My need to do this "perfectly".

journeythrough · July 2013

I posted about this on my personal page, but I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice or can commiserate.

The last time I tried MyFitnessPal, I kind of spiraled out of control emotionally because I couldn't do it "perfectly".

Let me give you today's example of why I feel awful about myself: eating restaurant food is pretty big in my family. I also have an attachment to it because it makes me feel secure - I grew up very poor and we couldn't really afford to eat out on a whim, unless it was from the dollar menu. Now I have a more financially secure life and it makes me feel even more financially secure to be able to go "oh, that restaurant looks good! Let's stop."

That silly emotional connection aside, the problem comes from not being able to track the calories of the food I ate. I like going to small, locally owned restaurants that often do not have calories counted and available. Did I eat four or five tablespoons of guacamole? I don't know. I literally have no idea. How much cheese? Brand? Fat %? Beats me.

The easy answer is, of course, to eat home prepared meals or boxed meals, where I can track. But I'm more interested in exploring and healing (?) the part of me that feels like giving up, deleting my account, and eating until I don't feel sad anymore because I can't do the program to-the-T perfectly.

I have never had a very high self-esteem and that is really rearing its ugly head in this need for perfection as well. The only time I feel like I have earned praise is when I have done something perfect. Otherwise, I'm worried that I'm disappointing someone.

Does anyone else have this issue, and if so: how do you move through the crippling effects of not being able to do it perfect?

Goddessmaker1 · July 2013

Check the emotional as you will never fix the outer stuff til that is correct. I grew up poor too and I have seen first hand how I have dealt with things by trying to live the life I wanted back then now. It's not pretty. Why do you want to lose weight? Focus on that. Check your pride,it's very offensive to your own self for goals. Pride is stinky and gets in the way of your own growth and movement. Add me if you like I'm very real in my post but you must let the perfect thing go. You will never be perfect and though some appear to be they aren't either.

shadow2soul · July 2013

I think your first hang up, is wanting to do it "perfectly". I started MFP mid March (although I joined in Nov, I didn't actually use it till March). I was 218lbs. I didn't have a kitchen scale, heart rate monitor, or any other tools other than MFP. So most of my logs, were guesses. I lost about 20lbs (before I got my kitchen scale) with just guessing how much I was eating and how many calories I was burning. I also go over my calorie goal and occasionally I go over maintenance and yet I still manage to lose at an average of 2lbs per week.

I occasionally go to a buffet and although they have the calorie information listed on their site, it is by ounces. I don't take a scale with me when I go out to eat, so:

When you plan to eat out at a restraunt where you won't know the calorie count:
- Eat smaller, low calorie meals the rest of the day
- Do a small workout to help compensate (go for a walk, 30 day shred, go for a run, or something)

Don't sweat the small stuff. As long as it doesn't happen daily you should be okay.

labeachgirl · July 2013

I think you need to find new ways to feel a sense of accomplishment that doesn't require external validation. Pick up a hobby like knitting, crotcheting, sewing, drawing, gardening etc that makes you feel good once you complete a project. That way if you're not getting the validation from work, or from people, you're still getting it from yourself in one area of your life. Perfection focuses on the end result, but you should focus more on the most valuable part (because it teaches you lessons), which is the journey.

journeythrough · July 2013

Check the emotional as you will never fix the outer stuff til that is correct.

I definitely hear you on that one. I'm pretty much planning on printing out this post and bringing it to my therapist this coming week, because I know that inner health is just as important - if not more - than outer health. I feel like if I can relax a little more when it comes to my food and weight anxiety, this process will be easier. Right now? Not easy.

And I'm definitely going to look into adding more hobbies. It's really hard because I just finished my degree. I was a full-time student, so I was unemployed at the time of graduation, and now I'm still doing the job search. I have a lot more time to navel gaze than is beneficial to my health, especially if I'm going to be ripping myself to shreds while doing it.

My best friend is pregnant and I need to start working on a baby blanket for her, so I'll go ahead and do that. Maybe get a few more walk/runs in, because I know that lowers my anxiety.

Thanks, everyone. I know that I have this weird issue and I appreciate the support!

JTick · July 2013

I eat out a LOT as well. Sometimes it's chain restaurants where I can find nutritional information, other times it's family owned places. What I do is put the name of what I'm eating into MFP. I look at the options that come up. I NEVER pick the homemade one, as most anything you make at home is going to be lower calories. I look at what I'm eating...let's say club sandwich. Two pieces of bread (200ish calories), turkey (45ish), bacon (70ish), mayo (70ish), and then the salad toppings. So I'll look for an entry that's close to 400 calories. If I can't find one, I'll enter it as quick calories and pad it a little...say 450 calories. I also do this type of estimation with sushi, which I eat a lot. Every chef makes their sushi different, so it's really hard to be accurate on that.

FitGeekery · July 2013

I don't think your issue is at all weird or out of the ordinary. I have wanted to lose weight several times, and almost always burned myself out because I wanted it be 'perfect' as well.

I feel like things are hugely different for me this time around, and maybe my reasons can help

I realized that even in my previous attempts, I had never made it a priority to take care of myself, emotionally or physically. And this time around that is my main goal. I used to think that losing the weight was just about physical changes, looking good, getting attention, wearing whatever I want. Now I see it as a marathon, instead of a sprint.

The changes I make I want to be permanent, for the rest of my life. I'm not going back to the body or mindset that got me to my highest weight. And it's not about doing it perfectly and then beating myself up when it isn't and quitting. It's about -doing- it. It's about how many times I pick myself up again, not how many times I've fallen down. It'll happen. I'll stumble, I'll have a bad day, whatever it is.

Point is, no one knows or cares if I did it perfectly but me. What they'll see is that I did it. And I'll know that I did it, pushed through every obstacle and stumbling block that came. And I don't know when I'm going to 'get there'. But this time around? I know that I'm going to get there, no matter what.

My need to do this "perfectly".

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