Help me, please. I can't stop eating!

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I really need help!

I'm a 42-year-old woman. I dance, hike and jog.

3 years ago I lost 40 pounds and got down to a perfect size for me. Size 4 at 5'1". But 3 months ago I left my husband of many years and got an apartment of my own. The loneliness has driven me back to the comfort of food! I put 10 pounds back on in just 3 months! Every night, even though I tell myself I wont, I eat till I'm sick. Not junk food, because I know better than to have that stuff here. Just too much food! I know it's the loneliness because when I'm with friends I don't binge. Only when I'm alone.

Today I even walked the 3 miles to work and back trying to burn off the calories I packed on yesterday, but I wrecked it tonight. I know all the technical things I need to do to lose weight. I know all about my BMR, etc. I got healthy once before. But this time, It's my sadness I need to fix, but I don't know how.

Any help would be so much appreciated!

Thank you!

Robin
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Replies

  • tmcowan
    tmcowan Posts: 322 Member
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    I started going to a 24/7 workout place at around 9pm when I would normaly veg out on the couch, watch tv and snack. This seem to help me with late night snacking. I no longer go there but do the majority of my exercise in the evening for this reason.
  • Robin42
    Robin42 Posts: 20
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    That is a very good idea! :-)
  • Kathrene
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    Hey there,

    You sound like you are an emotional eater.

    I hear you.... I am one too.

    This is what I do.

    When Im at home....

    I find that having absolutley NO junk food in the house helps. The only food I have there is fresh fruit or veggies and things that are low calorie. Also when i feel an emotional eating moment coming on..... I drink a glass of water and have an apple. This gives me an surge of sugar and Apples are negattive calories so eating them and walking to the fridge to get it burns it off.

    When Im out....

    Menus are tricky..... Its so easy to just order what you feel like without thinking about it. So i dont look at the menu..... I just ask the waiter what fish they have and get that...... AND NEVER LOOK AT THE DESSERT MENU. When im upset or sad the first thing I do is eat sweets.....so I just avoid them.....Dont look at them!! THEY ARE EVIL....LOL

    Anyhow, hope this helps. Also, Im really sorry to hear about you going through a hard time. I wish you lots of luck. Take Care :).
  • lindakp83
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    I completly understand!!! I am still struggling with that a little. The only thing I can say is to stop buying the crap! I will buy grapes or carrot sticks sometimes and fill snack bags with good stuff. Sometimes that works. But mostly I just need to buy weight watchers ice creams or a granola bar for the sweet cravings. It also helps to have a friend you can call when you are feeling lonely. It's kind of cheesey but my mom always says that before she buys a candy bar she asks herself whether or not it will be worth it. It is getting easier to say no now that I have set goals for myself.
  • Kathrene
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    I forgot to say the most important thing!!!......Talk to someone... you shouldnt be going through this alone, even if you just post on here. There are tons of people who will think of you and want to help.
  • dale49
    dale49 Posts: 37
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    This kind of eating is the hardest to 'fix' because as you say you know what to do and you even know why you're not doing it! I think the only thing you can do is to reach out to people (as you're doing here) and keep as busy as you can to avoid the opportunities to overeat. In the end you are going to have to learn to dela with your understandable pain in a way that's not so self-destructive. Right now you need to talk to friends about your feelings instead of eating your feelings. And get busy at night. Go to a pool and swim laps, go to a coffee shop and work on your computer in the company of other people, call a friend. Life is complicated and this isn't the last time you'll ever feel sad. All of us emotional eaters have to learn a better way or....well, we know what the 'or' is! Good luck!
  • giraffe
    giraffe Posts: 12
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    Hey Robin42,
    I know how it's like being an emotional eater, I have done scary things like polishing 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting, followed by a packet of chips. The good news is, it is possible to change. And I am a realist, I am not talking about using sheer willpower. Even the bible says "flee from temptation". I am still on a constant battle with emotional eating. However, I am happy to share some lessons I have learned, which works fine for me:

    1) Especially during vulnerable times like this, minimise food in the house (don't leave temptation in the house), go food shopping with a list so you can zip in and out, bypassing the candy & ice-cream section.

