Don't know how... just binged 5 dinners

lemonsquare6
lemonsquare6 Posts: 51
in Motivation and Support
I am not sure how this has happened.. I've been feeling a binge might come on for the last two days.. so the 2nd last day I logged at the end of the day instead of after every meal.. and yesterday I didn't log at all.

I knew I didn't go over but I could tell I wanted to binge. It started slightly but I was able to stop.

Tonight, I finally binged after being binge free for one month exactly as of today. There are some other matters that are going on but I was hoping that by now I wouldn't go after food to suppress potential sadness or stress. I would imagine I am beyond that place of destruction.. just as I am beyond destruction with smoking and have quit for some time now as well.

My stomach is hurt and I feel like I've messed up. I'm not scared of just reversing all my work last week but mostly that I wasn't able to defeat my mindset :( I still want to eat just a little more now because I know I will be back to dieting tomorrow.

I know I am not being too hard on myself with food I can have or can't... I'm more so wondering why I wanted to binge or bloat myself this way :( What happened..

Replies

  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    Judging by this post and your profile, I think that therapy is better suited for this issue due to the unhealthy relationship you've formed with food.

    Please seek help.
  • FitnessBeverlyHills
    FitnessBeverlyHills Posts: 189
    Are you constantly feeling deprived? Would you binge less if you made room in your diet to allow some of the foods you like to binge on. I leave myself room for about 300 calories of snacks and usually end up eating 4 trader joes mini cones. Sometimes it can also help if you grab a snack that you can snack on, but wont completely ruin your caloric intake for the day like grapes or sometimes I will snack on these little trader joes cinnamon puffs because I can eat half the bag and its less than 150 calories.

    When you feel like you're losing control maybe it would helpful to go for a walk, or open up a fitness magazine to get some motivation. Emotional Eating can be tough, sometimes it helps to focus and workout the issues in life that are causing the stress, sometimes counseling can help with this.
  • kkdelduca
    kkdelduca Posts: 73
    You can always get back on track. Keep positive. Allow yourself a treat occasionally, eat slowly. Enjoy every bite. So you are completely satisfied. If you feel like you have a craving, plan ahead. Exercise a little more and plan out your treat. It won't help you at all if you feel deprived. But it's never too late to get back on track again.
  • coco3382458
    coco3382458 Posts: 296 Member
    its ok. Just pick yourself back up and try again! Dont beat yourself up and ponder on this too much, just move on and do better tomorrow! Best of luck :smile:
  • youcantfoolme
    youcantfoolme Posts: 79 Member
    I'll tell you what a shrink would tell you and save you a 150.00 bucks to boot. This was today. Some days will be better than others. Tomorrow is a new day. Refocus and hit the day running with a smile. :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
  • KAYRRIE
    KAYRRIE Posts: 201 Member
    "The flesh is weak but the spirit is willing". This applies in this case. I'm almost 4 months in and once in a blue I'll still get urges to binge. I just try to binge on fruits if I binge on anything. It's a tough road when someone is battling a food addiction. It's real and it happens. All you can do is start over the next day and envision your future as who you want to be, then try to aim for it. Wish you the best.
  • lemonsquare6
    lemonsquare6 Posts: 51
    FitnessBeverl: This method you follow is great! I have been good to leave room for snacks I enjoy and don't overindulge on. Dark chocolate is one of them!

    PepperWorm: Responses like this is what gets me down. I am on here in hopes that I will make friendships that mutually support one another or provide some insight when one is stuck in a rut. I already have no one to speak to about this. And matters in my personal life do not allow to seek for help.
  • lemonsquare6
    lemonsquare6 Posts: 51
    "The flesh is weak but the spirit is willing". This applies in this case. I'm almost 4 months in and once in a blue I'll still get urges to binge. I just try to binge on fruits if I binge on anything. It's a tough road when someone is battling a food addiction. It's real and it happens. All you can do is start over the next day and envision your future as who you want to be, then try to aim for it. Wish you the best.

