Mom offered gastric sleeve!

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So I have always been overweight (even as a kid) and now as an adult it is hard to consistently be healthy and lose weight. I am doing pretty well now. I have lost about 20 lbs in 3 months following a miscarriage that the doctors could not explain (kind of a rude awakening).

At this point I am down to 230 lbs at 5'6" so my BMI is about 37. I know that I am considered obese and I am making great progress this month and plan to keep it up...I was telling my mom the other day how I was doing and she said "would you be interested in having the gastric sleeve surgery if I pay for it?". I immediately told her no, I feel like it would be cheating and if I don't have enough discipline to do it on my own I don't feel like I would have the discipline to follow the doctor's orders. I'm sure she was just trying to be helpful - or maybe feeling guilty about my being over weight (she is overweight and like I said I was always a fat child too), but I can't help feel offended that she doesn't think I can do it.

Now I am considering scheduling a consultation for the surgery but I can't decide. Anyone have an opinion or words of encouragement either way? Thanks!

Oh btw I just turned 24 and aside from being overweight I have not developed any medical conditions yet.
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Replies

  • shadow2soul
    shadow2soul Posts: 7,692 Member
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    It is really up to you. Personally, I don't think you need the surgery. I started at 260lbs and I'm 5'4", added exercise to get to 218lbs, and now with the help of MFP I am down to 185lbs. If I lose about 10 or 11lbs I won't be considered obese anymore. Surgery wasn't the right solution for me, but it might be for you.

    My tips that will probably help with whatever path you choose:
    The reason I am creating this post is because I’ve had a few requests for tips regarding weight loss. I don't know why people are asking me for tips considering I still have a lot to lose. :laugh: I am more than happy to share my opinion though and if you don’t agree, well that’s fine to. I make no guarantee that what I am doing will work for you.

    Things I use to help me:

    :heart: Heart Rate Monitor – I only use this for cardio workouts, because they aren’t meant for much else. I own a cheap Pyle Sports Heart Rate Watch (with chest strap) that I got off of amazon for $26. Polar HRM seem to be highly recommended, but are higher in cost.

    :heart: FitBit Zip – I was originally looking to get the One or Flex models, but my husband surprised me with a Zip. I wear it all day, to get a better idea of my total calorie burn for the day. I love that it syncs with MFP and will adjust my calorie goals based on how active I was for the day. It’s extremely tiny and I clip it to my bra (on the part between the two cups).

    :heart: Kitchen Scale – I only recently got my kitchen scale, but it is pretty much a must have if you want to be accurate with your food logs.

    Exercise:

    :heart: Reasons to Exercise:
    :drinker: Cardio – Is good for heart health, endurance, and will help burn some extra calories.
    :drinker: Strength – Is good for body appearance, strength, and will help burn fat (helps maintain LBM)

    :heart: Rest Days – Are important. You want to take at least 1 per week to allow your body time to repair and prevent injury.

    :heart: Work out Length – You don’t need to spend hours working out each day. I work out anywhere from 20- 90 mins 5-6 days a week. It all depends on how I’m feeling and how busy I am. I recently started Stronglifts 5x5, which takes about 30 mins 3x a week. The rest of my workouts are cardio or circuit training.

    Food:

    :heart: “Good”/”Bad” Food - I don’t believe in this. To me it is utter nonsense. Food is Food. Some foods provide more nutrients for very little calories while others have a lot of calories and very little nutrients.

    :heart: Calorie Goals – Should be reasonable and easy to maintain. Find what works for you. I think it’s probably easier to start with a higher calorie number and work your way down until you are losing at a rate that you are happy with (and that’s healthy). You might end up surprised by how many calories you can eat and still lose weight.

    :heart: Metabolic Issues – For those who have medical conditions that affect their metabolism, I’d suggest discussing things like weight loss with a dietitian. That way you can come up with a plan that will work for you. All the online calculators and stuff in that category will probably be very inaccurate for you.

    :heart: Vitamins – I take a multivitamin daily. I am actually going to switch from taking a GNC Multi to one I found at Walmart that is very similar to the GNC one, but only a quarter of the cost($5 vs $20). I take a multi because I found without it I was very lethargic. The one I’m going to start taking as soon as I run out of the ones from GNC is “One Source Multivitamin: Women’s.”

