Low self esteem derailing my progress - advice please

gymleaderwhit
gymleaderwhit Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everybody. My name is Whitney, I'm 23 years old and kind of new here - I began an account with a different name last year, and then created this one because I wanted a fresh start. However, I am having a lot of trouble getting that start because my low self esteem is dogging me.

So far, I have lost about 150 pounds. At my highest I weighed 350, and right now I'm sitting at around 198 pounds. I know I should be proud, but instead I am just frustrated because I feel like I have ruined everything by my carelessness when I was younger. I honestly feel like I am the ugliest person on the face of the planet. I have ugly stretchmarks everywhere that I fear will never go away, I have loose skin that I'm terrified will never go back, and I generally feel like I am just worthless because of my appearance. I do not think I will ever be able to have a husband or a family because I am so unlovable in my looks. I don't know how I could ever be wanted.

It has gotten so bad lately that I have just wanted to give up completely. I have not been regularly exercising for about two months now, and I have been eating and craving junk foods nonstop. I just feel like it isn't worth it anymore because I am so ugly and that will never change, so why bother? I am working on getting into counselling, but for now I was just hoping that maybe somebody out there could share some advice. I don't want to give up but I feel like I have no motivation to keep me going any more. I am going to try my best to start using MFP again, and I hope that will maybe help keep me on track, especially if I can find some friends here.

Thanks for listening and many blessings to everyone.

Replies

  • gymleaderwhit
    gymleaderwhit Posts: 3 Member
    Might have posted a little too late last night. Bump for help please.
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    We all were stupid and you are still young enough to have plenty of fun and stupid ahead of you. No point in wasting being 23 by worrying about stretch marks and past mistakes. All you can do is move forward.

    I learned food never made me feel better, just full, sick and fatter. That wasn't helping.

    One day...one hour at a time. You'll make it. :)
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I started at 376 pounds and have lost about 130. I just had a Panniculectomy to remove the excess skin/fat from my stomach. After I lose another about 60-80 pounds, I'll have "the rest" of the excess stuff removed. The recovery process from the surgery really derailed me....it just went differently than expected and I really went "off program" and gained 18 pounds in 3 months. Today is the first day that I've really felt like I was "back on track", but it's taken me a couple of weeks to get to this point of "gearing myself up". I'm not where I want to be, so while I'm happy that I've lost what I've lost, I know I'm not where I want to be yet so it's hard for me to really feel like celebrating just yet. Here's my blog that details more about my journey: http://baysweightloss.blogspot.com/2012/03/losing-weight.html

    Getting into counseling is a wonderful idea. I've been seeing a counselor since July 2011 and it's helped a lot. He's had gastric bypass surgery and understands where I'm coming from.

    The negative self talk needs to stop though. There's nothing we can do about the past, so there's no point in dwelling there....Focus on "What can I do right now to help me get where I want to be?" instead of "OMG....I can't believe __________ (fill in the blank)"

    Don't give up; see a counselor (that will help a lot!). We'll get there one way or another!
  • gymleaderwhit
    gymleaderwhit Posts: 3 Member
    Thank you both for posting, I really appreciate it. I know I shouldn't feel like I have thrown all my life away but I feel so old sometimes because I feel like I haven't done anything and that I'm not the person I want to be, and I worry I never will be. I hope counselling does help. I'm trying to push myself to go to the gym today but I'm still not feeling it, but I'll try my best.
  • KarlaH9801
    KarlaH9801 Posts: 362 Member
    You are making such wonderful progress at such a young age. It took me until I was 30, and a health scare, to finally begin making changes for myself. Don't give up!
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    Getting into counseling is a wonderful idea. I've been seeing a counselor since July 2011 and it's helped a lot. He's had gastric bypass surgery and understands where I'm coming from.

    The negative self talk needs to stop though. There's nothing we can do about the past, so there's no point in dwelling there....Focus on "What can I do right now to help me get where I want to be?" instead of "OMG....I can't believe __________ (fill in the blank)"

    Don't give up; see a counselor (that will help a lot!). We'll get there one way or another!
    This.

    and also some general conversation on one of your worries: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1034120-men-what-do-you-really-think-of-girls-w-stretch-marks
  • EmilyMcD84
    EmilyMcD84 Posts: 46 Member
    I read the other day that no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow your progress, you are still ahead of anyone that isn't trying.

    I admire you for the weight you've lost so far. It takes dedication and hard work.
    I know you are discouraged but don't give up. As far as feeling like no one will love you, love yourself first.
    Beating yourself up won't get you anywhere.

    Keep working hard and don't give up!!!
  • misscaseymac
    misscaseymac Posts: 38
    Babygirl, your body is just a vessel for that resplendent soul of yours. And you have come so far! What a huge accomplishment!!!! I bet it can be tough looking at your body and comparing it to the ideal in your own head- but girlfriend you ARE beautiful. You have to realize every single human has something they would like to change or something that embarrasses them. Stretch marks fade with time, and a little loose skin isn't the end all be all. Plus, if you are truly upset with that excess skin when you've reached your goal weight you can get it trimmed off- unpleasant but totally do-able!
    Most importantly, however, your weight does NOT determine your worth. All the scale measures is your relationship with gravity and this planet. Seriously. It cant capture how good of a friend you are, or how hard you work or the kindness in your heart. Those qualities make someone full of worth- not their outward appearance.

    xoxoxoxo
  • conniedj
    conniedj Posts: 470 Member
    Babygirl, your body is just a vessel for that resplendent soul of yours. And you have come so far! What a huge accomplishment!!!! I bet it can be tough looking at your body and comparing it to the ideal in your own head- but girlfriend you ARE beautiful. You have to realize every single human has something they would like to change or something that embarrasses them. Stretch marks fade with time, and a little loose skin isn't the end all be all. Plus, if you are truly upset with that excess skin when you've reached your goal weight you can get it trimmed off- unpleasant but totally do-able!
    Most importantly, however, your weight does NOT determine your worth. All the scale measures is your relationship with gravity and this planet. Seriously. It cant capture how good of a friend you are, or how hard you work or the kindness in your heart. Those qualities make someone full of worth- not their outward appearance.

    xoxoxoxo

    This!^^^ You are the only YOU this world will ever know! And while we all have our down moments, you can still choose to focus where you want to focus. I am 45 years awesome (not old), and I can tell you what I do when I am feeling down about whatever ( because it happens, you know?). I pray for someone else who is having a similar issue. There is always someone who can use that prayer. AND....I seek out other people who I can encourage. There is nothing more fulfilling than being able to help another person over a bump in the road!

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