Fighting for my Life

Hey guys, I'm Kadee! I am currently in a battle to get my life back. I have been sick for more than half my life. I am in recovery from a lot of things some including, an eating disorder, depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. I also struggle with physical illnesses like fibromyalgia, lupus, and poly cystic ovarian syndrome.

I first began my true recovery July 1st of 2012. It has been a battle, but I've managed to come a very long way. I definitely have ups and downs and have relapsed my fair share of times, but I'm in this for the long haul and I'm going to beat my illnesses!

Just a little background on me and my story. Things started getting really bad in 7th grade, I was 12. At that time my best friend (my Nana) passed away tragically. That was the first time I ever lost someone, and we were so close so it was devastating. She lived with us my whole life too so the loss was so hard and overwhelming. It still is and it's coming up on 6 years this week. Also during that time was the first time I was sexually abused and raped. This ended up going on for YEARS afterwards but I was sworn to secrecy and scared for my life. I finally told someone in my sophomore year of high school and started getting the help I really needed to deal with it and work through the pain and trauma. I had always struggled with my body image, but during this time I just didn't know how to cope or deal with anything so I started relying on self destructive behaviors like cutting, burning, binging, purging, and restricting. These behaviors ended up taking over my life - I wasn't the same person anymore. I was sick and slowly killing myself every single day. I was told I wouldn't make it to see 20 if I continued to do what I was doing and although that was scary I didn't really care at the time. I just wanted to give up and be done with the pain and suffering.

I reached an all time low in April of 2012 when I tried to kill myself and came VERY close to death. It's a miracle that I actually survived, but let me tell you - when I woke up and realized I was still here I was EXTREMELY upset. It was one of the hardest moments of my life, to see my family and loved ones around me crying and just praying I would make it and be okay, and all I wanted to do was be free of the pain and inner turmoil. I was forced into treatment at that point but didn't really want the help so I fought it the WHOLE way. I finally got discharged awhile later and ended up just relapsing and going back to my old ways except it was a lot worse this time which I didn't think was possible.

In July of last year I finally had enough of this. I realized that no one was going to swoop down and save my life - I had to save myself. I went back into treatment, but this time it was my choice and I WANTED to get better. I wanted to be free of my inner demons and live. It's truly been an uphill battle since then, and of course I've left out many parts. I was completely self destruction free from January 2013 until the beginning of April 2013 but then relapsed and have been trying to pick myself back up again. This year has been particularly difficult - I had pneumonia, a traumatic brain injury, and went into anaphylactic shock after finding out the hard way that I am HIGHLY allergic to bees!

Somehow I am still here, still fighting, and still trying to recover and get my life back. My dream is to be an inspiration and help others, and that is what I am trying to do each and every day.

I would love for you guys to add me, I always look forward to making new friends especially those who are encouraging, motivating, and just all around sweet! I promise to also be supportive and kind of you and your journeys.

My life has been full of suffering but it has also been full of overcoming it. I hope one day that I am truly free of my illnesses and pain. I'm a work in progress and I truly believe if you want something bad enough you can achieve it with hard work and dedication. I want to recover so I will. No doubt about it. I'm Kadee and I'm fighting for my life - and I'm going to WIN this battle, I promise!