    :heart: Net Goal - MFP is designed to give you a NET goal to eat at. This means you are supposed to eat your exercise calorie burn. Depending on your accuracy of calculating your calorie burn, you might only want to eat 50-75% back. Another way to look at is:

    MFP estimated daily burn (no exercise) - 2500
    lose 1lb per week - -500
    MFP goal of - 2000 (no exercise)
    exercise burn of - 500
    MFP estimated daily burn (with exercise) - 3000
    lose 1lb per week - -500
    MFP goal of - 2500 (or net 2000)

    Tracking Progress:

    :heart: Weight – So many things can affect weight, because of this it shouldn’t be the only way you track your progress. Things to keep in mind:
    :drinker: Always use the same scale – Different scales can show different weights. You will get the most accurate number for tracking when using the same scale.
    :drinker: Don’t move the scale – Carpet, uneven flooring, different types of flooring…can all affect the weight on the scale. So when you weigh, you want it to be approximately the same spot for the most accurate number for tracking.
    :drinker: 3500 calories – To gain 1lb of fat you need to be over maintenance by 3500 calories.
    :drinker: Muscle Repair – Muscles will hold onto water to repair, because of this it is not uncommon to see a gain for a little while after a workout. This weight comes right back off when they are done repairing.
    :drinker: Sodium – Can cause you to retain water. This can also be amplified if you don’t drink enough to flush it out of your system. This is also another reason for temporary weight gain.
    :drinker: Water – Not drinking enough water can actually cause you to retain water. Recommended amount is 8 cups or 64oz. I drink 64 oz to 128 oz of water a day. It doesn’t have to be plain water either. I like to flavor mine with crystal light or tea.
    :drinker: Time of day – Your weight can fluctuate throughout the day. So for the most accurate tracking, you want to weigh at around the same time.
    :drinker: Frequency – This is up to you, but if small fluctuations bother you than only weigh once a week or less.
    :drinker: Lightest Weight – Will be naked, first thing in the morning, after using the bathroom
    :drinker: Multiple times a Day – Don’t Do It. As I said before, your weight will fluctuate throughout the day. What you eat, what you’re wearing, ect will all affect weight.
    :drinker: Clothes – If you weigh with clothing on, keep in mind that the scale will show your weight plus the weight of your clothes. (Jeans are heavy)
    :drinker: TOM - A lot of women will retain water around their TOM, but its just temporary and will go away.

    :heart: Measurements – This is a great way to judge progress. I take measurements once a month. Even if your weight seems to go up, if your measurements are going down, then you are moving in the right direction. For accuracy you want to try and measure the same spots every time. Places I measure:
    :drinker: Neck
    :drinker: Upper Arm – largest part
    :drinker: Forearm – largest part
    :drinker: Wrist – smallest part
    :drinker: Bust
    :drinker: Ribs Under bust
    :drinker: Waist – where you bend (usually the smallest area above belly button, but below rib cage)
    :drinker: Abdomen @ Navel
    :drinker: Hips – largest part
    :drinker: Thigh – largest part
    :drinker: Calf – largest part

    :heart: Pictures – Progress pictures are great. I like to take them once a month and at the start/end of any workout programs I do. You may not see the difference in the mirror, but comparing pictures will show you what the mirror does not.

    :heart: Body Fat % - This is another great weigh to track progress. The electronic devices that track it can actually be affected by how much water you did or did not drink. For this reason, I prefer body fat calipers. I got a cheap one off amazon.com ($4 w/free shipping). This is also another thing you only want to track once a month or so. Like measurements, if this number goes down (even if the scale stays the same or goes up) than you are making progress.
  • chickpanda
    chickpanda Posts: 4 Member
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    I believe your mom's heart is in the right place when she offered to pay for the gastric sleeve. Since she struggles with her weight too she knows how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off and I'm sure she wants to spare you the pain of going through life obese. Please don't be offended - I think her offer was out of love.

