How badly do I want it?

ShandiH · July 2013

Recently I stopped logging. I stopped exercising. I stopped caring. Not that I started liking how I look and feel, I just go so incredibly frustrated with my weight not going down despite how hard I was working at it. Originally, I joined MFP to lose weight before getting pregnant. I got pregnant, continued logging so as not to gain too much weight - only gained 10 lbs - but still had weight from my first pregnancy as well as never really being a healthy size since puberty hit.

A friend discussed my frustrations with me and one question she asked really hit me - "How badly do you want it?" I've been thinking about this question ever since. How should I measure how badly I want to lose the weight? Is it my dedicated persistence, sticking with the calorie counting and never missing a workout? Is it a different kind of persistence of ALWAYS getting back in the saddle once you've gotten off? Is it a new found willpower to resist all junk food and eat spinach smoothies every breakfast? Is it getting up before my kids wake up to workout? But, how do I do that with nights like last night - took me HOURS to fall alseep, only to be woken up regularly (kids waking up, baby fussing, and some dipwad setting off fireworks still), then to top it off, my baby woke up at 4 a.m., despite my efforts to get her back down she wouldn't. Plus my son woke up shortly before 5 a.m. and wouldn't go back to bed. (Seriously don't know what is in the air over here!)

Perhaps its my desire for a strict schedule that is really frustrating me; its easier for me to always workout at the same time. I don't like getting dressed in my workout clothes and not exercise until afternoon (or later). I feel like my day is waiting to start until I workout.

I haven't come to any conclusions myself just needed to get this out there to the cosmos.

Phaedra2014 · July 2013

"How badly do I want it?" sounds good to say, but in reality, it sets one up for failure. You can't quantify, or visualize, that concept.

What you CAN quantify and have control over is asking yourself, "What am I choosing right now?" Then, be OKAY with your choice. Don't pick something you aren't okay with because then you will beat yourself on the head with a big bat of guilt and shame.

Do you want to sleep in and schedule a work out for later?

Do you want to work out now and take a nap later?

Would you rather have your spinach in a breakfast smoothie or in a salad for dinner later?

Talk to yourself as you would to your children. Break your indecisiveness down in two realistic choices. Whatever you choose, even if it is to not work out that day, BE OKAY WITH IT. Your thoughts and your actions need to match up. If they don't...voila'....you will sabotage the day and it goes on and on and on.

It's really not about how badly you want this, it's about what you choose in any given moment. YOU are in control, not your perceived willpower.

Now get up and do something for 10 minutes every couple of hours. By the end of the day, you will have done an hour of physical activity. CHOOSE it.

P.S. It's not that you stopped caring. You got overwhelmed and suddenly it became easier to not do anything at all. Break your day down into chunks and things will get more manageable.

SpleenThief · July 2013

How badly do you want it isn't the question. Lots of people want lots of stuff. The question is what are you willing to do? Motivation has NOTHING to do with desire. Motivation = willingness, nothing more and nothing less. Young kids are tough on the schedule, no doubt but you can fit things in, do you have a running stroller?

Side note: HIIT packs a great whallop for the time, possibly better than running.

ShandiH · July 2013

Thank you for the comments! Truly helpful!!

KardioKim · July 2013

One of my favorite quotes come from Jillian (I think) and it goes like this:

You don't get what you want; you get what you focus on.

This helped me realize how many of our choices are minute by minute, like others have already mentioned.

You can do it. I can do it.

cebreisch · July 2013

I've been asking myself the same sort of questions recently because I'm a different person today then when I initially got started on this path. What got me started was when I went to a school event with my daughter and could hardly walk to the door of the school - I had to stop several times along the way, and sit on the floor once inside the building and then had the gall to tell them (the school staff) that it was their fault I was so out of breath because I had to walk so far. I was so humiliated and embarrassed by everybody having to step over me that I told myself "Something has got to change."

Well, that was April 2011. I remember meeting with a dietician about a month later who had access to my MFP diary. She looked at me very directly and asked straight forwardly, "Do you want to lose weight?" I said, "Well, yes." Then a little voice in my head said, "Then act like it."

It is hard to find something that you're willing to get uncomfortable enough to "act like it". I just remember thinking over this past weekend, "This is not who I want to be." I recently had surgery to remove the extra skin/fat from my belly. I WANT to have the surgery to finish the job with other areas that need the attention. I WANT to be able to fit into a swimsuit and look okay - not like a supermodel - but like an average person. It BUGGED ME ROYALLY that when we went to Disney a month ago that I couldn't go swimming with my kids because I was still healing from the surgery, but moreover because I didn't like the shape of my body still.