    2) Plan ahead what you're going to eat for the day - if possible, even what time you'd eat, and stick to it. Sometimes it helps me if I feel like snacking (though not hungry), "my next meal time is in xx hours).

    3) Keep a food diary - this one on myfitnesspal is great - and it makes you more conscious of what you eat. when you see it all listed down. And note down the time, the moods you felt when you eat more than you should. It's useful to help us understand what made us binge.

    4) Plan for your vulnerable hours - we all have that. And plan activities during those times, eg. arrange to go for a walk with a friend, or a call to a supportive friend, or hit the gym.

    5) Accept that this battle is one for "3-steps-forward-2-steps-back), especially in the beginning, and if we fall off the wagon, get back on. Don't finish the whole packet of chips just because you started to eat a few.

    Nobody said it's gonna be easy, but take it a day at a time, and with a good strategy and good tools to help us, all of us can fight this. All the best to you!
  • Robin42
    Robin42 Posts: 20
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    Wow! You guys are so great!! Thank you ! I just printed out your replies. I'm going to stick it on my cupboard where the trail mix ( my downfall) is kept. Bless you all for your support. I should have written before I started to binge tonight. I think you might have saved me!
  • MABoxall
    MABoxall Posts: 24 Member
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    I'm right there with ya, sister! I lost 20 lbs when I was so committed, and have gained back 7. I know what I need to do, start out right in the morning. and then eat-eat-eat at night. When it worked, I was counting calories and exercise, but I lost focus, and now have more stress in my life. I need to just be able to say no while I am sitting home at night. I found sipping on ice water with lemon helps, but I think I need to go to bed earlier so I don't have the lure of food.
    And the fact that I was so successful before makes me feel that much more confused about my failure now. You are definitely not alone.:explode:
  • Robin42
    Robin42 Posts: 20
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    OK, my friends, today is going to be a better day. I am taking all of your sage advice! I have plans and little sticky notes placed around the room. On my art supplies, it says, "don't eat, draw!" On my stack of divorce problem papers it says "don't eat, research!"

    We can do this with each other for support! I feel that reaching out to you guys last night was the start of my refocus! Thank you all so much for being there!

    Have a good day, all!

    -Robin
  • rockinmomto3
    rockinmomto3 Posts: 97 Member
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    First off, *hugs*. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you! Second off, you may want to see a doctor about possible depression. Couldn't hurt to have yourself checked out! And if you're lonely when you're alone, maybe get a dog or a roommate so that you're NOT alone. You really have to fix the root cause of the binge eating before you can stop. Good luck!
  • Robin42
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    Thank you so much, Girls! Last night I was able to control my eating. I stayed under (just barely) my calorie budget, and woke up almost 2 pounds lighter! Bless you all for being there and giving such great advice! I can do this!
  • giraffe
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    Hi Robin,
    You're doing great! I believe that bingeing is usually just the tip of the Iceberg and we need to go to the root of the problem. And I also believe in harnessing the power of virtuous cycle. As we are doing something positive for ourselves, eg. Start a healthy habit, it can make us respect ourselves more and it is another step towards putting out lives back together. And when you feel up to it, you can start looking at the underlying issues. One step at a time. :)
  • KarenBorter
    KarenBorter Posts: 1,157 Member
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    Yay for you Robin :) Keep it up and I like your sticky note idea (I may steal it!)
  • Ready4Changes
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    I am also a stress eater. I have learned in the last couple of weeks I can control this. I also find the blog section great. While your stressed out come online and start reading others blogs. make your own about your feelings you may be inspirational to someone else going through the same thing as you. Start reading the message boards and participate in them before you know it you will be filled with new friends who you can share your feelings with and are here for your support as much as you need them :)
  • FemininGuns
    FemininGuns Posts: 605 Member
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    Get the book Heal Your Life by Louise Hay :)
  • kellirw
    kellirw Posts: 4 Member
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    Hi Robin! I can feel where you are coming from with the emotional eating. I, like many on here, was once and emotional eater due to a lot of stress and un-managed baggage that was in my life. I knew better also, but I would do it anyway and then totally guilty and helpless afterwards. I wouldn't eat junk, I would eat extra portions of dinner (lets say I would stuff myself with chicken and rice till I wanted to vomit), tons of fruit (which is just as bad as sweets when eaten in huge quantities) and for some reason, almonds....like a whole huge Costco jar of them.
    I cared about my future and my health, so I knew I had to get real with myself, so I sought help. Know that you are not alone in your feelings but you may not be able to help yourself alone as well. I would say seek therapy for the underlying issues behind the eating. Don't under estimate the power of therapy. And therapy could be a good group of girlfriends (of course, ones you can trust, who are reliable and good listeners, and ones who won't lead you down the wrong path) or maybe a church group, an online group (like us) or a professional.
    Also, when you focus on others, sometimes your problems don't seem as big as you think. What I did was volunteer at a homeless shelter. Seeing all of the people in need and stuggling to survice made my problems seem miniscule in comparison...and made me feel extra bad for eating all of that food when I could be sharing it with people who had none.
    I like the idea someone said about getting a dog. They are a lot of work which will keep you busy and your mind off eating, as well as you can meet tons fo new people just by having a dog. Walking your dog and/or going to a dog park invites people to approach you and start a conversation...for some reason people love to talk about dogs (or kids).
    Night exercising is a good idea too. The gym isn't as crowded and you may meet a dedicated group whom you can workout with consistently.
    So good luck! I'll be praying for you, but it looks like you have a lot people who care about your success, so I would say don't hold back if you need someone to talk to.