    I am 55 years old and have been fat all my life, even as a child. I considered various procedures over the years - gastric bypass, lap band, etc. and even got so far as scheduling a consultation once. But I never went through with it because in my opinion, it is all about being in control, even with the surgery. People who think that the surgery is the easy way out are wrong. You have to watch every bite that you put in your mouth and even certain healthy foods are off limits because they can make you sick. Surgery of any kind is risky, especially if you are overweight. It might be the right choice for some people but I don't feel it is the right for me. I have lost many, many pounds over the years, gained them back, and then felt like a failure. So here I am once again. But it doesn't matter how many times you fall -- all that matters is how many times you get back up. I'm getting back up. :)

    Good luck to you. You can do this. You are worth it.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I know people that have had different types of surgeries and without discipline they just gain the weight back over time....I think just work hard do some reading and try your best 10lbs at a time to tackle it yourself..and use the money for a better reward....
  • chickpanda
    chickpanda Posts: 4 Member
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    Let me clarify. When I said it doesn't matter how many times you fall down, it only matters how many times you get back up, I was not referring to yo-yo dieting! LOL What I meant is forget your past failures because they don't matter -- all that matters now is that you get back up and decide to take control. Make healthy changes that will last a lifetime, not just during weight loss. :)
  • fluffball1
    fluffball1 Posts: 9 Member
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    To offer you some balance, I had sleeve surgery 7 weeks ago, and I'm totally delighted with it. After a lifetime of being overweight, believe me I should know. 5 years ago I lost the weight the 'right' way through diet and exercise, I lost a lot of weight over 100lbs. Over the next 5 years I then regained 85lbs and am back to having sore knees and self loathing.

    The thing is.. you need to ask yourself, if you have been habitually overweight and love food, even though you might temporarily change to lose that weight, you are VERY likely to re-gain. Even the lady who suggested you carry on as you are then admitted that she has lost and regained constantly and is still trying.

    I did too, I am however in my late 40's and feel that life is passing me by, this was very much my last chance as due to knee problems I was unable to exercise this time, and I was desperate. I know that this time, not only will I lose the weight, with or without exercise, but I will keep it off forever. This is the fundamental reason I got this surgery.

    If you are still young then I get that you probably want to hold off, but I would recommend you do a lot of research.. it absolutely works. You actually have no choice but for it to work as you can only eat small amounts, you don't really feel hunger, and you change your whole way of eating forever. This leads to permanent weightloss. Although some regain can be expected further out as you can still snack, you are unlikely to regain very large amounts of weight as you are completely restricted on portion sizes. Fat people eat too much, this surgery stops that. Good luck in whatever you choose to do but don't just listen to those who know nothing about it, do your own research and get a balanced view to reach your decision.
  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
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    If you don't think you'd be diciplined, then I wouldn't do it if I were you. It seems like you're on the right track, just be patient and you'll reach your goals.

    I wouldn't be offended by what your mom said (based on the little info you provided in your OP). It seems that she was just throwing it out there to give you a head start. But in the end, it was probably better that you said no.

    Now go give your Mom a hug!! :smile:
  • ArlyBarley
    ArlyBarley Posts: 14
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    Don't do it. Do MFP and be very self disciplined. If you are healthy, and cannot do this because of self-control, then the sleeve will be a temporary fix to a bigger problem. Obesity it is an actual disease, but for you to change your habits you have to change your way of life. If you can succeed at this, you will be perfectly fine without surgery. :)
  • herblackwings39
    herblackwings39 Posts: 3,930 Member
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    It's completely up to you. If you want to go for the consultation and find out the procedure and risks involved go for it. Only you can decide if it's something you'd be interested in. So educate yourself on the risk/reward and make an informed decision. Either way you have to own your decision. There's no shame in it either way. I decided against it, but my sister went through with it. I don't think she's cheated or taken the easy way and it's not 100% either way. Do what's right for you.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    That's nice of your Mom to offer. Educate yourself as much as possible. Look up mortality rates from gastric sleeve, long term success, malnutrition, benefits, and risks. Talk to others who have had it and talk to your primary doctor. You have to do the same things you are doing now eat less and exercise. It's just a tool, but some benefit while others have lost their lives.

    Oh one more thing it might benefit to get some psychological counseling. Even if you get the surgery if you dont address the mental aspects of why you gained weight then it wont succeed.
  • Shetchncn1
    Shetchncn1 Posts: 260 Member
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    You can retrain yourself on anything! So start with discipline. Start tiny. Something really small you don't prefer to do. Toothpaste top back on the tube, putting your comb away, picking up your clothes, make your bed first thing... obviously I don't know you so you have to find what that is. And start doing it consistently! Then when that is habit pick something else that you don't like to do and start doing that consistently! And keep going on with that cycle until you feel like you have some discipline in your life. THEN take a look at your water intake and exercise. Start small- walking slow a few times a week then when that gets too easy move to faster but a few times a week. Then try logging your food but only after to accomplish all the rest of it.