    Thanks everyone and KAYRRIE, that's insightful. Thank you. I noticed in my first week of binge-free, when I had a slight urge to binge, I was thinking why not vegetables because they are healthy... but I couldn't do it because a binge is a binge. The action/behaviour is the problem. Well, who knows what tomorrow brings
  • coco3382458
    coco3382458 Posts: 296 Member
    I agree. I thought pepperworm was too harsh too, so please IGNORE her comment. Also I was just thinking about "the why" you binged. Which you really only know why, but I know how I am and if I tell myself not to do something I end up doing it because I am just a rebel like that! But what keeps me staying on track (as best as I can) Is keeping my goal in mind. Visualizing what I can accomplish. Maybe try that and see if that works
  • FitnessBeverlyHills
    FitnessBeverlyHills Posts: 189
    FitnessBeverl: This method you follow is great! I have been good to leave room for snacks I enjoy and don't overindulge on. Dark chocolate is one of them!

    PepperWorm: Responses like this is what gets me down. I am on here in hopes that I will make friendships that mutually support one another or provide some insight when one is stuck in a rut. I already have no one to speak to about this. And matters in my personal life do not allow to seek for help.

    I'm glad I can help, there is a positive way to encourage someone and a rude way. Don't let the rude ones discourage you. I always leave room daily for a snack. I'm like most people and like to snack so I try to snack on foods I can eat a lot of that wont go overboard in the calorie department like grapes, pirates booty, or these little tasty cinnamon sticks where I can eat half the bag and its less that 150 calories. I also have a habit of liking variety so sometimes I have a handful of this, a few bites of that, and finish it off with a little mini cone. The difference is it only adds up to maybe 300 calories the most and I leave room for it in my diet. It's better than binging on a pint of ice cream which can set you back 1,000 calories. A pint of Ben and Jerrys is 240-280 calories for 1/2 cup which is only 1/4 of the carton.
  • lemonsquare6
    lemonsquare6 Posts: 51
    Thanks coco and FitnessBeverl!

    I love to snack! Gets tricky sometime when also batting BED. Appropriate serving size is easier said than done on my end here. That's always been a trigger. I try to also include my fav snacks or foods with my meal so I am not nibbling too often and then overindulging by binging. I am still very proud of succeeding for a month so far. Just have to be realistic when battling with something that it's not 100% perfectionism.

    They say to end the binge, not tomorrow, or next week but now. The exact time right now. I feel maybe I should give myself a break and wake tomorrow and aim for that goal I am visualizing.
  • KAYRRIE
    KAYRRIE Posts: 201 Member
    "The flesh is weak but the spirit is willing". This applies in this case. I'm almost 4 months in and once in a blue I'll still get urges to binge. I just try to binge on fruits if I binge on anything. It's a tough road when someone is battling a food addiction. It's real and it happens. All you can do is start over the next day and envision your future as who you want to be, then try to aim for it. Wish you the best.

    Thanks everyone and KAYRRIE, that's insightful. Thank you. I noticed in my first week of binge-free, when I had a slight urge to binge, I was thinking why not vegetables because they are healthy... but I couldn't do it because a binge is a binge. The action/behaviour is the problem. Well, who knows what tomorrow brings

    My pleasure! Anytime.
  • DouMc
    DouMc Posts: 1,689 Member
    I just read this article that has some tips at the end about what people can do to combat emotional eating. Maybe it will help?
    http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/why-do-we-comfort-eat-968793-Jul2013/
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    *eyeroll*

    I meant no disrespect. There is ZERO reason to take what I said as an insult. Getting defensive only gives way to your insecurity.

