Telling friends about aim to lose the weight?

Jayiz · July 2013

I've always kept the fact that I am trying to lose weight a secret. My friends all know I try to eat healthy, but I don’t think any of them have suspected me of actually aiming to lose. The reason why I choose not to tell them, ultimately, is because I’m pretty afraid of their reactions and the pressure that might tail along with it.

I don’t want to be viewed as a self-conscious person who is losing weight because they want to look a certain way. Looking better is a bonus, but I want to feel better and be healthier. I want to be seen as the confident person I've always been in front of them. I also am worried that if I tell them, I’ll feel the pressure of their gazes on me while they all are in wait for my appearance to change or scale to change. They just don’t get the frustrations and hard work sometimes... and sometimes say the wrong things…

I see this a lot with my mother. My mother is super supportive of me trying to lose weight even though she says I am gorgeous the way I am. She has done so many things to help me lose weight and helps me out with snacks and food choices when I feel stuck. However, that being said, I've see that look she gets when I cheat on myself or don’t lose the weight even though I am trying. I think she sometimes doubts that I am at that level where I have the discipline to finally get it off. I start to get after myself a bit when this happens and I feel the pressure. I get upset because I want to “prove her wrong” that I will make it work… and then I lose track of the real goal here: to be healthier.

But the pros are that I’d be able to keep track of my caloric intake better when out with them. I’ll have reasons for not joining them with certain junk foods and I won’t have to try to be inconspicuous when tracking my calories. I also have some overweight friends, and I’d love to be able to help them on their journeys’ as well if I can (I am doing this right now, but have note told them about certain plans I have been on specifically, just offered healthy choice options).

I wasn't going to keep it from them forever. When the weight starts to come off, I planned to be honest and tell them what I am doing… but that would be when I get some results from my efforts… but I see my weight loss being harder to obtain if I have to constantly try and be secretive about things. Normally, I could care less about what people think about me… but I just don’t want to be constantly evaluated…

I don’t know if there really is an answer to this, maybe I just felt like ranting a little. I’d love to hear from you if you are going through something similar. I do enjoy this site (even though I am quite new) because everyone is so supportive... maybe I just have to stick with the supportive circle I have growing on here.

clareyoung80 · July 2013

I'd read 'Secrets of a Former Fat Girl' and the author talks about trying not to tell people about your weight loss goals, for the exact same reasons you point out. Their idea of 'weight loss' and your idea of 'weight loss' could be radically different, and many people will feel like they can chime in with advice that will probably be unhelpful. Plus, you need to get it sorted out in your head first and it's easier to do that without other people's opinions crowding your brain!

For me, I've told most people and either they're in the same boat as me and we're losing weight together, or they're generally supportive. But then, I don't have that many friends! Quite a few of my friends live far away and so I haven't seen them since losing weight. I imagine their responses will be interesting when I meet up with them again! But then, it also means that I've been able to get on with my weight loss pretty much unhindered.

But yeah, I'm of the opinion that you tell them only if you want to - weight loss is defo one of those things that can elicit responses that affect your state of mind (like, "I'm going to start a business!" or "I'm going to hitch-hike across the Andes!").

cwolfman13 · July 2013

I generally emphasize health and fitness over weight-loss. The weight-loss is just a side effect of proper nutrition and exercise.

miss_s_b · July 2013

I've been happy to tell my friends, but my mum... her heart's in the right place but she often says things that don't help. SO I feel your pain.

Jayiz · July 2013

Thanks for all your responses!

clareyoung80, awesome post. I really enjoyed reading what you had to say. it makes a lot of sense the way you said it. Maybe I should check out that book

cwolfman13, I try to as well. I often quote exact what you said to my mother. Weight loss is a bonus, but health is most important!

miss_s_b, thank you for your post. my mother really does try to be supportive and say the right things, but sometimes...well... only a person in our position could understand what is taken from her words.

EndorphineReceptive · July 2013

I understand that for men it is much different when we begin a weight loss program. Yes there are some issues that cross gender lines, but then again even women friends react differently with men than they would with the same gender as they embark on the challenging road to a healthier lifestyle.

I personally have adopted a different mindset. For most of my life, I have worried about what others think of me, my actions and beliefs. It created an issue where I would try to please everyone else first and if possible myself later on. Eventually, I realized that what I wanted and needed was important, especially when it came to the positive things that were preventing a better life. So, I mentally re-prioritized. When it comes to me, and the choices that I deem important, they need to be near the top of the priority list. That means taking time to do what will make me happier, to take time for myself and self-care, and to not worry so much about what friends and family think about my choices.

Everyone has opinions, some good and some bad. What is important is that you have balance in your life. Listen to those who wish to share their experience and opinions, and then choose what you think is best for you. In doing that, you will not lose friends, but gain the respect from them for listening and forging your path.

Support will come from those that love you and want the best for you. They will rally around you and encourage you even if it is not a path they would take.

In the end your success will be inspiration to your friends and family, and I am sure when they see the multidimensional change in you along the way, some may even join you.

IceyBaby96 · July 2013

My Momma keeps telling me I have a big butt *sigh*

My friends on the other hand are super supportive. I have found that when I post stuff on face book about what I eat, how much I loose and what work outs I'm doing I get great responses and I find they help me keep pushing (some friends even send me tips & tricks to help me along). I actually had a friend tell me how much of an inspiration I am to her and now she wants to start getting healthy and work out, that made me feel awesome!

This kind of stuff helps me, but doesn't mean it will help everyone

I suppose it will always be a touchy subject, some people will be super supportive while others, not so much. There will be people who want to see you fail, while other want to see you soar! In the end it's all about you and no one else.

Keep doing what you are doing! No matter what anyone else says, and remember through it all you are amazing, strong and beautiful!

gigglybeth · July 2013

I personally have adopted a different mindset. For most of my life, I have worried about what others think of me, my actions and beliefs. It created an issue where I would try to please everyone else first and if possible myself later on. Eventually, I realized that what I wanted and needed was important, especially when it came to the positive things that were preventing a better life. So, I mentally re-prioritized. When it comes to me, and the choices that I deem important, they need to be near the top of the priority list. That means taking time to do what will make me happier, to take time for myself and self-care, and to not worry so much about what friends and family think about my choices.

^^^This.

Personally, I didn't tell anyone. If they asked I said I was just eating healthier. I lose weight super slowly, so no one really noticed until I lost quite a bit.

kimsue674 · July 2013

In the end your success will be inspiration to your friends and family, and I am sure when they see the multidimensional change in you along the way, some may even join you.

I agree with this; I finally got started after watching a friend on facebook post daily about her weight loss. She still has a ways to go, but keeps on going every single day. She's starting to run 5K's now, and I have no doubt she'll eventually reach her goals. She really was my inspiration to get started.

I on the other hand, have not been brave enough to share with many friends yet. There are a few who know, but if I'm honest with myself I think it's because if I fail or quit before reaching my goals, they will never know. I know that's not the best...at the moment i'm enjoying the accountability and motivation of friends who have the same goals here, and i think when i have a little more success and have been able to stick to the new changes for a while i'll gain more confidence to share with more family and real life friends.

Telling friends about aim to lose the weight?

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