    If you take anything bit by bit it can be done It is just deciding am I really wanting to do this? Not that it is too hard so I won't.. Sure your going to fall off the wagon and have to hoist yourself back on. So? Hoist yourself back on!

    What will happen if you don't do something is you will be in the same spot you are in now for the rest of your life. Is that what you want? It truly boils down to what do you want and what are willing to do to stay there or get there?

    My motto...
    "“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” ~Dr. Denis Waitley"

    (One of my MFP pals posted that)

    Good luck!!
  • phoenixgirl81
    phoenixgirl81 Posts: 309 Member
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    Personally, don't do it. I know three people who have had the gastric sleeve and all 3 regret it, but each of them for different reasons. One even self-sabotages by melting chocolate in her mouth, and downing high sugar-high cal food that doesn't fill her stomach. She is actually getting BIGGER after the sleeve because of the sheer amount of calories she is consuming.

    They all speak about how they can't go out and enjoy themselves with friends, they still have all the negative talk in their heads because they didn't get their heads right before they did the surgery, and they all struggle with the limited amount of food they can consume. One of my friends said that she now realises that if she can survive on the smallest amount of food she is able to consume now, then why the hell didn't she do it for herself beforehand? (her words not mine) The one who is 23 years old is now dealing with even more negative head-stuff because she feels like she has mutilated herself. She is now dealing with incredible depression and is incredibly angry at those around her for enabling her to be so self-destructive.

    You're doing so well now. You can do it without needing to resort to surgery. You're young. Surgery is a massive risk. I know people who have had the gastric band (I know it's a different surgery) who've had to have their stomachs reconstructed after the band has eaten away their stomach. As one of my friends who has had it done explained it to me from what her doctor told her, while the percentage of people who have problems with the sleeve vs the band is lower, the consequences are far greater - i.e. people die.
  • Lorijp
    Lorijp Posts: 47 Member
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    :smile: Honestly it needs to be your decison and on that you can live with but as far as it being cheating if you had WLS, I would like to input on that...

    Addictions rather its eating, gambling, alcohol, drugs, sex...No matter the addiction an addiction is an addiction and intervention of some sort needs to be done to over come these issues. Interventions are not needed for everyone but do work when the person seriously desires change. My opinion and it's okay if you or others disagree but having weight loss surgery is no more cheating than an alcoholic going to rehab would be considered cheating. The only way rehab or weight loss surgery will be a life long change is if the person having it done or going to rehab makes their mind up for change to take place in their life. A person can be in rehab for 6 months and get and go right back to the same habits. WLS is a helper but it's only life changing if the person makes changes in their eating habits. There's a period of time after WLS that you can't eat certain foods and you can obviously only eat smaller portions BUT the time that you can eat whatever you want does come and you have to be in a place where you have made you're mind up that you're NOT going back to the same habits. I had WLS July 16, 2012 and during the first several months I couldn't eat carbs much at all but did good with meat. I used that time to learn about carb intake and protein intake and decised I could live with eating this way. I took advantage of that time and it's been almost a year and this is a life changing journey for me and a way of eating. My husband got on board with eating low carb/high protein the first part of June and has lost over 20 lbs. This isn't a diet but a lifestyle change. Now this way may not be for you and a person that has WLS doesn't have to eat this way but this is a way that I have chosen and works for me. WLS can be life changing if a person desires it to be. I hope you make a decision that you can life with for life that will be beneficial for you and your health. No matter what way you chose to lose weight, YOU can do it and be healthier and feel better.
  • Lorijp
    Lorijp Posts: 47 Member
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    PS: My WLS was the sleeve and I have ZERO regrets! One of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I feel GREAT. I can play with my grandkids in the floor and on the playground. No regrets at all.
  • emmalousmom1
    emmalousmom1 Posts: 121 Member
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    So I have always been overweight (even as a kid) and now as an adult it is hard to consistently be healthy and lose weight. I am doing pretty well now. I have lost about 20 lbs in 3 months following a miscarriage that the doctors could not explain (kind of a rude awakening).

    At this point I am down to 230 lbs at 5'6" so my BMI is about 37. I know that I am considered obese and I am making great progress this month and plan to keep it up...I was telling my mom the other day how I was doing and she said "would you be interested in having the gastric sleeve surgery if I pay for it?". I immediately told her no, I feel like it would be cheating and if I don't have enough discipline to do it on my own I don't feel like I would have the discipline to follow the doctor's orders. I'm sure she was just trying to be helpful - or maybe feeling guilty about my being over weight (she is overweight and like I said I was always a fat child too), but I can't help feel offended that she doesn't think I can do it.

