An Update: My First Ever Bikini! (Pics!)

masonnickey · July 2013

You look great!!!! Congrats!

mindymh78 · July 2013

So inspiring! Thank you for sharing! It's good to hear that you held in there for two years and finally made it! My biggest battle is learning to be ok with slow and steady. Thanks!

faceoff4 · July 2013

You look great! Amazing work!

MeIShouldB · July 2013

My original success story post that I made a few months ago can be found here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/952156-don-t-ever-give-up-my-success-story-lots-of-pics

Today, I thought I'd share an update with all of you. In the last 3 years, I've lost 52 lbs. I feel like a new person now...I AM a new person now! I'm blossoming into the young woman I truly am, no longer hidden behind low self-esteem and layers of fat, fear, and shame! Instead of overeating and barely moving, I've gotten my body used to healthy foods in small quantities and I've taken up running (and I actually ENJOY it)! In the few months since I made my first success story post, I've lost 3 more lbs and started lifting weights! (I've been lifting, and starting out VERY easy, for about 3 months now.) My abs especially have gotten so much stronger! I've received so many compliments on the "new me" now that I can't even take it all in haha! (I also injured my knee and haven't been able to run for the last month, BUT that's not the point! I'm trying to be positive here! Haha!)

But the biggest victory of all has been the victory of finally learning to be happy with my body, flaws and all. And my biggest obstacle: the bikini. I've had a love/hate relationship with bikinis my entire life. I never looked good in them...EVER. But I always dreamed of being able to look ACCEPTABLE (not even good, I didn't dare dream THAT big) in a bikini. Growing up as a chubby kid, I envied all of the girls my age who looked cute and dainty in their bikinis. I, on the other hand, felt like a beached whale and wanted to cry every time I tried another one on in a store change room. And for so long, I simply gave up the dream of being able to look and feel good in a bikini. It just seemed like no matter how much weight I lost and no matter what I did, I'd never be able to pull off a bikini.

But I recently decided to revive that dream! So I went out to Victoria's Secret and bought myself a purple bikini top! I bought a few different fun, inexpensive bottoms from Target and JCPenny to go with my new bikini top. And when I tried on my first ever bikini in front of my mirror at home...for the first time in my life, I ACTUALLY FELT PROUD OF MY BODY! No, my body isn't perfect; it's nowhere NEAR perfect. I'm super pale. The skin on my upper thighs is scarred and potmarked from a lifetime battle with shaving, weight gain, and extremely sensitive skin. I still have flab on my tummy. I'm pear-shaped so I'll ALWAYS have chunky thighs, huge hips, and a big booty. I look nothing like a Victoria's Secret swimsuit model or like some fitness queen. But DARNIT, I've worked HARD these past 3 years to make my body look the way it looks today and I'm going to be PROUD of my body from now on! I no longer care if my body is perfect or not. My body is God's masterpiece, refined by 3 years of my own hard work! And I don't care what anyone else thinks...I'm DARN PROUD of my hard work and I'm DARN PROUD of the way my body looks!

So that's what I wanted to share with all of you today! Even when you work hard for YEARS to make your body healthy like I did, you're still going to feel tempted to compare it to some nonsensical, fake idea of "perfection." DON'T LET THOSE THOUGHTS INTO YOUR HEAD! Whatever work you've put into your body, even if it's just a 5 lb loss..THAT'S AWESOME! Be proud of your hard work and be proud of your body! You've worked hard, SHOW IT OFF PROUDLY!!!

And now I know the REAL reason anyone will even look at this post is for the pictures! :laugh: So, here's the old me (sorry, no old bathing suit pics since I refused to take them haha!) at 5'4" and 178 lbs:

And here's some NEW pics of me, including several recent bathing suit and bikini shots I struggled to take in front of my mirror HAHA! I'm now 5'4" and 126 lbs:

Keep up the hard work, MFPers and be PROUD! Remember, your body is a masterpiece that reflects beauty and all of your hard work! :bigsmile:

WORK IT GIRL

Phoenix24601 · July 2013

I wore my first bikini out today! Yay for bikinis!

AABru · July 2013

Your body is well proportioned and looks strong. I don't understand where you seem to think you have all the flaws you listed, but none of us are nice to ourselves. You look great; your new suit is beautiful, and you look beautiful in it.

PrettyPearl88 · July 2013

I wore my first bikini out today! Yay for bikinis!

YAY!!!! :flowerforyou:

Your body is well proportioned and looks strong. I don't understand where you seem to think you have all the flaws you listed, but none of us are nice to ourselves. You look great; your new suit is beautiful, and you look beautiful in it.

Thank you. I truly appreciate those compliments. Yours and the others on here. In losing the weight though, I've realized that so much of the battle with my self-esteem is mental. In fact, as CRAZY as it sounds, after losing weight, I found myself nitpicking and critiquing the flaws on my body even more. I found myself comparing my body to other women even MORE often. There was a part of me that thought "I've worked hard for the last couple years to look good and no matter how hard I try, I'm still fat and ugly compared to that girl over there who's never even worked out a day in her life. It's just NOT FAIR!" I don't know, I guess the temptation to compare myself to Hollywood's ideal has been hitting me much harder since losing the weight. That and while I may look like a different person, many of the same old insecurities that I've struggled with my entire life are still there. And I can no longer hide behind a layer of fat and refuse to deal with them. I've been working on them and I'm getting better and more confident. But it's a struggle every single day to have a good attitude.

I suppose it might sound silly to some people that I'm still struggling with many, if not more, insecurities now that I'm 50+ lbs lighter. But like I said, half of the battle for me has been mental. I'm sure there are other women who can relate.