I have about 100 pounds to go before I reach my goal. I'll visit the surgeon after I lose about 70 pounds to develop a plan. I want to be healed and ready to go before our next trip to Disney in 2016.

Your goal doesn't have to be Disney, but find something that either bugs you enough to get uncomfortable enough to do the work or that's a big enough prize to make it worth the effort.

For what it's worth - and good luck!!

lcransaw · July 2013

Wow, your day and night sounds like mine. I have a kid that is a poor sleeper. Always has been. So, I use to be exhausted everyday and escape to food. Now, I focus on being healthy. I delegate certain days when mommy is not available. Daddy has to step in and take up the slack. I work out on those days, plan and cook meals, and sleep uninterrupted. I think as moms we have so much on our plates, but the old saying is true: You can't help anyone else if you are sick. So, take time for yourself. Delegate child care to your significant other or get a sitter for a couple hours a week. I made a commitment to myself to workout and go to weightloss support meetings, and that is what I am going to do. I love my child, and I am making myself a healthier better mommy for him.

elfelejtem · July 2013

I was same.I left...i put more weight on..Im back.
Why i left?For me wasnt helpful all the support i got..well done girl!U are on the right road!
Never supported me realy..for the simple reason..i want to lose weight but not for others ,for only myself..and i dont care for others opinion.
You have to decide in your mind,do you want to lose weight or not?
Do you like yourself or not?like this
For me the a good support can come from my weightscale showing me that my hard work wasnt for nothing.
Others can support me offering choices for exercise,competitions or by talking with me about their every day fight.
yes,friendship with somebody who has the same fight helps..but a simple well don...stuff doesnt.At least for me.
I lost 1 kg n 4 days..thats why i joined again,that 1 kg made me strong again in my decision.
I think you should decide what support is best for you,and go for it.
And take as a fight you won every little weight you lose .
Good luck!:)

coderedjulia · July 2013

I was pregnant two months ago, and i lost my baby. Also, the biological father abandoned me. I never gained any weight, but I am so determined to lose this weight. I am deeply depressed, and sad. But I told myself I'm going to do this, and not let this tragedy be all for nothing. This is my way of healing. Though I did lose ten lbs after the incident, but that was mainly from depression. I gained some of it back, but I'm working on losing 20lbs by the end of this month? Will it be hard? You bet your *kitten* it will be. But I am very determined.

olasmiles · July 2013

KardioKim -- "You don't get what you want. You get what you focus on." -- definitely needed that, thanks!

I just joined this site yesterday, but I've been back and forth with wanting to lose weight since I first started gaining weight (about 100 lbs ago). My reasons vary. I hate how I look, hate how I feel, it's hard to find clothes, I'm so much bigger than all of my friends, and I hate my shape, etc. etc. I'm also a dancer, and you don't find very many dancers my size. It's not easy dancing with this weight, and I can't reach the potential I want to get to. My self esteem sucks, but my willpower and motivation sucks even more. I'll start to try and make a change, but after a while I'll just go back to my old ways and say f*** it (excuse my almost french)... When my doc told me that I'm pre-diabetic (and with history of obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes in my family), I had a better reason to want to lose the weight. And at this point, I NEED to lose the weight.

Recently, I looked on the scale and realized just how much weight I've gained since high school. And I realized that I'm only going to get bigger from here unless I do something about it. I don't think the question "How badly do I want it?" is dangerous to ask. It's an assessment of your goals; where do you want to go and how much are you willing to do to get there? However, in order to really make the change you want/need, the answer to that question has to be consistent. For me, the answer to that question changed every week. In addition to HOW badly you want it, you really need to ask yourself WHY do you want it so badly? When you figure that out, write it down, hang it up on your bathroom mirror or on the wall right next to your bed. Constantly remind yourself why you're here! I know I will!

Add me as a friend! I need as much support as I can get, from people who understand what I'm going through.

KardioKim · July 2013

Oops. Double post :-/

crzycylr · July 2013

DISCIPLINE is choosing between what you want NOW and what you want MOST. You will find a way.

broox80 · July 2013

we have similar stories, except when I got pregnant I gained 50 and I still have 10 to lose to get to pre pregnancy weight. after that I need to lose another 40 to 50. it seems like I will never get there but then I think about just how great I feel when I eat better and exercise. so who cares how long it takes, we are feeling better and getting stronger each day :-) and I know we want it bad enough to work for it!!

How badly do I want it?

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