    If you "feel binges" coming on, you admit to being "obsessed with food" and you find that you can't control yourself, MFP advice is not going to help you. In the end, you have to decide whether or not you want a healthier lifestyle and apply the general principles of it to your every day living. Restricting yourself to the point of insanity or eating like you've never seen food are CONCERNING BEHAVIORS that are better left to someone with experience in dealing with recovering ED. Nobody here can control it but yourself. If it isn't ED and you're using the wrong terminology to describe eating outside of your caloric budget too often, maybe it's time to re-analyze what your budget is. Are you eating according to your activity level?

    Find the balance, stick with it and see results.

    Good luck, OP.

    Too funny that BeverlyHills even suggests to allow the terrible nasty old' SATURATED FATS in someone struggling with food and weight in the forums now! GASP! Has she actually come around to the land of the logic??
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    While I would also urge you to seek help in any way you can - including here and in various online support groups, if nothing else - I will also tell you that going a month binge-free is a victory. And you can do that again. Recovery is not a static number, it's about the day to day healing and kindness we can show our bodies. You are able to do that. Keep reaching out. People will listen. Finding various support groups, even if you are not able to reach them face-to-face, will help you recognize triggers and develop positive coping skills. These are essential to recovery. You've been able to hold on for a month - with reaching out, I know you can hold on longer.

    (I also found your profile beautiful. You are a talented and poetic writer. Do you journal, perhaps in a public forum or site? I think others would be able to relate and also find your writing beautiful.)
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    FitnessBeverl: This method you follow is great! I have been good to leave room for snacks I enjoy and don't overindulge on. Dark chocolate is one of them!

    PepperWorm: Responses like this is what gets me down. I am on here in hopes that I will make friendships that mutually support one another or provide some insight when one is stuck in a rut. I already have no one to speak to about this. And matters in my personal life do not allow to seek for help.

    I'm glad I can help, there is a positive way to encourage someone and a rude way. Don't let the rude ones discourage you. I always leave room daily for a snack. I'm like most people and like to snack so I try to snack on foods I can eat a lot of that wont go overboard in the calorie department like grapes, pirates booty, or these little tasty cinnamon sticks where I can eat half the bag and its less that 150 calories. I also have a habit of liking variety so sometimes I have a handful of this, a few bites of that, and finish it off with a little mini cone. The difference is it only adds up to maybe 300 calories the most and I leave room for it in my diet. It's better than binging on a pint of ice cream which can set you back 1,000 calories. A pint of Ben and Jerrys is 240-280 calories for 1/2 cup which is only 1/4 of the carton.

    Exactly how was PepperWorm rude? She simply put out that perhaps she should seek counseling. It wasn't saying that the OP was crazy. A lot of people do end up seeking counseling due to their issues that can trigger certain disordered eating habits.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
    Read all the entries in this blog.

    http://www.brainoverbinge.com/blog-1/
  • twinmoon
    twinmoon Posts: 108 Member
    Let's get beyond the rude or not rude. She was trying to help.

    Moving on . . . I'm an emotional eater, and I used to binge a lot. I agree with FitnessBeverl's advice. I plan for late nite eating. the biological cycle that works for me is different than others. For years, I felt guilt about eating after 8, eating late. But, that's what works for me. Trust yourself that you will find the balance that works for you. I will always have the emotional eater within me. It's my reality, Over the long weekend, esp. Sunday, I overate - way more calories than I should have, and bounced back on Monday. It set me back for at least a week. 4 months ago, I'd spiral into full blown guilt.might as well give it all up mode. Now, I am proud that I You lasted a month - let that give you strength - you have it in you to do this - you already did.

    My #1 help in the battle of the binge was getting on MFP and reading these posts. I knew I wasn't alone, and I saw others who conquered it. if I can do it, you can. Good luck!
  • Saratini76
    Saratini76 Posts: 115 Member
    Just a helpful hint, since most everyone has said things I agree with, and OP, I am a big emotional eater, but there is a group here just for us. Sometimes it helps knowing that so many others are having the same struggles.

    It doesn't matter what the problem is at home, if you are an emotional eater, you are going to WANT to eat for comfort. I know, me too.

