Discouraged by tandem dieting

One idea is to try to come up with some favorite meals and snacks that you don't mind having more often. MFP lets you save them, so you don't even need to take a ton of time to log them. I generally have a variation of three things for breakfast every weekday - Yogurt, boiled egg, and fruit (generally banana). For lunch I typically have leftover dinner, and my wife and I have several "go-to" dinners that we make regularly - enough for variety, but we don't need to spend too much time planning a day.

Also, are you trying to meet all your macros (Carbs, Protein, Fat) in addition to calories, or just calories? At the beginning, you may want to consider just trying to stay under your calories, then add in the macros when you feel more comfortable. If you generally eat a balanced diet, the macros should be close anyway. When I started, I was watching just calories, and added in macros over time.

And as long as I am in the right direction overall I don't stress for the sake of one meal or one day.

This is also great advice - don't sweat the small stuff - this is a lifestyle change, and it takes some getting used to.

Edit: add info about saved meals

My bf and I are doing this together and have been for about 1 year. It does take a lot of planning but I am lucky because we do this together. I have found some recipes that we both love on skinnytaste.com like sausage stuffed zucchini boats and slow cooker santa fe chicken. I hope your husband stays on board with you. For me this has made all the difference. When we started this we said this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Best of luck to you.

This may make your life easier...

Both of you know your calorie limit/ranges, right?

Now, at the end of each day, make your food choices for the next day. You can eat whatever you want and still lose weight. You should eat mostly healthy though or at least try. He can make his choices. You can make yours. He can put his food together, and you can do the same. That way you don't have to worry about prepping each day. Part of it is just messing with the numbers to reach your calorie goals.

Less stress for you and for him.

It is really easy to make a healthy stir fry. 1-2 tablespoons of canola oil, then stir fry some chicken or shrimp and whatever veggies you like- we usually use broccoli, carrots, onions, water chestnuts and baby corn (those 2 are usually canned, the rest fresh or frozen). I add Chinese 5 spice, grated ginger, garlic, a dash of sesame oil and Bragg's liquid aminos. We eat it with one serving of brown rice. Zucchini, yellow squash, bell peppers, cauliflower, peas, and lots of others are great in stir fries.

My husband and I are doing this together, also, and it does get tricky sometimes. It was really hard at first when his calorie allowance was much higher than mine. Even though we are doing this together, though, we are each only responsible for ourselves. Neither of us can do it for the other.

I used to think like this. I would try to do the 'healthy' thing and eventually, I would burn out and give up. For nearly the last two years, I've had a bit of an attitude overhaul.

1. I don't care if I lose x number of pounds by x date. The moment the goal looked like it wasn't going to happen, I'd get discouraged.
2. I stopped cooking 'healthy' meals. I didn't like the blandness of them and the prep time seemed too long compared to meals I enjoyed before. I now eat everything I love, just at smaller quantities with more fruits and vegetables thrown in.
3. I no longer weigh myself everyday since I would get discouraged seeing what I knew were normal fluctuations. I now weigh once a month (unless I wake up one morning and feel particularly good).
4. I'd never taken 'before' pictures before. Now that I have, I will periodically take new pics of myself and look at the comparisons. If I'm feeling a bit low about what I've been doing, seeing those puts me right back where I need to be.

Bottom line: my newest way of losing weight, for the first time in my life, doesn't feel like a chore. It just feels like life. I'm almost 40 lbs down with roughly 20 to go and I haven't lost steam yet.

He hates that right now our lives revolve around food and that we have to constantly worry about what we can have and what not.

I would venture that your lives revolved around food before the diet as well, which was the root of the problem. It is understandable that he doesn't like being reminded regularly about the food-oriented aspect of life by taking something he enjoyed and turned it into something challenging.

It sounds like he hasn't really made the mental and emotional commitment, and that you have.

He wanted Chinese last night and I said let's have some and just count it. When he saw how little he could eat (it is super high cal) he was bummed about it and said never mind. I am worried that this kind of eating is going to make him quit. I can see where he is coming from because he is taking all the joy out of eating when he won't let himself have what he likes just in moderation.

The main calorie hit from chinese (though it probably depends a bit on your selection) is the rice. Two cups of rice (or more) in a typical "single serve" is about four (1/2 cup) servings caloriewise. Order the entree you want and order an "extra" entree of something like "steamed vegetables" (without the rice). Eat 1/2 cup of rice from the "main" entree, plus the meat/veg/sauce with the steamed vegetable added. Spice it up, if you wish, with hot pepper or similar and (outside of sodium) you should be able to stay within your goals.