    Now I am considering scheduling a consultation for the surgery but I can't decide. Anyone have an opinion or words of encouragement either way? Thanks!

    Oh btw I just turned 24 and aside from being overweight I have not developed any medical conditions yet.
    you should be checked for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
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    Surgery is for sure not for everyone. Don't do it if you're not comfortable with it, but educate yourself and do research, so that you can make an informed decision. I had the sleeve in December and FOR ME, it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am down 117 lbs total and 25 lbs from my initial goal. Good luck- it's not an easy decision.

    P.S. I see a therapist 2x per month to deal with any issues I have regarding the surgery, weight loss, and food.
  • OregonLaurel
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    I'm 5'6 also and my heaviest non-pregnancy weight was 280 (give or take a few). I lost weight through the basic premise of eating less, making healthier choices, portion control, accountability and exercise/activity I enjoy. I, too, qualified for gastric procedures based on my "morbidly obese" status. I am so thankful I didn't take that option! My weight loss was slower than it probably would have been with a procedure but it allowed for so many great things: mental adjustment to my new lifestyle and choices, working on healthy emotions to go with my newly emerging body, still being able to enjoy myself in eating circumstances where I wanted to indulge and my body was able to physically adjust at slower healthier rate to weight loss. I would highly encourage you to give it a serious amount of effort before spending the money on the surgery (or your mom's money)... that money may better be invested in a trial of weight watchers, a personal train/nutritionist, etc. best wishes!

    PS- I was over weight since early childhood, too.
  • crisbabe81
    crisbabe81 Posts: 170
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    The decision has to yours. I say if you are having success with MFP, stick with it. The surgery will still take work on your part. I agree with others, I think your mom was coming from a place of love, I wouldn't be offended by her offering. I'm sure she is trying to prevent you from going your entire life as she has.

    On a personal note, I will tell you I had Lap Band in 2009 and went from 275 to 200 following Dr's instructions. Eventually I hit a plateau and had to do the rest on my own. I went from 200 to 150 doing it the old fashion way. Unfortunately I forgot everything I learned in the 3 yrs it took me to drop the weight and I gained 75lb back.. but again I'm in a caloric deficit and working out 5-6 days a week and have lost 35lb (today's weight was 189.6).

    Regardless of what you decide you can do it! In order for either to work you have to have the right frame of mind, and it sounds like you do. Best of luck on your weight loss journey.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    Now I am considering scheduling a consultation for the surgery but I can't decide. Anyone have an opinion or words of encouragement either way? Thanks!

    Although I have no doubt your mother was offering that out of the best intentions, please stick with your original feeling of 'No thanks'.

    That is MAJOR surgery, it will affect you for the rest of your life.In some cases, you will be vomiting up EVERYTHING - even water - after having WLS.

    You are only young and you are already doing well without it.

    If your mother wishes to contribute financially, do what is suggested above re: visiting a nutritionist or spend the money on a hypno session where they tell you you have had a band fitted. (Will still be cheaper! ;P)

    You are doing awesome without major surgery and your gut feeling on this of 'No thanks' was correct.
  • corgicake
    corgicake Posts: 846 Member
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    Educate yourself on the ramifications of it, since this is major surgery. Get your education from sources that have no vested interest (ie -not- anyone paid by those who would like to see money be spent on supplements, surgery, diet pills, diet food or those who sell those things themselves). Yes, there is a reason surgery and supplement buying are lumped together. Learn about things like mortality rates, long term success rates, complications, and how complications after surgery might complicate pregnancy.

    Then educate your mom on those things, starting at the end of the list and working your way back.
  • delaniecastillo
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    I personally wouldn't get it. I have seen it helps some and hurt some. I would kindly decline and tell her that maybe getting you a trainer and dietitian to get you into healthier eating patterns would be better. Remember a sleeve only helps so much. It doesn't get us moving. I see many folks get WLS then find ways to graze around their band, bypass, etc. It isn't everyone but I get to see the downsides to it way too often. :(


    I wish you the best. I was 260 at my highest and a lightbulb went off and I realized that losing weight was simple. Change my eating habits, get off my *kitten*, and get motivated!