    My doctor gave me a good advice as did a few others here. Yesterday was past. Today is a new day. There's no limit to new beginnings.

    Be strong and don't give up. It's frustrating, especially when you are arguing with your mind about whether to eat or not to eat.

    I am always up for new friends, and am a sympathetic ear if you just need to message and vent. I know what you are going through all too well.

    We can do this! We can beat the "old" us. I have a pic on my profile of a Bonnie Pfiester quote. It's helped me a lot. (If I knew how to post it here, I would!)

    Sara :flowerforyou:
  • FitnessBeverlyHills
    FitnessBeverlyHills Posts: 189
    *eyeroll*

    I meant no disrespect. There is ZERO reason to take what I said as an insult. Getting defensive only gives way to your insecurity.

    If you "feel binges" coming on, you admit to being "obsessed with food" and you find that you can't control yourself, MFP advice is not going to help you. In the end, you have to decide whether or not you want a healthier lifestyle and apply the general principles of it to your every day living. Restricting yourself to the point of insanity or eating like you've never seen food are CONCERNING BEHAVIORS that are better left to someone with experience in dealing with recovering ED. Nobody here can control it but yourself. If it isn't ED and you're using the wrong terminology to describe eating outside of your caloric budget too often, maybe it's time to re-analyze what your budget is. Are you eating according to your activity level?

    Find the balance, stick with it and see results.

    Good luck, OP.

    Too funny that BeverlyHills even suggests to allow the terrible nasty old' SATURATED FATS in someone struggling with food and weight in the forums now! GASP! Has she actually come around to the land of the logic??

    Is the "eyeroll" even necessary??? Its rude maybe thats why she got a little defensive.

    Unfortunately a small group of people on these forums just tend to read what they want to read, I never said saturated fats in moderate amount are harmful, I said they are in copious amount and there are better and healthier alternatives to bacon and ice cream. Sorry if thats so shocking, I am entitled to my opinions and you are entitled to yours.
  • lemonsquare6
    lemonsquare6 Posts: 51
    *eyeroll*

    I meant no disrespect. There is ZERO reason to take what I said as an insult. Getting defensive only gives way to your insecurity.

    If you "feel binges" coming on, you admit to being "obsessed with food" and you find that you can't control yourself, MFP advice is not going to help you. In the end, you have to decide whether or not you want a healthier lifestyle and apply the general principles of it to your every day living. Restricting yourself to the point of insanity or eating like you've never seen food are CONCERNING BEHAVIORS that are better left to someone with experience in dealing with recovering ED. Nobody here can control it but yourself. If it isn't ED and you're using the wrong terminology to describe eating outside of your caloric budget too often, maybe it's time to re-analyze what your budget is. Are you eating according to your activity level?

    Find the balance, stick with it and see results.

    Good luck, OP.

    Too funny that BeverlyHills even suggests to allow the terrible nasty old' SATURATED FATS in someone struggling with food and weight in the forums now! GASP! Has she actually come around to the land of the logic??

    It is not about being defensive PepperWorm or a matter of being insulted. I understand you were trying to be helpful.

    The point is, I am past admitting I have a problem. I know I do and I finally came to terms with it to admit that it's more severe than I imagined. I have been working on a healthier lifestyle and I can say to myself I am happy with my achievement so far. I know I can do it without a doctor for now. Otherwise, I think it is important not to judge what advice helps me or doesnt.

    But I am still new and not as strong to hold on all the time during the process. Therefore I am on this forum to post and see if anyone else has gone through this and can provide some insight. Because I just don't have any support with this eating problem from anyone and I do feel very alone at times.

    I want to speak with you guys - because believe it or not some of you have said some amazing things that have helped me hold on for a month long. As much as it might not feel like it on the other end.