    ~Kells
  • kellirw
    kellirw Posts: 4 Member
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    I'm right there with ya, sister! I lost 20 lbs when I was so committed, and have gained back 7. I know what I need to do, start out right in the morning. and then eat-eat-eat at night. When it worked, I was counting calories and exercise, but I lost focus, and now have more stress in my life. I need to just be able to say no while I am sitting home at night. I found sipping on ice water with lemon helps, but I think I need to go to bed earlier so I don't have the lure of food.
    And the fact that I was so successful before makes me feel that much more confused about my failure now. You are definitely not alone.:explode:

    ~Hi Mabee. I can relate to your post soooooo much. In fact, that's why I rejoined MFP because I saw myself slippin and gaining weight and I couldn't understand it since I was so successful and dedicated before. As far as your night eating, you could be not getting enough during the day. I learned that I was extra good with my portions and cutting back during the work day (too many eyes were on me at work) but I was starving when I got home and I would just blow my day. I would eat more for breakfast and make lunch your dinner, so when you get home you may not be as hungry and you can eat lighter. Just keep everything under your calorie goal, just shift most of your calories to earlier in the day. Even exercise in the evenings if you could. Also I noticed when I wasn't keeping track of what I ate, I always ate more, even if I was working very hard at it. MFP keeps me totally honest!!! If I wasn't posting, I would do more snacking, but if I was keeping track I wouldn't snack as much because I knew I would have to record it and I didn't want to (if that makes sense). Anyway good luck and keep it up....I'm sure you'll be back on track in no time!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm not much help with questions like these because I'm not a binger or emotional eater. I just wanted to say that I hope you can take control and feel better.

    My advice (take it for what it is) is to find something else to do, even if it means laying in bed with a book. I don't know if it will work, but it's something to try.
  • giraffe
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    Heya....
    How is it going? I just wanna say that if you slip, get back on again, and try not to beat yourself up too much. Last Thursday, I was complacent into thinking that I am strong enough when u bought a pint if the new Ben & Jerry's Peanut Buttercup ice-cream, convincing myself I'd have one tablespoon after I workout each day, thinking I can really stick to this rationing. Well I did... For 2 nites and on Saturday night, I finished the whole container... That's some 1200 calories and lots of fat...and I am now convinced that I should not have ice-cream in the house. I slipped and I climbed back on. I guess there'd be more slipping but I will do my best, a day at a time.