out of interest you don't say how much you weigh?
  • GlassesandComics
    GlassesandComics Posts: 3
    I am 5'1 and was 132 pounds when I started. Now 123 pounds. The weight lost was mostly from my fat pouch on my lower abs and thighs. If that helps.


    Honestly, it's not a jealous thing (I think) since most of them have are skinnier than me. Hopefully it's a playful mean joking way they are saying things.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    I've tried explaining my reason for weight loss.
    and here is your mistake.

    you owe NOBODY an explanation!

    your body, your choice. they have no more right to pressure you into food than they have to pressure you into sex. same deal.

    my advice would be to quit explaining yourself. be a brick wall on this subject.
  • nickymarie011
    nickymarie011 Posts: 152 Member
    In my freshman year in college, I gained the freshman 15. I would constantly eat junk food whenever I felt bored, hungry, happy, sad (literally in between crys I scooped ice cream into my mouth and continued crying. No joke). After a few months, I had some back pain but did nothing of it.

    This summer I got into weight loss, exercising and a good diet. I have been at it for almost a month now and I lost about 9 pounds and I'm happy but my friends are not.

    Lately, my friends are giving me the same old stuff over and over again:

    'Men don't like beefy girls.'
    'Men like curves not bones.'
    'You need to eat something.'
    'You're nothing but bones.'
    'You've changed' (meant in a bad way)
    'Do you have an eating disorder?'

    The thing is, the 9 pounds lost did not take away from my 'curves' but toned them. I still eat (when I eat a salad, they make a wise cracks about me starving myself, when I eat junk on cheat days, I get scolded and told I'm not working hard enough).

    I've tried explaining my reason for weight loss but when I do, they take it as an insult? Kind of a 'If you thought you were fat, you must think i'm fat' sort of deal.

    I don't know. I love working out and eating healthy (sometimes) but I'm tired of getting belittled by friends.

    Congrats on the weight loss. I understand where you are coming from. I have some friends like that. When I first began my getting healthy journey, they would make fun of me because of the healthy food I ate or make fun of me because I had to work out before I hung out with them. Seriously, I suggest you ignore their comments. I used to always have to explain myself to my friends when they gave me a hard time but I had learned that if I just ignore the comments, they eventually stop giving me *kitten* about my lifestyle choices. Just change the subject if they give you crap and continue on doing what you are doing :) Who cares what they say?
  • BarackMeLikeAHurricane
    BarackMeLikeAHurricane Posts: 3,400 Member
    Two things that can make people shut up are talking about your feelings and making sure they know you're serious (i.e. stern look, looking upset, etc). Tell your friends that when they say stuff like that it really hurts your feelings and upsets you and if they were real friends they would be supportive of you instead of trying to hurt you.
  • tmm_0127
    tmm_0127 Posts: 545 Member
    The whole "bones are for dogs, real men like meat" thing is a load of trash. I would suggest talking to them about how they're behavior is affecting you.

    It's your body, you know what's best for it, and if you feel comfortable the way you are, you don't have to change. You ESPECIALLY don't have to change for these friends of yours, or for any guy in the world.

    When you're on a journey to better health and fitness, it's important to surround yourself with positivity. Those who act negatively to your positive changes are probably jealous, and having them around to discourage you will only set roadblocks in your way.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member

    I don't know. I love working out and eating healthy (sometimes) but I'm tired of getting belittled by friends.

    They're not your friends.

    "This above all: to thine own self be true"
    Wm Shakespeare - Hamlet
  • WhiteGirlWasted13
    WhiteGirlWasted13 Posts: 178 Member
    Personally, it does sound like a jealousy issue, but not like what you're probably thinking. It seems every group of girls needs that one "fat" girl so the rest of them can compare themselves secretly to her. "At least I'm not as big as ________." We all do it. You don't owe them any explanations so just stop it.

    Do what you need to do to feel good about yourself and let them deal with it. And maybe start looking for a more supportive group to hang out with in the future. You're only a freshman? Yeah, three more years is too long to deal with your current group's crap. You deserve better. Think of how insidiously their behavior and comments have made their way into your thinking already. What else are they gonna do to you in the future? Just something to think about.
  • tattedbarbz
    tattedbarbz Posts: 30
    I've always had the same from family are friends. Best way to be is act business as usual and just dont talk about Weight and stuff with them. They'll get bored of making comments.. just use your friends on mfp for motivation!
  • mkmerrill
    mkmerrill Posts: 74 Member
    Here is the deal. They are jealous! I am almost 33 and have been many sizes...it boils down to this....MEN do not like insecure women. Most do not care if you are super toned or a little curvy. If you are happy and confident that is sexy
  • TonicSapphire
    TonicSapphire Posts: 24
    Unsupportive friends are not friends.


    *unless you are doing something that's bad for you.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    Your friends sound like they are every bit as confused as the messages that we get about health, weight, and body size from society. We're pressured to be thin, but if we succeed in losing weight, by logging, eating less and exercising more, we're exhibiting signs of having an unhealthy obsession.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Ignore them. Regardless of what you do I feel like they will always have something to say.
  • thanhdle
    thanhdle Posts: 25 Member
    Dieting is a very lonely life when your peers dont have the same goal. Of course if your friends have been overweight for a majority of their life they're going to think that anyone whose leaner than they are are considered "too skinny". I too was very overweight and i though that as long as you dont have a belly you're be considered too skinny too me. As i progressed through my diet my ideal of what's "fit" has changed drastically. You may need to reassess who your real friends are, because you're going to need a lot of support along the way and those who are counterproductive to your goal is only going to hurt you in the long run.
  • Coyoteldy
    Coyoteldy Posts: 219 Member
    sometimes those closest to us make it the hardest...many folks have suggested that my losing weight is not good for me... but I have stayed consistent and let them know I EXPECT support..or no comment at all.... its been pretty effective LOL
  • danamariers
    danamariers Posts: 155 Member
    Maybe it's because I'm down with being a **** to those who give me heck about my eating but I find that saying things back like, "Why? Does this salad make you uncomfortable?", "What's wrong with my food- should I eat what I used to and gain my weight back? Do you prefer me fat?" stops people and makes them uncomfortable enough that the topic is no longer up for discussion.
  • SlenderMon
    SlenderMon Posts: 1 Member
    Man, I laughed.
  • knucklesammie
    knucklesammie Posts: 196 Member
    i honestly would assume your healthy new life and body is making them a little self conscious about their own bodies and lifestyles!

    though i told a friend of mine (before i began my own weight loss journey) that she needed to "eat a sandwich" when she lost a ton of weight, and i meant it as a compliment like 'hey im noticing!". later i realized how that could be taken as unsupportive and i apologized in case it had hurt her and she said it had actually made her day that i thought she was skinny :D so maybe it could be that for some of them. not all people think of what the weight of their words actually are. anyway you are doing good things for yourself and keep it up! i can totally relate to packing on the freshman 15 (and the eating ice cream before cries :))

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