    Also to note, it is rude to tell someone their disorder is not one. This is why I even began to struggle with this in the first place. It took so long to admit I have a disorder. You assumed I binge outside of my caloric budget 'sometimes' as though I might need this amount anyway. I feel I need to justify myself. Is a binge not overeating to the point you feel sick? Eating with no control?

    Yesterday I had a whole box of crunch oat cereal clusters, half a block of cheese, parfait cup, half an apple pie, tuna cans, dried mangos, popcorn, chow mein, yogurt.. I don't even remember what else it's all a blur. All in one sitting for a span of 3 hours. I feel offended because yes, this happened only once yesterday in the last month but I used to do this days in a row for the entire day. I can imagine now you will think I definitely need to seek help.. but what I want you to understand is that I am beyond the point of this being a problem. I just had a set back yesterday and was looking for advice from those who are more experienced than myself.
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    *eyeroll*

    I meant no disrespect. There is ZERO reason to take what I said as an insult. Getting defensive only gives way to your insecurity.

    If you "feel binges" coming on, you admit to being "obsessed with food" and you find that you can't control yourself, MFP advice is not going to help you. In the end, you have to decide whether or not you want a healthier lifestyle and apply the general principles of it to your every day living. Restricting yourself to the point of insanity or eating like you've never seen food are CONCERNING BEHAVIORS that are better left to someone with experience in dealing with recovering ED. Nobody here can control it but yourself. If it isn't ED and you're using the wrong terminology to describe eating outside of your caloric budget too often, maybe it's time to re-analyze what your budget is. Are you eating according to your activity level?

    Find the balance, stick with it and see results.

    Good luck, OP.

    Too funny that BeverlyHills even suggests to allow the terrible nasty old' SATURATED FATS in someone struggling with food and weight in the forums now! GASP! Has she actually come around to the land of the logic??

    It is not about being defensive PepperWorm or a matter of being insulted. I understand you were trying to be helpful.

    The point is, I am past admitting I have a problem. I know I do and I finally came to terms with it to admit that it's more severe than I imagined. I have been working on a healthier lifestyle and I can say to myself I am happy with my achievement so far. I know I can do it without a doctor for now. Otherwise, I think it is important not to judge what advice helps me or doesnt.

    But I am still new and not as strong to hold on all the time during the process. Therefore I am on this forum to post and see if anyone else has gone through this and can provide some insight. Because I just don't have any support with this eating problem from anyone and I do feel very alone at times.

    I want to speak with you guys - because believe it or not some of you have said some amazing things that have helped me hold on for a month long. As much as it might not feel like it on the other end.

    Also to note, it is rude to tell someone their disorder is not one. This is why I even began to struggle with this in the first place. It took so long to admit I have a disorder. You assumed I binge outside of my caloric budget 'sometimes' as though I might need this amount anyway. I feel I need to justify myself. Is a binge not overeating to the point you feel sick? Eating with no control?

    Yesterday I had a whole box of crunch oat cereal clusters, half a block of cheese, parfait cup, half an apple pie, tuna cans, dried mangos, popcorn, chow mein, yogurt.. I don't even remember what else it's all a blur. All in one sitting for a span of 3 hours. I feel offended because yes, this happened only once yesterday in the last month but I used to do this days in a row for the entire day. I can imagine now you will think I definitely need to seek help.. but what I want you to understand is that I am beyond the point of this being a problem. I just had a set back yesterday and was looking for advice from those who are more experienced than myself.

    NONONONONO!!!

    You misunderstood me. It didn't click for me that you had a CONFIRMED ED. You mentioned issues, but never the real deal...or if you did, I mistakenly didn't see it. We get a lot of the 'halp I binged! Eating disorder?!' posts which are just people with low budgets that go over by like 80 calories, thus mentioning it at all.

    I would *never* insinuate something that vile and low-down. Accept my apologies for that, please.

    As far as what I said about people claiming that I'm being rude for the suggestion of seeking help, I stand by that. Nobody is beyond help. You are completely entitled to seek out others who have been through/are going through what you have.

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