What would you do?

happywithme12
happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

Replies

  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Depends what the thing is. Walking away from your friend seems pretty sh*tty though.
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
    Depends on the depth of the friendship. I've always been a "tell it like it is and call it what it is" kind of friend. But it depends on whether it's important or not. Is this thing hurting her by not being pointed out? Do you think it would be more helpful for her to know about this thing than not regardless of whether it might hurt initially?

    If my friend had a really ugly shirt that she wears all the time, and it isn't flattering, I'm not going to volunteer that information to her. But if she asks me, I'm not going to lie.

    If my friend's husband has been coming on to me, better believe I'm going to gather evidence and out that SOB.

    See the difference?
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    Well the thing is I have tried very hard to get along with her older daughter who is now 18 and I have tried to have a good relationship with her but for some reason she seems to hate me and I am not sure why. I know for a fact that her and her daughter talk about me when I am not around and she tells her daughter my business which she shouldn't be. I feel as if her daughter is trying to tear us apart on purpose but at the same time its her daughter and being a mother myself her daughter should be more important then anything. So I feel like for now I should just step away and hope for the best because I don't know what else to do.
  • briannaaclark1
    briannaaclark1 Posts: 31
    I think you should talk to her; calmly tell her what you're feeling.
    Be prepared though, because she will always pick her daughter over a friend if things go wrong.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    step away.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Well the thing is I have tried very hard to get along with her older daughter who is now 18 and I have tried to have a good relationship with her but for some reason she seems to hate me and I am not sure why. I know for a fact that her and her daughter talk about me when I am not around and she tells her daughter my business which she shouldn't be. I feel as if her daughter is trying to tear us apart on purpose but at the same time its her daughter and being a mother myself her daughter should be more important then anything. So I feel like for now I should just step away and hope for the best because I don't know what else to do.

    You're 35, talk to her.
  • SaltWaterTaffy78
    SaltWaterTaffy78 Posts: 375 Member
    Have you tried talking to your friend about it? You say you are sure they talk about you when you are not around... perhaps you can start by talking about this. Not heatedly. Just a talk.
  • xMelGetsFit
    xMelGetsFit Posts: 43 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?

    But yet she is on here doing the same thing.
    :wink:
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    Always be honest with anyone you call a 'friend.'
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    I'd walk away. Or at the very least keep your business to yourself. I will always go the long road to not hurt someone, I'd much rather be the one hurting.

    And she will choose her daughter over you, and thats as it should be IMHO.
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
    Well the thing is I have tried very hard to get along with her older daughter who is now 18 and I have tried to have a good relationship with her but for some reason she seems to hate me and I am not sure why. I know for a fact that her and her daughter talk about me when I am not around and she tells her daughter my business which she shouldn't be. I feel as if her daughter is trying to tear us apart on purpose but at the same time its her daughter and being a mother myself her daughter should be more important then anything. So I feel like for now I should just step away and hope for the best because I don't know what else to do.

    You're 35, talk to her.

    Nailed it.
  • xMelGetsFit
    xMelGetsFit Posts: 43 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?

    But yet she is on here doing the same thing.
    :wink:


    Sounds like high school to me
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    I think I am afraid of the outcome of it all, she is not just a friend, she is like a sister to me. We have been friends since I was 2 years old so the whole thing is so hard and I am at a loss. I know I should talk to her and usually I am pretty loud about my feelings, but with this I seem to stop and think before doing anything because I care about her so much. And yes I am on here talking about my problem but most of us are strangers here. :)
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?

    But yet she is on here doing the same thing.
    :wink:

    i dont see her telling us her friends name? its a little different asking for advice and her saying, oh she blah blah blah

    id say unless you tell her something is of confidence then you should expect her to blab about it. if you tell her it is in confidence and she still does, then you start the process of distancing yourself and cutting ties
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?


    I guess its not although I thought it was, to me it was an important and long friendship but I often wonder if it means as much to her
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    Ok so say you had a friend, and not just any friend, someone that you loved very much but things have changed between the 2 of you for different reasons. One of the reasons you don't want to tell her because you are afraid that the reality of it may actually hurt her and there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. Would you tell them anyway or just back off and just let things be to avoid hurting them, because you don't really want to hurt them. I guess my thinking is that I would rather just walk away and let things be then tell her something that for one may piss her off or it could just upset her.

    Is it a quality friendship if she talks about you and your business to others?

    But yet she is on here doing the same thing.
    :wink:

    i dont see her telling us her friends name? its a little different asking for advice and her saying, oh she blah blah blah

    id say unless you tell her something is of confidence then you should expect her to blab about it. if you tell her it is in confidence and she still does, then you start the process of distancing yourself and cutting ties


    Thanks for looking out but considering the wink at the end Im pretty sure he was messing with me LOL
  • Groovyca2022
    Groovyca2022 Posts: 21,378 Member
    Talk to her.

    I moved out of state last Oct and my best friend by the end of the year had severed all contact with me. I was very hurt and upset that she didn't have the decency to confront or state her reasoning behind that decision. Oh well, she must of had her reasons. My husband and children never cared for her personality and thought it was a great tho...
  • Jonesingmucho
    Jonesingmucho Posts: 4,902 Member
    I am a huge fan of running away from conflict, especially when...
    ...there isn't much that can be done about what is causing a strain in your friendship. ...

    As I read the posts and saw...
    ... her and her daughter talk about me when I am not around and she tells her daughter my business which she shouldn't be.

    I would back away fast ...like yesterday....

    To quote some of my good mfp friends - Just break up.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I'd just stand back, live your own lives...still be there for her but don't emotionally depend on her.
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
    Be honest, and tell her that you are not asking her to choose, but to keep the relationships seperate. Maybe you could even try talking to the both of them together and just work out your differences in a calm manner and if you can't then excuse yourself from the situation. Best of luck...
  • happywithme12
    happywithme12 Posts: 477 Member
    I'd just stand back, live your own lives...still be there for her but don't emotionally depend on her.


    This has been what it has been like the last year or so, we went to her daughter graduation party saturday and every time i tried to talk to her she basically blew me off or avoided me all together and that was like a slap in the face to me and i was very upset and hurt by that. I mean things have been strained but to just blow me off like that, i would never do that to her.

Categories