One extreme to the next

I have gone from wanting to end my life, to possibly being in the fight for it!

I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life, through most of it I have had suicidal and self injuring thoughts. I started adding exercise to my regime a while back and I am now off of my medication. Things are looking up! Hubby and I are planning out our vacations and dreaming of retirement and travel. All the physically demanding things we want to do... hiking, mountain climbing, bike riding.... and then.

In May I had gotten really sick, throat pain, swelling, trouble swallowing. Doctors told me it was viral go home and rest...
fast forward 3 weeks, I no longer had the fever, but the sore throat, hoarse voice and neck was tender to the touch, and I choked trying to eat or drink anything.

Back to the doctor, they checked my thyroid (ultrasounds, blood work) all normal... onto the ENT... they thought possibly acid re-flux burning my throat and vocal chords, (shoved a scope through my nose to look at the throat)... new medication to decrease acid... (double dose)... 2 weeks later in the checkup, nope not working... next...

The head ENT then did another scope (through the nose...ugh) doesn't like what he sees.... in his words it is very possibly cancer and would be surprised if it turns out to be anything else.... Now done the preop work (x-rays, ECG, blood work, CT scan next week) all for a biopsy that I will have August 2 to confirm...

So after getting my health on track after years of abusing my body, I now have to prepare for the possible fight of my life... FOR my life.