Use the leftover rice in a soup or casserole "tomorrow" (or feed it to a suitable pet if you have one)

It also might help to set your loss goal lower, so you have more calories to work with. It's a lifestyle change - something you need to be able to live with from this day forward and you have the rest of your life to reach and maintain your weight and fitness goals - in the big scheme of things, it doesn't really matter all that much if you reach it in 6 months or 6 years (so long as you can stay close to the "path").

I was doing the low calorie "diet" thing since Feb 2012. 20 lbs lost in 12 months. (yo-yoed a lot in that year)

Since joining MFP in April 2013, I have found what my calorie range is supposed to be and I have lost 12 lbs in the 9 weeks. I eat anything I want, just not as much of it. And yes, I make choices about food as I always try to get the most bang for my "calorie buck"

My fiance at first thought I was crazy for counting my calories and eating the way I do but he has seen the results. Now he is full on board. We both eat at or near our MFP goals set for our lives (sedentary - both have desk jobs) and try to get fitness in every day. Even a walk around the block at night just to help stay under the calorie goal. But the key is we eat what we want, so long as it fits into our goals. Just yesterday, we eat had a personal pan pizza from pizza hut. Normally, he would eat 1/2 of a large pepperoni pizza. Do we suffer? No because we worked to make sure the cals we eat fit our goal.

I dont know for you but my MFP goal is 1380 (500 cal a day deficit) and I try to burn about 500 extra cals a day. That puts me at 1880 cals a day. (Very close to my TDEE -20%) I can get a lot of great yummy tasty food in on for these cals.even fast food, take out, and m&m's AND STILL LOSE WEIGHT.

Find out what your TDEE and eat 20% less than that (google tdee calculator). Or use the MFP method (with a reasonable 1 lb a week weight loss goal) and eat back your exercise cals. If you will do it this way, you and your husband wont suffer, unless either of you have a medical condition that would prevent you from losing weight this way.

This ^

My wife and I do this. Basically, both people have to want to stick with the plan. If he doesn't want to, he won't. All you can do is control your own intake.

And you end up eating different things anyway, or at least different amounts, because you have different needs. Good luck.

When people start "dieting" they often become pre-occupied with some notion of "healthy" vs "non-healthy". Often this notion is very skewed...often this notion involves eating a lot of bland ****, nothin' but veggies and fruit...cutting out all the fat, etc. It doesn't have to be that way and if it is that way you are most definitely doing it wrong.

Let's start with fat because that's where a lot of people **** this up. Fat doesn't make you fat...an over consumption of calories makes you fat. Fat is actually essential to body function and people should be getting at least 20-30% of their calories in fat...more if they are doing low carb.

But what happens when you go on a diet? Suddenly every vegetable gets steamed and meat poached, boiled, steamed, and or otherwise drained of it's fat (i.e. flavor). Essentially you're creating a flavorless and downright boring diet for yourself. Don't be afraid of the fat. Cook with olive oil and don't be afraid of a little butter either.

Don't cut out the meat...when people diet it suddenly becomes all about little meat...excess veg...and what meat you do have for some reason has to be some dried out piece of chicken breast that isn't even seasoned. I eat all the meat...I season it...I marinate it...I slap big slabs of it on the grill and I eat like a king...I just stay within my calorie goal and I'm 40 Lbs down.

Yes, fruit and veg need to be major players in your diet (noun)...but the need not be the only players. In addition to having some type of fruit or veg at every meal, I also have some protein and fat source...and often a grain or starch. I eat meat, poultry, or fish at every single meal.

Also, don't be afraid to treat yourself...life's little pleasures are what it's all about...again, 40 Lbs down and I regularly treat myself to gummy worms, chocolate, ice cream, pizza, etc. I just fit it in and don't make it a part of my daily lifestyle...it's an occasion.

Also keep in mind he i going to have a higher caloric requirement than you. It sounds like you're trying to have him stick to your calorie requirements (perhaps that's why he's lost so quickly) which isn't enough for a man. We need much more calories to maintain and can lose eating much more. Just as an example, my wife loses good and consistently eating 1500-1800 and maintains around 2200-2300. I would be one pissed off SOB eating 1500-1800 calories per day. I maintain around 2700 calories and lose good and consistently with 2100 - 2400 calories per day. If you're trying to make him eat your calorie requirement he's going to be absolutely famished and miserable.